Labels

I guess I am going to go on a bit of a rant today.

Getting sick of all these labels that get thrown about. I didn’t use to notice it when I was younger, but I don’t know whether that’s because I didn’t get involved with ‘alternative culture’ untill I became a bit older, and more confident. I used be the geeky art student, who blended into the background,. and was ignored by the vast majority of people at my school. As I have got older, I have found that my confidence has risen dramatically.

I am now 25 (almost 26) and tattooed and pierced, and have  died my hair, so many colours. But I am more comfortable than I have ever been in my whole life. Ironic, then, that it is now that I get negative attention. Emo, goth, and other labels get thrown in my direction. It just feels that the when I attract attention its bad attention. Although most of the time, it’s just water off a  ducks back, but sometimes, it does get under my skin. And when it does, I totally beat myself up on why I’m getting viewed like that, when I feel I have done nothing wrong.

People like to bring others down, no matter what it is. they feel that the only way to make themselves look better is to attack other people. To attack someone because they look different is the lowest of the low, and just shows someones ignorance. No matter what colour, religion or style everyone is the same. The sooner people zccept that the better.

It would certainly make my day-to-day life easier.

My home- it’s where I’m fae

So, these last few days of taking my camera everywhere is going ok, and I am taking about 20-30 images a day. Its a variety of stuff too.

Some things just humour me. And I am finding that most people don’t share my sense of humour. I mean, take the image above, I was walking through Inverkeithing (where I live) and I saw that street sign. I found it so funny. Odd, that I have lived in the same town for the majority of my life, and had no idea that a ‘Fair Place’ existed. The ironic thing is, that there is about 3 houses full of benenfit cheats living on that street. I guess thats why it made me laugh. Actually I laughed so hard, I got a few bewildered looks off people.

Due to missing my bus, I went down to the local park, somewhere I haven’t spent a lot of time since I was younger. And it made me completely happy.

I mean, it was such a nice day. ^^This is the museum. It is somewhere I would like to go in, because I haven’t been in it since I was at school. It tells a lot about the history of the town, and shows the importance of ship building in the area. Whilst Rosyth Dockyard, was used to build the ships, Inverkeithing, was commonly used to help break down ships, and prepare them for refurbishment at Rosyth. I know it’s very geeky, but I love local history, and think everyone should know about where they live.

Looking over the park, you can see the old un-used paper mill. After the shipyard became less used, the papermill was built in 1914. This was used untill 2003, when a dip in the market lead to a closure of the mill, and a loss of 150 jobs. Sad days, and to date, the chimney stacks still stand tall, with the wonderful backdrop of the Firth of Forth behind it. Unfortunately, plans have been suggested to flatten the mill and make it into housing. I personally, would love to see the Mill refurbished, and used as a museum for paper making. It’s too beautiful a building to kill, and I think it would be a dramatic loss to Inverkeithing when it does go. I think it should be protected, but I guess only time will tell.

Reliving my childhood

As I have said, I spent most of my life in Inverkeithing, and this used to be one of my favourite parts of the park. Originally these dark enclosures where used as jails. As a kid, I remember hearing stories about monsters living in them, and that if you spent too much time looking at their ‘home’, they would eat you. It added this sense of adventure to this area, and I remember sitting on the grass eating a ‘chippy’ during school lunch times.

It’s like looking into a black hole. When I was younger, it looked like it went on forever, but now I can see the ground. I must have had some imagination.

I also remembering racing my little brother up these stairs. It was great fun. Looking round it all, made me feel really nostalgic, and genuinely miss being a kid. It also made me realise how long it must have taken people to build the old walls and stairways, because they are all so unique. I mean, walls these days, tend to be made of exact size bricks, etc. Different sizes of normal rocks and boulders where used to make walls, and that must have been a lot more difficult.

Ok, that had slightly less structure, than I planned, but that’s what happens when I get excited about things.

