Author: Sue

I have been writing in various forms since I was a child. I write about what is going on in my life, what I enjoy, and the struggles of dealing with chronic illness and mental health issues. I love live music, football (Scotland and Dunfermline Athletic), reading, Formula 1, Stock Cars, and eating lots of vegan crap.

Imperfect Hero

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

When I was younger, I had this obsession about a boyband called a1. They were a band who had some success through Europe and Asia in the early 2000s. I loved this band, especially the baby of the band, Ben Adams. Where I think most of the attraction was that he was only 3 years older than me. It was one of the first times, I ever felt that someone my age, could do something, like become a pop star. They were no different from any other pop band, which were EVERYWHERE in the pop scene in the UK at that time. There was Steps, S Club 7, Westlife…and lots of bands who were proud to be pop. Whereas now, calling a band pop, is like giving them a curse. But it was all good, innocent music, which I am sure a lot of other people I know will admit to liking.

But this illusion I had was shattered, when I realised Ben Adams has his own blog. I felt I should check it out. I don’t know why I did, maybe it was just curiosity. But I found no grammar, no anything. I mean, there was no full stops or capital letters. It was a mess. And bang went any respect I had left. I mean, sure, write if you want, but at least make an effort for things to be readable. I know that I am not the most articulate of writers, and my grammar is mostly pot-luck, but at least I try. I mean, I enjoy writing, which I why I do this. To see someone who I used to adore so much, be so thoughtless in what he is posting, kinda left me gutted.

I guess that is one of the things about any person who inspires you. You only see one aspect of that person, and your brain engineers them to be something perfect. And you end up thinking that this person won’t ever do anything wrong. But they do. Or, they do something which seems wrong to you, and that is your illusion and perception shattered. And once you start thinking like that, they will never have the same status to you again. And, no matter how much you have moved on, you will always be crestfallen, that the person that you admired was never the person you thought they were. And you want to know, how much of the things you thought you knew about this person was lies. Lies just to get you, and many other little girls, to connect to a person which was sold like a product.

The guilty blog is here. And as you can see, there is no use at all for capital letters. -.-

Cure For An Absent Mind

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Due to me having the memory function of a 30 year old PC, I have not done half the stuff I have set out to do recently. I am spectacularly rubbish at keeping on top of my lists of things I need to do. Always have been, and I think I always will be.

What I do, is I write a list of things that I should really do, and then I ignore said list, and do something else completely irrelevant. It is almost as if I recognise I need to do something, that’s enough, and I won’t do anything else. I think it is a mixture of pure avoidance, and ‘out of sight, out of mind’. Which is awesome, especially when you are working on a schedule. Or supposed to be working on a schedule.

But once I acknowledge things, I do have the tendency to erase them completely from my mind, and never thing about it again. Or think about it when it is too late, and I have to run around like a nut-case to get it done. Because apparently, that is how I work best. Which is obviously lies, because no-one can work to their full potential, if they are rushed to finish. But ever since High School, I have tried to convince myself that I can leave things to the last moment, and I end up doing things badly. I think it has to do with the idea, that when I was younger, I was a high achiever, and did everything when I was told, I got no real reward for making that effort. So, as I became older, I began to try less, grades slipped, and I got no more or less recognition. And then that, mixed with laziness, left me following the same pattern time after time.

But, I have started to work on focusing on the task in hand, and not stopping till it’s complete. And it is working. I am being a lot more productive, and doing things properly. This doesn’t sound like much of a ‘eureka’ moment, but it is. When you seem to be in the midst of mediocrity, like any other learnt behavioural trait, it takes a lot of time and effort to change things. So rather than putting my list of activities to the side, I am tackling them, and getting things done. And I am finding, that I don’t forget as much as I used to.

History: A Person’s Duty To Know

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I am of the belief that people should go to the effort to understand history of the world, be it from a TV programme or books. It helps a person appreciate where they have come from, and the life that they live. Because without the people before us, the world would be different. And I think that everyone should learn how we got to this stage in civilisation. It really does bring about a perspective on what ever problems a person feels they have, when they watch how difficult people before us had things.

