I have talked regularly on here, about what helps me get motivated. Because it has been something I have struggled with for years. One of the big things that has helped, has been writing ‘to-do’ lists. It is a simple way to methodically work through anything that is needing done. And the best thing is, that if you are feeling that little bit under motivated, you can make the items on your list. Like it seriously helped me tackle my anxiety, and I’d have days where I would have ‘put on socks’ and ‘go to bathroom’ on my list. But when I ticked them off, I’d feel motivated to get more of my list done, and I’d actually achieve something on a day where it would have been easy to do nothing.

But sometimes, a list doesn’t work. That happened yesterday. I came home with a huge plan of what I wanted to do. I wrote up a list, mostly chores, but also things like ‘tea break’. I came home, lay on my bed, and didn’t really move. I watched a movie, and then watched all the extras on the disc. Including commentary. And that was it. Nothing. So, when I woke up today, I thought about how to do an alternative. I needed to do something that would keep me going. Inspire me to do the tasks, like housework, that I don’t think anyone really wants to do.

But I came up with something that worked.

I filmed it.

I know that sounds silly. But, I just used my iphone and filmed wee clips as I got on with my day. And I did get everything done that I wanted to. And I even went out for a walk, and filmed bits of that too. Something that was really just me bumbling around doing what I needed to, ended up leading me to want to do something a bit different. It was a nice night so I went for a walk. It is amateur as anything, as it is all on my phone, but it was fun. I uploaded it online cause, I can. I like anything that leads me to express myself, and I ended up inadvertently doing that. The video is below.

I guess the point of this is, that sometimes what you may use to cope with any anxiety may not work. It hasn’t happened to me very often. I guess, the important thing is to stay calm. There is no need to panic, just know what it is that normally calms you, and just look at a different angle. All I did, by videoing my day, was record what I did slightly differently. And that small difference, made a huge difference to both my anxiety and productivity.

Positive Change

So we are in February already. Usually the quick passing of time gets me quite depressed, but not at the moment. I feel like 2016 has got off to a fantastic start so far. Even with the few road bumps that have occurred.

I feel like I have always been quite open in here, as I have attempted to deal with the mental health issues that I experience. I spent 2015 trying to learn how to deal with bad stuff that happened to me. The biggest problem, is that for years I have struggled at looking past anything negative. I was upset about things that had happened, and worried about things that could have happened in the future. It’s really so stressful.

So, I have put a lot of effort into try to focus all my energy on making every day, better that the day before. Which is hard, almost like re-training yourself. Which is hard, because it sometimes feels like society trains us to be overly negative, just by the tone everything is. Sometimes, it feels like we are expected to be overly critical of ourselves, something that starts at school. We are taught, or I feel like I was, that I could work my arse off, but sometimes it wasn’t good enough. And, I think that has bred the anxiety that has caused me issues as I’ve grown up.

But, by focusing on now, and doing the things that satisfy me, I have been a lot happier. If something bad happens, I’ll still feel bad about it, but I’ll also do something that makes me happier. This helps move my focus on from what is negative. And by that simple thing of changing my focus, I stop thinking about whatever bad thing has happened.

I talk about it a little more in the video below

Can’t Get Into A Book

I read a lot. I have done for years. I am a regular at my local library and have rented books since I was at Primary School. I try to read about 2-3 book a month, but it can vary. A lot of the books that I read are recommended to me by friends, or I read a review somewhere. But most of the books I pick up, is because I am told it is something that I would get into.

One of these suggestions was the Lord of the Rings collection. Which I bought in High School after a classmate did a book report on it, and it seemed really cool. So I bought the full collection in the one book, for the normal reason, that it was on offer. Good times, or so I thought. For over a decade the book sat on my bookshelf, with me struggling to get past Book 1. I just struggled with feeling that the book wasn’t getting anywhere. I am not kidding when I say you could tell how far I got in the book by how badly bent the spine was. It was really comical.

But then, the movies happened. I have always believed that someone should read the book, before you watch the movie or TV show. But, due to my struggles, I decided to make an exception. And I did. Watching the movies actually helped me get through the storyline a lot easier. And because I liked the movies, I then read the book fairly quickly. And this time the story was a lot easier to take in, and enhanced what the movies told. Which is to be expected. Not getting into a book is something that has happened before. I have recently attempted an Audiobook, to try and get through The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. I made a video you can see below, talking about this.

I can’t be the only person who has issues with getting into books. How do other people cope with this? Do you force yourself on, or do you look for an alternative way enjoy the story? Let me know, unless I really am alone. Which wouldn’t surprise me.

