Tag: rant

Avoidance is futile.

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Throughout the COVID-19 pandemic, I have been one of those people, who champions mask wearing, and believing that there was some skill involved in me not catching the virus. I worked in a warehouse throughout, and a lockdown happening, just meant that my petrol was cheaper. I wasn’t aware but I seemed to have developed a superiority complex, where I felt that I was doing things right, that is how I stayed virus free.

Which, was all fine until I discovered that I had caught COVID. Whoopee!

My health has been questionable for, at least, the last month. I felt exhausted, sick, tired, I would manage work, then just come home and crash. I had a lot of ‘medical things’ going on, so I assumed that is what was making me sick. Then, a few weekends ago, I went from feeling rubbish, to feeling like death warmed up. I was running a fever, I had a cough (I currently seem to have a perma-cold), and the worst bit, I had this horrible rash all over my body. It was awful. And I immediately tested myself, using a lateral flow test, and I was negative. I tested a few times over the course of a few days, all negative. So my mind, being the anxiety driven mess that it is, jumped to the next possible answer. It must be my new medication. I had started immuno-suppressants for my rheumatoid arthritis, and one of the reactions was a rash with swelling around the face. This is what I had, so I called my GP, concerned what was happening. After a few tests, she thought it was a virus, so advised me to go and get a PCR test, but to contact the arthritis care team, in case it was my medication. The PCR test came back positive, and the nurse said ‘it could be a reaction, or it could be covid’. So, I had to come off my arthritis meds, until I know I have gotten over COVID properly.

I am just exhausted. It has taken me months to get the right medication prescribed, a lot of calling up and emails. I get very anxious when I have to chase anything up, so most of the interactions ended up with me having a panic attack. Which was just lovely. And, I am feeling frustrated, because if I get any reaction at all with this medication, I have to stop and we have to try something else. It’s like going round in circles. It feels like I have so many issues, right now, and COVID has just taken a huge dump in the middle of everything. It’s annoying.

At least I am able to go back outside. I am just not used to having to spend so much time at home. I am used to being able to go to the shops, or go visit friends, whenever I want. I couldn’t even have dinner with my family. I was just lying on my bed feeling sorry for myself. I never had a lockdown, I never spent lots of time at home during the pandemic, I went out to work. And, I think that is why I found it hard, I felt useless and horrible. So, I am happy that my life is going back to normal. But I will still be wearing a mask and carrying my hand sanitiser around.

Attack! Attack!

~ Sue ~ 2 Comments

Work and life has been a bit rubbish.

And I am feeling rather nervous about posting personal things online because I seem to be getting lampooned a lot for it. The usual Internet troll crap is something I can live with, but now people who I accept as friends and family are hating me for it. They don’t understand why I want to ‘tell all’ and post it online for the world to read.

On one hand the criticism doesn’t mean too much, because these people have not a lot of experience of Internet geekdom past Facebook and YouTube. And as a reaction they attack what it is they don’t know about. It’s a natural response i guess.

But on the hand, I don’t understand it. I have had problems with depression and talking about things online has helped me cope – bit. And the fact that these people are attacking my coping mechanism and they know how hard the last few years have been for me.

I guess it sucks. There seems to a stigma that is becoming attached to publishing things on line generally. Which is strange because blogs about clothing, food and tech seem to be very popular.

The worst thing is that I am cutting back on what I am posting, to try and please those around me. Which is not something I should have to do. *sigh* What a pain!!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.

Umm…..hey

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

It is said that people only think of themselves when they are in a crisis, and that only people who think of others should be rewarded. But that is human nature. We are born with something inside us, which is there to protect us from things we deem to be risky. We are criticised if we think the world revolves around ourselves, when in reality we CAN only observe that which goes on around us.

Obscure sentences, or valid point,s I don’t know, but the topics I mentioned above, are what I have been thinking about today. So I suppose I should explain myself a little bit.

The whole ‘fight or flight’ part of ourselves is something there to protect ourselves against danger. But in civilised society, we are taught that it is respectable to reject our instincts to protect those weaker than ourselves. But what does that bring to ourselves? A sense of worth, a sense of knowing that you have done right by someone. So it isn’t really for that person you protect them. Its for your own satisfaction, makes you feel good, gives you a buzz. Does that not make heroes completely selfish, because they do these ‘commendable acts’ for themselves. No different from anyone else.

In fact, is someone who does not allow themselves get bullied into ‘heroism’, and look after themselves, not more heroic. They get called selfish, when it is other people who intrude in others’ lives to make themselves feel better. Which one is more selfish, they are both looking for pleasure and a feeling of purpose, but only the ‘hero’ uses other people to get that feeling of worth.

**Note: that is what happen when I watch the ‘no such thing as an unselfish good deed’ episode of Friends. **

The second thing was this trend of calling someone selfish because they think the world revolves around them. How is that selfish? Of course the world as we know it, revolves around us, because we observe it from our olace. So you form your own opinions and looking at it from when you stand. This isn’t selfish to think others are there to help you, as that is how we automatically think of them, seeing all interaction we have with people usually involves talking to one another.

It is an automatic usumption with the lives that we lead, that we are to think things revolve around ourselves, so why should we be made to feel guilty about it. ‘Think about others first’ we are told, but why? In this life too many people pass the buck and like to blame their failure on others, and I think that this is just another way of doing that. It’s like passing all your aggravation onto other people. Because your life is so meaningless you have to use any excuse to berate another, perfectly happy person.

Sometimes I think I should just lock myself in my room and be a hermit.

Blogging Vs Social Networking

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

So blogging is apparently now losing out in popularity to social networking sites, especially Facebook.

I’m still awful stand-offish about facebook, I like something that I can express myself freely, and you can’t realy do that on Facebook. I mean, most people I know, go on it to play the games. Its gimmicky. And I don’t like that.

I pour my heart and soul into my blogs, and recently, with my anti-depressants being taken away, it helps me sort things out in my head a bit. Ok, they have status updates on facebook, but that’s why I use twitter. And to be honest, its easier to ignore annoyances on twitter. I mean I have 104 requests to look through on facebook, and I just can’t be bothered.

It shouldn’t have to be such an effort. You should be able to go on to sites, and use them freely and comfortably. And its not just the Social Networking thing, cause I was on bebo a lot, and after 5 years I still love Myspace. Its just Facebook.

I can use it ok, but I am bored of spending ages on it, playing all the wee games, and checking everyones status updates, and bitching about each other. I mean, people are bad enough getting the message through text messages, let alone facebook. I have seen people block me on facebook, because they didn’t like the way I said something(actually, it’d be the way that they read it). Saying that, not had that issue on twitter yet, and I do talk to a lot of people on that.

The good thing about social networking sites, is when they start to work together, like Myspace shows my tweets and my lastFM, in fact just about all sites, bar facebook uses twitter problem free.

Facebook has got its good points. I mean its great if you wanna check how someone is doing, and its seen a lot of action reconnecting old friends. Maybe its me, and I’m bias because I love Myspace, I dunno. Myspace was the first thing where you could be ‘friends’ with bands you admired, and it really opened up a lot of gateways. I would say, somewhat grudgingly, that I now feel that LastFM is more relevent in music terms. But, that could be that I am always looking for new bands, and LastFM always recommends bands, depending on what you have been listening to.

But its all trends, I guess, one day it will all come back round, where blogs are ‘cool’ again. Saying that, by the time that happens, I might be at the age where blogging is deemed more relevent anyway.

Oh well.