The reason this topic has come into my mind, is because I have been watching programmes on the Berlin Wall. Something which was almost used like a weapon in the Cold War. It is astonishing to think that a city could be split in two, and then a massive wall built around one of the halves. Families were split up, and hundreds of people were killed trying to breach the wall. And what is even more astonishing, is that this wasn’t that long ago. The wall was built in 1961, and started to come down in 1989. Can you imagine being separated from people you love for that long. Berlin has been a united city for only 22 years.

I don’t know about anyone else, but that makes me feel so privileged, and actually makes me feel guilty. People died so that we can experience the freedoms we enjoy so readily. And I feel, that people should at least, learn about such events, to learn where our freedoms have come from. And it does make you feel grateful for what you have in your life.

It doesn’t cost anything to learn, and people should employ the resources we have, to try and learn something everyday.

Watching Paint Dry Kinda Life

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And I’m not kidding.

The very few pieces of opinionitive dribble I can post online is barely enough content for a Tumblr post, let alone a legit blog post. So, I have stayed away. Been stressing out over things which don’t work. Like technology, which as usual, has decided itself, that I do not require it to work. First it was the Blackberry screen breaking, then it was the Sky box perma-No Satellite Signal-ing. So I got fed-up with technology and just watched American Dad instead.

Except, I quickly became bored, so I left the computer alone. But most people haven’t noticed an absence, thanks to that wonderful thing known as a Tumblr queue, which makes it seem like I am NEVER offline. Basically my Tumblr Blog( here) is made to post 17 things in a 24 period. This means I can go on Tumblr in bits and just add things to a queue, and Tumblr will post till it runs out. Pretty straightforward, and pretty much the only reason I have the appearance that I am always online.

Other than confusing people, who think I never sleep, it has no other real purpose. It just allows me to bookmark things I like, and have a few sentences of rambling without feeling guilty that it isn’t a proper blog post. To me that is the point of Tumblr, and by any means, it is a perfect introduction to the world of blogging. So if you have started a blog before, and are struggling to keep it updated, start a Tumblog, and use it’s many tools to get you into posting regularly. Saying that, I don’t feel right lengthy blog posts on it. Maybe it’s because I have about half a dozen other blogs that I should update first.

And I think that I update 2 on a regular basis. Which is a rather appalling success rate, come to think of it.

Verdict: This post contained the word blog too much.

Opinionative Depressive

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Because I am in severe need from a distraction from my depressive state of mind. The whole ‘jump of a bridge’ scenario seems like an option in my current state.

Nice,  bet you wanted to know that, oh reader. If there is a reader. *I am breaking the forth wall here.* I just feel mentally unable to cope with anything right now. -.-

Whilst I have been online, I haven’t been writing a lot, for the sheer sense, that I have been too down to write or say anything substantial. Well, I probably could have written something, but it would be day-after-day of complaining about my petty existence. And trust me, when I say  that would not make very interesting reading.  I have been complaining, but most of that is over on my Tumblr. Mostly because I can speak my mind, without feeling that people I know are judging me on it. Because that is all Facebook is these days. Blue and white pages of judgement and hatred, tied together with gimmicky games.

A bit severe on Facebook maybe, but right now it is how I feel. Most of you will probably read my negative opinion, and wonder why I don’t just delete my account. Mostly because it is good for contacting people who I don’t hold numbers for, and the like. But then I think, if that person really did give a shit about me, wouldn’t they go to more effort than a friend request?

I am on the fence about what to do with the site. Should I just leave it? I do good at speaking my mind, and am of the stance of when I post something I WILL NOT delete it. Maybe that is stubbornness. But if I cared enough to post something to begin with, even if my mood shifts, it wouldn’t be honest if I deleted it.  And that is what any site should be, an honest interpretation on who you are.

And on that stance, I can’t really think negatively on people who do react to what I say in a bad way. Because they are also just stating what they think and feel. If they regret what they say, then fair enough, but at the time I said what I wanted to, and they said what they wanted to. And as far as that goes, I respect it. But they should also be adult enough to respect what other people say. If you want people to respect and listen to you, then do the same to others.

