Tag: life

28 Things I Have Achieved At 28

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Since the last entry was such a downer, I felt I’d balance some things out a little.

1) I am a very individual person, who likes what they want to, no matter what those around me say.

2) On the 10th anniversary of leaving High School, I am still good friends with some people I met there.

3) I have been in employment constantly since I was 16.

4) I had two dreams when I was young, do something with animals or with art. I have attended college for both, and have learnt so much. Yes I failed exams, but the lessons I learnt there are
much more important than qualifications.

5) I read 3 books at once. Well, I go between 3 books.

6) I take time to sit and enjoy the world. The world is beautiful, and not enough people appreciate it.

7) I got over my anxiety I used to feel about things out of my control.

8) I fought through depression. And can proudly say that I no longer want to kill myself.

9) I accept the times I do feel very low, are natural and a sign that I need to give my brain something else to think about.

10) I have never intentionally hurt another person.

11) I read Lord of The Rings. After 13 years of trying. Finished it 2 weeks ago.

12) I know where I am comfortable, and wouldn’t put myself in a situation which would change that.

13)I know every word from The Lion King and Lion King 2: Simba’s Pride.

14) I have seen ALL my musical heroes in concert.

15) I successfully blow myself up in every Call of Duty game I have ever played online.

16) For how long I have had an Xbox, I have a ridiculously low gamerscore. But I realise this is because I mostly use it to watch TV and have a short attention span.

17) i have a uniform. Jeans, t-shirt and a hoodie. It has been that way for years.

18) Am the only girl in Inverkeithing (town I live in) with a Mohawk.

19) I regularly walk to and from work.

20) I am a believer that if a person wants their views to be valued, then they must value the opinions of others. No matter how ridiculous they may seem.

21) I also believe that whatever your opinion is on music, art or books, someone has created something. A person will make a connection with that ‘something’, whether it is Twilight or Beethoven, and that is a beautiful thing.

22) I don’t need money to make me happy. A Paulo Coelho book is all I want.

23) I can talk forever about nothing.

24) I can sing a thousand songs, and every note would be out of tune. But that will never stop me.

25) I frequently pretend I am texting, but I’m sending a tweet instead. (@sueriotgraphics)

27) I word vomit daily. Most people jut pretend it doesn’t happen, by ignoring it.

28) I think I am hilarious. I don’t think many people share my view.

I know these weren’t exactly achievements, but they are parts of myself that make me laugh and be grateful to be alive.

28 Things I Imagined I’d Done By The Age Of 28 (but haven’t)

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

1. Have a relationship, where me and my partner are so connected, we are best friends.

2. Be employed as a Vet.

3. Be an artist on the side, because I want to, not for money.

4. I’d be trying to get my first novel published.

5. I’d be a YouTube partner, and vlog regularly to an audience who I really connect with.

6. I’d have my own house, with a garden.

7. The garden would have a vegetable patch, where I’d farm my own food.

8. I’d have a car, so I could go where I want.

9. Have loads of money, like every adult does.

10. Invite my best friends round every weekend where we drink and watch crap movies.

11. I’d have my own dog.

12. I’d be living in Glasgow.

13. All my favourite bands would know my name.

14. Have gotten past the stage where I massively obsess over a person I’ve never met.

15. I’d host dinner parties where I pretend I had cooked the food, but I had ordered takeaway.

16. The rollercoaster emotions would be left in my teenage years, and I’m always happy.

17. I be a size 10 and addicted to the gym.

18. I would get past relying on others opinions of me so much.

19. I’d have stopped watching Cartoon Network.

20. I’d no long buy My Little Pony toys.

21. I’d have so many friends constantly texting me, because nice people get friends.

22. I would be a great worker, and the best at what I do.

23. I’d have displayed work at a gallery, and sold it for charity, for the PDSA.

24. I’d have used my first aid training to save a life.

25. I could do whatever I want.

26. I’d like more grown up things, like shopping and knitting, rather than Mario Kart and Disney movies.

27. I would be glad I was an adult and wouldn’t pine for my teenage days.

28. I would be successful.

Be Your Own Hero

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Change is hard.
But change happens.
Accepting change is difficult.
Enforcing change change can seem impossible.
But to be successful, a person needs to be able to change things. No matter what your status is in life, you will have some bad habits. Things that you do without thought. It may effect your life dramatically, it may just sit in the background of your life.

Sometimes, just to feel empowered and in control, you need to change something. Whether that is losing weight or going to college, change is good. I want to find control. I am not happy with my shape, so I am going to try and exercise more. I have spent the majority of my life beating myself up because of how I am shaped, and that is not a good place to be.

So I hope to change my mindset by getting fit. This will hopefully help me become more positive. And be the end of these selfish ramblings.

Or maybe not. 😉

Looking For Sue

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

I am the kind of person who has always thought for herself. Mostly because I have always spent a lot of my time on my own. Also, because I had no one to really ‘bounce ideas off’, I just came to my own conclusion on things.

