Author: Sue

I have been writing in various forms since I was a child. I write about what is going on in my life, what I enjoy, and the struggles of dealing with chronic illness and mental health issues. I love live music, football (Scotland and Dunfermline Athletic), reading, Formula 1, Stock Cars, and eating lots of vegan crap.

We May Meet Again, In Some Long Forgotten Town.

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Friendship. That thing that makes a person feel they are not struggling through life on their own. They are like the family we can hand-pick. It’s the people who shape us into who we are.

But, sometimes, as people grow, friendships are lost, and people become strangers. In risk of  becoming all overly angst-ridden, I do think that it is sad that we lose contact with people as we grow.  In one way, it would be nice to keep friendships going throughout our entire lives. But that is something that can often be impossible.

I was talking to some friends the other day about relationships, and how they can start off well, and slowly fall apart. I believe that because people are constantly changing, relationships can’t always change with the people. Relationships tend to be static, they don’t seem to change, and as a person grows, they can out-grow the relationship. Yes, at the time we were talking about boyfriend/ girlfriend type of relationship, but friendship can be broken in the same way. I mean, I know many people, who, at one point, I would include amongst my best friends, but over time we have grown apart. It can be that as other things happen, you lose contact and don’t have much time for each other, and in no time at all, you can become strangers.

It is sometime inevitable, that this is going to happen, mostly due to our nature of blanking out things which are not directly in front of us. So people shouldn’t blame themselves. Actually, people will never blame themselves if a relationship falls apart, it is always the other person who has changes, the other person who made mistakes, the other person who broke things. Whereas normally, it is because both parties have contributed (or not contributed, as the case may be) to the destruction of the relationship.

But, as sad is the end of a relationship is, if you force the relationship to continue, where it is naturally coming to an end, you can just end up stunting your own growth as a person. And, yes falling apart from someone is hard, but it is so much worse if you end up deeply disliking the other person, because they stop you from being who you want to be. Which is why, I have decided, that it is better to go separate ways, rather than force something that will just create unneeded conflict.

Yeah, my decision is law, yo.

Writing Course?

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I have been talking to people, and I have been told that I should do a writing course. Apparently, I am able to convey emotion well. :S Not that I am miffed about this, I just find it great that people don’t tell me this till now.

Have I written professionally? Kinda, on other blogs.

Can I write fiction? I’d like to, but unfortunately I can’t. I always seem to lack the depth required.

Am I skilled in complex writing skills? Not really, I say what I feel and stick punctuation where I feel it should lie. Most of the time, if it ends up correct, it is just luck, not skill.

Do I like writing? Yes. I find writing one of the best things to help me express myself. I just type what I think, and I enjoy the freedom it gives. It is one of my favourite hobbies, along with reading and drawing.

Did I achieve well at school? Other than Art, no. I flunked Higher English, and to date I believe it was because I was so jaded by the school system that I just wanted to leave. I really should have done so.

Did you ever think of a career in writing? No! I was thinking of journalism, but those ideas fell away as soon as my grades began to fall, and ultimately, my career prospects also fell.

So yeah, I really think it is because I am in a bit of the rut, that my brain is silently cursing every person who tells me I should be a writer. Yeah, because without an education in English, it isn’t going to happen. I have a very basic grasp at grammar and spelling, and I feel so inadequate, especially when I read the ponderings of other authors. They seem to have a fantastic way of writing, and I just feel so lax in comparison.

I guess I shouldn’t compare myself to other people, but it is only natural. It is like how we mentally evaluate ourselves is to compare our lives, with the lives of those around us. Because I think I would top myself if I compared my love life, or lack of, with other people. Because to be honest, that river of love running through my life, is as dry as a desert. So I focus on something I can directly influence. My work. Except, I can’t really influence my work, because I seem to be an underachiever by nature. Ok, not by nature, maybe by the way I have forced myself to continue education, because I had it cemented in my head that was the only way to be successful.

The result. I have spent more time at college that anyone I know, and I still work in a call centre. -.-  So the successful thing, didn’t really pan out. The thing is, I am not as miserable as I sometimes complain I am. I try and keep myself content by doing small things, that make me happy. Usually it involves the internet, but I may read or take a walk, I try to take deep breathes. Don’t get me wrong, this is recent. I never used to feel like this, and it has taken a long time to get like this. And a hell of a lot of practice. I am finally getting to the stage where I am okay with myself enough, to be able to push my life in the direction I want to.

That sounds strange, especially to most people, but it is true. It has taken almost 27 years, but I feel at peace with me. I know who I am. I feel comfortable about who I am. It’s great.

I just need to figure out how to control my rants. :S

 

Hello Mr Sun

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

What a nice day it has been. It was like a summers day, and for April in Scotland, that is strange.

What I like most, however, is that the good weather effects everybody. People seem happier and more positive. I think its contagious. 🙂

Hope everyone had a nice day.

music-Blur- Song 2
mood- Peaceful
Pokemon badges- 2

Wut?

