Tag: life

Appy Shiny People

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

What app eats up most of your screen time — and do you even feel bad about it?

The app I probably use most, is TikTok. I like the variety of content that you can just stumble across. You can be laughing at babies falling over, then the next video is some facts about history, or about a political situation in a different country. You have no idea what you will see on any day. And it’s great.

You do have to have an awareness of the algorithms though. Because if you have end up watching a particular type of content, you may get shown more of the same. So, if you fall down a rabbit hole of nasty content, you may see more extreme content. It’s very easy to become stuck in a bubble.

I try to give myself 30 minutes of scrolling time on TikTok at a time. So I can proper scroll, or watch someone’s Live, and after half an hour I close the app. I then put my phone down, and do something else.

Balance is important, after all.

Time for the weekend

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

And with that, another week is done.

A busy week.

An annoying week.

The hiring at work just keeps going, and it has been the polar opposite from what I have experienced in previous of working for “The Company’. The business operates on 4-day weeks, which is something that is very easy to get used to. The focus has always been on staffing Monday to Friday and making sure that there was cover, sometimes only minimal, for the weekend. I, for example, work Wednesday to Saturday, and have done for many a year. There is a shift that does the opposite, Sunday to Wednesday. And there has always been a shift that bridged the gap, working Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday. It’s always worked. But the powers that be, the kind who have never set foot on the shop floor, have decided to focus on weekend workers. So, the two shift patterns that have been getting hired for, are Thursday to Sunday, and Saturday to Tuesday. Meaning, that Wednesday, that used to be the busiest day of the week, is now the quietest.

It has been crazy busy as a result. And with the summer bringing increased temperature (and broken air conditioning), everybody has been getting very irritable. Then, as if by magic, the IT systems start causing us problems, and tests people when they are already struggling. The good thing, is that nothing is so important it gets brought home at the end of a shift. I can come home, and whilst I am complaining here, I don’t lose any sleep over anything happening at work. It’s done, I will deal with everything on Wednesday. Till then I have relaxing, Formula 1 and the World Cup final tomorrow, Burntisland Highland Games on Monday, then a chill day on Tuesday.

Next weekend is my last full week before I am off work for my holiday. I am going to Blackpool for a punk music festival called Rebellion. It is a festival I have attended lots of times before, but haven’t been much in the last few years. It is held in the Winter Gardens venue, which is indoors, and I have my hotel booked. I am pretty excited. There is a mixture of older bands, and newer bands. 3 bands I know from Fife are playing, so I’ll get to see my pals. And then another friend’s band is playing in one of the pubs in Blackpool outside of the actual venue. The festival is sold out, so it is good that other gigs and events are organised.

That’s enough rambing, England are playing Argentina in the rugby, so I am away to watch that.

More progress

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I have been absent for a while. That’s not just a thing that’s happened on here, but everything that is online. It’s been a conscious effort to step back. To do more things outside the online world. Which is hard, and mostly ends up with me reading books. Not really a bad thing.

My last post was about my birthday, and using to review how much progress I’ve made in the start of the year. One of the things I wanted to achieve, other than work on my health, was to buy a car. This year marks 10 years since I passed my driving test, but I haven’t had a car for over 4 years.

New car

I bought myself a car. It’s not very much, but it is an older car that will get me back on the road again. I didn’t want to get a new car, because I am expected to bump some kerbs and things, due to not driving for so long. It was under £1000 and is £20 road tax a year. I found it on Facebook, and have had the car for almost 2 weeks. I was nervous when I first sat in the driver’s seat, but I practiced, and all that stuff with the gears and things came right back to me.

It has an MOT till December, which is good enough for me getting used to the car. It is 19 years old, sounds a little rough, and has a bit of a messy interior, but it’s a perfect car for me. I am slowly getting more confident, and I’m liking having a car back. It’s so convenient for going to work, or going to get food shopping.

2026 has been a very productive year so far.

