Category: Uncategorized

Productive

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

So, today was rather productive at college. Ok, I did sleep in again, but thats because it takes me till at least 4am to get to sleep. So when I do get to an unconcious state, I end up sleeping through my alarm, which is no good.

Anywho, handed in outcome 2 for vis com and worked on my Graphic Design sketch book. I feel happy with myself about that. Although I have been doing some work for my graphic design class, I am still way behind from where I need to be. Which is just bloody frustrating.Gonna try and do some more work for it tonight whilst at work, like between calls or something.

 Looks like its going to be another Freesat night, where customers call, and I can do very little. -.- Its very annoying, because I only have access to one system, and thats the one that runs the paid sky accounts on it. So freesat customers call and expect me to access their info, and I cant. Its annoying, and I can tell some of the customers are not happy about it. But its not my fault, I’m getting calls, I dont have the facility to deal with. I can order them new viewing cards, but thats it. Grrr

Also discovered my bus pass runs out next Tuesday, so I wont be able to get to college, and im gonna struggle with work too. *bangs head off wall* I never have enough money -.- So thats what I need, just as we are approaching project hand-ins, days off.

That weekend feeling again

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Had Sarah’s party last night, and it was pretty fun. 🙂

Got a wee bit hammered and had no sleep, but still fun. I was histerically laughing at a Christmas Pudding in Sarah’s kitchen, and I can not for the life of me understand why it was so funny. But me and Paul were chatting in the kitchen, and I couldn’t stop laughing. lol. I’m a wierdo.

I think I may have got an hours sleep, when I think about it. Was lying on the couch whilst Dale and Reilly watched tv. Also been chatting to Rachel, a girl I went to Vet Nursing with in Glasgow. We were quite close, and she randomly added me today. So she’s maybe coming down to Dunfermline so might get to see her. Which will be so nice. I like meeting old friends as well as new ones. 🙂

Firday the 13th

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Isn’t Friday the 13th supposed to be unlucky? I’m asking because today has been an alright day. I woke up to having £2 in my pocket, so I raked my room and found another 8 pound coins and a heepload of change. So I took the change and went to Asdas and put it in the change counter machine, where it counts all the money you have, and gives you a voucher you can spend on store for the value of the change ypu give it. Well I got over £19. So I went into Asdas and got beer for Sarah’s party tomorrow, and left in Dales car, as he is picking us up tomorrow to go to Hill of Beith.

Gonna be well good, actually quite excited about that. No had a drink since Halloween, and even that wasn’t very much.

Also Death Note is on Film4 tonight. 😀 So happy at that, I am going to order the DVDs, but it’d be nice to see them first. The films are based on a manga series, which I love. ❤ Its about a guy who finds a notebook, called a ‘Death Note’. It has been dropped by a shingami (grim reaper) called Ryuk. Once a name is written in this death note, if the writer has their face in mind, then they will die. It is really quite good, and I am reading my way through the manga as well.

So unless work is diabolical, its been a rather nice Friday the 13th

Total Crabbit

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Everything about me today, just screams out ‘leave me alone’. I mean my mohawk, Dr Martins and chains just scream out niceness. I’m just in a really bad mood. I couldn’t sleep last night, and think I eventually got some sleep around 5am. I need to get up at 7, but because I hadn’t had much sleep, I slept straight through my alarm, and woke up at 9.10. I started at 9. So I got up, got ready and went for the bus. Found out that some bill I forgot about came out my bank and I am left with £15 till the end of the month. So no happy.

I just wanna lie in my bed and never wake up. I hate this bit, because my medication was changed yesterday, so I am kinda at the point were my old meds are stopping working, and my new ones haven’t kicked in, yet. It irks me rather badly. So I am sitting at the computers in college listening to music and just being in a wee world of my own. Thank god for my ipod, its really good at giving me noise to filter out the voices in my head.

I’m kinda wanting to do work for my graphic design project, but I left it all at home, just fantastic isn’t it? So I am dreading what is round the corner for me, as I have a feeling this will only get worse. *sigh* But thats just ne and my immense positivity at the moment. The thing is, I am just so not in the mood for any shit. I don’t need much of an excuse. It doesn’t help that the three most distracted people in the class came around me and started fannying about, so I gave up and went onto facebook, and started FishVille a game where you buy, sell and raise fish. :/ Yeah when I need distracted, obviously anything will do.

Eventful day

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

 had my doctors appointment today, and I have been told I have borderline-schizophrenia. Fun. *rolls eyes* I kinda had been expecting that, I mean after what I had been advised before. Its just a bit like, ‘oh, now what’. It feels like, all they’ve done is given the way I’m feeling a name. It could have been called anything, and it really wouldn’t change the way I feel. It just means its another entry in my medical history and another medication, to see if it works better than the last one. Thats what has to be done, the doctor said, a bit of trial and error. When I said I was depressed, people say ‘everyone has days like that’, when I mention about the schizophrenia, people don’t say anything, they change the subject. And that hurts so much. I want to talk to my friends, but they do say ‘well I have worse problems’. And you know what, thats not my fault. Do they think I am doing this to get attention? I’d do anything to stop thinking like this. To stop feeling that every person who says something nice to me is lying, or is wanting something from me. So my overthinking means that I can’t trust anyone.

*sigh*

Because I was, obviously, in a mood, I switched on my ipod and managed to actually get work done for my project, which is to be handed in tomorrow. And that has made me feel better, just cause it looks a lot better. Still got loads to do though, think I’ll be up all night tonight trying to get it done. Saying that, I may scan in work I was going to do last night, before the power cut off. Yeah the power failed last night, which ended up in me playing around on photoshop. Till my laptop battery died.