Happy days

I don’t know if it’s due to me having no classes, but I am all chilled out today. I missed the bus, and rather than getting all pissy, I went for a walk. Which makes a change, because I am one of these people, who gets stressed at the slightest thing. I think its helped that it is a really nice day. Its got me all ready to come into college and do work. Which I would do, but the chav class in the room, are distracting me. I can’t focus when they have no idea how to use their ‘indoor voices’. Sometimes I think I am at a nursery, not a college.

I am a simple person and it doesn’t take much to make me happy. I mean beer, iPod, sketchbook and crisps, made me extremely hyper when I was heading up to Aberdeen on Friday. And that really is as little as it takes to cheer me up. I seem to work better when I’m stressed, but I don’t know if that’s just cause I leave everything to the last minute.

But the weather is nice, so I think that also impacts on my work and mood. I mean if it is pouring down with rain, then I don’t want to leave my bed, and that leads to me being lethargic all day. Uch.

Saying that, at least the snow seems to finally be gone. Though I have a sneaking suspicion it may return, just because it doesn’t seem to want to go anywhere.

Anyway, this was not supposed to be a blog about the weather, which it turned out to be, but it is a thought that the weather impacts everything we do. Although we may not think about it. It must come from nature, because I suppose in bad weather, we would have naturally taken cover. But now that is not necessary, but it is expectected that we would still retain some of that instinct, to retract away from the bad weather. Oh well.
And whilst I remember…

…I dyed my hair, and got a new tattoo. Good times, indeed.

What A Weekend Should Be

This weekend, was a relaxing one. Reuniting with old friends, and having a stress-free time.

Glee- Don’t Stop Believin’ —–song of the weekend.

Was the most social weekend I have had in a while, and went out on both the Friday and Saturday. Gemma is a Primary School teacher, and Sharon is a trainee lawyer. What is great, is that although we are 3 completely different people, and although we met at school, we are still close. Its good. Though life does separate most people, its such an achievement, when you can say that you have gotten through that, and can still call schoolmates friends, almost 8 years after leaving school.

We went to a flat in the Bridge of Don, on Friday, and I got slightly sozzled drinking too much whisky. Also realised that if, someone is getting very drunk, I automatically stop drinking, which is something I never used to do. I guess I seem to have fallen into being a responsible drinker, and I have no idea when that happened. Saying that I have never been a heavy drinker, as I’d rather spend my money on something else, more worthwhile.

VISUAL PLAYLIST

Sooo….

Today has decided that it’s going to be a WordPress blog only, in preperation of syncing it with my website, Psychobabble.

So this is going to  more active. Need to build up what influences me and things, and after reading a few blogs, taking daily pictures, is a good way to get across influences and what I am feeling. I do take my camera a lot of places with me, but I still get embarassed at getting it out and taking pictures. I don’t know why.

So after my ‘a look a day in the mirror’ thing helped me get a better body image about myself. So by taking pictures everyday, I hope to get a good stock of images, and help get my photography skills, a bit better. Good idea, or bad idea? I guess only time  will tell.

So just to get things off and running, here is a picture of a Yoshi painting I did a while ago. Something I am quite proud of .

Also decided to get away for the weekend, to de-stress, as I am driving myself crazy, about things I won’t go into here. But to summarise, it is mostly college work,  money issues and family issues. So basically everything, which is my life is currently going a bit wrong. Which is a bit of a stinker.

Anyway, I am heading to Aberdeen, to see Gemma and Sharon, who I went to school with. We left school almost 8 years ago, and we are still good friends. That has to say something. So, I’m really looking forward to getting away from Fife, even if it is just for a few days. Should do me, and my head, some good.

And this is my angry face

I am so pissed off.

I wish I could say why I was pissed off, but I can’t. I just feel so strained, and that everything I am doing right now is forced. Like I have to try so hard to do anything. Sitting here, in this call centre is one thing, that takes the most energy. The air conditioning is just recycling dead air, and it is suffocating and gives me headaches. And when I get a headache I really cannot be bothered with the telephone at all.

