Tag: life

It Disney Make It Better?

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

It’s a day where I have nothing notable to do. So how do I occupy my time?

The same as every other person of a certain disposition, who has an internet connection. I browse the internet for useless information and obscure things that  no one really cares about.

Well, noone except me. This involves me looking up dumped plotlines from the Lion King movie, and why they were abandoned. I mean, as intriguing as it is, I am glad Disney decided against killing Simba along with Scar. It was traumatic enough seeing Simba kill himself in a fake game (see previous post) without him dying in the official stuff.

But this looking into the Disney archives, and viewing the Vault releases, makes me happy I got to enjoy the Disney renascence as a kid. I mean, getting to see Beauty & The Beast, Aladdin, Pocahontas, Oliver & Company and obviously The Lion King, were big parts of my childhood. Seeing those movies growing up, helped push me to being more creative, painting backgrounds, drawing characters, it took me where I am today. The stories that we watched as children, help form the opinions and ideas that we take through to our adult life.

Disney has always got a lot of bad-press for making everything seem like a fairy tale, and that things will always end up ok. That isn’t an unhealthy thing to teach anyone. It is basic positive mental attitude, I mean if you think the world is all doom and gloom, how do you even get up in the morning. The truth is, you can’t. Disney teaches people that obsticles will come into your path, but if you power through and be honest with yourself, it will get better. That is a brilliant ethos, an ethos that people want to take away from Disney, because it is one of the biggest companies in the world. Surely, it doesn’t matter how big someone is, if they encourage people to live good lives, then why take the good aspect away from them?

Increasingly, there have become adults, very much like myself, who delve into the world of Disney on a regular basis, to bring light into their lives. Much like religion, people pick out the parts of Disney’s rich history, to give them encouragement in living life, especially when it gets hard. The idea, that a lot of the plot lines, and song lyrics clarify that a person is never alone, and they will always have someone who needs them, is comforting Even if it is a small monkey, named Abu. Disney focuses on friends, on family, on how doing the right thing will always be the better option. I don’t care how old you are, these are morals to live by.

Everyone gets influence from different places, and for different reasons.

Cheers for that.

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

So, technology has decided to fight against me in my daily battles. It is irritating. I have attempted to post two entries before this one, and they both failed miserably.

It’s bad enough I am coming to the realisation that this blog a day thing isn’t preparing me for NaNoWriMo, as I expected. And now I have this overwhelming sense of impending doom. I think what the issue is that I try to post up to 300 words a post. Which is fine, when I remember I have to post. But then my thoughts turn to NaNoWriMo, and I realise that all the wordage of a weeks worth of blogging, doesn’t even hit the daily average I need to write in November, of 1,500 words.

That has me panicking whilst November is still so far away. -.- Well, a matter of weeks away. 3 weeks. Maybe I should focus on the number of days, as the higher number fools my brain into thinking I have more time.

The things people do.

A Brave New Day

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

There is nothing worse than waking up to a day, where you feel lost, depressed and alone. A day where you look outside to a cold, wet world, and all you want to do is stay in bed all day. And the fact that you have to get up and force yourself into the day doesn’t make things much better.

This is a bump. A blip on the radar. Some people get more bumps than some, and it can be uncomfortable and hard. But when the sea calms, everything becomes settled and a person can feel a lot better about themselves. There is a sense of accomplishment that comes from powering through to the ‘other side’. And if you can battle through it once, you can do it again. That is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do, find a belief that things do get better if you can lift yourself through the turmoil.

And once you know that you can power through moments of uncertainty, and you do it regularly, you generally get less overwhelmed by the bumps in the road. It takes a strong person to ride out the bumpy road and get through it without the feeling you are in a black hole. Looking at others sometimes doesn’t help, because you may fool yourself that they have never had any storms to try and pass through.

So what I am trying to say is, don’t look at others. Look at yourself. You are a great person, and that alone should give you the strength to power on. Especially of you have been bothered before by issues. Only you can make a difference, and believing you ‘can’ is the best way to start. It seems scary, it seems different, I know it does. But be brave, and find out how fantastic the world is.