Another year older

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

It was my birthday on Friday, and have such struggled the last few days to do anything. I spent hours upon hours watching videos on TikTok, doing nothing of any value. During my appointment with my therapist last week, I am needing to learn that there is actual value in doing ‘nothing’. Which is something that is really hard for me to do. So… we are not making myself feel bad about it. Or trying not to.

My birthday falls at the start of the second quarter of the year. And, I normally use this to see how I am doing so far on my aims for the year. This is a process which usually has me in tears, as I do feel like I have got nowhere in life, and feel useless. This is something that I am trying to stop focusing my energy on, as it is never very productive. It tends to be more likely to knock me off my feet, and stop me from making any progress at all, which just causes me to spiral.

So there are a few things that I wanted to do in 2026. The biggest thing is improving my health. I have experienced issues with my mental, physical, and dental health. So what have I done, or reached out to the appropriate services to do? The tale end of last year had me going to the dentist to get treatment started on a long-term broken tooth, which has died and got infected. I had that removed, and the subsequent hole filled in. I still have treatment to go, but my mouth is feeling so much better. The best thing is that my dental practice has so many nice people working at it, and have made me feel at complete ease whilst attending. Treatment is partially paid for by my dental insurance I get through may work, which is a thing I am recommending to everyone, if they can.

Sticking to things I get through my work, I called the Employee Assistant Programme, and have been receiving mental health support. I was super struggling, and have been for months. I was feeling so low, and I really didn’t know how to fix things. So I called a number, which gave me an appointment to be ‘triaged’. I think it is a way to figure out where your problems lie, and they can then match you with a suitable therapist. Which they have done. I have currently had two appointments, via telephone, and the therapist has been a great help. We were discussing about how my self-esteem is one of my main issues, and is possibly why I have struggled to get to grips with problems in the past. It certainly was an angle that I have never looked at before. My GP surgery has been a nightmare, and I have struggled to get appointments and help, so I am grateful that I have services at work that pick up the slack.

And then my rheumatoid arthritis. I fell of the bandwagon of medication, due to my mental health. Because if I had any issues, it was never one phone call. it was over 5 phone calls, every single time. And, I was struggling to do basic activities, I just buried my head in the sand. The very few times I did feel like I could chase things up, I was met with silence. Which, didn’t exactly make me want to keep going. So, I have been in pain for months, and exhausted for the same time. Last week, I received a letter to go to the Rheumatology clinic for an appointment next week. I am assuming that this is unprompted, as my phonecalls and emails have all went unanswered. Umprompted or not, this hopefully means that I can speak to someone about getting my medication sorted again. I am pretty frustrated about the whole thing to be honest.

So health is doing better, there has been movement, some more prompted than others, to trying to help make things better. This is a huge success for the beginning of the year. Another thing that I wanted to do was to read more. I set myself a target of 50 books for the year, and I have read 15. in 3 months. Which I am rather happy with.

All progress is progress, and these are things that I am getting progress in. This is what I am trying to focus on. Not what has happened in the last 40-odd years, or what other people have done in that same time frame. What I have been doing recently. Small changes every day, may not fix everything, it will work toward making things a wee bit more liveable.

Pressurised

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

I made a plan in November last year, where I would have 12 months to change my life. Every day I would do something positive, something that will move me towards my goals. Sounds admirable, and I thought that if I started at the tail end of the year, there would maybe be more chance of me keeping up with what I hope to do.

Unfortunately, it coincided with the winter. With compulsory overtime at work. And the hardest, most personally challenging part of my university course. A bit of a mental health crisis. Physical health problems. Just, one thing after another. I has left me with about 5 weeks of complete loss. Of uselessness. Where there has been no energy to push through the imaginary barrier that has formed.

Today, this has continued for most of the day. I have eaten, I cried over work I couldn’t understand. I didn’t talk to anyone. It took till about 3.30pm for me to attempt to write a list. One that has 4 items, 2 of which are studying, and the other is eating dinner, and writing this very blog. A list that looks laughable, but still feels like progress.

