It was my birthday on Friday, and have such struggled the last few days to do anything. I spent hours upon hours watching videos on TikTok, doing nothing of any value. During my appointment with my therapist last week, I am needing to learn that there is actual value in doing ‘nothing’. Which is something that is really hard for me to do. So… we are not making myself feel bad about it. Or trying not to.
My birthday falls at the start of the second quarter of the year. And, I normally use this to see how I am doing so far on my aims for the year. This is a process which usually has me in tears, as I do feel like I have got nowhere in life, and feel useless. This is something that I am trying to stop focusing my energy on, as it is never very productive. It tends to be more likely to knock me off my feet, and stop me from making any progress at all, which just causes me to spiral.
So there are a few things that I wanted to do in 2026. The biggest thing is improving my health. I have experienced issues with my mental, physical, and dental health. So what have I done, or reached out to the appropriate services to do? The tale end of last year had me going to the dentist to get treatment started on a long-term broken tooth, which has died and got infected. I had that removed, and the subsequent hole filled in. I still have treatment to go, but my mouth is feeling so much better. The best thing is that my dental practice has so many nice people working at it, and have made me feel at complete ease whilst attending. Treatment is partially paid for by my dental insurance I get through may work, which is a thing I am recommending to everyone, if they can.
Sticking to things I get through my work, I called the Employee Assistant Programme, and have been receiving mental health support. I was super struggling, and have been for months. I was feeling so low, and I really didn’t know how to fix things. So I called a number, which gave me an appointment to be ‘triaged’. I think it is a way to figure out where your problems lie, and they can then match you with a suitable therapist. Which they have done. I have currently had two appointments, via telephone, and the therapist has been a great help. We were discussing about how my self-esteem is one of my main issues, and is possibly why I have struggled to get to grips with problems in the past. It certainly was an angle that I have never looked at before. My GP surgery has been a nightmare, and I have struggled to get appointments and help, so I am grateful that I have services at work that pick up the slack.
And then my rheumatoid arthritis. I fell of the bandwagon of medication, due to my mental health. Because if I had any issues, it was never one phone call. it was over 5 phone calls, every single time. And, I was struggling to do basic activities, I just buried my head in the sand. The very few times I did feel like I could chase things up, I was met with silence. Which, didn’t exactly make me want to keep going. So, I have been in pain for months, and exhausted for the same time. Last week, I received a letter to go to the Rheumatology clinic for an appointment next week. I am assuming that this is unprompted, as my phonecalls and emails have all went unanswered. Umprompted or not, this hopefully means that I can speak to someone about getting my medication sorted again. I am pretty frustrated about the whole thing to be honest.
So health is doing better, there has been movement, some more prompted than others, to trying to help make things better. This is a huge success for the beginning of the year. Another thing that I wanted to do was to read more. I set myself a target of 50 books for the year, and I have read 15. in 3 months. Which I am rather happy with.
All progress is progress, and these are things that I am getting progress in. This is what I am trying to focus on. Not what has happened in the last 40-odd years, or what other people have done in that same time frame. What I have been doing recently. Small changes every day, may not fix everything, it will work toward making things a wee bit more liveable.
I have recently been posting prompt posts. Partially because I have had a completely lack of creative motivation, but also because I just feel stuck in a rut. So, I have to retain myself, hold back, so that I am not simply whining all the time. Which is something very easy for me to do.
I am currently ambling along, just keeping myself to myself. Work, come home, do nothing, eat crap, not meet up with people, ignore texts, just sit and wallow. It’s one of the these things where I just feel like a burden to myself, so why push myself onto anyone else. I just feel useless. Like, if the world was a giant swimming pool, I’d be the person in the corner, struggling to keep my head above water, as I doggy paddle in a shallow edge.
There is this idea, which I’ve seen posted around social media, which states that to make a positive change in your life, you need to start by making small daily changes. One positive thing a day. That positive thing may not be something huge, it could be making your bed when you get up in the morning, putting some laundry on, or even remembering to brush your teeth. The idea is that the more you do these ‘small things’ the easier it is to get yourself moving and those ‘big goals’ can seem more reachable.
It also means, that if you start off by doing these small things, your mindset changes. You achieve something before you even get started on your day. Which, if you are someone like me, who struggles to do anything when the routine of work is not present, it is super helpful.
So what did I do today? I made my bed, and opened my curtains. And jogged to the bus stop this morning. I am actually feeling better for it. I just need to keep going.