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Now, I know I am not the most distinguished writer, but I like knowing that I am making an effort with grammar. Even if I misplace a comma, or incorrectly spell a word by mistake, I don’t mind too much. And I think, that if you spent time learning how to write and spell, you should put what you learned into practice. But, I really, really can’t stand people who purposely type badly.

I mean, they know how the words should look, but they don’t actually write them out correctly. What is it that makes people want to make themselves appear utterly stupid. It is an insult to their education, their teachers and the parents, that they refuse to even try to spell.

Maybe it’s because I spent a lot of time online pre-facebook, and also didn’t use it for gaming. I guess, I spent time writing a lot of reading and writing fiction online, and that I started writing like that for anything I do. Also, because the most popular site is Facebook, people use it as an extension to their mobile phone and message each other in text speak. The common excuse is that, with texting, you are limited to so many characters, so people shorten words, etc, so that they can say more in every text message. Fair enough, but do you really need to continue it onto other services you use?

Not too long ago, I was accessing an email that was sent to me for work. And the email was just text speak. No vowels, no punctuation, and really hard to read. This was something about work. I was horrified that someone sent it out to someone that they want to work for them. I mean, what is the chances the person will be reliable if they refuse to write in simple sentences?

Maybe, it’s me that’s wrong. But I know a few people who have this problem.

music -MGMT- Kids
mood– chilled

A Little Tuckered Out

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Seriously, exercise is harder than people make out. I walked 5 miles today, which is a slight increase of my 0 miles a day.

Scotland enjoyed a beautiful April day, where me and my mates walked along the Coastal Path. It helped me realise how lucky I am to live somewhere, where I have the opportunity to enjoy the countryside so close to my home. I think its easy to take our surroundings for granted and not appreciate them.

Anyways, I kinda hurt right now. My body isn’t used to being used so much. My feet, back, legs and head are sore. To be honest, it would be great just to go an lie in my bed.

At least it’s the weekend. Which is awesome. Although I am sure that it will go too fast, as normal.

playing– Good Charlotte- The Truth
mood– a little ill
Pokemon black badges-1

‘Born And Raised By Hypocrits’

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I remember being an eager student in Primary School and being told that I could be and do whatever I wanted. Of course the endless ‘rules’ of the classroom and having to blindly obey a teacher without reasoning, left me feeling a bit lost. It was like, ‘yes, do what you want, but not in the school’s time’. I’m not gonna lie, I wasn’t the brightest person in my class, but I certainly wasn’t the most stupid. I always did a lot of reading in my own time, I liked to try and push myself, so the idea that school wanted us to ‘try, but not too hard’ was a bit much for me. And in the end, the mixed signals left me jaded, and that by the time I finished school, I didn’t care too much about the whole thing.

Whilst I like to think that in adulthood, things have changed, and people can be more open and honest with each other, I know this doesn’t happen. The big thing is I notice that those around me seem willing to compromise on things so important as ethics. Ethics and beliefs are what make us, us. And yet people are willing throw such things aside, especially if it means it would mean using a little effort. The big thing is buying products, I’m pretty sure that everyone would love to make sure that they people who make it possible to enjoy said products, were paid fairly. But this doesn’t happen, unless you buy specialist products. People tend to believe in the idea of people getting more money for producing things like clothing, but they won’t pay any more so will still shop in cheaper shops like Primark. It means they are being contradictory, saying one thing, but doing the opposite.

I mean going back to my youth, you were told to live by your convictions, but noone followed up on them. Even religion, I went and enjoyed church and Sunday school as a kid. I loved books, and a lot of the things we did, was reading or even better arts and crafts. I thought it was awesome. Now although my family will cite Church of Scotland as their religion, none of them could tell you anything they learned from the bible or the last time they went to church. I, now as an adult tend to abstain from religion, as I don’t like the idea of following something blindly. I have read up on other religions, and do like seeing the lessons they have to teach, but I don’t pray nor ask anyone for forgiveness. But then, the hypocrisy is that I will still celebrate Christmas. And I know a lot of people, who are very similar to me in that respect.

I guess it’s all a bit of a minefield. It’s hard to deal with ethics and morality, if you have been given mixed signals all your life.

music- Green Day- Are We The Waiting
mood– chirpy
Pokemon Black badges– 1

‘Born And Raised By Hyporcrits’

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I remember being an eager student in Primary School and being told that I could be and do whatever I wanted. Of course the endless ‘rules’ of the classroom and having to blindly obey a teacher without reasoning, left me feeling a bit lost. It was like, ‘yes, do what you want, but not in the school’s time’. I’m not gonna lie, I wasn’t the brightest person in my class, but I certainly wasn’t the most stupid. I always did a lot of reading in my own time, I liked to try and push myself, so the idea that school wanted us to ‘try, but not too hard’ was a bit much for me. And in the end, the mixed signals left me jaded, and that by the time I finished school, I didn’t care too much about the whole thing.

