Author: Sue

I have been writing in various forms since I was a child. I write about what is going on in my life, what I enjoy, and the struggles of dealing with chronic illness and mental health issues. I love live music, football (Scotland and Dunfermline Athletic), reading, Formula 1, Stock Cars, and eating lots of vegan crap.

Recommended Ap: Word To Go

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I am typing this up on Word To Go, for Blackberry. I have to say it is a very smooth application, and is really coming in handy with all the blogs and scripts and things I need to write.

The text is very clear, and is a relatively good size, which is awesome, seeing as a lot of apps have very small writing as standard. Which can make using it rather difficult, because you need to go and edit things before you even start writing. The main reason I am trying a word processor on my phone is because I felt it would be better in that sometimes writing things online or through another app, can sometime lead to things being slow. Also, a lot of other applications don’t have a great spell check. This has an awesome one, so it means when I post something, it is at least written correctly.

I also got this app to help prepare for video blogs. I have recently been trying to find away to script my vlogs on the go, as I haven’t been spending a lot of time on my PC. I guess, I thought it would be nice to write down ideas, as I got them, because I have a habit of forgetting things. So I acknowledge something is a good idea, and then I forget about it. Which is not the best way to work.

Word To Go is installed in most Blackberry smart phones as well as apps similar to Excel and Power Point. It is great having these applications to hand. When you first access the software, you are given the chance to edit existing files or to upgrade to premium so that you can create new files through your phone. That premium edition costs a one off fee of around £8.00 and is available at http://www.dataviz.com/handheld/products/documentstogo/blackberry/index.html.

Feel the positivity.

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Just had a decent day today, so I thought I’d spread some cheer.

Happiness is one of the most contagious things in the world. And it is also better for you and everything you do. If you are happier, you are more likely to achieve what you want to. I do think that is mostly because when your mood is better, you are more open to the world.

But everyone has a bad day. The best thing to do, if you have a bad day, is to soldier on. It will get better. You will find something that will make your day seem better, and that good feeling you get doing that something, will spread and effect the rest of your life. So don’t beat yourself up when you do have a bad time, just appreciate that the bad times are there so we can make the best of a really good day.

And if you feel happy, pass it on. That smile that you make as you type on your keyboard will show in how you express yourself, others can sense it, and it may make them happier too. So I have a great day, and I hope anyone reading has a good day too.

 

Feeling of Sollitude

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When you need to relax, what do you do? What do you do to switch off, when you can’t escape?

I have always used music as a method to escape. It helps me because it allows me to ignore my surroundings. And that is what escapism is about. Being able to ignore the distractions which are near to you. And its crazy how much, just making yourself not have to listen to what’s going around you, makes a difference. I am sitting at the canteen at my work, and despite being surrounded in groups talking to each other, my ipod is helping me not bare them any attention. If you feel alone, listening to music can also give you company, in that it stops you from feeling so alone.

Another thing I like to do, is read novels. I love the idea of experiencing a completely different world, just from reading a few pages. If you have a good imagination, and the right story, you can escape into the story. I have always read on my own, and I describe it as being a solitary activity. Because you read at your own pace and experience this new world. I can easily spend hours being lost in a book, and its the best feeling in the world. I feel that I can actually experience the plotlines, and that the characters are people I meet and get to know.

So right now, I am reading The Crimson Petal and the White by Micheal Faber, and listening to the Broadway recording of the Lion King musical. And, honestly, I feel so happy and at peace. I don’t feel alone as I have so much things here, that gives me so much joy. Reading and listening music is something that has gone hand in hand, for me, for most of my life. And I don’t see it being a habit I will drop very easily.

Hand Over Mouth

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If you know me, or have read this blog before, then you’d know that I am not one to keep my opinions to myself. I feel that if you have an opinion, the you should speak out and let the world know your thoughts. Because that is what things, including this blog are there for. Expressing.