Feeling Enslaved

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

So this post a day think came into a blip. Where I am unable to access WordPress through my work computer, and my phone decided it didn’t like being online. So everytime I accessed an app which needs an online connection, I just got a plethora of error messages. And then the ‘internet access’ PCs couldn’t connect online. But it’s ok. O2’s dodgy 3G connection came back on. *cheers*

But this is a challenge. I have to make the effort to post. Which makes me feel like I have achieved something, because I have overcome something. I think that as soon as effort is put in, you feel more distinguished because of that effort. It doesn’t really matter what the thing is. Or I don’t think it does, not to me anyway.

Besides, the effort I need to make, stops my mind from wondering, and that’s where issues come into it. I overthink, and seem to dig up drama which isn’t there.

Feeling of Sollitude

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

When you need to relax, what do you do? What do you do to switch off, when you can’t escape?

I have always used music as a method to escape. It helps me because it allows me to ignore my surroundings. And that is what escapism is about. Being able to ignore the distractions which are near to you. And its crazy how much, just making yourself not have to listen to what’s going around you, makes a difference. I am sitting at the canteen at my work, and despite being surrounded in groups talking to each other, my ipod is helping me not bare them any attention. If you feel alone, listening to music can also give you company, in that it stops you from feeling so alone.

Another thing I like to do, is read novels. I love the idea of experiencing a completely different world, just from reading a few pages. If you have a good imagination, and the right story, you can escape into the story. I have always read on my own, and I describe it as being a solitary activity. Because you read at your own pace and experience this new world. I can easily spend hours being lost in a book, and its the best feeling in the world. I feel that I can actually experience the plotlines, and that the characters are people I meet and get to know.

So right now, I am reading The Crimson Petal and the White by Micheal Faber, and listening to the Broadway recording of the Lion King musical. And, honestly, I feel so happy and at peace. I don’t feel alone as I have so much things here, that gives me so much joy. Reading and listening music is something that has gone hand in hand, for me, for most of my life. And I don’t see it being a habit I will drop very easily.

‘Team’ work

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I always thought there was.

I am currently taking part in 3 different projects, where in taking part in a team was essential. Because I have not organised any of these projects, there are obviously people taking part that I don’t know. Something I am fine with. I like getting the opertunity to meet new people, and get to know them. To be honest, it is one of the wonders of the internet. It brings people together.

The issue is, when you get involved in some kind of group project, you have to appreciate other people’s opinions and learn to work together. But there is always something that gets in the way. Usually it involves people trying to force their point of view across. I am a compromising person,  but it gets to the point where rather than the group being a collaboration, someone wants to be boss.

Usually ideas are fine, but it is when these ideas transform into changes. Changes that were never mentioned previously before the project started, but have suddenly became the main agenda, and causes a rift between the team members. People feel a bit taken-aback by how the original plan seems to be changing, that things are being taken over. They feel threatened, because this is no longer a bit of fun. Changes are ‘proposed’ and people feel out of place. Something that has started as a friendly project to bring people together, has become formal. As if it is a competition to push the project quicker than all the team members are ready for.

And if you feel it is like someone is making a change, and rushing ahead, is it right to put your feet down? Surely, that is why things are discussed. So that people can talk about things. And if someone is harsh, and gets a harsh reaction, who is in the wrong? Is anyone? As long as they can understand each others point of view, should there be any animosity? To make a change to original plans, all team members should be agreed on a particular idea.  And if someone percieves your idea as wrong, don’t run off scared when someone does oppose it. It’s give and take.

—

And that’s off my chest. 🙂 I always seem to encounter the same issues when I work in groups. Maybe I am just not fit for working in a team. -.- Has anyone encountered any issues when working with other people? What would be your advice on dealing with it?

 

Very Boring

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Do I seem interesting?

With the immense time I put in to being an internet addict, probably not. Well, a little lie there, I actually find myself very interesting. I love my patterns of reading, blogging and TV. I say TV, because now my Sky+ is working properly mixed with Sky working on Xbox again, I have started watching a lot of TV. Most of it is The Gilmore Girls, but still, good quality, healthy TV.

