Making Choices

When trying to get one’s life in order, it becomes necessary to make changes. In fact, changes in life are inevitable, though it can be hard when you have to initiate it yourself.

It is very easy to get comfortable in your life, no matter how soul sucking it may actually be. That’s where I am at the moment, but I am focusing on my money management. Something I haven’t been good at. Ever. But I am particularly bad at paying for things I don’t use. Like, I subscribe to something like Netflix, and stay signed up on the idea that I might fancy watching something on it at some point. Even though I regularly scroll through Netflix, and then go to Amazon Prime or Disney+ instead, because I don’t actually find anything I like. Like, I should just cancel, but I have something that stops me. I think it’s the same thing that stops me from throwing out my old iPhone boxes.

I got thinking about this, because my premium plan for WordPress is due to renew next week, and I have just cancelled the auto-renew. Whilst I like the extra features that premium gives me, I don’t currently blog enough for it to be worth the money, as it is quite expensive. I still have the domain, which is good. I have had this site for a lot of years, and I would like to continue it. If I can get into the habit of updating more regularly, then I may get the subscription again. But, at a time when I am trying to save money for lots of things.

I just need to look through what subscriptions I use, maybe keep a tally on what I use, and get rid of what I don’t use. It seems pretty silly, but I am not very good at large changes. So, maybe small steps are better, as they all add up eventually.

Budget It

I have taken the next few days to try and get myself a budget organised. Try to manage my money a little better. I say this, because I feel like when I get paid I throw all my money away, without recognising what I actually spend. I spend money mindlessly, which has been made worse with the push to a cash free environment.

So, after stumbling across budgeting videos on TikTok and YouTube, I thought I’d try to get to grips on what I actually spend. That way I can try and spend better. So, on Friday, when I was paid, I thought I’d give myself £40 to spend on non-essentials. See how long that lasts. Well… I had a busy shift on Saturday, ordered Domino’s Pizza, and had spent £20 already. I’m trying not to feel too discouraged, as this is just an experiment at this stage. And experiment that proves that I spend money way too easily.

I feel like I blame my mental health for everything, but it’s all connected with my depression, binge eating, and anxiety. I often float along, doing the bare minimum. I work, I keep my car on the road, I pay my bills. I have known that I have wasted money for a long time, but, as with everything, effort is required to sort it all out. And when I struggle to get out of bed, where money goes seems way out of my realm of reality.

So I am going to write down everything. When bills come out, and what they are for. And then try and be realistic with shopping for food and stuff, and plan ahead. Because that is another thing I am useless at, planning ahead. So this will take a bit of work. I have a paper journal, which I have been getting into the habit of using every day. So I am going to write all my working outs in there. See how it goes.

May Challenge: Doughnut

Well this is a rather fitting topic today. Ever since I bought my car, last year, it is like I enjoy throwing money away. Like, I do the most stupid things, and they are all avoidable. In the 11 months since I have bought my car, I have hit a bollard, bumped two other cars, bashed a kerb (that total dented my wheel), left lights on twice (flat battery) and lost my only set of car keys.

To say my wee car has cost me a small fortune, is an understatement. But, it’s not the car’s fault. Wee Flick the blue Beetle didn’t actually have any control in anything that happened, that was all down to yours truly.

I love my little car. I just feel a bit bad on how he gets treated sometimes. It’s my fault that I have had to spend so much money, I am just a bit of a doughnut. I have always been accident prone, and now that I have a car, it’s just become more expensive. It would be nice just not to do stupid stuff, like no panicking, no accidents, no nothing. But, as I was reminded by someone at work today, as long as you learn from your mistakes, then they are never as bad as they seem. And that is very true. Luckily, I am always willing to learn.


This post is part of a May prompt which is explained here, feel free to join in or pick one or two topics, to get your own creativity flowing.

The Saving Problem

I read a thing somewhere last week, where by the age of 30, a person should have at least 3 months of their pay in a savings account. Safe to say, that at 32, I have nowhere near that much saved. I probably have made wrong choices, but I am trying to change my ways.

I have always had a problem with money. Live more ‘in the moment’ rather than ‘save for a rainy day’. Which in hindsight is not the best way to live. When I started having problems with my mental health, I would get satisfaction buying useless things. Like it gave a sense of control, which sounds silly really. But it’s true, especially when an illness like depression can take away all control from you.

The problem with depression, that it is something that never really goes. It leaves behind scars and bad habits. And those bad habits can take a long time to beat. So, baby steps are needed. I am plan better, plan outgoings and incomings. It’s new. But, part of dealing with mental problems is actually properly working to get control of things. Or try, anyway.


You don’t need to read very deep into this blog, to realise that I planned more for my life than working in a call centre. But, sometimes, what you need outweighs what you want. I still try and do graphics work every now and then, but it is hard to keep up momentum, when everyone seems to want things for nothing.

It is hard, but I keep at it. I try to keep myself going with being creative, be it writing, photography or drawing. Sometime’s it is easier to get motivated than others, but I just have to keep going, and hope that I will get somewhere at some point. But the joy I get from creating something, and knowing that someone may take something from what I create is something that is magical to me. It is that, which keeps me going. It makes working a normal job, bearable.

I have good news, in that from the 13th January, I will be working full time hours. It means more money, which will hopefully give me more means to be independant. I still live at home with my parents, because I am finding it hard to get an affordable place to rent (buying is out of the question). Hopefully having more money, will help me get into the position I need to be in to be able to afford getting a flat, even with a friend. It will be awesome. And hopefully, I will be able to buy more art materials and be able to start selling things again.