Except, yesterday, I held back. If anyone has spoken to me or read what I have written about ‘The War on Terror’, you will know why I held back. I have a lot of American friends who are part of a country which still mourn the fact that 9/11 happened. And speaking my thoughts, I was scared that I would offend one of my friends. Why? Because, if you say anything which makes the distruction of the twin towers seem equal to anything, such as the suffering of victims of the ‘War against Terror’, you are a disgrace. I know this, because that is what I have been called each and every year I have braved to open my mouth.

So this year, I stepped back, and tried not to be annoyed by the contradiction that occurred because of that fateful day. The fact that the world grieves for America’s richest city, but nothing is said about the innocent men, women and children who died as victims of the resulting war. If you are going to mourn those poor people who died in the attack that started the fight, then mourn those children who died in their sleep as their homes were burnt down in Afghanistan. No one death should be deemed more important than another.

And if you read this and have the nerve to say that the death of New Yorkers was more serious than the deaths of Afghans, then you need to take a long hard look at yourself. All innocent victims were killed because something happened that was beyond them. Something that they had nothing to do with. These people, all of them, died for someone else’s cause. And that is horrible. That innocents need to die.

It has been bothering me. It also bothers me, that for someone to show they ‘care’ they need to publicly show that they are mourning. Why? Yes, pay respect, mourn if you need to. But don’t dismiss someone who doesn’t mourn with you. Some people find it uncomfortable shouting I AM SAD THESE PEOPLE DIED. It seems cheap to some, and it makes it impersonal. If you are to mourn, it is a private thing. A prayer, or positive thought to those who you are mourning for. The internet has encouraged this, and if someone is struggling. Someone has lost a husband, a child, do they really want to see memories about it splashed around everywhere as if it is gossip on the Kardishans? Is that respectful? I don’t think it is.  There is a name for the sensationalism linked to a disaster in this day in age. It is called Manufactured Mourning.

—-

I wish I could say it was respect that caused me to keep my mouth shut yesterday. But it was fear. Fear that someone would take what I said the wrong way, and would send me death threats. It has happened before. So I bit my tongue, but still wanted to put across my thoughts. All people who die innocently should be mourned. But in a way that is respectful to them. Rest in peace to the 3,500 people who would have lost their lives as I have written this entry. 

‘Team’ work

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I always thought there was.

I am currently taking part in 3 different projects, where in taking part in a team was essential. Because I have not organised any of these projects, there are obviously people taking part that I don’t know. Something I am fine with. I like getting the opertunity to meet new people, and get to know them. To be honest, it is one of the wonders of the internet. It brings people together.

The issue is, when you get involved in some kind of group project, you have to appreciate other people’s opinions and learn to work together. But there is always something that gets in the way. Usually it involves people trying to force their point of view across. I am a compromising person,  but it gets to the point where rather than the group being a collaboration, someone wants to be boss.

Usually ideas are fine, but it is when these ideas transform into changes. Changes that were never mentioned previously before the project started, but have suddenly became the main agenda, and causes a rift between the team members. People feel a bit taken-aback by how the original plan seems to be changing, that things are being taken over. They feel threatened, because this is no longer a bit of fun. Changes are ‘proposed’ and people feel out of place. Something that has started as a friendly project to bring people together, has become formal. As if it is a competition to push the project quicker than all the team members are ready for.

And if you feel it is like someone is making a change, and rushing ahead, is it right to put your feet down? Surely, that is why things are discussed. So that people can talk about things. And if someone is harsh, and gets a harsh reaction, who is in the wrong? Is anyone? As long as they can understand each others point of view, should there be any animosity? To make a change to original plans, all team members should be agreed on a particular idea.  And if someone percieves your idea as wrong, don’t run off scared when someone does oppose it. It’s give and take.

—

And that’s off my chest. 🙂 I always seem to encounter the same issues when I work in groups. Maybe I am just not fit for working in a team. -.- Has anyone encountered any issues when working with other people? What would be your advice on dealing with it?

 

A Friend of Mine Just Found My Old Youtube Channel.

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The Youtube channel I can no longer access, due to some reason or other. Basically I did loads of vlogs and videos and it’s now closed off. I tried to fix it, but it was easier to start a new channel.  So I did.

But the old channel and it’s videos are still up, and someone I went to school with found it, and emailed me about it. I wish what she said was complimentary. But she effectively told me to step away from a computer and not make vlogs because it indicates I have ‘no friends or a life’. It was nice.