Imagining your life in an alternate universe is like saying, what would you change in your life?
I try to tell myself that I don’t need to change nothing. Every is fine. When, in reality, I think everybody has complaints about life, on plans that never went their way. It’s normal, but most of us just make do.
I don’t think I’d want much. I’d have my own house, one with a library room, and a music room. A garden with a lovely flower bed at one side, and a vegetable patch at the other. I’d have a TV, with every subscription I’d ever need, to watch all the sports I want.
I’d have a job I loved. Something where I could utilise my creativity. It would be good to have something to do with books, or football, or motorsport, or music. One of those jobs where I could say ‘when you love your job, you never work’. I’d have the follow-through to make it actually work.
I’d go to the gym multiple times a week, and run. Take pride in running before a day of work. I’d be on top of my health, mental and physical. I’d actually see the point, see value in myself.
It’s pretty sad reading, really. I don’t want to be rich. I just would like to be happy. And functional.
I don’t know if it’s my age, but so much stuff gets on my nerves these days. I have such a short fuse for so many things. To be honest, most of them are highly trivial, and they are just another reason for complaining. We Scottish people love to complain a lot, and it can be about anything.
The big thing that bothers me is rudeness. Treating other people poorly for no reason is just not nice. A lot of the time, people are rude because they think the other person is ‘lower’ than them. Folk can be very judgemental, which is an automatic thing for most people. Some people use that judgement to try and knock down others. And normally it is based on nothing that other party has actually done.
I try to treat everyone with kindness, just because that is what I appreciate, myself.
My stress levels have only just about recovered from Sunday’s race. 75 years ago the first drivers championship, and the start of formula 1 occurred at Silverstone. It is a track I have always wanted to attend, but it is one of the most expensive circuits on the Formula 1 calendar, so it hasn’t happened.
The internet was alive with nonsense after the race, so I thought I’d bide my time before sharing my thoughts on the events. So how did it go, let’s run our way to the podium.
Franco Colapinto -DNS
Poor Franco. He was pulled in to replace Jack Doohan for the Emilia-Romagna Grand Prix back in May, and has had 6 races. He has found the learning curve awful steep, and has struggled. He crashed in qualifying, and due to repairs was going to start from the pit lane. Unfortunately, as reported from Sky Sport’s Ted Kravitz, Franco’s car jammed in second gear, and he couldn’t start the race. I just hope he gets more opportunity to show what he can do.
Liam Lawson- DNF
Liam has had much better luck since his swap over to Racing Bulls earlier this season. He seems comfortable in the car, and has pulled results out the bag. I think he seems to be a very pedal to the metal kind of driver, and that didn’t really work in the Silverstone conditions. That’s the Great British weather for you. He hit Esteban Ocon during lap 1 and crashed out. Luckily he is okay,
Gabriel Bortoleto- DNF
Gabi is another rookie who had a spin out onto the gravel. He had such a great result in Austria, he is bound to be disappointed. He did manage to keep the car going, but shed some debris and had to retire. He did try.
Isack Hadjar- DNF
Isack has been having some tremendous results in his rookie year, and he is quickly becoming one of my favourite drivers on the grid. Unfortunately, he was bothered by the rain, and poor visability, and bumped into the back of Kimi Antonelli, and then spun his Racing Bull out into the barriers at a high speed. Luckily he was okay. Footage showed that Isack couldn’t see the lights of the car in front, until it was too late. Shows how treacherous wet conditions can be.
Kimi Antonelli- DNF
Kimi has been flying during some parts of this season, unfortunately the damage caused by being hit by Isack Hadjar was too much to keep going. Kimi had qualified in 7th place, but had to serve a 3-place penalty. A poor end to what was such a promising weekend.
Yuki Tsunoda- 15th
Yuki has been struggling since taking the second Red Bull seat. This weekend looked a little promising for him, with him narrowly missing Q3 on Saturday, and qualifying p12. His race fell apart after an incident with Oli Bearman, which was escalated to the stewards. Yuki was served with a 10 second penalty, which left him at the back of race.
Charles Leclerc- 14th
Poor Charles. Someone has cursed the poor guy. Ferrari tactics left him way down in the field, and he ran off complaining about water getting in his helmet, and that he couldn’t see. In Charles’ post-race interviews, he looked so sad and defeated. I personally wanted to give him a hug.
Esteban Ocon-13th
Despite being involved in an accident in lap 1 with Liam Lawson, Esteban battled on. The race appeared to be a struggle for him, but he kept going. Post-race he mentioned that he thought he deserved to be in the points, but sometimes it doesn’t work that way. A shame after grabbing some points the last few races.