When I was younger, I struggled with it. I struggled that the person who I wanted to be was not the same as everyone else. I just wanted to understand the workings of the world a bit better, and find a way to contribute to the world. Whereas everyone else at school, had decided at 12 what they would do, and we’re going to stick to that path. In fairness, all my friends that were that focused on their future career, got what they wanted. And for that, I am proud and have a lot of respect that they ‘stuck it out’ and got where they wanted to be.

I just wasn’t that focused. I thought that there had to be more about life that just getting a great job. I visited museums and art galleries on my own, I just tried to find out who I was. To me, being the person I wanted to be, was more important than any vocation. Which is why I maybe flunked college when I went. Twice. But I look it those ‘failures’ as character developments. Both times I attended college, I discovered a lot about myself, and continued my search to find the person who I wanted to be.

I became so focused on me, my relationship status rarely changed from single, which is still the same today. But I found a person I am happy to be, and that is more important to me. The only relationship that should have all your attention, is the one with yourself. Because if you don’t love you, how can you expect anyone else to?

I try to educate myself regularly. I love reading books on history and politics. And I have recently taken to teach myself French (after I attempted it at school, but have forgotten 99% of it). I feel that over the last few years, I have moved greatly towards the person I want to be. I just cut my Mohawk again, for the first time in 6 months, and I feel like me. And from someone who has struggled with herself for most of her life, this is a revelation. It makes me feel successful, although people looking at my life, may disagree.

I am the kind of person who: is compassionate, has kick-ass music taste, ponders a lot, reads 3 books at once, puts subtitles on movies because I want to listen to music at the same time, has a strong dislike for the colour pink, interested in politics, interested in science, grrl gamer, is intelligent, is a bookworm, opinionated, is accepting, non-religious, argumentative, childish, queer, tattoo addict, fashion reject.

All these things make me who I am. What makes you who you are?

I’m Addicted To You

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I was watching some show on TV last night, that talked about how easily people can become addicted to things. Be it narcotics or sky diving, people get addicted the good feeling, that comes with a particular activity. Everyone has something that they are addicted to. Whether it is watching Coronation Street without fail, having a whiskey every night or topping up your fake tan. There is something that you can do every day without thinking, something that you do because it makes you happy.

If that is the case, why do people like drug addicts and alcoholics become the most hated people in modern society. They aren’t really any different to you, except they just ‘get their kicks’ in a different way. It is just their addictions can lead to problems with their own bodies, and behaviour problems that effect the general public. So the final outcome of their addiction may be problematic, but do they deserve the damning that the majority of people give them.

I don’t think so. If you expect someone to accept that you are addicted to looking and feeling a certain way, surely alcoholics and drug addicts are no different. They, like us all, are just looking for something to help through life, and make things easier. Everyone has something that makes life a bit easier to cope with it. So why demean others for doing the same thing?

Attack! Attack!

~ Sue ~ 2 Comments

Work and life has been a bit rubbish.

And I am feeling rather nervous about posting personal things online because I seem to be getting lampooned a lot for it. The usual Internet troll crap is something I can live with, but now people who I accept as friends and family are hating me for it. They don’t understand why I want to ‘tell all’ and post it online for the world to read.

On one hand the criticism doesn’t mean too much, because these people have not a lot of experience of Internet geekdom past Facebook and YouTube. And as a reaction they attack what it is they don’t know about. It’s a natural response i guess.

But on the hand, I don’t understand it. I have had problems with depression and talking about things online has helped me cope – bit. And the fact that these people are attacking my coping mechanism and they know how hard the last few years have been for me.

I guess it sucks. There seems to a stigma that is becoming attached to publishing things on line generally. Which is strange because blogs about clothing, food and tech seem to be very popular.

The worst thing is that I am cutting back on what I am posting, to try and please those around me. Which is not something I should have to do. *sigh* What a pain!!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.

Initial Aspirations

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

When I started this blog, I had many ideas and thoughts of what I would use it for. It would be a creative blog, where I would post images of what I had made, and use it as a promotional tour for my business. In retrospect, I think I aimed a little high.

Firstly because being at college, and struggling through a few years of forced creativity, has lead to me going from one artistic mental block, to another. Secondly, I just am far too scatter brained to make my blog about one thing. I maybe should organise it better, but nothing in my life is very organised, so it maybe wouldn’t reflect ME if it wasn’t a bit of a mess. Some excuse, right?

I have always been an over thinker. A person who seeks importance in the most stupid and trivial things. My interests in things can get intense, but will also suddenly wane after a short period of time. I want to express my love and experience so many different things, that I always find myself looking for ‘something else’. Whilst some things such as favourite bands, movies and books will stay with me, I can’t exclusively care about a favourite thing. I think that liking new things can be a challenge, a challenge that should be welcomed.

