Heavy

There isn’t very much to say today. In the last half hour or so I learnt the news that Chester Bennington, from Linkin Park, killed himself. I rarely get super upset over famous people dying, but this seems to hit home really hard.

Linkin Park were a bit like Blink 182, where they opened a door to other music. I have memories of having my personal CD player in my school bag with Hybrid Theory in it. Complaining that it jumped when I tried to walk anywhere. I bought every album by Linkin Park. Throughout their 7 studio albums, the band became chameleons, doing the music that made them happy. A big part of the music I now listen to, and the kind of person I am comes from Linkin Park. Chester was a hero to millions around the world, but that doesn’t stop mental health problems.

If you feel alone, or just a bit lost, please speak to someone. I write this blog as a way to get my issues out of my head, but I have also relied on others. I find it hard speaking to friends, so services came into mind. There is always someone willing to listen, you are not alone.

Service that helped me was the Samaritans.

UK & Ireland: The Samaritans call free on 116 123

(If anyone reading this has services which helped them in their country, please comment below and I’ll add to this post.)

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Butterfly Fly Away

The other week, I met up with my friend and her daughter, and we went to the Butterfly farm near Edinburgh. It was a place I hadn’t been since I was really little. It’s very warm, and butterflies just fly all around you. Was really fun. And I was able to take a few pictures.

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The summer provides a good time to play tourist in your local area, especially if you have kids. You can find more information about Edinburgh Butterfly & Insect World here.

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Can’t do without

I am always saying that I use the internet way too much. But on thinking on it, I don’t just search stuff, I use specific sites and services. And the sad thing is, that I rarely travel out with those services. So, I thought I would share the stuff I use most, and why.

YouTube I watch more content on here, than I do on any other service. I watch videos in areas that I am interested in, which are usually related to retro gaming, book reviews, Japan, news or just general geekery. I look for a topic I like, and watch any videos that come up. If I like people I subscribe. Every so often, I will go through every video a channel has made, just for fun, and it absorbs hours of my
life.

Twitter I use Twitter all the time, which is not as much as I used to. Twitter has become a place for breaking news, but it’s a swing and a miss, as there is ALWAYS fake information circulating. Twitter is where I rant if I am stuck in traffic or had a bad day, I let of some steam. It can be a great place for customer services, a lot of companies these days have someone manning a company twitter profile, and will try to help. If I am feeling anxious, twitter can be an easy way for me to get help or advice, just use the right hashtags, and the internet is great. Just remember and don’t feed the trolls.

Facebook 🙄This is probably one of the most problematic sites on the internet. Mostly because some people go on it without having any kind of brain engagement. It’s good for articles, sometimes, the non-fake, click bait ones. The main reason I use Facebook is because of Messenger. Most of the people I know are within reach on Messenger, so that gets used, a lot. So it’s good for connecting with friends, which I think is what Mr Zuckerberg wanted when he started the site.

Instagram I like pictures. I like taking them and I like looking at them. And Instagram is one of the most popular photo sharing sites in the world. It’s a great way to find artistic inspiration, which is something I am ALWAYS in need of. Never been into the trendy make-up and stuff, which are hugely popular on the site. But, there are things for everyone on there, and there are communities which are great for help, like anxiety and weightloss help.

Goodreads I like books, always have done. And this site is great for keeping track on what you read, and giving yourself personal goals. Something I am not very good at. It is another service with a great community. If there is a particular book genre you like, join a group and get loads of new recommendations and even make new friends. A lot of authors also reach out to readers over Goodreads, which is great.

I decided to shorten my list to 5, as I really could go on for a bit. Other services include WordPress, Amazon, Xbox Live, Netflix, Crunchyroll, Spotify and livejournal. I could waste my whole life on these sites, but it wouldn’t feel like a waste. The internet allows me to view content I want, and that is a great thing.

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Summertime

In Scotland, people often joke that out of the entire summer season, we will maybe get 2/3 days of actual sunshine. Well, today was one of those days.

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I am a person who is suited to the cold. Always have been. The temperatures in Scotland usually go from just below freezing, in the winter, to maybe 25c in the summer. People always laugh when I say that I’m melting and the temperature is only in the 20s. But I overheat, I sweat a lot (gross) and I can get dizzy really easy, even when I do drink a lot. It’s very frustrating, and I have no idea I would cope in a hotter country.

I still enjoy the summer though. My favourite thing to do on a nice day, is sit somewhere with a book and some music. A nice wee read in the sun is a perfect way to enjoy the summer, in my opinion. If it’s a bit cooler, I like to go for walks. Being outdoors should be what the summer is about.

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Arguing with technology

I am currently in a mood. I have fallen out with my computer, as it has decided to not do what I want. Well, it may be more a software thing, rather than the actual computer, but it is still super frustrating.

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I was in town on my own today, and it was one of those rare occasions when I had my camera in my bag. So, feeling all inspired, I thought I’d try to go to new Carnegie Library and Museum, and document it. The plan was to film bits, and then do a voice over when I got home. I have been wanting to practice my video making abilities and get better, so I thought it would be a great idea. So, I came home and edited everything together. Was pretty happy, until I tried to record the voice over. The microphone on my computer has decided not to work. Queue me huffing like a 3 year old.

