Tag: mental health

Time for the weekend

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

And with that, another week is done.

A busy week.

An annoying week.

The hiring at work just keeps going, and it has been the polar opposite from what I have experienced in previous of working for “The Company’. The business operates on 4-day weeks, which is something that is very easy to get used to. The focus has always been on staffing Monday to Friday and making sure that there was cover, sometimes only minimal, for the weekend. I, for example, work Wednesday to Saturday, and have done for many a year. There is a shift that does the opposite, Sunday to Wednesday. And there has always been a shift that bridged the gap, working Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday. It’s always worked. But the powers that be, the kind who have never set foot on the shop floor, have decided to focus on weekend workers. So, the two shift patterns that have been getting hired for, are Thursday to Sunday, and Saturday to Tuesday. Meaning, that Wednesday, that used to be the busiest day of the week, is now the quietest.

It has been crazy busy as a result. And with the summer bringing increased temperature (and broken air conditioning), everybody has been getting very irritable. Then, as if by magic, the IT systems start causing us problems, and tests people when they are already struggling. The good thing, is that nothing is so important it gets brought home at the end of a shift. I can come home, and whilst I am complaining here, I don’t lose any sleep over anything happening at work. It’s done, I will deal with everything on Wednesday. Till then I have relaxing, Formula 1 and the World Cup final tomorrow, Burntisland Highland Games on Monday, then a chill day on Tuesday.

Next weekend is my last full week before I am off work for my holiday. I am going to Blackpool for a punk music festival called Rebellion. It is a festival I have attended lots of times before, but haven’t been much in the last few years. It is held in the Winter Gardens venue, which is indoors, and I have my hotel booked. I am pretty excited. There is a mixture of older bands, and newer bands. 3 bands I know from Fife are playing, so I’ll get to see my pals. And then another friend’s band is playing in one of the pubs in Blackpool outside of the actual venue. The festival is sold out, so it is good that other gigs and events are organised.

That’s enough rambing, England are playing Argentina in the rugby, so I am away to watch that.

Another year older

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

It was my birthday on Friday, and have such struggled the last few days to do anything. I spent hours upon hours watching videos on TikTok, doing nothing of any value. During my appointment with my therapist last week, I am needing to learn that there is actual value in doing ‘nothing’. Which is something that is really hard for me to do. So… we are not making myself feel bad about it. Or trying not to.

My birthday falls at the start of the second quarter of the year. And, I normally use this to see how I am doing so far on my aims for the year. This is a process which usually has me in tears, as I do feel like I have got nowhere in life, and feel useless. This is something that I am trying to stop focusing my energy on, as it is never very productive. It tends to be more likely to knock me off my feet, and stop me from making any progress at all, which just causes me to spiral.

So there are a few things that I wanted to do in 2026. The biggest thing is improving my health. I have experienced issues with my mental, physical, and dental health. So what have I done, or reached out to the appropriate services to do? The tale end of last year had me going to the dentist to get treatment started on a long-term broken tooth, which has died and got infected. I had that removed, and the subsequent hole filled in. I still have treatment to go, but my mouth is feeling so much better. The best thing is that my dental practice has so many nice people working at it, and have made me feel at complete ease whilst attending. Treatment is partially paid for by my dental insurance I get through may work, which is a thing I am recommending to everyone, if they can.

Sticking to things I get through my work, I called the Employee Assistant Programme, and have been receiving mental health support. I was super struggling, and have been for months. I was feeling so low, and I really didn’t know how to fix things. So I called a number, which gave me an appointment to be ‘triaged’. I think it is a way to figure out where your problems lie, and they can then match you with a suitable therapist. Which they have done. I have currently had two appointments, via telephone, and the therapist has been a great help. We were discussing about how my self-esteem is one of my main issues, and is possibly why I have struggled to get to grips with problems in the past. It certainly was an angle that I have never looked at before. My GP surgery has been a nightmare, and I have struggled to get appointments and help, so I am grateful that I have services at work that pick up the slack.

And then my rheumatoid arthritis. I fell of the bandwagon of medication, due to my mental health. Because if I had any issues, it was never one phone call. it was over 5 phone calls, every single time. And, I was struggling to do basic activities, I just buried my head in the sand. The very few times I did feel like I could chase things up, I was met with silence. Which, didn’t exactly make me want to keep going. So, I have been in pain for months, and exhausted for the same time. Last week, I received a letter to go to the Rheumatology clinic for an appointment next week. I am assuming that this is unprompted, as my phonecalls and emails have all went unanswered. Umprompted or not, this hopefully means that I can speak to someone about getting my medication sorted again. I am pretty frustrated about the whole thing to be honest.

