So it’s almost summer. Hooray.
When I say summer, I mean my summer, because as from tonight I am off work for almost 3 weeks. Which is brilliant.
Since I am on my Blackberry, I have already typed up what I have been up to over on LJ. So skip over there if you wish to read about what I have been up to. Sorry, I’m just not too keen on typing everything up again, especially using this tiny screen.
Though I’d check in on here, and say hey, because I am in one hell of a good mood.
Was paid yesterday, and paid all my bills today. Just have to pay for hotel, which I will do when I get to blackpool. I am relieved, and feel good that I am tackling everything head on. Going to take money out of the bank, so that I have everything to hand. And then all I need to do is make sure I don’t spend it all.
I know, personal finances is something I try to keep away from here, but I am so happy and relieved, I can’t help but share this elated feeling I have. It feels good to be planned and focused on things for a change. So hopefully this is a sign of things to come, that I will actually manage to keep my personal finances under control. The issue is, you miss a few months payments, and everything goes awol.
I am talking to a debt advice company, and I am looking to find a way to consolidate all my debt, so I just have to pay one bill a month, even if its a high payment, it can never be as high as what I am paying out already. And that will also allow me to afford to start some kind of savings. Which then all-in-all help me when it comes down to starting off the business properly. *thinks* I hope this works.
Well, I decided that this summer wouldn’t be all the usual me in front of a PC thing, and have decided to try and do things with people. Ok people, is Gemma, and ‘doing things’ is us doing anything to stop us dying of boredom. Yes, I know, not the levels of ‘high activity’ I previously talked about. But, I guess I can be a little bit lax on myself, seeing as I am on holiday from work next week. Once I have that out of the way, it will be easy to focus on work. *cough*
Anyway, one of the things that we decided to do, was to go on a drive to somewhere we hadn’t been before. So we decided on Loch Lomond. Let me tell you something, it is so beautiful. Makes me really lucky to live in Scotland. I think I touched on this on a previous post, but I don’t think people appreciate where they live. I mean, so many people I talk to want to live in LA or London, and I think as nice as those places are, it cant beat being able to visit scenic places and walk through the counrtyside. You can see places where people work with nature, rather than just destroying it. I will add the pictures later, seeing as I am struggling to get the pictures off my phone.
Anyways, hope everyone has a nice week.
The fact that I am now able to blog from my phone has me really hyper. That is obviously just how sad I am, lol. Seriously though, the first things I did with my nice new phone was download the apps for twitter, tumblr and wordpress.
Actually, it’s not that strange considering blogging is what I mostly do over the internet. What it has done, is make the prospect of heading to Blackpool without my laptop a reality, cause I can do everything I need over my phone. So I am received over that, as I really wasn’t wanting to have to leave it in my hotel room all day. I get nervous doing things like that.
I am up early today. Makes a nice change, to me missing the whole morning to being asleep 😛
The main reason I was awake so early, was because a butterfly was flying up against my bedroom window. I have no idea how it managed to get stuck inside my room, and why the first time I noticed it was at 6.30 in the morning. I just opened the window and let it out, cause I remember that you aren’t supposed to pick them up, cause the ‘dust’ comes off their wings, and apparently it can cause issues with them being able to fly. Actually, the dust on their wings is tiny little scales used as protection, so predators can’t grab a hold of them.
Another reason I am awake, is possibly because I am eventually getting a new mobile today. Something which I have needed since I dropped my Nokia in a pint of juice a few months ago. The poor phone is like completely dying, it can’t even hold on to a call, it keeps cutting people off. Considering I think I drowned it, the fact that it is still working at all is some kind of miracle. Anyways, due to my need to access my emails when I am at work at Sky, but not being able to access them through the work pc, I am thinking about getting a Blackberry. We’ll see what happens when I go to the shop.
I like to think I have the motivation to do this.
But what if I don’t?
What if I fail at this worse than anything else I have ever done?
You can work hard at life and get nothing.
It happens to people everyday.
I tell myself that it is achievable.
But wasn’t I always told, not to lie.
If it all goes wrong, and ends right now.
I won’t be here, to see it burn to the ground.
Cause seeing the ashes of what could have been.
Might just be the end of me.
As a run-on from yesterday, I am still thinking about why I love the internet so much.
I mean, yesterday I ranted about how the internet is blamed for bad parenting. But as I said I use the internet mostly for blogging, so it has ended up being an important source of self-expression for me. Although I do have a lot of friends i know purely on line, a lot of them were made through sites like LiveJournal, which I feel has the best online community of all other blogging sites.
Although sites like Facebook are designed to help you socialise with people online, I think that it is ultimately fairly shallow in that it is very hard to judge someone based on their Facebook profile. I mean other than a few blurbs about them, and random comments, you can’t actually tell how that person things. So on blogging sites, you naturally write a lot, and this really shows at least some of your behaviours and attitudes. And, call me self-centered, but that’s what I think all these personal websites are there for, so that you can easily create your own little piece of the internet. And facebook doesn’t really allow that, as there is no way to even express yourself through the colour of your profile, I mean even Bebo had that.
So in my opinion my blogs come above any other site, because I like to feel that someone can accurately see who I am and what kind of person I am. And you know that if you make friends on these sites, you know it is because they agree with what you say or you talk about the same interests.
