Tag: love

Overwhelmed Absence

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

The internet. What a place. A place which once felt like running into an open meadow, has become a cage where one is constantly poked and jabbed into a reaction by the anonymous crowd piled outside. It all seems horrifically depressing.

It is why I have posted only 19 times on here this year, despite paying for a subscription plan. It’s why I have been finding myself disenchanted by social media. It’s why I can’t even garner the energy to message people back. There is too much stuff, too much negativity, it is easy to be overwhelmed. Social media feeds have become polluted with content there to rage bait you, and it feels the more you ignore it, the worse the stuff gets.

My Facebook is currently unusable. It was full of adverts and pro-Reform videos. The kind of stuff that I didn’t really have an interest in. In fact, it has become so tailored, that the content is stuff that is actively against the things that I align myself with politically or morally. So animal cruelty, racism, sexism, transphobia, homophobia, and other forms of bigotry. I have a belief that you treat those around you in a way that you would expect to be treated. So, if I want to be treated with kindness and respect, I do that with others. My patience runs out, when people get threatening and blatantly spread misinformation about certain demographics. And Facebook is full of misinformation. It has got to the stage where it is better for my mental health to stay away from Facebook altogether.

But Facebook isn’t the only service like that. Every social media platform seems to be the same. They don’t take down hatred, or threats of violence, but will give warnings about someone talking about medication they take for a health condition. The truth of the matter is, anger and hate will aways create more engagement that love and positivity will. I read a thing, just a random article I came across not too long ago, where it tried to explain why people are more likely to respond to rage bait online. It appears to be very similar to way people post anonymous hateful content on the internet. It is because it feels like there is no recourse for their behaviour. In the real world, if people see something that angers them, they will say nothing at the time, and then mumble under their breath or tell someone else later. Online, you can be angry in your reply, because you don’t see the person who has made you angry. Most of the time, those people who are starting the hate, are completely anonymous, so it is like if you lose it at them, you are not losing it at a ‘real person’. But your social media algorithm sees that, and decides you like that kind of thing. So you get more rage inducing content for you to react to.

It is an endless loop.

The other side is that you, as a user, post something about a TV show, sport, pop band, and someone angrily replies to you. I frequent the F1 community on Threads, and that site has become a hotbed for such interactions. Celebrate your driver doing well? You may get replies like ‘He is so awful. All his empty headed fans would be celebrating. DTS fan girls’. Which as a singular comment seems odd, but ignorable. But, when every thing you post can attract such comments, you automatically start distancing yourself. People have been getting death threats, where people can be either fans, drivers, driver’s families, team members, commentary teams, even the stewards who keep the race safe. Like… when I used to venture on the F1 forums back in the 90s/00s, it was never like this. Yes, you would get a hate monger, but the admins would be on it and kick them out. But, those hateful replies get kept, as they may collect more engagement than the original post. It is why social media companies are notoriously bad at dealing with hate on their platforms. Engagement is king.

I have sat for a while, and tried to figure out what I wanted to do. I put a time limit on all my social media accounts. So, I can’t doom scroll for hours, whilst getting increasingly angry. All the anger and musings about the world goes into my journal, a notebook that I bought from Asda a couple years ago. And it is helping. I put something on the TV or on my stereo and just ramble away offline. It is less focused than this ramble, if you can believe that. But, it’s making things better. I feel more organised. I am also trying to recognised when I am getting agitated by what I see, and just closing social media. If I could also stop responding, that would be great. But closing the app instead also works.

Taking Time Out

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

It is important, that in this world that doesn’t seem to stop, that you take time for yourself. Time away from your computer. Time away from work. Time away from the routine that can grate on your nerves. It feels, since lockdown happened last year, that everything feels so much more intense. People are angry, as normality appears to be keeping socially distant from us. Folk are very intolerant to views that are not their own, and as a result, give out underserved abuse.

So, I had 2 weeks booked off work. A holiday which was supposed to be spent in Cyprus, with my family. But, was cancelled, like everything else, due to Coronavirus. I kept the time off booked, because I still needed to use those holidays. So, I didn’t plan anything. I was worried, as when my brain senses no plans, it seems to go into over drive, and my mental health is atrocious.