So health is doing better, there has been movement, some more prompted than others, to trying to help make things better. This is a huge success for the beginning of the year. Another thing that I wanted to do was to read more. I set myself a target of 50 books for the year, and I have read 15. in 3 months. Which I am rather happy with.

All progress is progress, and these are things that I am getting progress in. This is what I am trying to focus on. Not what has happened in the last 40-odd years, or what other people have done in that same time frame. What I have been doing recently. Small changes every day, may not fix everything, it will work toward making things a wee bit more liveable.

6 Wee Things That Help Me When In A Motivation Slump

~ Sue ~ 2 Comments

I frequently get trapped in a slump, which I have gone into many times on here. Between my rheumatoid arthritis and poor mental health, it becomes all too easy to fall into a slump, and struggle to get out of it. Some things do help though.

  1. Admitting I was in a slump– One of the things I am bad at is burying my head in the sand, pretending things aren’t as bad as they actually are. Recognising a struggle, is the first step to getting things moving again.
  2. Doing one embarrassingly small task- Make the bed, have some breakfast, do the laundry, read a chapter of a book… Doing anything, and recognising that tiny thing, is a step forward.
  3. Messaging someone you haven’t spoken to in a while- I am awful at texting people back. So doing a quick ‘how are you’, can be great. I also have a lot of friends I chat to on social media, and chatting away with them also can help.
  4. Letting myself do nothing- sometimes, when you are exhausted and have had a hard time, you may need a break. When these times come, forcing yourself to do something, may end up just making you feel worse. So, be kind to yourself.
  5. Noticing a good moment– I am really bad at recognising the good stuff in life. It doesn’t have to be anything momentous, but can be having something for dinner you really like, or watching a TikTok that made you laugh. Anything that adds a bit of light to your day is good, so take time to recognise and enjoy it.
  6. Writing down your feelings- it can be hard to speak about your struggles, so sometimes it is beneficial to write things down. It may be in the note app on your phone. A notebook. A private online journal. It is always good to get the nonsense that’s in your head out.

What helps you with motivation? What kind of things make you feel better, when life gets hard?

Struggle Party For 1

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

I have recently been posting prompt posts. Partially because I have had a completely lack of creative motivation, but also because I just feel stuck in a rut. So, I have to retain myself, hold back, so that I am not simply whining all the time. Which is something very easy for me to do.

I am currently ambling along, just keeping myself to myself. Work, come home, do nothing, eat crap, not meet up with people, ignore texts, just sit and wallow. It’s one of the these things where I just feel like a burden to myself, so why push myself onto anyone else. I just feel useless. Like, if the world was a giant swimming pool, I’d be the person in the corner, struggling to keep my head above water, as I doggy paddle in a shallow edge.

There is this idea, which I’ve seen posted around social media, which states that to make a positive change in your life, you need to start by making small daily changes. One positive thing a day. That positive thing may not be something huge, it could be making your bed when you get up in the morning, putting some laundry on, or even remembering to brush your teeth. The idea is that the more you do these ‘small things’ the easier it is to get yourself moving and those ‘big goals’ can seem more reachable.

It also means, that if you start off by doing these small things, your mindset changes. You achieve something before you even get started on your day. Which, if you are someone like me, who struggles to do anything when the routine of work is not present, it is super helpful.

So what did I do today? I made my bed, and opened my curtains. And jogged to the bus stop this morning. I am actually feeling better for it. I just need to keep going.

Make It Better

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

There is an idea that is banded about the internet by self-help gurus and people selling courses, where if you can do one ‘good action’ per day, you can get closer to your goals. Whatever they may be. Which is a good idea. You just have decide what ‘good actions’ actually are.

Because, for me, what is classed as something productive, or a ‘good action’ may change from day-to-day. Today, getting up at reasonable time, cleaning my nespresso machine and making myself an actual coffee, was pretty productive. Other days, I have work, and maybe execrise after a 10 hour shift may be the productive thing. And then, there are the days, that simply eating anything is a good thing. It all depends how my headspace is, and to be honest, as long as I step away from social media and doom scrolling, I tend to be happy.

But to see genuine movement in your life, you need to do things regularly. You need to get into a pattern, practice behaviours so that they almost come naturally to you. That is why I think that there is such a massive market for ‘self-help courses’. People think that if they spend money on something, it will magically make their resolve better and their goals more achievable. It doesn’t quite work like that. It takes a lot of effort to change, and it isn’t some task you can pay someone else to do.