My head feels like a constant fuzz. Like TV static. The kind that makes it so hard to focus on anything productive. So things have to be done in small bits. I just hope the small bits are achievable in some way. So that I am able to pull myself out of this feeling of uselessness.

2026?

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

I can’t be the only one sitting wondering how it is 2026? It feels like the last few years have flown in, and I’ve lost all concept of time. They say that is a sign of getting older, which is just great.

2025 was one of my worst personal years to a very long time. I just did a really poor job of looking after myself. Both mentally and physically. And it lead to me being very unproductive, and my hobbies falling at the wayside. I think I posted 20 posts on here last year, which is really not good.

It’s not that I don’t like writing, it’s that I didn’t see the point. I struggled with everything that needed any kind of effort. Now, whilst hobbies may seem surface level, it was bigger than that. I wasn’t keeping in contact with friends, because I felt so worthless, that I would just drag them down. Just shit on the lives of people around me. Calling the doctors, and getting medications sorted was spending I was bad at. Because I had no energy to spend effort in anything, I wasn’t calling the doctors, I wasn’t chasing up unfilled prescriptions, getting blood tests. To get a lot of medical problems resolved, a person needs to be pro-active. And I simply didn’t care enough. Why bother?

I’ve been trying to garner the energy to get back up to date with things. I’m not doing so well, so far. It doesn’t help when I get motivated during the holidays, when everything is closed.

In previous years, I have attempted to change lots of things at once, and then acted surprised when it failed. This year, I have a lot of hopes, but I am going to do steps gradually. See if that helps. And maybe I can find a bit of drive for the year ahead.

Struggle Party For 1

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

I have recently been posting prompt posts. Partially because I have had a completely lack of creative motivation, but also because I just feel stuck in a rut. So, I have to retain myself, hold back, so that I am not simply whining all the time. Which is something very easy for me to do.

I am currently ambling along, just keeping myself to myself. Work, come home, do nothing, eat crap, not meet up with people, ignore texts, just sit and wallow. It’s one of the these things where I just feel like a burden to myself, so why push myself onto anyone else. I just feel useless. Like, if the world was a giant swimming pool, I’d be the person in the corner, struggling to keep my head above water, as I doggy paddle in a shallow edge.

There is this idea, which I’ve seen posted around social media, which states that to make a positive change in your life, you need to start by making small daily changes. One positive thing a day. That positive thing may not be something huge, it could be making your bed when you get up in the morning, putting some laundry on, or even remembering to brush your teeth. The idea is that the more you do these ‘small things’ the easier it is to get yourself moving and those ‘big goals’ can seem more reachable.

It also means, that if you start off by doing these small things, your mindset changes. You achieve something before you even get started on your day. Which, if you are someone like me, who struggles to do anything when the routine of work is not present, it is super helpful.

So what did I do today? I made my bed, and opened my curtains. And jogged to the bus stop this morning. I am actually feeling better for it. I just need to keep going.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder?

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

Me and the internet currently have a love/hate relationship. I used to call myself an internet addict, and found I thrived in the digital world, That is no longer the case. As people’s dependency on social media and mobile phone applications increases, people get brave. Or, they act brave, which is easy when you wear a mask of anonymity to hide yourself from any accountability. Sometimes, every comment that you put online is subject to negativity and anger. Something, that I have never understood, as most of my experience of doing things online have been positive experiences.

It is why I am taking more time away from social media and such things. The world exists outside of the internet, and it always will. The internet has done some awesome things. It is so much easier to find music you want to listen to, or the answers to any question you may have. I think the 2010s were peak internet, where everything felt so much more accessible. That our world was getting smaller.

That has changed a bit. People are realising that the albums, book, and games, that they purchase are only digital licenses to access the material. And, the material itself can be removed by online stores at any point. We had a time where movies, such as 28 Days Later and Dogma, were available in physical media only, and even then, the DVDs were no longer in print. So, the movies were not available on the standard market. Flappy Bird, that popular viral game from 2013, which was removed by 2014, and no longer available for downloading. The game stopped updating and eventually stopped working.