So 2012 is already looking like it is changing for the better.

If I had a million dollars…

Would it change me?

Someone asked me this over Formspring, and I thought I would take to my blog to comment about it. Mostly because I would like to go into the matter in a lot more detail than Formspring allows.

I think getting that kind of money would change my life, no doubting it, and as a result it will probably have an effect on me. So it probably would change me. I would like to hope it would be, in that I would be happier because it would irradiate any money problems I currently have. I would quite my work, and do a solid push of making my websites and things take off. I could focus on my portfolio and take classes help me do this.

I would also buy my own house. A house that would have a studio so I could work on things. *sigh* I would be able to pay off all my debt, and I think that would have the biggest effect. Knowing that I wouldn’t have anything else to hold me back, and the relief that would bring would make me so much happier.

I hope it wouldn’t change how I treat people, because I like to treat people the way I expect to be treated. And I would hope that I wouldn’t change this just because I had money. But I guess that anything on that would be guesswork, cause I can’t even imagine being in that kind of scenario. Especially seeing as I don’t play the lottery, nor do I have any rich elderly relatives. -.-

Oh well, I can dream.

Any readers out there? What would you do if you came into a large amount of money?

I will never be a successful accountant.

I forget to look at letters, and I always lose emails.

Have just spent 45 minutes locating an email sent from the bank about them changing my online password. It is nice of them, but they should have told me. It wasn’t my fault hotmail thought it was spam and hid the email beside all the advertisements for pay-day loans and viagra. Neither of which I require by the way. Well, at least not at the moment.

But, feeling rather good about myself because I have been able to get my financial things sorted. And I now feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. This is mostly because they have been pestering me about things. Now, if you know one thing about banks, when they pester you, they call constantly and send 10 letters a day untill you do what they want. Which is a tad annoying.

Ah well, it’s the weekend now. Although it is tainted by a Saturday shift. -.-

Mood– Chilled

Music– The Plastics- Champers


So I am trying to be conservative with ma cash. And whilst I don’t see it lasting very long, I decided to make a video about it all.

What’s that? Two video’s in two days. BOOYAH SON! Yeah, probably won’t last very long, because I don’t film if I am not in the mood, if ya catch me. So here’s hoping I do spend sensibly so I can treat myself at the end of the month. *crosses fingers*


After a discussion with a friend at 4am this morning, via Skype, it has become apparent that I need a good idea for helping me get out of the monetary rut that I seem to be permanently stuck in.

Obviously, the easiest solution is to get more money, but what is the best way to do that? I have already tried to find a second job, something that is difficult, seeing as a lot of people have difficulty finding just one job in the times we live in. *sigh*And I have been doing design work, but as I touched on yesterday, people want things for free and are unwilling to pay.

So…after much thought, I decided to look in what is doing well. And, the solitary success of recent times, is this very blog. Which, at the moment is happily averaging at 40 views a day, without me posting anything. So, thank you people who are reading, as it seems there is a few of you. But, as with any site that goes well, advertising comes along, and becomes part of things.

I have two choices, the first is to ‘monetize’ with Google. Where they will place appropriate adverts on my site, and clicking on their adverts, makes me some money. The other, is to ask for advertisers myself. Ask people if they would like to be associated with this blog for a small, undecided, fee. This would be more cost-effective to myself, as everything would be created by me, so there would be no middle-man to pay.

I am sceptical about it all, to be brutally honest. I never started blogging to make money and make it a job. But, it has just come round that my financial situation may require me to do this. *sigh* I’m stuck, I guess.

I have talked to people who run other blogs, and they say that the page views are high enough for advertising to be a good idea. I guess I am afraid that by making me use the blog for profit, that I will lose my passion for it. Beh!

The good thing, is that I have been blogging for so long, that I know that I will update regular, and have done on here for the last 2 years. I think, I am going to have a think about things before I make any more changes.

If anyone wants to add their two cents or even email any queries about possible advertising or anything email me at or simply comment below.


Going to go out today to take some photos.

I am working a couple of hours extra today, and would like to do something with my day, other than just work. So, heading to bank as I need to find out information to get my PayPal account verified. So I’ll get that done today, and then I have a few clients that can pay me via PayPal, seeing as they don’t want to deal bank-to-bank.

The headaches of doing things for people and them not wanting to pay. It’s like people expect me do give them free things, just out of the kindness of my heart. I mean, I can give things away to an extent, but not to the organising 40 flashbook pages for a business that is already doing well. Considering all the images had to be cleaned up, some re-sketched, and categorised, it was a lot of work to expected as a freebie. I did say a tattoo would be adequate payment, but they didn’t like that idea. -.-

So, I’m using it as an excuse to head up into town, take some pictures, and buy nothing. Because I am still broke. :S Still, it’s better than sitting around here all day. Doing nothing. Well till 3pm, considering that’s when I start work. I may continue to do nothing at work, but, sssshhhhhh, don’t tell anyone.

As you can tell, I am in a random mood today, possibly made possible, because I can say that I should be seeing GC at the flipside of this weekend. If you don’t know that GC is Good Charlotte, and are my absolute favourite band in the world, then :P. It has to be said that Good Charlotte fans (the GCfam) are awesome and are some of my best friends. I have had a lot of ‘inner problems’ in the last few weeks, mostly over-stress, and they are the best support ever.