Author: Sue

I have been writing in various forms since I was a child. I write about what is going on in my life, what I enjoy, and the struggles of dealing with chronic illness and mental health issues. I love live music, football (Scotland and Dunfermline Athletic), reading, Formula 1, Stock Cars, and eating lots of vegan crap.

progress

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I had a bit of a lie in today, before I headed into college.

Well, actually, I went and booked myself in for a tattoo, for Friday first. Its going to be two dices one with a ‘3’ and the other at ‘4’. Its going to have the dices warped and melting, with blue flames, as if the dices are on fire. Ok, it sounds wierd, but I think its gonna be cool. Oh, and its gonna be on my forearm, so…..this sleeve I want to get is well on its way. Coincidentally, the sum of the numbers which is on the dices are 7 and this will be my seventh tattoo. Odd.

 Also did work at college O.o

I finished outcome 1 for Creative Industries and handed it to Chris.

I did my own information/ report thing for Information design

and then it was time to head to work. Busy, busy.

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

College.

Everything is pretty much back to normal. 9-4.30 is college, 6-11 is work.

Any extra time is spent on college work, or additional personals. I feel like I can cope with it all, but we’ll see how long that lasts. I am trying to keep myself motivated with everything. I mean its quiet at work, and I have been doing research for college prijects.

 Main things I need to sort:

*Creative Industries- present outcome 1 on a board for Chris

*Mixed Media- see if I can finish that dreaded frame

*Scan in work, deviant has been a bit neglected—oops

*Adobe. Adobe suite NEEDED. Seeing as my laptop decided to feck it all up.

*External harddrive- Need to buy me one. So I can store things without having to panic that the laptop will fail

And pretty much, try and stay on top of things. Well, I guess time will show how that will go.

The Product of Sex And The City boxset

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Sitting watching Sex and The City, and it always makes me wanna blog. Funny that.

It just makes me think about relationships with other people. I mean, I am a friendly person, and unless you are mean to me, I’ll be nice to you. But I always find myself in the situation, that people don’t seem to invite me out. This leads me to spend many lame nights in on Foxy Bingo. I try and organise something, and it always ends up just me and Paul. Not that I mind that, because I’m sure I have talked his ears off with my shitty life story more than once. Its like everyone else has better offers. Its like ‘yeah I would, but I prefer my other friends’. And that feeling just drives me mad. Maybe I think about it too much, but it has always felt like a major flaw in my life. Its probably paranoia, but its the only thing in my life which I feel is holding me back. I mean I have a job, which to be honest is pretty stable. I am back at college, and am totally at peace with it, and am planning my projects and things already. And I am also feeling very creative, and am sketching on top of my college work, and I think that the sketch book will be finished within the next couple of weeks.

So the fact that I seem to have this inhability to get myself anywhere close to the field of dating, feels like the only thing holding me back. I mean, if you are unable to go out regularly, how can you ever expect to get anyone. Its not like I get on with my daily life, thinking ‘there is one person and she will never pass me by’. Because I find that a rather niave way of looking at things, or maybe its me who is the niave one? Is it stupidity, that I seem to excuse myself from even attempting to get into that type of relationship?

I think its where my self-punishment kicks in, telling myself that if I really was such a nice person as I think I am, then why am I single and alone. Why have I been to scared to even go near someone, in a relationship sense, in over a year. Yep, the notorious Sam. Seriously the first time I could admit to myself that I was gay, happened with her. But nothing lasts forever, and as I let myself into her flat, I found her and some blonde bitch in bed together. I have never ever been so hurt in my life. I mean, I had always thought that emotional pain, so severe, you feel it physically, was a load of horse shit. But to be honest, I live with tendonitis (pre-cursor to arthritis) and I have been so sore I can’t walk, but it was so unbeleivable painful. I mean I felt like I was gonna have a heart attack.

So I think that my head is trying to put barriers in my own way to stop that happening again. I mean, honestly, its the only thing I feel is making me feel low at the moment. There is answer somewhere, I hope.

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

 

 But I can’t help but feel that the weekend is very boring when you are restricted in the cashflow situation.

