I swear I just make issues for myself sometimes.
I seem to be doing ok, and then I just mess up, and it’s noone’s fault bar my own. (Although it would be rather nice to have someone I could point the finger of blame at.) I need to get my head together and start working on getting myself out of this shit-pit known as my life.
The thing is, as good as all that sounds, I am a rather lazy sod reccently, so could really do without the hassle. I mean, I am just in this procrastinating, self-loathing state of mind. I am at the point, where I just feel like saying ‘what’s the point, it never gets anywhere’.
The issue is (and this is gonna get emo here)that I don’t feel I have ever excelled at anything. I am just a waster. It’s like, there is a sense of me getting somewhere, but I just fuck it all up, and end up abandonning everything. It’s a life-long habit. I did it at school, at college, and now at work.
I mean I am getting the chance to live my dreams, if I work hard enough. But I seem to think that if I stop caring about something, then it won’t matter when it all fails. Because, to be honest, I am a failure at everything I have ever tried.