But that would be wishful thinking, wouldn’t it?

Achieved Above Target

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Ever seen something that seems to hit a relevance somewhere beyond it’s intended target audience? It happens frequently with cartoons, comics and computer games. And what ever it is, takes on a life of it’s own, and gets a following so much better than the original product itself.

Well, anyone paying attention to anything I have posted within the last few months on the various sites I frequent, would have picked up mentions of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. A cartoon series aimed at young girls, produced by American Kid TV channel The Hub. Which is getting attention from adult males, so much so that they call themselves ‘Bronies’.

Lauren Faust, who worked on The Powerpuff Girls and Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends, was signed up by Hasbro, for their new reincarnation of My Little Pony, after they saw her fan art on Deviant Art. After almost 2 years in production, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic was launched on The Hub, and the rest they say is history.

The story is, that Unicorn pony, Twilight Sparkle and her helpful assistant, baby dragon Spike, are sent from Canterlot down to Ponyville by Princess Celestia, Twilight’s mentor. Twilight is sent to discover friendship, as she is a bit of a bookworm and  needs to learn that ‘life isn’t all in books’.  Whilst in Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle befriends 5 new ponies.

  • Hardworking Applejack, an earth pony who works in Sweet Apple Acres, growing and harvesting apples.
  • Playful Pinkie Pie, another earth pony, who is little Miss party planner, and is always bouncy and full of fun.
  • Tomboy Rainbow Dash, who is a show off pegasus pony, who is a skilled flier and aims to be a member of the Flying Team the Lightning Bolts.
  • Vain Rarity, a unicorn who prides herself as the premier clothes designer in Ponyville. She is an old fashioned type of girl, who is looking for prince charming.
  • Gentle Fluttershy, is always caring about the animals in and around Ponyville. She is a really quiet pegasus pony.

The series documents the adventures of the 6 ponies, and what Twilight Sparkle learns, is fed back to Princess Celestia at the end of each episode. This sounds a bit flat, but the stories and can be really funny without resorting to toilet humour, like most kids shows these days.

The main interest in the series in a meme sense, came from 4Chan, an image board. One user posted a video of the show, and people started to watch and the crazy started and the show quickly became one of the fastest, most popular Memes on the internet. With screen shots, animated GIFs and fan art quickly becoming extremely popular.  The makers of the show, including Lauren Faust, are aware of their unintended audience, and have approached the Bronies. With people on the show posting on the /co/ (comics & cartoons) forum on 4Chan, and thanking the people there for their part in making the show such a success.

Without the Bronies and 4chan, the series would have not been as successful as it has been, and it would be questionable if the series would have continued. In fact the first season was split, because there was a chance not all the episodes would air. But the internet, gave the series a life of it’s own, and it became more and more popular.

On Saturday, The Hub showed the last episode of series 1, which coincided with a statement from Lauren Faust, saying that she is stepping down as executive producer. People were shocked, but with the mid-season split because of uncertainty, you can see that the show was maybe only planned to run 1 season. So because there is a season 2, changes had to be made. With season 2 in development (expected to air in December), and the fandom going from strength to strength, this is a meme which isn’t going anywhere.

A Life In Print

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For the majority of my life, I have been a nerd, the type of girl who would rather read a good book, than go out on the town. This hasn’t changed at all, in fact, if anything I am find myself reading books more and more. I find it relaxing, and I love the idea that just by reading some words on a page, I can be carried away to another world.

I wanted to crawl in between those black lines of print the way you crawl between a fence…— The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath

I guess, I get it suggested that movies and TV shows should also have the same effect on me, as they are also a form of escapism. A break away from the real world. But it doesn’t, unless it is very character driven and dialogue heavy, I can’t seem to get into TV or movies. I am guessing, that is because there is a lot of substance in most novels, so that the writer can paint the reader an accurate picture. Because story has to have depth, I find a lot of things on TV fall flat. I like when there is 3 or 4 stories interlinked and you follow them all, and it always takes more than one viewing to get EVERYTHING.