I am fairly tolerant to people who smirk when I say I like to post vlogs. All I think is ‘well, they don’t know what they’re talking about’. Which is true. To make a valid comment on a particular subject, you do need to have at least some experience on the subject. So, I didn’t take it too seriously.

Then I realised I know noone else who posts videos on youtube, and that made me feel special. The kind of special I feel may be different, depending on how you look at people who make Vlogs and express a lot on the internet. And when I say express, I don’t mean that you post a daily status update on Facebook. So I do put a lot of myself into making videos, running forums and obviously blogging. And because of this, they are all very personal to me. And to have someone who I have not spoken to for YEARS, berate what I love did hurt.

Anyways. My new Youtube channel can be found here. I have today uploaded 2 videos from Rebellion Festival, which I went to at the start of August. The videos are of two bands, Septic Psychos and Strawberry Blondes. I had no camera for the rest of the festival, because my battery died on my first day.

Stuck In My Head

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Usually when something irritates me, or I want to ‘talk it out’, I post a blog on it. It allows me the freedom to say what I need to say, and then people can comment on it. It seems really methodical to me. It’s like, ‘I say what I say, and you can say what you think about what I said’. It is one of the few outlets where a person can express things without interruption. And doing it on something like a blog, enables people to read through your varying opinions, and get a good idea of what you are like as a person.

However, what happens when you don’t know how to say what is on your mind? If everything you type up becomes just a ‘hash-bash’ collection of words and, ill thought out, phrases. That is something I have been going through at the moment. There is no slow down of the thought processes and opinions, I just don’t seem to be able to write things the way I intend to. Which is irritating.

Over time, I have learnt that the best way to deal with any creative block, is to ride it out. Is to keep to returning to what you are struggling with, and eventually you will get progress. This is what I am doing now. Everything I have written lately seemed so bad. I just haven’t been able to put what is in my head, into words. And when you lose that ability, it becomes almost a burden, even moreso when you use it as a method of expression. It is like someone has locked you in a room, and have given you the wrong key to get out.You start off, with so much hope, but you just stall to a stop, when it doesn’t work.

I suppose that is something that anyone experiences. It can happen with work, with school, with anything. You just hit some kind of mental brick wall, and you can’t get any further. I guess, the thing to remember is that every brick must fall, someday. So keep on trying, and you will get there. Just don’t get to disheartened.

If I had a million dollars…

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Would it change me?

Someone asked me this over Formspring, and I thought I would take to my blog to comment about it. Mostly because I would like to go into the matter in a lot more detail than Formspring allows.

I think getting that kind of money would change my life, no doubting it, and as a result it will probably have an effect on me. So it probably would change me. I would like to hope it would be, in that I would be happier because it would irradiate any money problems I currently have. I would quite my work, and do a solid push of making my websites and things take off. I could focus on my portfolio and take classes help me do this.

I would also buy my own house. A house that would have a studio so I could work on things. *sigh* I would be able to pay off all my debt, and I think that would have the biggest effect. Knowing that I wouldn’t have anything else to hold me back, and the relief that would bring would make me so much happier.

I hope it wouldn’t change how I treat people, because I like to treat people the way I expect to be treated. And I would hope that I wouldn’t change this just because I had money. But I guess that anything on that would be guesswork, cause I can’t even imagine being in that kind of scenario. Especially seeing as I don’t play the lottery, nor do I have any rich elderly relatives. -.-

Oh well, I can dream.

Any readers out there? What would you do if you came into a large amount of money?

Return To Normality

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This is where I am going to pretend that I have had a life away from the computer, long enough to get behind on blogs and everything… but it would be lies. Well, not complete lies, but maybe more an exaggeration. I have spent my time off work concentrating on myself, and just off-lining a bit. I say a bit, because I was on Tumblr and Twitter still, I just didn’t update everything.

Which is unusual for me, I usually at least keep my blogs updated, but I just haven’t been on top of things. Mostly because I haven’t been wanting to write anything substantial. So I can post bits and bobs on my Tumblr, and the other blog sites get ignored. Which is not my intention.