Is it odd to say that my own head is suffocating me, because that is truely what it feels like. Its like whatever I do, there is some force pushing against me, willing me not to continue. That in itself is a strange concept, and not something I am used to feeling. It leaves me feeling really drained.

Uber Stresshead

So, here I am sitting at work, and I could really do without being here for 5 hours, answering the phone to people who think I am thick as shit.

I still have a big gap of research to do for both my Graded Unit and Art & Design Project, and I can’t do any of it, whilst I am here. Not even when its quiet, I would need to be able to put my pen drive in the pc, to save images, and I can’t do that. Mostly because the ‘powers that be’, seem to think i will steal data from the pc. Which is understandable, I guess, if not a little over cautious.

I got my photograph taken in the photography studio at college, which was exciting. It was taken by students, but it was still cool. Never really done anything like that before. We were told we would get a copy of the photos, which would be cool. I need some full shots of my self, as I have never felt more comfortable about my body. I think that has to do with the fact, that for the last few days I have been forcing myself to look in the mirror every day. Mostly because I need to love my self. I know it sounds stupid, but I’m sick of being told that I am wrong for the way that I look. I have always been large, and its time for me to be happy for that.

Sunday= meh

Well, hello there.

Been awful distracted of late, hence the lack of blogs.

As a bit of an update, been doing college work, going to work  and sleeping. Yeah, so very exciting, which as usual is mostly due to lack of funds. I have been doing very little bar frequenting various forums.  But I got paid on Friday, so went on the usual pay-day high. I spent £45 on comic books and booked myself a new tattoo.

I have been sitting in front of my laptop, struggling to find the momentum to finish my Graded unit research. I am very lax with it at the moment. There is just no motivation there at all. I am going to have to force myself to get it done, as I have to hand in the work for grading tomorrow.  Total dreading it. This is the project which decides where I get my grade for my course from. So I am making a lot of effort that it is done right, but doing it all tidy and clean, is making it very monotonous to do. It does look pretty mind you. Just I am regreting putting all my work together in Photoshop. Its just a lot of extra work *sigh* I just hope it pays off, which my tutor believes it it will, because it looks nice. Uch. Its giving me a headache too.

Also. Mr Benjamin Madden, kind of knocked the breath out of me a bit.

I mean ‘hello’. Still not happy over the fact that Ellismania 5 is happening on my birthday. And all Jason Ellis can say to comfort me, is that Benji is a ‘dead cert’ to win’. *rolls eyes* Something tells me he said that just to shut me up. lol. But I am confused, and its something that has been playing on my mind. The fight is MMA, and Benji and Rikki are different weight classes. I heard that they were attempting to get Rikki up to Benji’s weight, but he just couldn’t bulk up. So Benji has been downsizing, to fit Rikki’s weight class. Benji still looks heavier than Rikki, but he is very close to being in his class. Uch, Benji you had better win, since you decided to fight on my birthday.

Anywho, talking about MMA stuff, UFC? UFC113, is in May. I am all split over it for having Koscheck Vs Daley. I really like watching those two guys fight and it sucks that they are gonna be against each other. I do think Koscheck might win it, but I really want Daley to do well. Oh well

Today I’ve been listening to:-

WMG to back out of streaming

Having a look through the internet, just browsing for things of interest, and found this:

www.trustedreviews.com/mp3/news/2010/02/10/Warner-Music-Ditches-Streaming–Strands-Spotify–Last-fm–Napster/p1

Yep, WMG ( Warner Music Group) is pulling out of online streaming. That means artists like Madonna, Avenged Sevenfold, Fall Out Boy, Hootie and the Blowfish, Killswitch Engage, Lostprophets, Linkin Park and a ton more, will no longer feature on streaming sites, like Pandora (now US only), Last.FM, Spotify and Napster.  And I feel that they are attacking the normal, honest music fan, who uses the internet to quench their thirst for new bands.