My main focus was to just relax. Take joy in watching tv, or going for a walk. Not to have a reason for anything. Previously, I would say I wanted to read so many books, create a certain number of artworks, and lose so much weight. This has ended up with my going back to work more stressed, than I was before. Which kind of defies the point of being off work in the first place.

So, I worked hard at doing nothing. I ordered too many take aways, drank too much alcohol, and got up around noon. It was good. Maybe not the healthiest for my body, but for the first time in a long time, my mind was able to recharge. For the first time, in a long time, I feel light. I feel so super relaxed. And ready to go back to work, tomorrow.

Merry Christmas

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

It’s the one day of the year, where everyone gets to spend time with their loved ones. It is maybe family, it’s maybe friends, it’s maybe even someone you haven’t met in real life. Some people just prefer to get absorbed in something they love, like a book, TV show, or computer game.

It doesn’t really matter what you do. As long as you try and benefit from that one time of the year where everything slows down. Where shops close, TV channels play limitless movies, and there seems to be food everywhere. It is nice to take time out of the everyday life, which can easily get on top of a person.

I hope that everyone reading this, has the chance to spend the festive period surrounded by love, however you find it.

Don’t Stop Me Now

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

To most people I am a quiet person. Very shy, and don’t like to go to places where I don’t know anyone. I get panic attacks and frequently cancel plans to stay at home on my own. I am very good at isolating myself.

However, when I see articles or comments berating a group of people, for being who they are and I can’t hold back. I feel like life is about better things for yourself and others around you through education. So when I see ignorance on Facebook, or some article, I feel composed to jump up and say something. My belief is that if someone is not harming anyone, and making themselves happy, why to get so upset about what they do. Most of the time the angriest people are angry because they simply can’t relate. And I feel that it is wrong to comment harmful words on a topic that you have no knowledge on, and are scared of.

This feels like a big thing right now, as a member of the LGBTQ+ community, I see people berating trans people, or people who aren’t cis-gendered, regularly. As I grew up, I had so much verbal abuse about my own sexuality and gender. I have always been a tomboy, and never been a girly girl. I was bullied at school, for looking like a boy. It was the first point where I started hating myself, which started a horrible spiral which has lead to many mental health issues through my life. I kept myself to myself, I never hurt anyone, and tried to be a good person. But I was made to feel like a criminal for being who I am.

So, when I see people angling abuse at folk, I feel I have to say something. I think everyone should. I frequently hear people say they are okay with ‘the gays’ but then berate someone struggling with gender identity. You either support the LGBTQ+ community or you don’t, in my opinion. I don’t understand why you would hate someone for something you don’t understand. And mockery translates to hate to a person who feels attacked from all sides.

People say that their ‘free speech for jokes’ has been spoilt by Social Justice Warriors, and it isn’t true. It’s just the jokes that used to be made at the expense of women, race, or LGBTQ+, is no longer acceptable. You see, these people now have a voice, and can speak up and tell you why it’s not okay to berate them. Free speech is allowing you speak what you want, but it also gives people the ability to call you out on anything which is problematic.

Every day is a chance to educate yourself on a viewpoint which is unknown to you. Make the best of it. The world will be better for it.

Social Media Care

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I remember when I started using social media, many years ago (in fact, 10 years ago), it was a place of excitement. It was new for everyone, it was filled with normal folk, as advertisers hadn’t really jumped on the bandwagon yet. Social media became a place of freedom of expression. Unfortunately, for a lot of people, this isn’t the case anymore. No matter what you express, it feels like there are always people about to try and pick holes in what you say. Like, I try to be kind and advice-like when I write, but people like to jump on what I say to be all ’that isn’t how it is to me, so you are lying’. And these people are usually anonymous profiles who seem to spend all their time hating other people.

It is important to look after yourself in an atmosphere that can be so destructive. So, I thought up I few things that I use, when social media gets to me.

1) Block button. Every social media site has the ability to mute or block certain users. This is good. You might have a friend who is posting annoying rubbish for a TV show you hate, you can mute them for a while. This means, you are still following them, but you don’t see their content for a while. Blocking means that the person is unfollowed, can’t see what you post or anything on your profile. This is a good way to cut out people who may be harassing you.