After some sleuthing online, I found out that a previous Windows 10 update may have rendered the microphone useless. So, I needed to go to the ASUS website and download the newest version of the driver for the microphone. Seemed okay, till the ASUS website became unavailable since it was doing an update. I gave up at this stage.

My original plan was to have things updated today, but obviously the forces of the universe are against me. I have a big bulk done, so hopefully I shall get up early tomorrow and get it finished. I say hopefully, because my productivity comes and goes so fast. At least all that energy I have today, hasn’t gone to complete waste. I have complained and updated this blog at the same time. Yay!

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Constantly

I have talked on here before about my mental health. It started off with depression when I was at school, and as I got older, depression’s friend anxiety came along to the party. I always found it really hard to find information on what other people went through with their own mental health experience. Because, I wanted to find someone that I could relate to, which helped me deal with my own issues. The problem is, that when I first started having issues, all the information was very medical journal- like, and there was no personality. So, a while ago, I thought I would post my pondering about my own mental health. It seemed an obvious thing to do, as maybe other people would find solace in the mental health related nonsense I would write about. And it also helped.

Doesn’t really help with physical health though. Over the last month, I have damaged the ligament in my foot (AGAIN!), got diagnosed with anemia and got a horrific head cold (and hideous cough) which refuses to budge. It just feels like it has been one thing after another. Which is exhausting. The thing is, whilst I have been trying to make myself comfortable in talking about my mental health, when I get physically sick I kind of feel different. Sounds odd, but let me explain. I feel kind of embarrassed. Mostly, because the most common times my physical health issues happen, are at work. Because if I feel shit on a day off, I will just keep myself in solitary confinement. But at work, I have to tell my manager, who then gives me a look of annoyance that I have something else which is slowing me down at work. I have people tell me to take time of, on the sick, to recover. But, I feel like sick pay is for when I REALLY can’t get to work. Some sneezing or limping about, may slow me down, but they don’t stop me from working.

I think, I suffer more under anxiety and depression. Which is hard to explain. I think that when I am physically ill, I have the willpower to keep going (or trying). I may have to take breaks, or go to get an ice pack, but I feel I can deal with those. Whereas, if I feel worthless, I can’t even get out of bed. But when my ankle was swollen up at its worst, I forced myself out of bed, and carried on. I think, that if others are like that, can push through physical barriers of sickness or pain, then that is maybe why they don’t understand mental health issues. It is your stubborn brain that makes your carry on when you are sick, but with mental health, your brain has kind of got a flat tire and stops completely. It is hard.

But everything has been one after another, recently, and I’d just like a break. Just time to feel better, and get back to the gym. I am planning on looking into eating better, and seeing how it helps my general health. Because, right now, I have a new thing wrong every week. Do you know what would be helpful. A function like on my PC, where I can restore things back to where everything worked. That may be quite a bit back though.

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Spoilt

The internet has given the normal, average person so much opportunity. That may be applying for new jobs, which rather than popping your CV through letter boxes, has becoming emailing or filling in forms from the comfort of your own home. You can download computer games, movies and books at a touch of a button. Never have we had such information at our fingertips. It’s crazy.

It can be overwhelming. As much as I enjoy finding new things to watch and read, I am slow at ingesting such things. I take my time, as I can get bored doing the same thing for too long.

I am working my way through Pretty Little Liars, which is on Netflix. Other people I know, binge watched the series from their bed. I like to dip in and out, so I’ll maybe watch one or two episodes whenever I can be bothered. The final episode aired a few days ago, and spoilers popped up everywhere. Seeing as I am still early in the final season, I avoided everything. And was doing really well, till I saw a post on Tumblr that spoilt everything.

Back when I started getting into watching dramas and the like on TV, episodes were released weekly. And sometimes the channels, here in the U.K., would get programmes months if not years after its original release in America, or where ever. That was fine, with my short attention span. But, now? Series are released online either in the one go, or as they air in their country of origin.

This is good. But it also means that people get up to date, and post spoilers. I don’t mean, this character comes back, or something which is covered in the general synopsis. I am talking about people telling the world about what happens after major cliff hangers. Well, that happened today. I have been watching Pretty Little Liars for years, and have noticed people saying that the final episode was rubbish. But, I didn’t get any other information till today. And finding out the actual ending has kind of made me want to stop watching the rest of the show. I want to stay in the episodes where I am not disappointed, where I feel happy with the series. I feel like my experience of the show, as it ends, is now worse because of the ending.

It frustrates me that people don’t understand that. They are called spoilers for a reason, you can spoil a show for someone. Which sounds silly, but to watch a standard drama series, you have to invest hours of your life in the storylines and characters. And it kind of feels a bit crap, that you don’t get a ‘first reaction’ like other people. You have a pre-conceived idea before you reach that particular episode.

Truth be told, maybe I should just learn to watch things quicker.

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