Whilst I like to think that in adulthood, things have changed, and people can be more open and honest with each other, I know this doesn’t happen. The big thing is I notice that those around me seem willing to compromise on things so important as ethics. Ethics and beliefs are what make us, us. And yet people are willing throw such things aside, especially if it means it would mean using a little effort. The big thing is buying products, I’m pretty sure that everyone would love to make sure that they people who make it possible to enjoy said products, were paid fairly. But this doesn’t happen, unless you buy specialist products. People tend to believe in the idea of people getting more money for producing things like clothing, but they won’t pay any more so will still shop in cheaper shops like Primark. It means they are being contradictory, saying one thing, but doing the opposite.

I mean going back to my youth, you were told to live by your convictions, but noone followed up on them. Even religion, I went and enjoyed church and Sunday school as a kid. I loved books, and a lot of the things we did, was reading or even better arts and crafts. I thought it was awesome. Now although my family will cite Church of Scotland as their religion, none of them could tell you anything they learned from the bible or the last time they went to church. I, now as an adult tend to abstain from religion, as I don’t like the idea of following something blindly. I have read up on other religions, and do like seeing the lessons they have to teach, but I don’t pray nor ask anyone for forgiveness. But then, the hypocrisy is that I will still celebrate Christmas. And I know a lot of people, who are very similar to me in that respect.

I guess it’s all a bit of a minefield. It’s hard to deal with ethics and morality, if you have been given mixed signals all your life.

Rushed

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I’m at work, on my break.
Been so busy, like unbelievably busy.
The good thing is that busy = fast when working. And if it is taking me a day closer to the weekend, I’ll take it.

Highlight of a rather dull day was probably making fun of my sister’s Wii-ner. Yeah, busy times. But the dull slowness was kicked out of the park when I came into work. -.-

‘Almost weekend’ is becoming my mantra right now.

Fighting All Sorts of Battles.

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Did the possibly bad thing of purchasing Pokemon Black for the DS. Yes, it is a good game, and the effects and feel of the game is the smoothest yet, but bang goes any chance of me getting any work done.  Saying that, I don’t ever really need an excuse not to work. -.- At the moment I am working towards my first gym badge. I do have to say, the character design for the Pokemon seems to be getting worse. Maybe it’s just because two of the first Pokemon I met, when the game got started where a cat and a dog. Yeah not so impressed with that. But the new feel of the game is enough to make me overlook that.

Also, writing this up on the family computer, as I try to banish the dreaded malware and viruses AGAIN. This is the second time in as many months, the computer has been rendered useless by infections of some sort. What happens is that my mum, dad and sister, who use the computer, don’t seem to realise how to actually look after the thing. In fact, when I check their antivirus, a full scan hasn’t been completed since the last time I fixed the ruddy thing.

I think that there should be some ‘Internet Security for Dummies’ that should be given away with EVERY PC. So that everyone would have the basic knowledge on how to fix their computer. I mean, it isn’t too much, expecting people who want to go online to have a basic education about defending against viruses. But, trying to get people to know how to limit damage when their PC does become infected.

But that’s too much. People don’t seem to have any respect for their computer and download whatever they want. I mean, to say that I am the only one who knows how to fix computers in this house is one thing, but to know that noone else seems to even try to look after the computer. It makes me feel a little sorry for the poor thing.

I think the problem is being cause by online games, like free game sites. From what I understand, which may be wrong, every time you do something online, your computer needs to download some data to help get display the webpage. And the more complicated the webpage is, whether it contains games or videos, the more data has to be downloaded onto the computer to process things. From what I think I understand, is that some malware is able to be downloaded onto the PC with the data used to play and run games/videos. And because of the manner that the malware comes onto the computer, it eases past the security software, and infects the computer, often stopping the user from doing even the most simple task.

And trying to explain this too my folks, is like mission impossible. -.-

Not as bad as I thought

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So birthday was rather fun yesterday.

Ok, most of the day was spent sitting around doing nothing. (I tell myself I was chilling out, because it makes the nothing seem like it is an actual activity.) I got a new pair of jammies a new iPod dock, seeing as I broke my old one. -.- I have a tendency for breaking things, sometimes I think it is the only thing I am able to ‘do well’.

And then I come to one of the few good things about Facebook, it reminds everyone of your birthday.  Which one hand leads to lots of empty ‘happy birthdays’, but on the other hand, it makes you feel good that people actually think enough to wish you a happy birthday. It’s nice. that someone did think of you, even if it was just for the 10 or so seconds it took them to type a message on your Facebook wall. So it made me happy, and also made me feel a little bit loved.

I have to say, I was a giggly fangirl when this came through:

And if you know me at all, you’ll know how insanely happy and hyper it made me. Seriously was in the middle of writing a movie review for The Eagle (good film, btw) and I just became a mess. I couldn’t focus on anything, so spent what was left of my birthday watching My Little Pony, like the hardcore individual that I am.

And how much do I hate Twitter, that it messed up the PMs so much, that TweetDeck was the only place I could get a decent picture of it. -.- But I swear, I got it on my phone and stared at it for a whole 10 minutes. And then went all…

Anyway, hope people have a great start to the week.

Mood: Hyper

Music: Blink 182- Dumpweed