Because I try to be interested in so many different things, I find that what I want to talk about changes every day. One day I will want to talk about Benji Madden sneaking into Scotland without my knowledge, the next day I’ll be talking about some political land mine. Whilst this leads to me being very sporadic, I like the idea that I have a place to express my thoughts in a accessible manner.

So whilst my initial plans for this blog haven’t come true, I still am happy with it. I have made this blog my online ‘home’ for the last few years, and I have become very attached to it. I find that WordPress is a great blog host, and find that is the best managed blogging site on the net. Trust me, I have tried almost every blogging site going. I like everything from the multiple platforms you can blog from, to the twitter feed. I think that the simplicity of using the service, has been crucial for me staying here for so long.

I guess I am feeling very retrospective. Whilst the majority of people I know say I waste my time writing a blog, I will always scoff in their faces. If a person has the freedom to express themselves without fear, no matter how they do it, they will never waste their time.

The Idea Of Deserve

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Some people work for every little thing they get, and some thing that they should be gifted things without work. After some thought on the topic, I was left wondering about how everyone has some kind of expectancy that they feel that they should be entitled to. But are we entitled to all we thing we deserve?

 I started thinking about this topic, after a discussion I had via Twitter, where a discussion on the Royal family, ended up with comments of ‘they don’t deserve the luxuries they have’. It made me wonder, who is anyone, to decide, whether someone is deserving of a certain lifestyle. Do homeless people deserve to rot, because they are possibly drug addicts and are responsible for the mess they find themselves in?

I like to think that people are responsible for what happens in their lives. That, what life you lead, is decided by the actions that you do. And by that belief, I have to do any task to the maximum of my capabilities. If I don’t try at something, I feel that I can’t complain if it all goes wrong, and I don’t get the result I want.

I find that a lot of people don’t work at something, so they look at others, who are ‘better off’ than themselves, and berate them. Say that they are not worthy for the privileges that they have. These insults don’t change anything, the privileged person is still privileged, and the insulter just ends up bitter about their own situation. So complaining about those with more than you, is counter-productive. It does nothing, but make a person feel worse about their own life.

Another point about people’s ‘observance’ of those more privileged people, is that most of the time, the observer knows nothing about the person they berate. They have no idea what that person does day-to-day, or what they get in return. It is a pointless and wrong observation.

More people need to be concerned more about whether they reach their potential, rather than complaining about others. If you put all your energy making yourself successful, you won’t feel the need to waste time tearing others down. Yes, it may seem a tad self-obsessed, and you may end up contained in a ‘bubble’ on your own, but it is better for a person’s well being. Being obsessed with those who has more than you, just takes your focus off your life. Think about how you are privileged and work so that the things that you admire in others, is something that you possess.

Just Deal With It

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

As a person, who documents much of her life online, as mentioned before,  I have the habit of being a complainer, rather than a do-er. The same passive stance I feel that many other people experience, things happen but I just talk about it and do nothing.

In some sort of continuance of the last few posts, I am still going to speak about change. Which is something that happens, no matter what your situation. The world isn’t something that sits still and waits for people. Things happen, and a person must learn to ‘roll with it’ or face being left behind, and be left out of life.

So, I guess my point is, that if you have a problem, deal with it. As mentioned previously, it may be change that is forced, which is harder. But by accepting the challenge you are faced with and adapting to change, you can open up the world of oppertunity. Rather than being resentful, and looking negatively at the situation, look at it with a chance to improve things. You can’t complain about your situation, if you are unwilling to do something about it.

Every obstruction which may cover your path, always comes with a diversion round it. Yes the path may be difficult, it may be different, but it will get you back to where you want to be.

Admitting Defeat

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I find the hardest thing to do, is admitting to myself that I can’t do something. I have always felt that I should be able to deal with things, without help. If not because I ‘have to’, more because everyone else does it fine, so I will too. The thing is, not everything is easy for all people, some things are hard to take in, and deal with.

The worst thing is, asking for help. That is admitting that you can’t do something. You can’t do something that EVERYONE ELSE can do. I know it isn’t just me who feels like this, but I hate admitting that I can’t do something. Which sounds silly, because everyone has something that they can’t do. But, it’s hard. Especially when it is something you need to do on a daily basis as part of your job, or something.  If you start hating the thing that you struggle with, it can end up being the focus of all your energy, and it is negative energy. It’s hard to get over the obstacle that is in your way, if it seems to be something you have to confront regularly.

The worst thing is, when you think you are coping with said task, and it is evident to others around you that you aren’t. If forcing defeat yourself is hard, being told that you need help is even worse. Especially when you fool yourself into thinking things are okay. The self-pity takes over, and you feel ashamed that you didn’t have the guts to say you were struggling.

I think the lesson that comes out of such experiences, is that a person needs to be honest with themselves, through the good and bad. Honesty is easy when things are good, but when things are bad,  you have to train yourself to be honest. That is a challenge that I have to try and tackle over the coming weeks, and I think more people need to be honest with themselves. But I think honesty can also be linked to confidence, and that is where the problem lies for most people.