Friday Feeling?

My Friday feeling, right now, is sick.

Lovely. Just what I needed when I remember I booked an overtime shift starting at 8.30 am. -.- This is good, because it gives me more money. But it sucks, because I am no longer used to getting up early. This meant I woke up with about 20 minutes to wake up and be at the bus stop. This was not perfect by any means, and it took me till about 11am till I was properly awake.

Yes, talking about billing is bad enough when one’s brain is 100% in gear, without me making things worse. But hey, I seem to always be dedicated to making things suck and be irritating. But hey, what would I moan about if life was perfect?

Other than overworking, something which is about as welcome in my life as a weight watchers representative, I am glad to inform that life has been pretty boring. But when is it not? If life was all go-go-go, I’d probably die of a heart attack due to pure exhaustion.

I did this whole creative thing last night, and made a late-night vlog. Oi! Not that kind of vlog. What kind of person are you? Filth! I did a video which was to help friends with recommendations of sites for their uses. Unfortunately, it did not render well, or record well. In fact, the whole thing was a disaster. To the point that I am going to get home and delete it as soon as I can. Unless youtube did something to it overnight.

Sorry for the pointless moaning. But that’s why I have this. So I can say what’s on my mind. πŸ™‚

Enjoy your Friday!

Holy Moley?!?

Trying to cut down on swearing. *nods* For no real reason, just felt like I should be acting a little bit more respectable. I’m not a child anymore, curse words shouldn’t be all that funny anymore.

Accept I find them hilarious and fart jokes hit my funny bone spot on. So I am never going to be as mature as I pretend I want to be. To be brutally honest, I don’t particularly want to to stop acting like a child. I mean, the few things I do, which are all about living as an adult (working, paying bills, actually dealing with things) are pretty over-rated. So I am quite content living in my bubble of perpentual adolescence.

But seeing as cursing is something that I do a lot, I figured ‘it’s just a few words’ so I decided to try and stop swearing. *shrugs* Can’t be that hard right? So far I have failed miserably, and am still cursing and everything. But part of me is thinking, why should I stop swearing. They are just words after all. It’s not the actual words that are offensive, it’s the thought processes people have connected to them.

And to be honest, right now, it seems like it would a lot easier to change the thought processes of the whole world, compared to not dropping the F-bomb.

Yeah. Fudge. It’s nice, you should go get some. πŸ˜‰

Picking Up Speaking Habits

So where do you get the small characteristics in your speech from?

Don’t be confused, I don’t actually mean behaviour traits. Because they tend to take years and years to develop. I am talking about little words and phrases you pick up from people you talk toΒ  or from people you watch .

What made me think of this? Well,Β  I have been watching Nat’s Community Channel videos on You Tube, and I have noticed she says ‘bro’ a lot. I then noticed me using it in conversation. And, I’m no Australian funny girl, so when I said it, I was met with that kind of uncomfortable silence where you start looking for the tumble weed.*sigh*

So some words don’t exactly suit every person, nor every situation. But hey, if you try out a ‘new word’ don’t be disappointed if you get a few laughs because of it, because there is usually at least one reason people in Scotland shouldn’t say ‘Bro’, especially when talking to a girl. :S But it is always interesting, because sometimes words to catch on. For instance ‘awesomesauce’, I heard from Canadian youtuber WaffleJon. And, it has been used by other youtubers, and now is used widely by people all over the place. And awesomesauce never gets so much as a chortle. Probably because it is AWESOME!!

So yeah, I am guilty of stealing words and phrases from other people. *nods* And I’m pretty sure it comes from something in childhood, where all kids would play the same game to fit in. So if someone you fancied at school said something cool, you would start saying the phrase, in a bit to fool yourself into thinking that you were close to said crush.

What? That was just me? Dunno what you’re talking about, because I have never done that. *cough*

I guess it is just how people are, they do pick up little things form those around them. And because speech is the most common way of communicating, it’s no surprise we adapt what we say. Pretty cool, when you think about it.

Want to know if anyone reading this, has any words they seem to have started saying as a direct influence from someone else. So let me know, bro.

Na, that is never gonna seem cool no matter how many times I say it.

Moneh!!

So I am trying to be conservative with ma cash. And whilst I don’t see it lasting very long, I decided to make a video about it all.

What’s that? Two video’s in two days. BOOYAH SON! Yeah, probably won’t last very long, because I don’t film if I am not in the mood, if ya catch me. So here’s hoping I do spend sensibly so I can treat myself at the end of the month. *crosses fingers*

Start Again.

So, it’s the start of yet another week, and almost on to the third month of the year. :S Does anyone know how I can slow time down a little, it seems to be going way too fast.

I don’t think that it’s helped with the fact, that because with my current financial woes, I have been wishing for payday. Something which is becoming a common occurence, I may add. But, it feels like I am wishing all my time away. It’s a nightmare that I have fallen into that pattern, where I am always looking to something else. It helps me get through my ‘bad days’, but it means that I am wishing my time away, and don’t enjoy life as much as I should.