Tumblr is a tricky one. I like it and all, but I can’t help but think it is mostly kids slagging each other off publicly. All that tacky ‘drama’ should be kept on Facebook. But in essence, I think that’s what Tumblr is trying to be, a bit like a blog site, a bit like Facebook, and a bit like Twitter. It hasn’t decided what it wants to be just yet.
I, Sue Buckle, am an internet addict.
I can admit it. *It was hard*
Honestly though, people seem to be demonising the internet. Blaming it for the failings of their parenting, ‘OMG, that perve took our little girl away’. First of all, people need to understand, the internet is no more dangerous than being outside, if you take away the stale air.
Teach your kids to be vigilant where ever they go. Don’t blame the internet when you allow your child to have a computer in their room, and let them use something you know nothing about. As a parent, you need to teach kids, don’t think its funny to start up a facebook page for 7 year old Sarah, and complain when she is talking to perves.
Kids think everyone is out to be their friend, just like a puppy, and the only way you can get it to behave is to train it well.
If you were a parent, you would check what friends your kid made online, just like you would do if they were playing outside. If you don’t check up, you lose your right to complain.
The thing I don’t understand, is that there are plenty of safe social networking sites aimed at kids (like Club Penguin), where every message sent and all users have their activity through the site checked. Because to be honest, Facebook was not made for school kids, its for the over 25 market. Which are still the people who spend most time on the website.
And the worst thing is, the panic button installed on Facebook. Do you really think that kids aren’t going to abuse that. I mean we are talking about the chance to get someone you don’t like banned off a site. To a kid, that may seem funny, like a good windup. And to be honest, these perves, aren’t thought to be a threat. I mean if a guy says he’s 12, why should other 12 years fear him and press the panic button. Usually the kids aren’t aware of the issue, untill they attempt to meet up with the individual in real life. No buttons in the world is going to stop a teenager contacting someone the want to.
So the focus should not be on the website, which is nothing but a platform for meeting new people, it should be the parents who are willing to push the blame to someone else. Education is a powerful tool, use it.
I was told to never talk or accept anything of strangers, and that translated to the internet. Its what you tell your kids, if you tell your kid not to bother you, and to piss off, they will look for attention off anyone.
I don’t think the internet is this evil monster. I think that if you don’t disengage your brain, the internet is fun, and over the many years as a user, it has done so much. It has been somewhere for me to vent, to find new friends, to contact people I love and to share my art. And with my reccent 2 day absence from the internet, I had comments of people worried about me and things which (for once in my life) made me feel part of something.
And is that a bad thing?
I am motivated.
Finally.
Ok, well still not completely, but I am doing work in my sketch book. I have been doing drawings and things in the book within the last few weeks, and am finally starting to feel good about the way I express myself again.
I know, it sounds like history repeating itself, but this wasn’t just me not being able to do work. It was more like, I had been stuck so long, I was losing my main method of expressing myself. For those who have never exprienced anything like that, it is like cutting off a limb. And at least with disfigurement, there is a route of action to resolve or better that situation. It’s not so easy fixing something like expression.
I have drawn, painted and written down things, ever since I was a young child, call me geeky, but these things helped relax me. And to have that taken away, it was suffocating. I felt almost restless. Like I couldn’t relax. So I sat and read Mice & Men, it was the only thing that I seemed to be able to sit still for. And I went on a few artists blogs and vlogs about scrapbooking. And I eventually, after almost 2 weeks, got my mojo back.
I sat and doodled a face at work.
Sounds like nothing, but I was so happy. I mean, I am planning to use my creativity as my career, so if it was gone, I really don’t know what I would have done. I have never had a creative block like it and I’m so glad it’s over.
What is respect?
Respect is something that every person feels that they deserve. This is something which came into my mind after me and my dad had a ‘discussion’, where he raised his voice, but when I attempted of countering him by raising my own voice, I get accused of having no respect for him.
What is respect though, really? Respect is giving ‘kudos’ to those around you. It’s treating people well, it’s listening to their opinions, and accepting what they say, even if you have differing thoughts yourself. It’s not difficult, it is all about treating others the way that you want to be treated. It is a quality that is forever being claimed by various religions, especially Christianity. I remember as a child seeing that being kind and respectful, was being Christian. It isn’t, it is a part of human nature, which I don’t believe to be lumped as a religious action
Not that I am against religion or anything, but I don’t think that basic human behaviours should be tarred with some kind of cliquey movement be it religion or political. This is something that I believe strongly in, and it is a pet hate when I get told that certain mannerisms make me part of a certain group. But, that in itself is human nature. We find it easier to associate with anything, if we divide it into groups. So, its like behaving a certain way, immediately makes you become part of a social grouping, based on how people seem to stereotype each other.
Just like how because I was quiet at school, and liked to read, I was classed as a ‘geek’, and so many people I had this idea that I lived in a big house and listened to classical music all the time Where as my brother rebelled a bit more at school, and was called a Ned, mostly because I wore sports gear, without doing sports. And people would get that idea about him and hos friends, and automatically think that they were out to start bother, despite the fact that they weren’t.
Well, I happen to have gone on another rant about stereotypes. I swear that was not the purpose of this blog, but I have put a lot of time and thought in to it. *shrugs* It must be said though, I am rather good at this whole ‘going off on a tangent thing’.
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