Plodding On

Sorry about the lack of updates over the last few weeks. As I explained in my previous post, I have been struggling with anxiety recently. It is different to when I have bad bouts of depression, as I talking about what negativity going on in my head actually helps ease the stress I feel because of it. However, with anxiety, I feel the absolute opposite. The more I think about what is causing me to panic, even just to blog about it, the more I actually panic.

It has become a problem, because I feel I am only now getting to grips with my depression, and now there is another hurdle. It’s not that anxiety wasn’t there before, it’s just depression kind of takes over everything. Like, your head is in such a fog because of the depression, that whilst anxiety did happen, there was no reason for it. But as my mind has become clearer, especially over the last few months, my anxiety has gone up. And it is a very hard thing to manage. Sometimes it feels never-ending, like you deal with one thing, for another to come up and hit you for six.

I have worked through my previous mental health issues, by writing about it. It has always helped. But with anxiety, when I think about what has maybe triggered me during a day, I can feel myself panicking all over again. And it can take hours for me to calm back down and stop crying.

I am trying to work through it. If I experience something that triggers my anxiety, I try to leave that situation. Which has meant, that because I have been having panic attacks near enough every day, I haven’t even wanted to write anything. I couldn’t face even thinking about what was going on in my life, so I didn’t didn’t even attempt to blog at all. It is not a nice feeling, being unable to rely on the one thing that has helped me through all my mental health issues. But, as with everything else, I will find away through it.

My focus is on the gym and getting fitter. It has helped my depression a lot, but I am finding it is helping me get a clearer mind. And, whilst I am still having a lot of anxiety issues, I have a clearer mind to deal with it. It means that if I get that feeling in my stomach when my heart starts thumping, I know I need to try and get away from what is making me feel like that. Clarity of mind, really does help me recognise the signs of an up coming panic attack. Maybe things will get easier, if I stay focused.

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