had my doctors appointment today, and I have been told I have borderline-schizophrenia. Fun. *rolls eyes* I kinda had been expecting that, I mean after what I had been advised before. Its just a bit like, ‘oh, now what’. It feels like, all they’ve done is given the way I’m feeling a name. It could have been called anything, and it really wouldn’t change the way I feel. It just means its another entry in my medical history and another medication, to see if it works better than the last one. Thats what has to be done, the doctor said, a bit of trial and error. When I said I was depressed, people say ‘everyone has days like that’, when I mention about the schizophrenia, people don’t say anything, they change the subject. And that hurts so much. I want to talk to my friends, but they do say ‘well I have worse problems’. And you know what, thats not my fault. Do they think I am doing this to get attention? I’d do anything to stop thinking like this. To stop feeling that every person who says something nice to me is lying, or is wanting something from me. So my overthinking means that I can’t trust anyone.
Because I was, obviously, in a mood, I switched on my ipod and managed to actually get work done for my project, which is to be handed in tomorrow. And that has made me feel better, just cause it looks a lot better. Still got loads to do though, think I’ll be up all night tonight trying to get it done. Saying that, I may scan in work I was going to do last night, before the power cut off. Yeah the power failed last night, which ended up in me playing around on photoshop. Till my laptop battery died.
Oh, doctor wants me to quit work. I can’t. Im the only earner at my house at the moment, and I cant go on the sick, cause I will lose my job. Yeah, don’t be sick, or sky will fire me. Fucking pish, the lot of it.