Carlos Sainz- 12th
Since moving to Williams this season, Carlos has been struggling quite a bit. Almost like whoever cursed Charles, cursed him too. Carlos was further up the runnings, but as the track dried, and other car’s traction improved, he fell down the pack. He was, understandably, very frustrated at not being very competitive. Now in the second half of the season, he will be hoping things settle soon.
Oli Bearman- 11th
The last rookie standing, on his home race. That is something that is commendable. He did get a few scares, but kept his head, and ended up narrowly missing out on points. In a race which took out the other rookies, and caused a few veterans to spin, he did very well to keep it together. Him and, teammate, Esteban’s synchronised spin looked like something out of the ballet.
Esteban Ocon and Oli Bearman in synch
George Russell- 10th
Mercedes tactics did not help George this weekend. He was pitted for slicks a wee bit too early, and he spun off track pretty much straight away. George did get his head down, and achieve a points finish. He would obviously be disappointed, after qualifying 4th, but 1 point is better than none.
Fernando Alonso- 9th
Fernando had a few complaints with the Aston Martin tactics. Asking if they were looking to ‘lose points for fun’. He was very unhappy, but still recovered the best he could, and got some well deserved points.
Alex Albon- 8th
Alex? How did you get here? A very well deserved points haul after three DNFs in a row. It feels like Williams are trying different things with each of their drivers, to the stage that stuff works for one driver, but not the other. Alex is a quality driver, and I really hope he is rewarded with some consistency with car reliability.
Lance Stroll- 7th
I am one of those F1 fans who is willing Lance to get results. He was all the way up in third place, and I was so excited. His ability for driving in the wet should be studied, or maybe he should be given a job driving Alpine’s racing boats. He was doing so so well. But as the track dried, other drivers stared to out-preform him. Like his buddy, Fernando, Lance complained on the radio after the race. Saying it was ‘the worst piece of shit car he’s ever driven’. Don’t beat around the bush or anything. I think Lance had a really good race, even if he doesn’t agree. Double Aston Martin points. Woooo!!!
Pierre Gasly- 6th
I don’t think people talk enough about how much quality Pierre has as a driver. He is class. Had a very decent race, and overtook Lance on the final lap. A very important points haul for him, seeing as Pierre is currently carrying Alpine on his shoulders. Seemed so smiley all weekend, and a very good result.
Max Verstappen- 5th
Red Bull seem to be able to set up for qualifying or the race, but not both. He was pole, and had a fantastic start, safety cars and other incidents compacted the field, and he was taken by Oscar Piastri. He had to avoid a collision when Oscar breaked when the safety car went in, but soon spun out and went down to 10th. He did work his way up, whilst complaining about the car, and did a commendable recovery drive in changeable conditions. His wee thumbs up to Nico Hulkenburg was a lovely thing.
Lewis Hamilton- 4th
Lewis’ start at Ferrari maybe hasn’t been quite as smooth as intended, but this was a quality race for him. He had a few complaints in regards to handling, which caused a few mistakes, but he held it together well. Lewis had been on the podium for each of the last 12 British Grand Prix, and it is sad he lost that run. A great result for him, and hopefully things settle down a bit for him.
Nico Hulkenburg- 3rd
The man of the hour. Driver of the day. After 15 years Nico got his first podium. He benefited from similar tactics as Lance Stroll, except he kept the momentum as the track dried. Nico has been a massively underrated driver in F1, and he just hasn’t had the right car. I believe if he was driving for one of the top field teams, he’d be winning and everything. One of the first people to meet him, was teammate Gabi, who came running over for a hug, and even gave congratulations over the team radio. I was so thrilled for everyone at Stake Sauber, and I hope the party was immense. My driver of the day, by a country mile.
Nico Hulkenburg got his first podium in f1
Oscar Piastri- 2nd
Oscar drove a good race, and controlled it for a large period. The problem is, when the safety car is in, you need to keep the speed consistent enough, it doesn’t cause anyone else problems. Oscar breaked, like he had already during the race, a wee bit too hard, and Max had to swerve to avoid hitting him. It was in plain sight of stewards and cameras, and the telemetrics from the cars was looked at. Oscar got a 10 second penalty for excessive breaking. Which led to him losing a place to Lando. There has been a lot of debate of him on the radio suggesting that if the pitwall thought the punishment was underserved, then tell Lando to slow down so they can switch back, and then race. But Oscar said himself afterwards that it wasn’t going to happen. But if he said nothing, he’d be a pushover, said something, he is a sore loser. There was no winning for him in that situation. To have such a mistake and still get 2nd tells you how McLaren are doing right now. Oscar seemed happier afterwards. Misjudgements happen, mistakes happen, Oscar will learn and move on. Nico also offered him a different perspective of how breaking in that situation can cause a concertina effect further down the line, and easily cause an accident. Which is maybe a perspective the front of the field don’t think about.
