Every so often, I, like most, find myself pondering my future once in a while. As someone whose current state of existence probably sees her dubbed as a ‘basement dweller’, despite having no basement, I feel a bit depressed when I start thinking about the future.
I think it is because all these ideas I used to have about my life, have failed to materialise into anything substantial. I mean, yes I can paint a picture and edit it on a computer, but NEWS FLASH, unless you have the best qualifications and/or know someone, then you are kinda restricted in that field, Restricted in that people seem to refuse to pay for work, and expect everything for free. Which is ignorant. Do people think I went through the effort of an education, just to give them freebies?
I guess the main reason I am evaluating my life right now, is because it seems a natural contemplation point, seeing as it almost a year since I left college, and not very much has changed. Okay, some things have changed. For instance, mentally I am in a 100% better place than I was 12 months ago. I just feel a lot more free than what I used to, like I am not so restricted anymore. Does that make sense? I feel like I am in a better place, mentally, to cope with problems. Well, I can cope a little better than what I used to. I will still crack up, because apparently cracking up over stupid things is what I do.
I guess I am at a stage where I want to run off into the fields and frolic around like a happy person, but I can’t really see what is in the field, and that holds me back. Worst imagery ever? Probably. I guess it’s like I have one foot ready to go on new adventures, where the other foot is content being where it is. Wow, even worse imagery.
I don’t even know what point I am trying to make. I guess, it’s that I am at the stage where I am looking for something else, something new, and everything that is ahead seems really different. And that little shy kid I used to be, comes to the forefront and decides that it is safer staying put. And I end up feeling confused, and I stress my self out stupidly. I know A LOT of people who are finishing school and they are expressing the distress and confusion I am currently feeling. But, I feel I should let them know, as long as you follow your heart, and do something you want to, you won’t regret what you chose to do. People will call me a waste for being where I am at the age of 27, but I feel accomplished that I have tried so hard at everything I wanted to do. It didn’t all pan out, but I have no regrets about it.