The TV shows I like have to have good dialog and well written and developed characters. I like the fact that you can judge a character, because you have come to know their personality. I think it comes from a life a bookworm, where I did nothing but read for days on end. Not much has changed really, accept now, I tend to use writing to express myself more. It seems rather logical putting my loves for reading and writing together, but it didn’t happen that naturally. I liked to do things on my own, and write because I wanted to. When school became about essays and exams, it stopped being about writing for fun. It started to have a purpose. A purpose which was that I was writing for a meaningless grade.

That sounds bad. Grades aren’t meaningless. But I put a lot of love into what I wrote, and I didn’t like that it was graded and treating like a piece of crap, where all the feeling was sucked out of any piece, just so that the flaws (mostly in grammar) could be picked at. It was a bit of a change in things. Writing at school, became less a labour of love, and more a dementor. (5 points for HP reference.) And it made me think, ‘why’. Why did I have to put so much of ‘me’ into things, just for it to be torn to shreds because of my technical ability.

Through writing on my own, on blogs, etc, I have bettered myself in my grammar. I have become a better writer, but that is through reading a lot of novels, and writing a lot of pieces on other sites. Writing blogs has helped me a lot, in being an aide to help me find the words I need to express myself. The fact that I can put my thoughts across, and do it in such a way (I hope) people can pick up on what I am like, and how I feel. And that is a spiritual thing. The fact that you can connect to so many people, where age and country bare no significance.

Some say I am boring, and lead a boring life. I ask them, what do you do that gives you passion? What do you do, that makes you happy to be alive? What do you do to communicate with like-minded individuals? The internet helps me achieve all that and more, people only mock because they don’t know how to do what you do.

Gather Thoughts

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I like to think that everyone has certain points of their life, where they slow down and evaluate their existence and place in the world.

Due to the high volume of time I spend on my own, this happens a lot to me. I find myself looking at what others are doing, and then look upon my own life. This, obviously, gets in a rather low mood. I guess when looking at other people, I have the habit of focusing on their successes, whilst looking at my failures. Trust me, I have a lot of failure.

I’m trying not to go into too much self-wallowing detail, seeing as I have already had more than one rant about it on other blogging services I use. I guess, I like to use this blog to help me think more constructive than destructive. Like, to try and rationalise the crazy which is bouncing around in my brain.  And I’ll tell you something, it helps. It helps that I have a place to write weepy, mopy blogs, but then I have this, where I can try and be a bit more thoughtful about my feelings.

I guess emotion really is like a rollercoaster, just as the Ronan Keating abomination says. I think I want to say to anyone reading, if you feel depressed about something, let it out.  It is okay to be sad. I think that as soon as you accept it, things become a lot more manageable. At the moment, my depression, and how I act with it, is the big change. And although I complain about work, I guess, learning to deal with myself is the big thing. I can now cope with my irrational mood swings and crying for no reason. I know that if I keep on trudging on, I do feel better.

The Longest Bus Journey EVER!!

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Or it felt like it.
Since the escapades of Friday (if you don’t know what I am talking about, read the previous entry), I have been slowly calming down. Seeing as I was in complete shock, and COULD NOT stop shaking. Yesterday was fairly quiet, and despite the fact I wanted to go back out, I felt nervous and told myself I wanted to relax at home. I wish I could say it was nice, but I had so much time to think. The very thought of going outside on my own made my heart beat faster. I did venture out with my mum and sister, but that was just to the High Street, and it only took 20 minutes. So I was housebound, self-inflicted, and spent the day trying to distract myself from going over the previous days events in my head.

This kind of failed, and the events kept on playing out in my mind pretty, much in a continuous loop. So I woke up today, and decided I would venture out. This would have been good, if I wasn’t so nervous, and despite much begging to other people to get them to accompany me, I still ended up on my own. So I decided to bite the bullet, and travel through to Kirkcaldy on my own. Something I had in my head, but was actually shitting myself at the prospect.

Now, I am a very independent person, in that I am very good in my own company. Sometimes I actually thrive in it. I go to gigs on my own, go on holiday, go shopping, I pretty much live a solitary existence. Which is fine by me. I like being in my own head, usually. But today I felt like I needed someone to distract me from my thoughts. But, it didn’t happen, so I decided I’d and go out on my own. Again, I should mention I was still really nervous about going out of the town where I live, as the last time that happened I swear my life flashed before my eyes. I got on the bus at the end of the street and read Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green and David Levithan. Today the book was my only ally against this fear which was building up to the point my heart was racing. But the distraction didn’t really make any difference. The bus journey of about 45 minutes felt like hours. And as I got closer to my destination, I was shaking. It seems a bit melodramatic now, but I was shit scared of being somewhere on my own, and have something happen again.