Anyway, I am back at work tonight, so that means that I am trying to get myself back into some sort of routine, where I can update things again and such. I am always so re-energised after a holiday, so I am making the best of it, by motivating myself to do things. And those things include hitting property and job websites. I need a full time job, and a place to live. Or at least I can keep an eye on price from afar. Which leads to some progress in the situation, which makes me happy.  So as long as I keep momentum up, things may be a-changing soon.

Musical Tuneage: A Playlist

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A lot of people I know use Spotify a lot. If you don’t know, Spotify is a music streaming service. It is great if you want to listen to an artist before you buy any of their work. It is also good for building playlists to share with friends.

Building playlists always reminds me of making mix-tapes, like I did when I was younger. Where you would copy a selection of your favourite music for friends, and you would swap tapes. It was great, and was always a good way to get new music. Anyway, I have spent today thinking up of a playlist to share, so here it is.

1)Tori Amos- Professional Widow

One of my favourite singer/ songwriters, this song is one that became very popular during my school days. It was the song that got me interested in Tori Amos, and it is forever known as her biggest hit. Released in 1996, the song was remixed  by Armin Van Helden and found it’s way to the clubs, and became on of the most successful dance remixes of the 90s.

2)Bad Brains- I Against I

Reggae infused hardcore. A brilliant band, one of the pioneers of hardcore punk, this band’s big success came in the late 80s.  I Against I, was the album where Bad Brains became popular, and is also the title of my favourite song by them. The influence of many current rock bands, and they are aiming to release an eagerly awaited new album in 2011.

3)Belle & Sebastian- Expectations

A Glaswegian indie band, started in the mid 90s. Expectations is mostly recognised for being on the highly praised soundtrack for the motion picture, Juno, starring Ellen Page. The music is very light in sound, but has a strong lyrical content. The lyrics are very emotive, which gives them the chance to be depressive or humorous, depending on the mood of the song. Regularly voted as one of the most influential Scottish bands in music, something well deserved.

4)Black Flag- Padded Cell

Another highly influential punk band, also noted as helping start the genre of hardcore punk. Padded Cell features on the album, Damaged, the first Black Flag album I owned. I was given it at school on cassette by some random. And at the time, I knew I loved music, but I hadn’t ventured out of the mainstream, pop market. But the tape was going to get thrown out, so I took it, as I had this funny attachment to tapes and things getting thrown out. I remember listening to it on my walkman, and it blew me away and began to open me up to more music. I wish I could remember who was throwing the tape away so I could thank them for letting that album into my life. Padded Cell has always been my favourite song of Damaged.

5)Care Bears on Fire- Barbie Eat A Sandwich

Cute pop-rock fun. Three American teenagers who write and record all their music themselves. Reminds me of early Avril Lavigne, where it has serious bounce, as well as some good technical aspects. It is very similar to a lot of the Disney singer which release cute pop rock, like Demi Lovato. Whilst I am sure many readers will squirm at the mention of the Camp Rock star, I know a lot of kids listen to her, and that is who would love Care Bears on Fire. Bright, harmless and written by teenagers for teenagers. If you like your music fun, light and very poppy, you will love singing into your hairbrush with this.

6) Moral Majority- Circle Jerks

80s hardcore punk is a bit of a soft spot for me, and here is another band who kicked it all off in the 80s. Circle Jerks’ was created by original Black Flag singer, Keith Morris. Wild in the Streets was an album I bought about 10 years ago on CD. It was in a charity shop, and cost me £1, and was never opened. Well worth the money, and helped steer me further towards punk rock, and the passion that this band have is immense. Really brilliant band.

7) The Creepshow- Rue Morgue Radio

This band is a more recent find, and I started listening to them with in the last few years ago. This Canadian band play psychobilly that packs one hell of a punch. Influence by horror movies, and a style of a bygone era, like many similar bands, they are frequently on the road, and have been reccently playing a lot of festivals in Europe.

