Author: Sue

I have been writing in various forms since I was a child. I write about what is going on in my life, what I enjoy, and the struggles of dealing with chronic illness and mental health issues. I love live music, football (Scotland and Dunfermline Athletic), reading, Formula 1, Stock Cars, and eating lots of vegan crap.

Been busy

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Over the last week or so, I have been really busy.

*Reading Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows, and writing notes on it*

*Listening to Oasis, Hanson, Stereophonics, a1 and other musical obsessions from my school days*

*Browsing for things to buy with pay, including John Green books, a Ravenclaw scarf, GC pre-order pack for cardiology and (yes, you read this right) a skirt*

*watching too many Vlogs, again*

*Barely seeing the people I live with. I’m starting to think its just me and my cat in the house*

*Watched Firefly, and remembered how awesome it is*

*Watched Lip Service and realised the BBC will never make a show as awesome as The L Word*

*Started drawing for the first time in ages- whoot*

*Realised how much I suck at Wii games, I am better at MW2 and Forza on Xbox*

*Registered for NaNoWriMo, and aim to reach the goal of writing a 50,000 word novel throughout the month of November*

I Walk An Empty Road

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I like to think myself as an independent person. I like to spend time on my own, be it reading, watching TV shows or just thinking about things.

This wasn’t something I just stumbled on, this is something that was thrusted on me during High School, where I would spend my times after school in solitary confinement. I was not one of these people with loads of friends, who went out drinking from when they became a teenager. I was happy, sitting listening to music, reading a book.

Neither my brother or sister ever liked reading, and yet is something that I am so passionate about. It’s strange how that happens. I am polar-opposite to my brother sister, never been popular or interested in fashion. I just like what I like. *Shrugs* It’s the best way to be. I know that I love reading a book, that just takes me away into another world. I think it also helps that I am a total dreamer. I fantasize about so many different things, like what would we do under zombie attack.

Come on, that stuff is important. It is.

I guess, being a lonely soul, I’d like to say I don’t have the need to please people. But I do. We need human contact, its something we crave. The approval of others, as if it makes our own existence, that much more worthwhile. It’s utter shit, of course. But someone approving what you do, will always make you feel better. So is everything that you do, there to gain approval of others?

It sounds strange, but because I am pretty forthcoming with my theories and how I live, I do get people saying ‘I wish I could be like that’. Although I should just say, ‘well, do what you believe in’, I end up with this warmth. I think it is nice to know that not everybody thinks I am a babbling idiot, which to be honest, I am. But, it’s like someone giving you moral support. Its nice! And it is really comforting. That’s not why I do what I do, but it does make you think if we subconsciously go searching for approval.

Hmmmm……

Go Go Nerdfighter

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When you read the word ‘Nerdfighter’ are you nodding with some understanding of what I am talking about, or are you thinking that I am a lunatic making up words again?

Nerdfighters is the official name for a group of self-proclaimed nerds who fight “world suck”.
The term was coined by author John Green and his brother Hank, who started up a vlog in means of contacting each other, where they made a video every day. They started to get a large following, inspiring a large volume of people (including myself) to create a vlog. Basically the brothers started an internet group, for their fans, to combat badness in the world.

Although John gets a lot of attention from his books (Looking For Alaska, An Abundance of Catherines and Paper Towns), I can honestly say I haven’t read them yet. But I did start following the brothers on youtube, which is what introduced me to the whole idea of Nerdfighters. I is something which I think is pure awesome.



Ok, so yeah. Online geekery is what is keeping one occupied right now. *shrugs* Can’t help it.

DFTBA

Harry Potter And The Blabberings Of Sue

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I decided to do a vlog on Harry Potter.
Mostly because I am reading Deathly Hallows before I go see the new movie. 🙂

So, why am I fangirling on here again? Well, Harry Potter has the biggest online fan communitiy on the web. And I am not kidding. A lot of my interests in youtube come from the Harry Potter Fandom, as I used to watch channels all the time from other people on the community. Youtube has helped raise my confidence a lot, and it has also gave me experience at making my own videos.

So, the thanks for all that, goes to Harry Potter. Also, I think, that if you are having issues, then I think that it helps that you can talk it through with different people. I have people who I go out with, people I work, HP people and GCFam members. Each different group tends to have different veiws on things. I think that is really good, and helps you gage opinions better.

And honestly, these days, most of the people I speak to online, I have never met in real life. But I feel more understood than I ever have done before.

When It Hits, It Hits

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So….after weeks of complaining, I am FINALLY being productive.

Score 1, to Sue.

*Victory dance*

Ok it is one think I did. So maybe I shouldn’t get too excited, but I can’t help it. I got so happy, I went over to Flash, and started animating my intro for my Vlogs. Yes, after months of being on Youtube, I am FINALLY making a proper intro rather than just use crappy text. YAY

For now, check my latest Vlog.

It Just Goes On It’s Own

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My imagination that is.

How is it, that I can be all inundated with creative thoughts when I am at work, but as soon as I get home and get stuff out, I have nothing. :/ This is something that has been happening for the last few weeks. And, if you have read this blog before, you’ll be no stranger to the fact that I don’t cope well with having no motivation.

I have heard that once you put too much pressure on something, it can become harder to do. So because I am trying to force myself to be creative, it is a lot harder to actually do. It was easy in college to blame the projects for my inactivity, but now I can do the projects that I want. I can design things in my own style. I should have this massive sense of creative freedom, now that I am freed from the boundries of education.

But I don’t. I just sit in my room and procrastinate about my failings in life. That is maybe how I am not so productive these days.

Procrastinate. That is the word of the moment. Because it seems to be all I can do right now. 😦

Beh

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I swear I just make issues for myself sometimes.

I seem to be doing ok, and then I just mess up, and it’s noone’s fault bar my own. (Although it would be rather nice to have someone I could point the finger of blame at.) I need to get my head together and start working on getting myself out of this shit-pit known as my life.

*sigh*

The thing is, as good as all that sounds, I am a rather lazy sod reccently, so could really do without the hassle. I mean, I am just in this procrastinating, self-loathing state of mind. I am at the point, where I just feel like saying ‘what’s the point, it never gets anywhere’.

The issue is (and this is gonna get emo here)that I don’t feel I have ever excelled at anything. I am just a waster. It’s like, there is a sense of me getting somewhere, but I just fuck it all up, and end up abandonning everything. It’s a life-long habit. I did it at school, at college, and now at work.

I mean I am getting the chance to live my dreams, if I work hard enough. But I seem to think that if I stop caring about something, then it won’t matter when it all fails. Because, to be honest, I am a failure at everything I have ever tried.

*sigh*

YouTube Weirdo

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I am posting this, because of peoples reaction when I say I post videos on youtube.

And the reactions are mostly negative. Why? I have no idea!

I enjoy planning and making my videos. Its my only field of motivation right now. So yeah, I’m gonna keep right on making vidjeos, because it makes me happeh.

🙂