But, of course, I got to Kirkcaldy and nothing notable happened. I didn’t even find anything I wanted. Whilst this seems a bit pointless writing this into a blog entry, I felt it was needed. The relief I felt when nothing happened as I walked around the shopping centre was immense. To know that nothing had changed, and I could still carry on as normal. When your confidence takes a knock, you are always told to ‘get back on the horse’. Well, my horse was a bus, and I am so glad that I did it. Whilst I am still slightly jumpy, I am happy I did go out on my own. And at the end of it, when I was waiting for the bus, it became the fear that was driving me to leave my comfort zone.

Some people believe that fear is a good thing. Everyone has a fright now and then, and it is how you deal with the frights that decides what kind of person you are. And I guess I am determined, but ask anyone I know, and they’ll tell you that. I’ll do what I want, no matter what stands in my way. And I am happy to report, that whilst I may be a bit more attentive to my surroundings, I’m not going to let my life change.

Can I hate you, cause you’re not like me?

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

The brutal truth of why most people act the way they do, is because other people are different to them. Seems a little obscene, but it’s true. No matter how much people bother about being ‘themselves’, they will always try and pass judgement and be judge themselves. And everyone does it. It is something embedded into our psyche, to judge things, whether it be a positive or negative judgement is irrelevant. But people think that judgement starts and stops with things such as TV shows, music and books, but don’t acknowledge that they pick apart fashion and the people wearing the fashion a LOT more than they do anything else. It is a simple thing of like/dislike, where in nature, if a creature doesn’t like something, it will no longer associate itself with it. And that is a behaviour trait that people, as animals, still have to this very date.

This is not normally cause by any form of malicious intent, but by because someone is maybe wearing something that is not to your taste. It is what you do with these thoughts. Most of the time, people think their judgement, and that’s it. Nothing else is done. The trouble is, when people start voicing their judgement. Because we like to think negatively about something, mostly to try and make ourselves seem more superior, it’s part of human nature. But if you receive any negative judgement, it is hard to tell yourself that is ‘just opinion’. Sometimes, against better judgement you react, almost like you are being encouraged to. This reinforces the ‘judger’s’ behaviour because they can then see that they can evoke reaction off people. As if getting a reaction is what it’s all about.

This is a basis of what every person does in their life. You live your life on doing things you like that make you happy, and stay away from things you don’t like. It’s just that it has been taken to the point, that people seem to use likes and dislikes as weapons against each other.. There is no harm in deciding that you think someone looks silly in what they are wearing, but what does voicing it to the person in question really achieve. Does it turn your life into a success? No! Does it make the other person thank you for changing her life with your observation? No! You will offend the person, and nothing will change in your life whatsoever. So because there is no real reason for giving judgement on another person, why do it? And why make a spectacle of yourself whilst doing it?

I am rambling like this because I want to know what would make a person give verbal abuse to another person without being provoked? Why would you choose, as an adult man, to get a friend and threaten a girl who is on her own? That isn’t the kind of natural behaviour I can understand. Maybe it’s because I am stupid or maybe it’s because I would never ever want to make anyone feel like they made me feel. Why I lost a day of work because I was in shock that two men 6/7 years older than me (makes them 33/34) verbally abused me to the point I thought they were going to kill me. And that I was still shaking 6 hours later, and crying when anyone asked me what happened. I was terrified that people were going to tell me to ‘stand up for myself’, when I knew that having two adults scream in your face so badly the police were called, was not anything I really wanted to stand up to. Especially when no-one came up to try and help me. They could have punched me, and I could have done nothing. I don’t know who the guys were, and know nothing that apparently they were ‘off their faces’ on drugs.

I can honestly say, I have never been so scared in my life. And I can’t think of anything that can make sense of why they did it. But other than because I looked different to them, I just can’t understand it.