Unfortunately.

Why am I mentioning this? Over the years, I have purchased many self-help guides and courses. And they have all been a waste of money, where, like everything else, I don’t have the follow through to make anything actually stick. Like all the empty journals and diaries which initially hold the promise that ‘this time will be different’. Incidently ‘this time’ wasn’t any different, and things gathered dust rather than being used. My focus is almost like the tide, the largest waves of motivation, is followed by the recoil where all motivation disappears, and eventually the motivation builds up to wave in shore again. It can be so frustrating.

I am left questioning how to start to make things better, in a realistic way. A way that works for me. Is there a way that works for me?

Another Year Round The Sun

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

It is my birthday today. I am 41. Birthdays seem a lot less fun than what they used to be. I have spent the day relaxing, and contempating.

That’s all birthdays become once we get older, or that’s what they have become for me. Wondering why is it that I have have seemingly sidestepped what every other adult has decided is the benchmark for life. This belief that if you don’t achieve these pre-existing terms of service, you haven’t lived. No child. No marriage. No mortgage. Being alive, and having a job is expected, but you are looked down on for not doing certain things.

There are times where I can brush it off Tell people that my 20s were where my mental health crumbled. Where suicide wasn’t even a thought, it was actively attempted. My 30s were about trying to pick myself back up again. Was diagnosed with Rhuematoid Arthritis, after years of complaints and fighting with doctors. ‘Horrific cramping in your hands stopping you from doing things? Maybe you just need to go to WeightWatchers.’ It has been hard, and I am feeling better than I did a decade ago. Still not 100%, but better.

But there are times where I feel a loss. Feel like I have been so stupid that I have not been able to be successful. So insecure, that I must be 10000% honest and share everything, and then put my foot in it. Losing out on oportunities. So I then stop saying everything, and try to only say what other’s want to hear. But somehow that is wrong too. It is like every step I take, there is a pothole that causes me to stumble and fall, whilst everyone else walks by unaffected.

This feeling doesn’t go away. And I don’t write about it for sympathy. I write about it to help lessen the weight it hangs around my neck. That getting the thinking out my head, allows me to focus on something else. Sometimes the ‘something else’ is more of the same. But, every once in a while, that ‘something else’ is something a little brighter, a step in the right direction.

Though, it has become abundantly clear, I don’t quite know where the right direction is.

Goodbye 2024…

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

Another year is almost over. Already. 2024 has been a ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ kind of year for me. There have been some highs, some lows, and a whole lot of struggling.

I aimed high with a lot of my hobbies, and ended up doing hardly any. I wanted to write more, create more, and look after myself better. Instead all I did was order so many take aways, that I am surprised that Just Eat didn’t gift me shares over Christmas.

I know what things make me happy, but I don’t feel I deserve it. Personal and professional growth was not a thing this year, unless you count my scales. What is the point? Every thing I aim for ends up rubbish. That feeling is something I plan to leave behind in 2024.

2024 wasn’t all bad, travelled to Germany for the Euros, which was amazing. Saw Blink 182, Paloma Faith, Tom Walker, live. As well as feeling lucky to call ,many talented musicians, friends and see them smash it. I read a lot of interesting books, listened to lots of music. Made lots of great friends to chat f1 with. McLaren won the 2024 f1 championship. Lots of laughs with lots of great people.

I wish happy new year to everyone who may read this. Take the time to spend with loved ones, and be kind to yourself. This time of year can be very difficult if you are struggling. Reach out, speak to someone you know. Life isn’t easy, and sometimes we all need a wee hand. Samaritans is a charity, based here in the UK, is one I have turned to many a time. Call them on 116 123.

Problems with fandom

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

Ever since I first got access to the internet, way back in the High School library, I would look up the bands I loved. A lot of band sites, would have their own forums, where you could speak to fans from all over the world. Disecting albums, and lyrics, comparing collections of scrapbooks and merchandise. It was so much fun. Then MySpace, where you became ‘friends’ with bands, and even learned coding to make your profile look cool.

Over the years, social media has become such a huge part of most of our lives. Musicians, actors, tv presenters, politicians, you can be ‘friends’ with them all. Doesn’t even need to be a person, companies send messages to followers, and build up a familiarity. So, people feel connected with people they’ll never meet, and companies feel like friends. Sometimes people need a reminder that they don’t actually know these people they may chat to on social media, as they begin to feel personally involved.