It’s just most things I try to watch, seem to try too hard, and end up being flat. That is all in my opinion, of course. But I think it helps that because I work during prime-time TV watching time, I have gotten out of the habit of watching the same shows, with the same story lines, just different words. And once you get out of that habit, you find yourself wondering how you could ever spend so much time in front of a TV.

Anyway, books are the opposite to TV, and reading one makes me happy and keeps me occupied. I love the idea of getting lost in a world, that noone else can see. It is like, the book creates a little world for only you. Like it’s my secret. I like holding a book in my hand, and knowing how perfect each printed page is. I’m sorry, I can’t see myself getting such an attachment to an ebook reader. A piece of plastic, which ultimately takes value out of literature, as much as the value was taken out of music. Yes, there is still value in music, but it has decreased massively. In fact, the only way a lot of bands make money these days, is through selling merchandise and touring. People think they are owed music and things for free.

I had someone tell me that they had downloaded the whole Shakespeare collection onto his Kindle. He downloaded it off Frostwire, for free, and didn’t care who he told. He said he really enjoyed the plays, and it was the best thing on his device. This upset me, because although he liked it, he didn’t value the work enough to even pay for it. That is the one thing I hate about the digital age. Everything is condensed into files which hold no value to anybody.

A book or an album, when you hold them, you feel great having the product. You feel like you can really appreciate it, because you own it. It is the self-satisfaction that you worked hard, and you are going to enjoy what you spend your money on. But that’s maybe just my brain that works like that.

‘Your opinion is wrong.’

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Is the reaction I got from the previous post I did on here. *sigh*

It is opinion, someone’s thoughts an ideas on a situation, which they put into the wilderness to invoke discussion. Yes, discussion, a too-ing an fro-ing of thoughts on the topic in question.  And an important part of discussion, that whilst you should have your beliefs, you also need to accept the other persons opinion and be respectful.

I had 6 death threats, 4 accusations of being racist, and was told I was a member of the Taliban. This is from people I don’t know. Is this the punishment I get from expressing my opinion? It is hard trying to hold back retaliation, because then I would be a hypocrit. Also, I have always been honest when I have written on here, so I have no reason to change.

The fact that so many people wished me death for typing up words unsettles me more that the ‘Bin Laden death party’. Is this what the internet is becoming?  A place where the only safe thing to do is post tripe about ‘celebrities’ or hipster photos. Because if you actually say something of value, you will be opposed and actually regret sharing your thoughts. And that is not what the internet is, or not what it is to me anyway.

But what it does do, as it confirms what I have said before. To make people validate their righteousness, they vilify others. It is human nature that people beat others down, so that they seem better by comparison. It is bad enough that it happens over the internet, but the same behaviour continues in all human existence. I mean, that’s all war is, rather than sitting down and compromising, someone attacks someone else so they retaliate.  Yes, it is more extreme than internet hate, but the basic idea is the same. *shrugs*

I was trying to point out that there are similarities with parties at both sides of any war. But what people focus on, is the differences. And of course differences end up with conflictions of interest, and this ends up in disagreements which may lead to fighting. But if we look at the similarities, that people want freedom, they want to have healthy families, have a good life, there is little to conflict over. And any differences are just opinions, and they should be treated with grace and people should be allowed to live.

“Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.”-Bertrand Russell

The Unpopular Opinion

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I am preparing myself for a lynch mob over this, but I need to say something.

This morning I woke up to the news that Osama Bin Laden had been killed. The target for the Allied forces, their goal, had been achieved. The world’s most wanted man is dead. The news resulted in images broadcast around the world of people celebrating. And that unsettled me.

Why would the death of a mass-murder upset me? Well, at the end of the day, no matter how messed up he was, he was still a man. Still someone’s son. Still someone’s father. Still a human being. I’m sure all of us sitting in the Western world, like to think we are more civilised than the Taliban or whatever, but are we really? Our troups killed THOUSANDS of innocents just to get to one man. Hundreds of our own countrymen were killed trying to get this one man. Does that sound civilised to you? Are we really the ‘good side’?