I don’t know if this is a common thing, but I can’t help but feel like a bit of a waste of space. Mostly because I am not focusing on the here and now, which isn’t really dealing with anything. It’s like, ‘ignore problems and focus on something else’. Yeah it stops you feeling weighed down by stuff, but it doesn’t actually deal with what is causing me to feel so bad in the first place.

And even when I have a good day, I feel like I am walking on eggshells, until I mess up. It’s like I am waiting for something to go wrong. I mean, I do the best I can, but it never feels good enough. So I create these targets I aim for, like going to a gig or something, and I focus on that, and ignore my insecurities. Well, I can’t ignore them completely, as they will always be there, but I can put my worries to the back of mind.

Despite how good this is at the time, I don’t think it is very good in the long-term. *sigh*

Sunday Session

If a session is sitting in complete boredom for a whole day.

I am taking my Sunday to do some housework. Using all my energy I currently have, to do something proactive. Though, I am not quite sure how long it will last. I have been strangely hyper the last few days, and I don’t know why.

But, because it doesn’t happen very often, I feel I should act positive and try and utilise the energy into doing something. Which is good. I need to start turning things into positivity. Something that is easier said than done, sometimes. I think that it is sometimes easier to admit defeat, rather than confront something head-on. I don’t know if easier is the right word. Maybe, it’s more convenient.

But to actually get motivated to do something, is actually changing your mindset. You need to change the way you think and your attitude. And that is quite hard.

Especially when all you want to do is watch My Little Pony. :S

Messy Mess

I have sat and stared at this blog entry for 20 minutes. And this is the first thing I am writing in this little textbox. -.-

I am a strange mish-mash of feelings today. Mostly because I have so many things going on in my head right now. And it think it has combined to be one big mess of thoughts. I swear, if you could access my brain right now, you would be disgusted by the mess you would find (actually, same could also be said about my bedroom). I work best in a messy environment, because I can find a tidy one unsettling.

That surely means there is something wrong with me. I like a mess, I feel comfortable if I have papers and sketchbooks all over my floor. I know where everything is, so I don’t get in a panic, thinking I’ve lost anything. *thinks* That actually makes no sense whatsoever. Ach well, sense is over-rated. And besides, I think most people are messy, they just pretend they are tidy to give themselves a higher state of self-importance. It’s like, ‘I am better than you because you can see my floor’. *rolls eyes*

Now Playing:

The Exploited- Privacy Invasion

The Rabble- The New Generation

The Murderburgers- Snowing In April

Anarchy Camp!

What is anarchy?

Would an anarchist society work?

Anarchy is really living a life without rules. It’s about not answering to anyone, other than yourself. So if you lived in an anarchist society, you would be forced to be self-sufficent. You wouldn’t be able to scrounge of the government, because there wouldn’t be one. If you wanted something, you’d have to go out an get it.

This, as an idealism, sounds really positive, something that would encourage people to take responsibility for themselves, and not blame their worthless existance on those around them. But it would also mean no order. So whilst you will have people who would go and work for what they want, you would also have people who will not work, and just steal what others have worked for. This would then lead the ‘victim’ to look to punish the person who profited from their hard work. And this…is order. Something that true anarchism is against.

So it’s hard to see how an anarchist society would work, as people automatically will try and establish some kind of order to the chaos, therefore taking away from the level of chaos. It is something that makes people feel safe. It’s similar to the whole ‘knowledge is power’ mantra. If you know how a particular person (or group of people) is supposed to act, then it is settling, makes a person feel better. It’s like we are built in a way, that if we are aware of what is going on in the world, we will live happier in our own lives.

So whilst anarchism comes across as a nice idea, we will get to a point where we will crave the routine and the structure organised society brings. It would turn into a case of ‘the grass is greener on the other side’. Again, something which is in our nature. As people, we are constantly looking for something that works best for us, and like to think that if things did change, what would we get out of it. Everything we do, it comes down to how it would effect our lives, because that is all we know. Our own lives.

Now, I have been a part of the Scottish punk rock scene for the last 4/5 years of my life. Whilst it is centred around music, there are always going to be the fact that much of the roots of punk are based in the idea of anarchy. The degree in which people employ anarchy and punk in their lives varies, with some people spending their lives unemployed because they don’t want to conform. Others, like me, work a steady job, but try to live their life the way they want to, and fight for what they believe in. What ever part of the punk spectrum people fall into, there is no way around the fact even being unemployed is filling out a role in society.

Is the whole ‘I am unemployed because I’m an anarchist’ idea as flawed as I think it is? Most people who are unemployed get money from some kind of benefits, provided by the state. The state, get the money for these benefits from those who work and pay taxes. You form part of a system, something that anarchists are against. So unless you live off no money, don’t purchase anything at all (especially not those new Dr Martins you have there) and contribute sweet F.A. to the world around you, then NO! You are not a true anarchist.

Me, you, your neighbour? We are all part of something bigger than us, somthing that goes beyond modern society, back to our traits as pack animals. You can’t just opt out of that, because as a human, you need people around you. Contributing something, no matter how unimportant, will always make you feel distinguished because it is part of our psychology.

I have barely touched anything on this topic, and I really could go on more. I will possibly post more, but the whole ‘anarchy’ thing has been running through my head all day.