It means a weekend of me, in the house, bored out my face. I can prove that I can live on no money, seeing as I have lived on nothing since I came back from Blackpool. But as soon as I get any money, its gone within a week. And its always the same, every month. I have no voice in my head telling me not to spend that money, so it just burns an almighty hole in my pocket. Which kinda freaks me out about this next dose of wages. It is looking to be almost double pay, and I need to pay all my bills when I get money. Credit cards first. Credit cards should come with a warning that they are hazardous to one’s health. I mean you think they are giving you extra options, but they all want you to spend a fortune so that you can pay endless amounts of interest. Its all a con. And the banks are the same. The take 3 days before and 3 days after any dates you ask for a payment to be taken out, to process the thing. This could mean that they will take the payment out 3 days earlier than you ask for. Which may end up with you being charged, for having no money in your bank. The only good financal thing which has happen lately, is the fact that SAAS told me that I am able to get a loan. Which gives me about an extra £300 a month. Which has its negatives, I mean thats more money to burn a bigger hole. But, if i pay all my bills first, then the rest of the money is mine. Which is what I should do every month, but for some odd reason I don’t. The lack of art mentioning in my reccent blogs, should tell you how motivated I am. Well, I seem to spend all my time at home playing Sonic or watching Red Dwarf. As sad as that sounds. Also being doing some looking around websites, for clothes for a sea themed party I am going to in October. I found this Horrorpops striped shirt which had a skull and crossbones on it. It looked so cool, but it was out of stock, and no other website has it. Very irritating

Yeah, well…

~ Sue ~ 2 Comments

I have been off work today, and wanna know what I have done? Watch tv.
I usually can’t be fussed with tv, but I watched so much of it today, it makes up for my usual month worth of tv viewing.
Take soaps, for instance, I watched Eastenders, Hollyoaks, Nieghbours and Coronation Street (i think Hollyoaks was the only one that held my attention though). I spent all afternoon watching Red Dwarf series 2, which in my opinion is the best comedy the BBC have ever shown. Watched some Top Gear, and this thing about trying to get the unemployed jobs. And now I am perched on the couch watching Sex in the City.

I know it sounds really lame, but that programme taught me more about sex and relationships than school ever did. The only thing about it, is that it makes me wish that I was in a relationship. Its not that I don’t enjoy my own company, cause I love chilling on my own. Its just it would be nice to have someone other than my cat to cuddle up to. I dunno, I guess everyone goes through that.

Its funny Miranda is going through the same crisis on Sex in the City. The whole I’m going to die alone and my cat will eat my face. Saying that, Billy would probably eat my arm, then raid the fridge. lol.

New obsession. When i am on my own, i had the habit of eating crisps. But now, its drinking loads of tea. Never been a tea drinker, but it keeps me from being bored, and eating myself to an early grave. I mean I dont want to waste my summer of walking (the only resolution for the summer that stuck), by eating crap. I mean, I am at the stage where i am wanting to register for the gym. I have never ever wanted to do that. But walking to work, has made me feel so much more possitive, as odd as that sounds.

Thinking about going swimming at the wing every saturday. Its not to busy

Techology? Enough please.

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I seriously can’t take it.
After the almighty Windows fail of yesterday, I switched on my laptop today and it tells me their is no audio device driver. It was there last night. How did it vanish over night.
I did manage to go to the HP site and download it, and i have it now.
Crazy.

I am supposed to be tidying up, but I obviously got distracted by important things, like blogging.
I am finishing my flag drawing. Which is supposed to be a tattered flag, and the message is going to be like a thing like ‘how united is country where its lying in tatters’ or something like that.

Also been inspired by the reccent Harry Potter competition http://news.deviantart.com/article/86393/ and am aiming to create something for Fleur Delacour for Wednesday the 29th July. Whether or not I am ready for then will mean that I’d have to hold off till friday the 31st. (which may well happen as I am working all day Monday, tuesday, Wednesday of that week).
I have something in my head very blue, and ice queen like, mostly because she is part Veela, and that is how I imagine the Veelas being in my head.