Lando Norris- 1st
At the start of the weekend, Lando said he would give all his previous victories up to win at Silverstone. Fortunately for him, all he needed to do was keep calm and drive. Lando is skilled in a wet race, going off previous performances. The build up was huge, Lando sold out the Landostand, full of his fans. His family were in attendance. The points gap between him and Oscar is shrinking. There was pressure, but he delivered. Minimised errors, drove well. Was a very collected drive for Lando. He has learnt from previous mistakes, and the growth shows during events like Silverstone.
Lando Norris and his unmissable Landostand
There was so many discussion points after this Grand Prix, and some fans seemed to go a little too far whilst discussing online. Which is why I thought I’d write here. I thoroughly enjoyed this Grand Prix, and one day I might actually attend.
I am currently going through a phase where I keep catching bug after bug. It is one of the main issues of having an auto-immune disease, like Rheumatoid Arthritis. Whenever people around me contracts some kind of bug, I will pick it up, and I will get knocked for six every time. This is why I am sitting writing this and being all blocked up. I got rid of a cough about 4 weeks ago, and it came back last week. Fabulous timing.
Edinburgh Pride is Saturday, and I will be upset if I am too choked up to go and enjoy myself. I am planning on doing the march again, for the 4th year in a row. It’s always a super fun day, and the weather looks like it will be super sunny. So I just need to focus on taking my medication and hopefully kick it.
It just makes me so tired, because I always seem to have something wrong.
A new chapter has started. I am closing the door on what has already happened. I can’t do anything about what occurred last year, so I am telling myself not to worry about it.
Whether that works, is something different entirely. But aim high, and all that jazz. Speaking of aiming, what are my aims for this year?
Probably to become a bit healthier, which is not just weight related. I’ve spent my whole adult life fighting with diets and ‘health plans’ and nothing really works. And I have come to the conclusion that it is because I don’t like myself very much. So being healthy, for me, is taking steps to learn how to like myself. Do the stuff that makes me happy. That is mostly hobbies, so making time for reading, writing, and creating stuff.
I also need to be more organised. My room has zero storage, the one cabinet I have, one for my TV and stuff, is broken. So, get storage sorted out, realising I have to probably get it delivered as I still don’t have a car. I am going to start looking on Pinterest for ideas, build up a few inspirational boards on what I’d like.
Stop hiding away. I am really bad at deciding I am a ‘damp squib’ and not going to social occasions. My aim is to try and go to these things, if I don’t enjoy anything, I can always leave and go home. And most of the time, when I do go out, I actually enjoy myself. So comfort zone be damned.
I am cautious not to call any of these things, resolutions. More broad aims for the year. Things I would like to do. To help make 2025 a more memorable, and positive year, than 2024.
When I think of Formula 1 commentators, I think of Murray Walker. Between 1976 and 2001, Walker, commentated live tv broadcasts of F1 races, and pioneered how motorsport was covered in the media. He started doing radio broadcasts of Isle of Man TT commentary with his father, progressing to other motorsports. Murray was known for his energetic style of commentary, which was informative, enthusiastic, but also contained some blunders. Which, is something that still happens when doing live commentary currently.
The book is a collection of anecdotes from people that Murray worked with throughout his career, sorted out chronologically. From life in the army, to working in advertising, to commentating with ex-McLaren driver, James Hunt, and then finding his stride with current commentator Martin Brundle. It shows insight to the kind of person Murray was, passionate about motorsport, and kind to those people around him. He made such in impact, that he commented live on BBC, and when the rights moved over to ITV in 1997, he was the sole commentator who moved over to continue broadcasting.