8 ) Melanie C- Northern Star

Like many girls of a certain age, I was a Spice Girls fan. I became obsessed with the voice of, Sporty Spice, Mel C. Her voice seemed really unique, and when she started releasing solo material, it was a chance to listen to her sing, without the other 4 Spice Girls intruding. Because of her unique voice, Mel’s voice has a tendency to divide opinion. Some people love her sound, others hate it. I think people with unique sounds should be praised, which is why Northern Star is here. The song used to always make me cry when I first bought the album.

9) Dead Kennedys- Kill The Poor

Who likes heavy music and doesn’t rate the Dead Kennedys? Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables is one of the best albums EVER, in my opinion. Widely accepted as being parody, on the American political shift of the 80s to the right, where the rich were looked after, and the poor were left to rot. It hit the nail on the head, and became one of DK’s most popular songs.

10)Fat Boy Slim- Gangsta Trippin

The 90s were a period where dance music had depth, and wasn’t all about girating half naked women. I was a bit of a Fat Boy Slim fan in the late 90s. It was music I could draw and paint to, and that is something that is still important to me. It’s music I remember dancing to at school discos, although I couldn’t dance at all. It has happy memories, because it was on all the compilation albums, that were on the rage. I think I had 2 or 3 compilation CDs with this song on it. Great for parties, even if it is just for the memories.

11) Lady Sovereign- Love Me or Hate Me

There is something really honest about Sov. The self-dubbed ‘biggest midget in the game’, is a rapper who sings about what she knows. A lot of her songs talk about issues facing her growing up in an East London Council estate, and it is her honesty within her songs, which has seen her get a huge following on both sides of the Atlantic. Sov is a rapper who always seems to have had a strong sense of self, and is not afraid to speak her mind. This was the first of her songs I heard on the radio, and I was not disappointed when it lead to purchasing in her albums.

12) Manic Street Preachers- A Design For Life

A Welsh band who enjoyed popularity in the late 90s/ early 2000s. I think I first saw the Manics on BBCs Top of the Pops, which was on every Friday night. It was the way I found a lot of music at the time, as I never saw MTV at all. So it was music magazines and Top of the Pops/ the Offical top 40 on Radio 1. This song became a number 2 hit in 1996, and was acknowledged for its lyrical content. It is about the time where I did start to listen to lyrics more, so it appeared to be a very deep song to me.

13) Melody Gardot- Baby I’m A Fool

A jazz singer/ songwriter. Melody turned to music after being severely hurt, after being knocked off her bicycle by a Jeep in 2003. She was bed-ridden for a year, and was left with neural problems leading to her being hypersensitive to light, which leads her to wearing sun glasses all the time. A doctor treating Melody advised that music could be a way to help aid her recovery. Humming or singing music, is thought to help repaired neural pathways, which helped Melody recovery. She frequently visits universities talking about music as therapy, and is a successful recording artist. I found her through Last.fm, and was astounded by her voice. A truly inspirational artist.

14) Nirvana- Rape Me

Nirvana is widely accepted as one of the best rock bands of all time. Kurt Cobain, the frontman for Nirvana, is a fantastic lyricist, and you can feel his pain. The lyrics are so wonderfully written, and, on their own, can  make someone feel uncomfortable. This is good writing. This honesty and emotion, is what helped Nirvana become so successful, and become the band for a generation of disaffected teenagers.

15) NOFX- Hobophobic (scared of bums)

NOFX are a band that rose to popularity in the 90s with other bands such as The Offspring, Rancid, Green Day and Blink 182. Their music always has a strong sense of humour, and they are a band who don’t take themselves too seriously. They frequently mock their peers, and seem to seek out to be as troublesome as they can be. A brilliant band, and this is them at their hilarious best.

16) Rancid- Ruby Soho

Rancid are the band responsible for my music taste. It was 1997 when I first heard …And Out Come The Wolves, and it blew my mind. It’s punk sensibilities with aspects of ska, and the lyrics. A fantastic album, and Ruby Soho is one of the many highlights. Good for a drunken sing-a-long. I do hold Rancid responsible as being the band who introduced me to punk rock, and I love them for that. Always will be a favourite song, by my favourite band.

If you would like to listen to this playlist, it is available on Spotify here