Backwards in coming forwards

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This morning I went to switch on my laptop to get a message saying that Windows was unable to boot. I couldn’t even start windows in safe mode.
I phoned HP and was on the phone for 45 minutes between 4 different numbers and was offered no help. Which was a major pain in the ass.
I then phoned the Tech Guys, who supply my cover from Currys, and was on the phone to them for 5 minutes and they got things moving again.
The only issue is that I had to return the laptop to the factory settings, so its back to square one and I have nothing on my pc.
The only good thingabout that is that I now have photoshop cs4 trial installed. Hooray.
I’m having to put loads of songs back into my itunes again.

I am so happy, I thought it was going to end up costing me money and it hasn’t.
I can’t say how relieved I am

Not so much fail as I thought

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Well, despite all my whining I was doing before, I am not as bad off as I thought I was.
I am still motivated, so I have been doing a lot of drawings in my sketchbook and that. So I am still being creative. Just being a bit peeved I have to use MS Paint to scan anything in, which is just in inconvienience really. I mean Paint is pants.
I have been playing with Corel Painter, but you need a lot of practice to work it properly. I can make a good mess on it though :D

I did eventually get round to painting my hand (no, not that one), which I don’t hate. I love watercolour, and its nice to be able to use it too let of some frustration.

I have an another attendance hearing at work. Oops, maybe I should cut down on the sicky days. I have tried, and its not my fault I had the flu. I mean I couldn’t talk, so I couldn’t do my job. Stupid work.

Anyway, I am enjoying my job more, and despite being more skint than I ever thought possible, I am generally quite happy.

Slightly anxious about the whole brother/army/Afghanistan thing, but I have already blogged my two cents about that http://riotgraphics.blogspot.com/2009/07/government-govern.html

But, for once in my life, I am chilled and happy.
Something tells me to make the best of it whilst I still can.

Oh, and because I have been listening to Black Flag and Anti-Flag all day and am in fact drawing a flag, its Flag Day. So happy flag day

Headache

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Why the hell have I become so dependant on computer software. I mean I never used to use anything, just paint and draw. And now the software has gone tits up, I feel so lost.

I think I like the security that I can view pieces on my computer, before I post them. I have a hand I am going to paint, and then Im going to scan in my sketch book.  I’ll get that all done tonight.

Its kinda nice to focus on painting and that. I mean I spent all afternoon yesterday sitting painting in the garden. Which was something I haven’t done in forever.  And it felt so nice.

I have totally fell in love with art reccently, and it is such a stressbuster in my life, and I can’t say how much I appreciate being able to do things like paint and draw. Its been such a major part in my whole life, and it always will be.

The best thing about coming back to my art, is that I am to see where I’ve improved. Like my portraits are slightly less alien-looking that what they used to be. And I can also see my own style developing with my draw, which I suppose is me showing the way I feel most comfortable.  I suppose I am quite a sketchy drawer, but I like looking at things like that as well.

I suppose it shows a lot of expression, and I like that in comparission to works which are strict and realistic. I mean of course that is beautiful, but to me it may not express me, personally. Which is why I got into art.

Summer of fail

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Ok, now one of the main things I need to edit my paintings and drawings i have done is photoshop. And my Adobe CS3 has ‘fatal errored’ over the last two days, leading to me deinstalling the whole thing.

Pain.:S

I dont have a working copy at home. So I thought I could install the CS4 trial untill I could get CS3 back. But the stupid thing is refusing to install.

So before I had a dead CS3, and now i have an uninstallable cs4. And the Adobe website is useless in giving any support. The tool they give, can’t even detect the photoshop files I’m having an issue with. So good help there, Adobe. Pat on the back for you.

I am giving it a break, I’m deleting it all and starting from square one tomorrow. Despite me whining a lot, this blog is to say that I am not gonna be uploading much in the next while (unless someone can give me my beloved cs3 back).

I may photograph my sketchbook, and paintings and the like. I have like 3 commissions that i cannot do, I am sending them photos of sketches and stuff, and its going ok so far. But I can’t do anything digitally.

I feel like I’ve lost a limb. 😦