Avoidance is futile.

Throughout the COVID-19 pandemic, I have been one of those people, who champions mask wearing, and believing that there was some skill involved in me not catching the virus. I worked in a warehouse throughout, and a lockdown happening, just meant that my petrol was cheaper. I wasn’t aware but I seemed to have developed a superiority complex, where I felt that I was doing things right, that is how I stayed virus free.

Which, was all fine until I discovered that I had caught COVID. Whoopee!

My health has been questionable for, at least, the last month. I felt exhausted, sick, tired, I would manage work, then just come home and crash. I had a lot of ‘medical things’ going on, so I assumed that is what was making me sick. Then, a few weekends ago, I went from feeling rubbish, to feeling like death warmed up. I was running a fever, I had a cough (I currently seem to have a perma-cold), and the worst bit, I had this horrible rash all over my body. It was awful. And I immediately tested myself, using a lateral flow test, and I was negative. I tested a few times over the course of a few days, all negative. So my mind, being the anxiety driven mess that it is, jumped to the next possible answer. It must be my new medication. I had started immuno-suppressants for my rheumatoid arthritis, and one of the reactions was a rash with swelling around the face. This is what I had, so I called my GP, concerned what was happening. After a few tests, she thought it was a virus, so advised me to go and get a PCR test, but to contact the arthritis care team, in case it was my medication. The PCR test came back positive, and the nurse said ‘it could be a reaction, or it could be covid’. So, I had to come off my arthritis meds, until I know I have gotten over COVID properly.

I am just exhausted. It has taken me months to get the right medication prescribed, a lot of calling up and emails. I get very anxious when I have to chase anything up, so most of the interactions ended up with me having a panic attack. Which was just lovely. And, I am feeling frustrated, because if I get any reaction at all with this medication, I have to stop and we have to try something else. It’s like going round in circles. It feels like I have so many issues, right now, and COVID has just taken a huge dump in the middle of everything. It’s annoying.

At least I am able to go back outside. I am just not used to having to spend so much time at home. I am used to being able to go to the shops, or go visit friends, whenever I want. I couldn’t even have dinner with my family. I was just lying on my bed feeling sorry for myself. I never had a lockdown, I never spent lots of time at home during the pandemic, I went out to work. And, I think that is why I found it hard, I felt useless and horrible. So, I am happy that my life is going back to normal. But I will still be wearing a mask and carrying my hand sanitiser around.

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