2020, Uncategorized

Escape

I have lived in the same area, since I was a child. I have been told that I need to ‘move somewhere else’. As if you can only experience life, if you have paid stupidly high rent for a teeny flat in a city. I will scoff at that, but at the same time, seeing friends buy houses, get married, and have kids, makes me sad. I work hard, but I stay with my parents, in my 30s. It’s very depressing. I have worked constantly since I was 16, and have tried previously tried college. I have struggled with my mental health, but ignored it for many years. And these feelings, of seeing friends ‘do more’, made me feel worse. I look at my life and see that I have wasted my time. Wasted a life. And that’s where depression takes hold. That if my life was worthy, I’d be in a different place.

Sometimes, I need to get away from these thoughts. And I do this by getting out the house, going for a drive, or for a walk. The good thing, about living where I do, is that there are so many good places to explore. I live on the Fife Coast, just across from Edinburgh, and I can easily get to the sea, or to the countryside. I can find peace, in walks on my own. With nothing but my own thoughts, where I can try and get my broken mind in some kind of order.

The thing is. Sometimes my over nostalgic brain would see any changes that have happened, and feel sad about them. Which, if you live in the town you grew up in, happens quite a lot. Walking down a set of stairs, can make you feel quite sad. Today, for example, I went into the town’s public park, somewhere where I went with my parents as a child, and friends as I got older, but hadn’t been in so long. And it changed. Not really for the better.

The play park used to have a lot for all kids, this is all that’s left. Two things.

The park felt a little unloved. Paint peeling off benches, broken slabs, empty planting areas, it seems a little neglected. Which maybe rings a little too true to me, in the metaphorical sense. It was peaceful, which is what I needed, but that was it. I am like that, functional, but not really making any marks.

There are a few of these in the public park. We used to say they were jail cells for the ‘bad people’.

Sometimes, usually after a few deep breathes, you can see things you have forgotten. The things that you haven’t noticed for years, or maybe haven’t seen before. The things you look at ‘through new eyes’, that look completely different.

The old friary. Hundreds of years old.

I started thinking today, that age seems to make a person more cynical. It begins to get harder to see past the negative stuff, because that’s what you’ve come to expect. So, maybe we need to remind ourselves to keep a part of a childish outlook. See things in a hopeful way, and look past the bad bits to see something positive. But that is hard.

2018, Video

Something different

I’m struggling this week. Don’t know if I am at the start of an illness or if my procrastination is becoming worse. I’m going to say illness, as that sounds better.

Anyway, I have been trying to think of ways to try and living this blog up a little. I love reading other people’s ponderings, but there is no harm in sharing other bits and bobs. I am quite a creative person, and I still draw a lot, as well as playing with video editors for photos and such. I’m not the greatest at these things, but it helps my anxiety when I can focus on something.

This is a wee video I did a while back, and it is random photos from when I went to Budapest in March. This is the kind of thing i welcome as a distraction from my thinking, even though it’s not the best.

2017, Life

Butterfly Fly Away

The other week, I met up with my friend and her daughter, and we went to the Butterfly farm near Edinburgh. It was a place I hadn’t been since I was really little. It’s very warm, and butterflies just fly all around you. Was really fun. And I was able to take a few pictures.

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The summer provides a good time to play tourist in your local area, especially if you have kids. You can find more information about Edinburgh Butterfly & Insect World here.

2017, photography

Challenge: 5 Photos

Bit bored tonight, so thought I would get a wee bit creative. Well, creative in that I am posting a photo post on a Saturday. Yeah, I’m lazy. So I am going through try and post 5 of my favourite photos from my phone.

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I have so many photos on my phone, I kind of picked more nature and landscape pictures. I love photos, they capture a moment. I think it can be easy to snap away and not look at photos. The days of selecting pictures for a photo album are gone, so no harm in looking back.

Uncategorized

Picture Time

 I have been super lazy over Christmas, as usually I go for a long walk around the local area. This year, I have sat at home, watched too much TV and ate my weight in chocolate. In a bid to try and give myself some energy, I thought I’d go for a walk in Dunfermline, and took some pictures. My legs were tired afterwards, but it was a nice day for a walk, and the Park in town was super busy. I like seeing that other people are out and about too. 

 

Town Clock, Dunfermline
  

 

Andrew Carnegie Statue, Pittencrieff Park, Dunfermline
   

  

Plaque on Andrew Carnegie Statue
  
 
Wee saying at the playpark in Pittencrieff Park, Dunfermline. Much of the playpark was burnt down many years ago, so the words are apt.

 
House of Pittencrieff, Pittencrieff Park, Dunfermline

 
Plaque on the House of Pittencrieff
  
 
Dunfermline Abbey, as viewed from Pittencrieff Park, Dunfermline

 
Looking at a very full river, that runs through Pittencrieff Park
  
 
The full river again, with a small bandstand overlooking it
 
 
There are a lot of bridges in Pittencrieff Park, as the different footpaths criss-cross one another.

   
 
The map of Pittencrieff Park, so you dont get lost