This has really bothered me, because I use both Spotify and Last.FM a lot. WMG is one of the big four music companies (the others being Sony, EMI and Universal), and having them pull out of something, is surely only the beginning of the end for streaming. People may scoff, but be aware that Warner was the first studio to pull out of Toshiba and HD-DVD. Its whether the other studios follow suite or, Warner just falls behind.

People were becoming powerful in the music industry, no longer were we force fed music on Radio 1, and told what is good music. Now, people can go onto Last FM, and listen to streaming radio full of recommended artists.  People can make their own decisions. And more people are listening via streaming, then buying legal downloads.  If you take away peoples abilities to listen to the free music they want, illegal downloads will just increase. Whilst people are being more adventurous with music, they are still unwilling to pay for something they have never heard.

I felt that the music industry was moving forward, but someone says ‘its not profitable’ and it goes back to square one. There are more suited millionaires running the music industry, than there is with the currupt banks. The Music industry has always been about making money, but radio was how people learnt about new bands. To the average user, streaming has no difference from listening to the local radio station, except no dud songs. And people started to use streaming sites, to try before they bought an album. And, myself, as an honest music fan, would then buy a cd/record or download the album off emusic or itunes. But if you take the ability to listen to music before they buy, they will just flock to torrent sites and download what they want for free. This way, if the album is weak, then they don’t lose out on anymoney, and can just delete it. But this person is criminalised, because, they have stolen the album, they have now deleted.

Is this right? I don’t think so. Streaming keeps people happy, people can preview music, and they aren’t downloading illegally to get their taster. Music companies don’t like the word ‘free’. Everyone has to pay for what they use, I understand that. But if a free listen, ends up in a purchase, is that not better for the industry, rather than downloading off Limewire, and keeping it.

The music companies are pushing their audience further and further away. And they won’t see it, till its too late. The damage will have already been done, and noone will respect music at all, because the industry’s lack of respect to its customers.

Blogging Vs Social Networking

So blogging is apparently now losing out in popularity to social networking sites, especially Facebook.

I’m still awful stand-offish about facebook, I like something that I can express myself freely, and you can’t realy do that on Facebook. I mean, most people I know, go on it to play the games. Its gimmicky. And I don’t like that.

I pour my heart and soul into my blogs, and recently, with my anti-depressants being taken away, it helps me sort things out in my head a bit. Ok, they have status updates on facebook, but that’s why I use twitter. And to be honest, its easier to ignore annoyances on twitter. I mean I have 104 requests to look through on facebook, and I just can’t be bothered.

It shouldn’t have to be such an effort. You should be able to go on to sites, and use them freely and comfortably. And its not just the Social Networking thing, cause I was on bebo a lot, and after 5 years I still love Myspace. Its just Facebook.

I can use it ok, but I am bored of spending ages on it, playing all the wee games, and checking everyones status updates, and bitching about each other. I mean, people are bad enough getting the message through text messages, let alone facebook. I have seen people block me on facebook, because they didn’t like the way I said something(actually, it’d be the way that they read it). Saying that, not had that issue on twitter yet, and I do talk to a lot of people on that.

The good thing about social networking sites, is when they start to work together, like Myspace shows my tweets and my lastFM, in fact just about all sites, bar facebook uses twitter problem free.

Facebook has got its good points. I mean its great if you wanna check how someone is doing, and its seen a lot of action reconnecting old friends. Maybe its me, and I’m bias because I love Myspace, I dunno. Myspace was the first thing where you could be ‘friends’ with bands you admired, and it really opened up a lot of gateways. I would say, somewhat grudgingly, that I now feel that LastFM is more relevent in music terms. But, that could be that I am always looking for new bands, and LastFM always recommends bands, depending on what you have been listening to.

But its all trends, I guess, one day it will all come back round, where blogs are ‘cool’ again. Saying that, by the time that happens, I might be at the age where blogging is deemed more relevent anyway.

Oh well.