Technology’s Least Favourite Person

The biggest problem about using a lot of technology, is that sometimes it can stop working. Something happens, and it feels that, no matter what you do, things just don’t go the way you plan it. That is the problem that I had today. First my phone refused to charge. It kept popping up with a message saying ‘device is not compatible’, despite me using an official Apple charger. It’s not something that surprises me, because despite the cost and how good the actual devices are, iPod/ iPhone charger cables are absolute terrible. They always seem to break, a small lose connection renders the thing useless. I got the cable working again, mostly by unplugging it from the mains for a bit. I don’t know how but it seemed to work.

And that was okay. After visiting the Doctors, I decided that I would use the afternoon to make a video, get my YouTube channel working again. So I thought I’d record a video explaining why my previous videos had disappeared, and the name change, which has all happened for the same reasons as this blog has changed. There was no point in having the ‘graphics’ title in anything if I wasn’t uploading anything to do with art. Makes sense. I made all my existing vlogs private, as if to get a clear slate to work off. So far, so good. I then decided to record a quick vlog, explaining the changes. I tried using my Canon camera, it didn’t work because something corrupted in the memory card and I had to format it. So attempt one was a bust. I then tried to use my webcam, but my movie editor wouldn’t pick up the sound, at all. So I resorted to my iphone. Shot a video in 2 parts, went to import it into my computer, and it didn’t transfer just deleted the videos off my phone.

At this point, I was close to just leaving it. But, after some delving, I realised the current iOS YouTube app allows you to upload direct from the app. Which is good, because for a while there, you had to upload using a different app. Which was a pain. This time, fortunately, the video recorded and uploaded no problems. It did mean that the video wasn’t edited, but at the stage I was at, it didn’t really seem important.  But I got it up, which is a good thing, considering that YouTube is where my creativity tends to go to die. It is easier to watch people’s stuff, than make your own. But because vlogging helps me just as much as blogging does, I thought I’d make the effort.  See the results below.

The video is so simple, but I don’t think that people realise how much effort goes into making a simple video appear online. I mean, it has taken me hours just to get that video available for others to watch. Of course, technology was a major problem today, but usually I would edit a video, and that takes time. And I think people need to remember how long things take, before they post hate on someone’s videos.

Begin again?

I am starting afresh. Not with life, or work. More my attitude. Since I started having a lot of difficulties with both depression and anxiety, several years back, I have had a rather defeatist attitude. Whenever I would try and get myself on track, I would fail. Things would fall apart. Why? Because I had no faith in myself. I thought I was destined to fail, so when things got difficult, I gave up. Rather than invite myself to a nightout, I’d stay at home. I just feel like I have missed out on a lot. At 30 years old, I am not where I thought I would be. And it is depressing. It leads me into that vicious circle, where being depressed, makes me more depressed, and so forth.

But I have had enough.

Today, after watching Superwoman (Lilly Singh), I felt inspired by her enthusiastic way she does videos. Even her daily vlogs has this hyperactive person as the starring role, even when Lilly herself probably isn’t feeling so great. And it made me think about how I carry myself in a day to day manner. And I realised that there is nothing I need to do every day, to get me that energetic and ready to go. I just slump out of bed, and sludge around to where I need to go. It got me thinking, maybe I should do something that gets the blood flowing a little bit. So, I decided to try doing videos on Youtube again, and do it differently to how I had before.

When I have previously recorded videos, I sat down, and blabbed nonsensically to a camera. Which would have been okay, but I feel because of my slouching, my voice maybe wasn’t as clear as I wanted it to be. And because, I wasn’t exactly thrilled, I didn’t really promote it, and got really discouraged. But, I guess my whole outlook on life at the time, had a lot to do with that. So, I shot a video by shooting for an hour, standing up, being the kind of forced happy you are when you have to sell something really, really expensive. It seems really nasty written down, but it really has got me motivated for the day. I did some housework, and various computerlike things as well. I have owned today, and I feel it is because the first time in a long time I forced myself to get up and used a lot of energy. My day, that started with me sleeping through my alarm, has progressed into a rather productive one. HOORAY!!

Video is down below:


Note: the ‘fair independence referendum’ thing I was posting, is still in writing. It has turned out to be quite the task to find fact based points, which isn’t slating the opposition. So stressful. But I am determined to post stuff, so stay tuned. 

Pushing Forward

I am feeling awful inspired today. That may have to do with the fact that I have a ton of housework to do before I go back to work tomorrow. Doing things I need to do has never been my strong point. Rather than doing what actually needs to be done, I think up new things that excites me more, and do them instead. Hooray!