2)Take time out. Go for a day or so without social media. I usually simply put my phone on airplane mode for a few hours, like when I am studying, so that I can focus without the constant pinging of my phone. If that isn’t enough, and you want a few days away from the distraction of your Facebook timeline, delete the app from your most used device. A lot of the time, we check social media constantly because it always seems to be there. And it not being there, can free up a lot of time.

3)Don’t read bad comments. Sometimes, you could post a picture of an apple on Instagram, and it would attract bad comments. If you see this happening, try not to feel down. These people seem to get some kind of thrill of bringing people down. You can disable comments on many social media services, as well as make it so only your friends can comment. You will find that people are a lot less confrontational if they know you, or have to share their identity.

4) Just laugh. Try not to take social media too seriously. A lot of the content that you will be shown on sites like Facebook and Twitter are there to get a reaction. So they will either be content you agree with, or content you massively disagree with. For example, I would say I am ’left-leaning’ when it comes to politics, so the stuff I get shown is either supporting that stance, or is wildly opposing those views. So, try not to take everything as gospel, and just laugh when people do. It also can defuse a situation building up within yourself, as laughter does make you feel better.

5) Be kind to yourself. If you find anything on social media to be causing any kind of negative reaction to yourself, then step away. You are the only you there is, so it’s important you look after yourself. If there is too much BS happening, then go and read a book, play a computer game or whatever social media is distracting you from.

You can be selective over what you show on social media, and it’s important to remember that. Because everyone else is too. A lot of people show part of themselves, whether it be a nice or a nasty side. So if someone attacks you, then remember it is just what they think they see, it’s not actually you.

Head In Sand

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Recently I haven’t been sharing at all. Which is not like me, but it’s hard when you are dealing with something that you’d rather not be dealing with.

Unfortunately, life is not that kind. I have been sick, had a major crash with my mental health, had course work due in and the busiest time of the year for the ol’ day job. And it all kind of left me functioning, but that was it. I didn’t want to talk about it, still don’t, because I didn’t want to think about how much stuff was happening all at once. It’s kind of calmed down a little, my coursework is done and Christmas is a week a way, which means no overtime. And it’s allowing me a little time to reflect on why I burrowed myself away from the internet.

For years the internet was where I could let my feelings go, where I could write about stuff that no one cared about. It was very therapeutic and it was completely disconnected from my real life. However, every day there seems to be more merging of both my private life and the one I talk about on line. People who I know in real life, are able to access what I am writing.

Now, this doesn’t seem like a huge problem for some, as they see things being made public, and surely it doesn’t matter who reads it. But… that’s not really how it goes. In my life, I try to put a smile on as I soldier on through whatever the day throws at me. Inside, I may be falling apart, but I don’t want people to see it. I always feel like my mental health issues makes me a burden on others, so I don’t want them to know. That way people don’t feel pressured into being nice, they are being nice because they want to, not because I’m not right in the head. And when these people I share my daily life with can read what I really feel, I feel like I have let them down. I mean, surely I should be able to talk to folk, right?

So, sometimes it is easier to bury my head in the sand. Pretend things are okay, when they aren’t. It’s not perfect. But, it can get me through times where I don’t have the strength to deal with questions about things that I don’t know how to put into words. That’s what writing helps me do, sometimes, put what’s in my head into words that (kind of) make sense.

T’was The Season

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Christmas time is a great time of the year. It is that one time of the year, where people can spend time with their loved ones, and where thanks is given to those who support us. It is still the one period of the year, where everyone get’s some time off work. It is nice to see that a lot of non-essential businesses closed, as everyone needs a time to cool down and relax.

The only problem is, that I started planning for Christmas months in advance, usually by making lists for what I want to gift people, but I don’t actually do anything about it till the last minute. Once again, I ended up running around town on Christmas Eve, getting presents and the like. Because I know what I am getting people, it is fairly easy to get in the shops I need to, and then leave.I find it best, as that way I don’t have to deal with too bad crowds, as I am ready for home before midday.

Christmas day is classed as that one day where I eat too much, and watch rubbish on TV, and this year was no exception. When you work hard all year, it is nice to just kick back with family. And to me, that is what the period is about. Yes, presents are nice, but it’s about showing your thanks and chilling out.