Oh, doctor wants me to quit work. I can’t. Im the only earner at my house at the moment, and I cant go on the sick, cause I will lose my job. Yeah, don’t be sick, or sky will fire me. Fucking pish, the lot of it.

Tuesday Tuna?

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Ok I couldn’t think of anything to go with Tuesday. lol

I stayed behind cause I decided that I would do some college work. Well, guess what, I’m obviously not.  The most productive I  have got is demoloshing this packet of Hula Hoops I am demolishing. -.- Oh well. Decided because I am working later, and the copy and paste fucntion at work is rather sucky, I am gonna do my blogging here, at college. What? At least its better than wasting more of my time on blasted Bejewelled.

I am becoming known as the most frequent blogger in college, mostly because I am the only one who does it. *eye roll* I think I do it way too much, personally, but I can’t help it when I like to write shit.  I already talk enough useless garbage, so I don’t think the peeps in my life would appreciate it if I  times that by ten. I love college, and I don’t mind work either, but I have a lot of gumpf in my head, that wants to escape. So rather than spew it all on the beautiful peoples around me, I blog.  *thinks* I am truely sorry for the visual that may have produced.

 

Also Meme time—

It’s November and this month is about giving thanks, tell us a few of the musical things that you are thankful for, be it albums, shows you’ve seen, electronics you’ve bought etc. Whatever has made your musical life better in the last year.

Seriously, probably SS Kaliert. I really got into Deustch Punk  in the last year, and this was the band that got me into that whole scene. Have been to see them twice, and they are the nicest bunch of guys. Its always a great experience meeting one of your favourite bands, when they are so nice.

 

Error

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Sorry, been focusing on getting my Livejournal up to date. Gonna start X-posting again cause this needs to be updated. I looks awful sad, because I haven’t updated in a while.

For that I am sorry. I always forget to blog, as I am lazy, and really cant be bothered logging on to sites, just to have no one read my stuffs. But then, I realised that is not the reason I started an blog. I blog because I find it therapeutic, as odd as that sounds.

I have been blogging a lot of Good Charlotte stuffs at the moment. So from now on everything apart from my fictions will be posted here.

Anywho, laters.

Looking for answers, the only replies are blank stares.

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Kinda happy, kinda arty, still kinda bleuch.

Great isn’t it?
Despite me seeming happy with life and its goings on, there is still this nagging feeling in the back of my mind. Ugh.

I dunno why I do that.

If everything is going ok, I just get out my big mental spade, and dig myself a hole. That would maybe continue untill my head explodes. Or till something distracts me. Which to be honest, doesn’t take much.

I kick myself on how shit life is, and blame it all on shitty circumstances. It is ALWAYS me who puts myself in these circumstances.

Aargh. I am, quite plainly, getting on my own bloody nerves.

Screw it all, I’m away to bed.

Oh, well

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Been spending the last 3 hours staring at this damn computer, wanting to get work done for tomorrow, but on my 4th week back, I have reached another mental block. Which is irritating as hell.

I am trying to make sure I have all my pieces for Laura’s multimedia class tomorrow, but my brain isn’t co-operating. I don’t know if that by taking a break in Aberdeen, I have been left more tired and exhausted. Well I have decided, I am going to blether a bit of rubbish, stick everything in my book, then make the book better, by writing and drawing a few bits on it. I don’t know how much I’ll get done, but we’ll see.

This weekend in Aberdeen was fab, but I saw two of my closest friends, strong women, who were upset over men. I just hate it how people are so selfish to not think of another person, and lead them on, or pretend to care about them. Its the pressure, I mean one relationship ends, then we have that self doubt telling us we will be alone forever.

Its not that thought of being alone, I want to know where the idea came from that being alone is such a bad thing? Its nature for people feeling the want to be around others, but I’m sick of people thinking there is something wrong with me for being single for over a year and a half. I mean at the end of the day, we are born alone, we die alone. No matter what happens in the middle, the unevitable things in life we do alone-birth and death.

Damn, thats awful morbid for a Monday!

Thinking thoughts

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Due to me spending most of today on my own, I have been inside my own head, thinking waaay to much. About a lot of different things. Mostly, about how someone says something to me, and my head manages to completely distort the comment, usually into something negative about myself.

Take yesterday for example. After a day out looking round galleries, me and a few people went to the pub. We ended up talking about last year, and how there was a lot of bitching going on. And Sarah said that everyone seems to like me, that she’d never heard anyone speak negatively of me. Now, most people would be happy with that and think that they are a nice person to everyone, so would hope that people would like me in return. But, I over think. So what should have been positive, ended up me thinking that ‘if everyone liked me, who come everytime I need someone noone is around? How come noone is there for me’?

But then I was I that automatic thinking of ‘they like me, but not enough’? That is very possible, as I have long held a habit of where I make problems for myself. But thats putting the basis of my feelings on to other people, and holding them responsible if anything goes wrong. Which, I am trying to get myself to avoid doing. But then again, it is a well known trait of human behaviour. Its self defence. Its easier to blame someone else for what you have done wrong, rather than admit that it is due to your own failings. Its a hard thing to get a grasp off. But I think I will be a lot happier if I can get it into my head, that it is ok to muck things up sometimes.

Its not that I am a perfectionist, far from it, I just feel that the only way I can be happy with what I have, is to take responsibility for what happens.