It is easy to paint the West as the bad side, because, to be honest we seem to do a good job of it ourselves. The leaders spout that this is for the good of the world, that we are closer to having peace. No! We are nowhere near fixing anything. As long as the human race believes in ‘getting their own back’ on others, then no, there will never be peace. You blow up two office buildings in America, we will destroy entire towns with our bombs. That is not how you bring about peace.

To be honest, it really got to me, to see people celebrate the death of a man. Are people really that stupid? I don’t care who it was, or what he did, but having a party because someone died is disgusting. It makes you no better than them who have parties because their bomb plot was a success. It makes the West NO DIFFERENT to the Middle East. We enjoy the death of our enemies. Don’t deny it, because it’s the truth.

It started with Saddam Hussein, where his death was as praised as the recent Royal Wedding. And people celebrated because our armed forces killed a man. And since then, the target was Bin Laden, and people have waited for the day he’d be another trophy of oil-hungry war. And now he is, except this trophy is at the bottom of the ocean. To stop people using Bin Laden’s body as a shrine.

And now, we are about to get the aftermath. You killed your target, now deal with the consequences. Every Westerner is at risk, because we all represent the world that praised the death of Bin Laden. The man who wanted his own people to stand up and be counted. The man who wanted Western oil companies to give the land back to the natives. It doesn’t sound so foreign, so evil, when you look at it away from the misguidance of the press. The press has a duty, as propaganda for whatever the government in power decides to do. The UK press, although showed Bin Laden, were not as jubilant as they were with Hussein. It is maybe because they know, the ball is no longer in our court. This is going to lead to some serious retaliation. This is going to lead to the death of more innocents. The UK press seemed to meet the issue of Bin Laden’s death in a sombre fashion. As if, everyone is thinking ‘what now’.

For the record, I don’t blame troups. I have a brother in the army, and I know that if he were to go to war, they go to help people. They go with the idea to make things better. It is the men in power who send our troups over, to do their dealings. The army should be used to protect its perspective country, not start endless wars in other countries. *sigh*

This has come out as a muddle, but I have said what I wanted to say. I don’t EVER think a death should be celebrated, I don’t give a fuck who it is.

“People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes.”- Abigail Van Buren

Blog Filled Gap

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Why are blogging sites only used when people ‘remodel their website’?

Now obviously, this is not the case for most people who spend time learning how to blog and actually get something out of doing so. This goes to the people who use blog sites for nothing more as a stop-gap, till they get their new website up. Now, there actually isn’t really wrong with this, but as someone who considers herself a blogger, I find it insulting.

Why should I feel insulted? Because it feels like the person doing so, doesn’t care enough to write a proper blog. They don’t think of a site, such as Blogger or LiveJournal, as anymore as a temporary space. But why? Why use a blog site when you obviously have no idea of how to actually use one? Its because it is free, because it is worthless. And that is what it comes across as, like you don’t care.

What will a client think, when they see that the only time you updated your ‘blog’ was that one post when you opened the account, and a new one saying that you are going to use it now whilst re-designing. Of course, you need the mandatory 5 posts a day, to make the blog look active, and pretend you actually use the thing. But after a few days you’ll get bored, and you won’t even share a sentence, never mind a few of your thoughts.

And if you can’t even update something that costs you nothing, what’s saying you’ll deliver on something you are paid to do? You obviously aren’t as passionate about the internet as you so claim, are you? That’s what a client will think.

If you do use a blog, or even think you are going to use it for anything to do with business, then update it. Even if you are going to do it once a week. It is something. And shows you have long term interest in things, that you don’t get distracted. Also, don’t underestimate the power of opinion. If you wax lyrical about a particular topic, and are passionate, people will listen. The thoughts in your head are what will REALLY sell you, not some pixels shaped into a website. If you can convey those thoughts well, people will approach you for work. Trust me. That’s how I get a lot of work.

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Felt like writing this after seeing 6 people I know doing this in one day. I think highly of blogging, so got a bit upset. :S