This whole scenario is leading people back to more legacy media, DVDs, CDs, vinyl albums, and paperback books. People want to own the items they spend their hard earned cash on. Especially when streaming platforms are known for having poor royalty schemes for music artists, so an artist does get more from a physical purchase. I can’t tell you the last time I bought a DVD or Blu-ray, but I do frequently buy books, CDs, and vinyl. I never really moved away from it. I mean, I pay for Apple Music, but I will always buy the physical albums of bands I like.

Digital is still handy. I am always watching some point of the Gilmore Girls, and I like having that on my devices to watch whenever I need to relax. But then, I watch more YouTube creators over anything else. Motorsport, football, ‘slice of life’, theme parks, and various video essays. I watch a variety of content, but it is this wide variety that keeps me tuned. I find myself cancelling more and more streaming options.

I guess, I am one of the people, who did love having everything online. But, especially as things become more oppressive against creatives, though AI initiatives or trolls in the comment section, I find myself wanting to disconnect more. This is why I think that this year has been one of the more challenging years, when doing things such as keeping a blog active. Sometimes, I think having a break from things will help. But, it honestly doesn’t.

Online spaces, which became a comfort for many whose real life was unbearable, is now longer a place of comfort. In fact, for many, the internet is worse than reality. Which is why it is important to have hobbies outside. Sport, crafting, anything that gets you to ignore your phone and social media. It’ll still be there when you get back.

16 years of complaining.

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

I have a rather serious post I was planning, but then WordPress pinged a notification to my phone. It’s the anniversary for me registering this blog.

16 years feels like a very long time. I started this when I was at college, studying art and graphic design. We had to start a blog to keep track on our progress in our classwork. I, obviously, kept it up.

Blogging, much like myself, has changed a lot over the years. When I first started, it was just another place to rant online. Whether it was popular or read, wasn’t important. It was an outlet, which is how I still think of it.

Now, blogging has been on a bit of a resurgence after a decline. But now, there is a push to monetise everything. Make your writing your business. Like a lot of social media, where it is about building a brand, a niche. In fact, now there are multiple advertisements in using Artificial Intelligence to help create regular posts. As if it is all about quantity over quality.

If an AI post appears on this blog, I’d advise to call for help. I’d much rather dad along on my haphazard way, like I have been doing for the last 16 years. Happy anniversary.

Make It Better

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

There is an idea that is banded about the internet by self-help gurus and people selling courses, where if you can do one ‘good action’ per day, you can get closer to your goals. Whatever they may be. Which is a good idea. You just have decide what ‘good actions’ actually are.

Because, for me, what is classed as something productive, or a ‘good action’ may change from day-to-day. Today, getting up at reasonable time, cleaning my nespresso machine and making myself an actual coffee, was pretty productive. Other days, I have work, and maybe execrise after a 10 hour shift may be the productive thing. And then, there are the days, that simply eating anything is a good thing. It all depends how my headspace is, and to be honest, as long as I step away from social media and doom scrolling, I tend to be happy.

But to see genuine movement in your life, you need to do things regularly. You need to get into a pattern, practice behaviours so that they almost come naturally to you. That is why I think that there is such a massive market for ‘self-help courses’. People think that if they spend money on something, it will magically make their resolve better and their goals more achievable. It doesn’t quite work like that. It takes a lot of effort to change, and it isn’t some task you can pay someone else to do.

Unfortunately.

Why am I mentioning this? Over the years, I have purchased many self-help guides and courses. And they have all been a waste of money, where, like everything else, I don’t have the follow through to make anything actually stick. Like all the empty journals and diaries which initially hold the promise that ‘this time will be different’. Incidently ‘this time’ wasn’t any different, and things gathered dust rather than being used. My focus is almost like the tide, the largest waves of motivation, is followed by the recoil where all motivation disappears, and eventually the motivation builds up to wave in shore again. It can be so frustrating.

I am left questioning how to start to make things better, in a realistic way. A way that works for me. Is there a way that works for me?