I have been talking to people, and I have been told that I should do a writing course. Apparently, I am able to convey emotion well. :S Not that I am miffed about this, I just find it great that people don’t tell me this till now.
Have I written professionally? Kinda, on other blogs.
Can I write fiction? I’d like to, but unfortunately I can’t. I always seem to lack the depth required.
Am I skilled in complex writing skills? Not really, I say what I feel and stick punctuation where I feel it should lie. Most of the time, if it ends up correct, it is just luck, not skill.
Do I like writing? Yes. I find writing one of the best things to help me express myself. I just type what I think, and I enjoy the freedom it gives. It is one of my favourite hobbies, along with reading and drawing.
Did I achieve well at school? Other than Art, no. I flunked Higher English, and to date I believe it was because I was so jaded by the school system that I just wanted to leave. I really should have done so.
Did you ever think of a career in writing? No! I was thinking of journalism, but those ideas fell away as soon as my grades began to fall, and ultimately, my career prospects also fell.
So yeah, I really think it is because I am in a bit of the rut, that my brain is silently cursing every person who tells me I should be a writer. Yeah, because without an education in English, it isn’t going to happen. I have a very basic grasp at grammar and spelling, and I feel so inadequate, especially when I read the ponderings of other authors. They seem to have a fantastic way of writing, and I just feel so lax in comparison.
I guess I shouldn’t compare myself to other people, but it is only natural. It is like how we mentally evaluate ourselves is to compare our lives, with the lives of those around us. Because I think I would top myself if I compared my love life, or lack of, with other people. Because to be honest, that river of love running through my life, is as dry as a desert. So I focus on something I can directly influence. My work. Except, I can’t really influence my work, because I seem to be an underachiever by nature. Ok, not by nature, maybe by the way I have forced myself to continue education, because I had it cemented in my head that was the only way to be successful.
The result. I have spent more time at college that anyone I know, and I still work in a call centre. -.- So the successful thing, didn’t really pan out. The thing is, I am not as miserable as I sometimes complain I am. I try and keep myself content by doing small things, that make me happy. Usually it involves the internet, but I may read or take a walk, I try to take deep breathes. Don’t get me wrong, this is recent. I never used to feel like this, and it has taken a long time to get like this. And a hell of a lot of practice. I am finally getting to the stage where I am okay with myself enough, to be able to push my life in the direction I want to.
That sounds strange, especially to most people, but it is true. It has taken almost 27 years, but I feel at peace with me. I know who I am. I feel comfortable about who I am. It’s great.
I just need to figure out how to control my rants. :S
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