One of  the things I have motivated to do is argue with GIMP (free image editing software) enough to make a new banner for all of my social networks and things. I have been diving back into the internet a lot more recently, particularly YouTube. The YouTube community I have loved for the last 5-6 years has been rocked by lot of bad stuff over the last week or so. This is stopping a lot of creators from making content, as they become wary about their audience and who they befriend through it. It’s desperately sad, because the majority of people on YouTube, are perfectly normal people. And in a bid, to get back into trying to contribute to a community that I love, I decided to give my channel a reboot. My first video is below, please check it out. 🙂

I am planning on doing VEDA, Vlog Every Day in April, this year. Yes, I am being hopeful and going to vlog once a day. *cough* Seriously. At least I am hopeful. Ask me again how I feel after the first week of April. 🙂

*I am writing an entry on Consent which is to do with the Youtube/wrock situation. In the meantime, if you find yourself caught in any situation where manipulation of any kind is involved, please speak to someone. It is not okay for someone to control you AT ALL.

NaNoWriMo planning

So I posted this this morning.

Yes, I am getting prepared for NaNoWriMo which starts in about a week and a half. Because I did so badly last year, I am going to use my notebook to try and keep a note of plots, what I want to happen, etc. So I am hopefully that will work out okay.

I have been getting back into Vlogging again, and actually have filmed 3 vlogs in the last week, which is a big deal for me. I am RUBBISH at recording videos. I think of an idea, and then never ever record. But I am making the effort to record videos again.

This is what I was talking about before. I seem to be all creative right now. And because I don’t know how long it will last for, I shall be making the most of it.

Read Between The Lines.

This is something that doesn’t happen very often. The worlds of Vlog and Blog unite and kind of cross-reference each other. Yes, I shot a video a few days ago about people writing in ‘text speak’ and due to me just editing said video, I decided it is too important a topic for me not to mention it here.

I do talk about writing a lot, because it is something I am really passionate about, and I feel that everyone should make effort in the way that they present what they say, because it says so much about you. As I talk about this with other people, I do discover that this is just personal opinion, and most people don’t seem to care what a person thinks of them, because of their writing ‘style’. But, maybe because I spend a lot of my time writing, I do tend to look between the lines a little. Sorry for the pun.

The thing is, if you know how to write properly, and can at least attempt to spell words right, why on earth would you purposefully write badly? Is it because it is some new young thing, that I have missed out on? I think it is. It started of with text messages. Where you could only fit so many characters into a message, so people started shortening words. The easiest way to shorten words, with them still being semi-legible, is to remove vowels. Which irritated me then, and it was not a thing I did. As more and more people started to use the internet to do things, this manner of miss-spelling found its way onto other platforms. And on these other platforms, more people can see how you write in private. Well, except it isn’t really in private anymore. This is where the people pre-Facebook and people post-Facebook tend to differ. Before Social Networking took over the internet, the main sites used by people, where blog sites and forums. Now, on theses sites, a person had to be able to express themselves properly, because most were there to share opinions, and get to know people. When Social Networking came along, particularly Facebook, it changed things. People came online to talk to people they would have texted. People that they already knew. So the mentality of text messaging moved online.

I know I said that the main reason for typing in ‘text speak’ was to make messages shorter, but ease was also a big factor. Why type in 6 letters, when you can type in 3? That is laziness. This is the generation of people who have to work so much harder to get a job. How can they be expected to work well, if they can’t even muster up the energy to type up a work on their keyboard. And then, you discover that it isn’t just on computers and phones ‘text speak’ is used, and that kids are handing in school reports in this poor state.

I think kids like wasting their education and making themselves look stupid because they have no pride in education. To them, it is something they are forced to go to everyday. Although most of them will go onto some form of higher education, they won’t take pride in what they are learning, and they think of it as some kind of chore.  But in some countries, countries which are stricken with the harshest poverty we can imagine, education is a gift. Education is not everything every child gets, so those who do get it are so proud. Education to means everything to some children in Africa, who may walk for 3 hours to get to school. Just so that they can learn how to read and write, to earn money to help their family. How many UK kids would do that. Those who do have pride in their education, are often bullied by the stupid masses.

Seems harsh, but it’s true. I guess, a lot of people won’t realise what they had, until it’s gone. I know I didn’t. I probably didn’t study and work as hard as I should have. But writing is one thing that I have always enjoyed, be it writing an essay or reading a book. To me, I always felt that having good writing ability equalled intelligence. I know now, that other things make a person intelligent, but proper grammar is still considered a desirable quality. It was always said that a person’s shoes, show a lot about them. Well, I feel that the way a person writes, says a lot about them, A lot more than the words that they have written.


I know that I am not the perfect writer. That is not the point I am making, the point is about the lack of effort people make. And yes, I do feel that if you don’t make any effort with writing, you are dubbing yourself an idiot. It is better getting spelling and grammar wrong, but trying, rather than not trying at all.


So I am trying to be conservative with ma cash. And whilst I don’t see it lasting very long, I decided to make a video about it all.

What’s that? Two video’s in two days. BOOYAH SON! Yeah, probably won’t last very long, because I don’t film if I am not in the mood, if ya catch me. So here’s hoping I do spend sensibly so I can treat myself at the end of the month. *crosses fingers*