had my doctors appointment today, and I have been told I have borderline-schizophrenia. Fun. *rolls eyes* I kinda had been expecting that, I mean after what I had been advised before. Its just a bit like, ‘oh, now what’. It feels like, all they’ve done is given the way I’m feeling a name. It could have been called anything, and it really wouldn’t change the way I feel. It just means its another entry in my medical history and another medication, to see if it works better than the last one. Thats what has to be done, the doctor said, a bit of trial and error. When I said I was depressed, people say ‘everyone has days like that’, when I mention about the schizophrenia, people don’t say anything, they change the subject. And that hurts so much. I want to talk to my friends, but they do say ‘well I have worse problems’. And you know what, thats not my fault. Do they think I am doing this to get attention? I’d do anything to stop thinking like this. To stop feeling that every person who says something nice to me is lying, or is wanting something from me. So my overthinking means that I can’t trust anyone.

*sigh*

Because I was, obviously, in a mood, I switched on my ipod and managed to actually get work done for my project, which is to be handed in tomorrow. And that has made me feel better, just cause it looks a lot better. Still got loads to do though, think I’ll be up all night tonight trying to get it done. Saying that, I may scan in work I was going to do last night, before the power cut off. Yeah the power failed last night, which ended up in me playing around on photoshop. Till my laptop battery died.

Oh, doctor wants me to quit work. I can’t. Im the only earner at my house at the moment, and I cant go on the sick, cause I will lose my job. Yeah, don’t be sick, or sky will fire me. Fucking pish, the lot of it.

After watching way too much Sex And The City this weekend, and reading a news paper article on love ‘hoaxes’, I decided a blog was in need. 🙂

Apparantly with the influx of dating websites on the internet, there is now a trend of people being ‘duped’ by fakes. As with most internet cons, the main idea is to make money out of insuspecting victims. There has been cases of people going to meet their ‘online lover’ and are ditched, coming home to find that their home has been broken into. I thought, people were aware the dangers of giving out privatye information on line? I mean my 11 year old sister, has a fake name and town name she uses when on various online sites, because they have all been told that the internet runs on imagination.

Which is a good point. I mean, a large precentage of the internet is articles, blogs with people waxing lyrical about subjects with no major significance (ahhem-no comment). But with it feeling like you are contacting another world, a world where anyone can have hundreds of Facebook friends and feel so popular. Which in all honesty is no bad thing. I mean I have many friends, which I have made online. But when the satisfaction of your ‘online life’ outranks that of you boring real life, it’s not to easy to get wrapped up in what you are seeing.

Some people also find it hard to distinguish the difference between online and reality. And if someone gains some affection whether its online or not, of course it is going to feel great. But to actually get to the point, that this person you are emailing, and PM-ing is actually a real person. When in reality, a huge part of the intense feeling of love is partially in the persons head, they want to feel intensity and want to be in a relationship, so their imagination harbours these intense feelings. Bear in mind that these feelings, do not come from the figurative heart, it comes straight from the head (I am a major love cynic). It doesn’t help that it is scientifically proven, that the feelings of love come from pre-concieved teachings that we are taught from an early age. Why are we taught about love? Because love leads to marriage, and marriage encourages people to settle down, reproduce and generally keep the ecconomy. Infatuation, that happens when you first meet a person you get on famously with, is sold as love. That love is natural. Love does exist, but the reason so many marriages end in divorce these days is because love is no longer an emotion, it is a strong marketing tool and it has you in its sights.

Just like how young girls are sold magazines filled with tips on dating, and finding the right man. This isn’t information, this isn’t even supply and demand, this is brainwashing. Having a man, does not equal a successful woman, but this is what is sold to people hoping to ‘turn their lives around’. As if meeting a man, is going to immediately lurn you life around. Its just no more a pipe dream than wanting to be a celebrity ( a whole other topic).

People should learn that only they can be held responsible for making their life better, if they don’t take responsibilty, they cannot blame others for making benefits out of their failure of realism.