My time on social media at the moment, seems to circle around Formula 1. It is a sport I have loved since I was a child, where the only contact you had with the teams and drivers was through magazines and the TV show around the race. The content we had to consume, then, was nothing compared to what we have these days. And social media is a massive part of that. As said before, connections are forged between fans and their favourite drivers and teams, and these connections can feel very personal. Which is all great, fantastic for advertising, and often creates great promotion for the sport. The communities are filled with people disecting races, and press conferences, talking about livery releases. It can be a lot of fun. Until it is not.

Because people feel so personally connected and affected by the goings ons and offs around the track, things can get a little tense. People can take it upon themselves to ‘defend’ their hero, and do so by attacking other fans and drivers. Doesn’t sound too bad, folk say, ‘just click off social media’, ‘go outside’. But it can escalate very fast. It becomes less about a person defending their favourite driver, and more attacking the drivers they don’t like. Which starts creating whole other problems.

Lance Stroll from Aston Martin, is a driver which attracts a lot of negativity. His father owns the team, and helps keep his son’s position in Formula 1. And whilst drivers have maintained positions on teams in similar circumstances, some fans have taken to heavily dislike Lance. The issue isn’t people throwing comments into the obyss of the internet, it is people sending Lance fans abuse. Sending death threats. Inundating people with abuse. Last season, a Lance Stroll fan I was friends with over on Twitter, attempted to take their life, because people were sending so much abuse. I don’t know on what planet that is okay. Ever.

It’s like, whilst the lines have blurred, and people are closer to their heroes than ever before, they are also so close it’s become abstract. We are so close that nothing seems real, and people have no attachment with what they say and who they are saying it to. It is not just fan on other fan crimes, either. Earlier this season, French driver, Esteban Ocon, had to release a statement about abuse that was sent to him, his team, and his family. It got so bad, that the hashtag of his name, has been banned from TikTok, due to risk of abuse. There has been racist abuse angled at Yuki Tsunoda and Zhou Guanyu. Lando Norris has had abuse sent to him and his team, including his esports team Quadrant. Last season Max Verstappen and his partner recieved a lot of abuse. Sky sports presenter, Karun Chandhok, has had racist abuse sent to his social media, as well as sent to Sky Sports socials.

Criticism about driving and opinions is one thing, abuse is another. It is not just restricted to formula 1. K-pop bands, movie franchises, boybands, tv series, there are fandoms for almost anything. Situations like the ones I have mention above happen others. Actors and actresses leaving TV shows due to abuse, because the fandom didn’t like their character. Someone speaks poorly about a certain band member, they’d better not sign online.

The point I want to make is that behind every account, whether it be a famous personality or a business, there is a person. A person with feelings and a life. A few years ago someone told me that if I was angry, write down the negativity, if on social media write the comment and save it to drafts. Then, go do something else. Come back in at least 30 minute, 95% of the time, you will simply delete whatever you have written. I find that it stops any angry over-reactions.

Scheduled it

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

If this post is online, it means I have not got round to posting today. When I decided to post every day, I wrote up a few backups for if I had a day where I struggled. Either I am busy, or my health has got in the way. The reason I decided to post a backup to schedule in, is because sometimes it’s okay to make plans so that you are still moving forward towards your goals.

So this is a wee message to keep going. Get some backups going for days life isn’t going to plan. Means that things can keep ticking over, whilst you get yourself back together. We got this.

By the Sea

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

I live in Scotland, mainly the Kingdom of Fife, which has lots of coastal areas and beaches. Which is scenic, but may not be perfect for a swim due to it being on the North Sea. I have read that the cold water is good for your health, but I have yet to personally experience. I don’t mind the cold, but I have my limits.

Forth Rail Bridge goes across the Firth of Forth.

I grew up seeing the sea from my bedroom, in fact I still do. It’s something that is calming, the sounds of the waves and the smell of salt in the air. In these times, where my mental health has been so poor, being near the water has a grounding affect. If I have a bad day, I try to will myself outside for a walk, and hopefully down to the water. If I can’t, go and watch the cars drive past on the motorway, for some reason this has a similar affect.

I was speaking to a friend, who lives in the USA, and they have about 30 hours to travel to the coast. I have no idea what I’d do. Even when I stayed in a city for study, it was Glasgow and there was the Clyde. Which was great to walk along. I really feel grateful to live in Scotland, in a place where I am so close to the sea.