Contributions in this tribute to Murray Walker include: Martin Brundle, James Allen, Louise Goodman, Sir Jackie Stewart, Sir Lewis Hamilton, Damon Hill, Suzi Perry, Steve Ryder, Jim Rosenthal, and many more parts of the motorsport industry. Author, Maurice Hamilton, was a journalist for The Observer, Independent, and The Guardian, and covered Grand Prix races for radio station BBC Radio 5 Live. In fact, Maurice Hamilton covered over 500 Grand Prix races, and was a staple of the pit lane for over 30 years. He is extremely highly qualified to write about the impact that Murray Walker made on the Formula 1 world.
The book was a very insightful look at a Formula 1 legend. It takes the reader into the commentary box, to understand how Murray worked during a race. I like books that shed a different perspective of things, a different side of something that I feel so familiar with. I’ve loved Formula 1 for years, and as mentioned before, Murray Walker is still iconic in my mind, and I enjoyed reading what he was actually like.
And of course, this review wouldn’t be complete without some Murrayisms. Quotes from Murray Walker, which were fumbles during live commentary, but helped make things so entertaining. The sad thing is, that Martin Brundle mentions in the book that Murray had a thin skin. When newspapers like The Sun or Daily Mail mentioned Murray being ‘passed it’ for his fumbles, he took it too hard. In fact Martin mentioned that Murray would really struggle these days, with the increased social media comments. Which is sad. Murray’s Murrayisms are what made Formula 1 races interesting. There was no-one before or after Murray who came close to him, in my opinion.
Murrayisms:-
‘Either that car was stationary, or it’s on the move’.
‘The young Ralf Schumacher has been upstaged by the teenager Jenson Button, who is twenty’.
‘Prost can see Mansell in his headphones’.
‘Unless I am very much mistaken- yes. I am mistaken’.
Murray: ‘What’s that? There’s a body on the track’. James Hunt: ‘Um, I think that’s a piece of bodywork from someone’s car’.
As I have got older I think I have fell more out of love with shopping. Not that I was a particular fan of shopping in the first place. Well, I am rather attached to the whole food and coffee thing all connected to shopping, but the actual having to look through shops thing really puts my back up.
If I go to my local Shopping Centre, I have to go in there with a plan on what I actually need. I go to the areas I need to and get out as soon as possible. It is why I have resorted to order most gifts and things from the internet. Less chance to get overwhelmed by all the people and all of the things. The shop I visit the most is the supermarket, and I hate shopping for food more than I hate shopping for clothes. I always end up buying the wrong stuff. I get grumpy with myself.
I don’t know what it is about the whole experience that annoys me so much, really. I have had 40 years to get used to it, and I have only hated it more and more. There are two exceptions, two types of place where I can browse and not get panicked. Music shops and book shops. Obviously it is because these are things I have actual interest in. Food has always been such a loaded subject for me, so it is something I try do shop for a quick as possible. Clothes, are a similar thing. I have grown up with things not being my size, too long or too tight.
I was watching a video of Dizzee Rascal recently, when he was preforming his song, ‘Bonkers’ in HMV in Glasgow. It seemed fun, and the crowd were bouncing around having a great time. I then looked down at the comments, not always the best thing to do on TikTok, especially if you don’t want your day ruined. There were a few comments saying things like ‘horrible Ned music’. Now in Scotland, a Ned is like a Chav, it’s a way to dismiss an entire section of society, and consider them as scum.
Which is horrible.
The people leaving these comments were self confessed Metalheads. And if they were picked up on their negative comments, the answer would be akin to ‘but they pick on me’. It seems to be just continuing the petty societal warfare that used to occur between different groups at High School. It’s this constant need to beat others down, to make themselves appear superior. Something that I have personally never understood.
Music has always been something that has helped mark key memories in my life, be it good or bad. What I love about music is that it can affect your mood, even encourage you forward when you are ready to give up. I try to listen to most types of music, or at least give it a listen. Some are maybe not exactly to my taste, but I would never dream of criticising someone who does like it. You never know what song will help you when you need it most.
For example, take Ren. He is a Welsh musician who utilises rap, and guitar to create his music. A lot of people I know would dismiss him and his music, without giving a listen. It is to their detriment. Ren writes a lot about mental health and being chronically ill. In one of his songs (Hi Ren) where he speaks about the constant between lightness and darkness not being a battle but a pendulum swinging back and forth. And it resonated with me. Nobody had ever put it in that way for me before. If you have really bad days, at some point things will switch the other way and be more positive. It’s a good, if sometimes difficult, way to think.
That is what is so great about music, for me, is that that you are able to see different perspectives, find different things that match your moods. I just can’t understand why people would invalidate complete genres of music, just because of the people who do listen to it.
sueriot.com 