You will notice, that ‘blogmas’ fell apart pretty quick, as expected. But December is the one month where time seems to just disappear. One day it was the start of the month, and it felt like it was Christmas day within a blink of an eye. Which is scary. They say that time going fast is a sign of getting older, which I am not particularly keen to think about.

But in a few days, we say goodbye to 2017, and start afresh with 2018. And I feel genuine excitement.

Blue Monday?

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

It’s supposed to be the most depressing day of the year today. I don’t really understand the idea of dubbing a random day ‘the most depressing’.

I have been reading a lot about mindfulness and how most of what we feel is based on perceptions. So we assume things will be bad, because of the angle we are looking at it. I feel that is what happens when someone tells you a day is supposed to be depressing. You get into that mindset, and there is no getting away from it.

I’ll give you an example. I have been wanting a car, since I passed my driving test in November. I have now been 2 months since I passed my test, and because I haven’t been at a driving wheel since I had a melt down. Now, since I passed, I made the choice that I’d wait till I saved up money, and get the right car. But I made the mistake of reading all these negative articles about ‘Blue Monday’ as I ate my cereal this morning. Because I have so many issues with my mental health, I always think I am prone to these periods where depression runs high.

I was going to get a lift to the gym this morning, but my sister was taking her time, and a bus was due. So me being me, I left and went for the bus. All good so far. But then I started thinking about how at 18 she was offered to share a car with my dad. My brother was that age when he was gifted a car. And i couldn’t even get someone to come and look at cars with me. I started freaking out. What if I forget how to drive? What if I get in a car and freak out? What if I am never able to get a car? I got so worked up, I was sobbing at the back of the bus.

I stayed on the bus, despite just wanting to go home, and went to the gym as planned. I then sweated all the negativity out of my system, and I now feel better.

I feel I got so upset by reading all these articles about how people more successful than me felt low today. I mean, the whole idea of Blue Monday, is because people are waiting for the first payday after Christmas. That doesn’t apply to me, as I get paid weekly, but it didn’t stop the bad feeling. And I think by digesting all this writing about why I should be sad, I over-reacted to something completely different.

I have been reading The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein, and it is a book about changing your mindset. Putting trust in the universe and stop worrying about a future that hasn’t happened yet. The book tries to explain that by thinking in ‘love’ rather than ‘fear’, we can transform our lives. It sounds really silly, but this is revolutionary to me. It got me thinking how negativity does effect my day, and my life. I am trying to do the lessons that are in the books, but it is hard. Like everything, new habits need to be formed to make a difference.

Maybe the first habit I need to break from, is sensationalist articles on social media, trying to tell me how I should feel. Focus on the feel-good. Try a bit of positive mental attitude.

That’s That Then

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

So Christmas is done for another year. Usually there is a ‘come down’ after Christmas, as that big day that we have been building towards is over. And it feels strange that I don’t feel that usual ‘come down’. 

My focus this year was on having time to chill out and spend the time with family. And it has been an unreserved success. Christmas this year, has been about spreading joy, making people laugh and generally being happy. Making others happy gives such an adrenaline rush. I feel I have not made the best of the festive season before, as I have got too worked up about the material things. Losing sleep if someone would actually like the gift I had bought them. But that doesn’t really matter. This year it was more about the giving rather than the actual gift. And that helped me relax this year. 

I spent days in work singing Christmas songs and helping to give a Christmas treat to workers (see below). And it made everything so much more enjoyable. All because it made other people smile or laugh. 

My whole experience of Christmas has been a new one this year, and it has felt like more than just one day. It has been a happy few weeks, and I have massively enjoyed it. 

I went through a phase for quite a few years where I felt Christmas was a waste of time. Just there to make more money for shops. By changing my thinking slightly, that Christmas is about the people around you, I have ended up enjoying everything more. You can buy something from Poundland, and if has the right intent behind it, the gift can be as appreciated as something costing a lot of money. And it has taken me too long to realise that. 

I hope anyone reading this had a great Christmas weekend, and enjoyed a bit of downtime with those who mean most to you.