Author: Sue

I have been writing in various forms since I was a child. I write about what is going on in my life, what I enjoy, and the struggles of dealing with chronic illness and mental health issues. I love live music, football (Scotland and Dunfermline Athletic), reading, Formula 1, Stock Cars, and eating lots of vegan crap.

A Brave New Day

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

There is nothing worse than waking up to a day, where you feel lost, depressed and alone. A day where you look outside to a cold, wet world, and all you want to do is stay in bed all day. And the fact that you have to get up and force yourself into the day doesn’t make things much better.

This is a bump. A blip on the radar. Some people get more bumps than some, and it can be uncomfortable and hard. But when the sea calms, everything becomes settled and a person can feel a lot better about themselves. There is a sense of accomplishment that comes from powering through to the ‘other side’. And if you can battle through it once, you can do it again. That is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do, find a belief that things do get better if you can lift yourself through the turmoil.

And once you know that you can power through moments of uncertainty, and you do it regularly, you generally get less overwhelmed by the bumps in the road. It takes a strong person to ride out the bumpy road and get through it without the feeling you are in a black hole. Looking at others sometimes doesn’t help, because you may fool yourself that they have never had any storms to try and pass through.

So what I am trying to say is, don’t look at others. Look at yourself. You are a great person, and that alone should give you the strength to power on. Especially of you have been bothered before by issues. Only you can make a difference, and believing you ‘can’ is the best way to start. It seems scary, it seems different, I know it does. But be brave, and find out how fantastic the world is.

Feeling Enslaved

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So this post a day think came into a blip. Where I am unable to access WordPress through my work computer, and my phone decided it didn’t like being online. So everytime I accessed an app which needs an online connection, I just got a plethora of error messages. And then the ‘internet access’ PCs couldn’t connect online. But it’s ok. O2’s dodgy 3G connection came back on. *cheers*

But this is a challenge. I have to make the effort to post. Which makes me feel like I have achieved something, because I have overcome something. I think that as soon as effort is put in, you feel more distinguished because of that effort. It doesn’t really matter what the thing is. Or I don’t think it does, not to me anyway.

Besides, the effort I need to make, stops my mind from wondering, and that’s where issues come into it. I overthink, and seem to dig up drama which isn’t there.

Working Hard or Hardly Working

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Stress.

It is the biggest pressure on so many people as they try to live their day to day life. It’s hard to reason why some people are more prone to stress than others. It is more, that the person is struggling to cope, rather than the actual work involved.

It is a feeling of being overwhelmed, and that can come at any stage of a day, and at any stage of life. I have suffered from stress, and to be honest, it seemed to effect me more when I wasn’t working. When I had time on my hands to have a bit of a think. I have a habit of over-analysing things, and I guess that’s what I did. I put pressure on myself, to the point that I felt I was suffocating, and that I was pretty worthless for not coping when everyone else can. It did lead me to the path of depression, and I became increasingly frustrated my life.

After much chatting to people in similar circumstances, I found I wasn’t alone. And it was the cliche that ‘everyone feels overwhelmed at some point’. I say cliche, because at the time, I felt that was all it was. I know, people try to help when the compare your life to someone else’s, as if to say ‘if they can do it, so can you’. But it ends up in a spiral of self doubt, because I feared, I was not as strong willed as that person in front of me. Which was basically me excusing myself for not trying. As if I was shrugging and saying ‘what’s the point’.

Whilst looking at others didn’t help, I took a small piece of advice I found in many self-help books and articles.

Do a little something every day, that makes you smile.

And as basic as it sounds, it helped. I would listen to music, take 5 minutes to sketch something, go for a walk, I’d try something that I knew I loved to do. It became something that I looked forward to, and it made every day that little more bearable. And because my brain was focusing on what ever ‘highlight’ I had planned for that day, it didn’t have the time to focus on shining a negative light on everything I did. I guess, it is just occupying your brain, because over thinking is a huge part of stress related illness. Or it was to me anyway.

Pending NaNoWriMo 2011

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It is quickly approaching that time again when thousands of writers undertake the task of writing a 50,000 word novel through the month of November.

Yes. November is NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). I did attempt this challenge last year, but I think I got to about 18,000 words and I just got so stuck. I missed a day, and then two days, and then it all pretty much fell apart. I think it is an interesting challenge, and it would be such an achievement to reach the end of November knowing I had written a novel. Please visit this site to sign up, or for more info.

So in my second year, I have decided to start to prepare to writing every day. So am going to do a Post-A-Day, in a bid to inspire myself. I think it will be a big help this year, as last year I was going in blind, and was unsure of the actual volume I had to produce. As much as you try to imagine having to post over 1,500 a day, it is hard to picture until you actually do it. As you will know if you have read this blog before, I have no problem with speaking my mind and writing about anything. So I can’t imagine this post a day thing to bother me. But I say that. I do post frequently, but it comes in spurts.

So, wish me luck on both post-a-day and NaNoWriMo. And if you read this, let me know if you take part in anything to try and challenge yourself.

Reading Material Abuse

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I got a little bit of stick today. It was because I bought Company magazine.

For those outwith the UK, or who are unfamiliar with the publication, it is a ‘Women’s Lifestyle’ magazine. Now a lot of these magazine’s get a lot of abuse for the images they portray to women, with the unrealistic body images they promote, etc. To be honest, one look at me in my Asda jeans and Avenged Sevenfold shirt, I think you would know it isn’t the fashion topic, per say, that I am interested.

It is the articles. Being a person who has become so in  love with writing over the years, I find that it is for my own good that in take in a variety of styles of writing. Because, as much as I don’t want to admit to myself, this conversational manner that I have going on, is not for everyone. But that is fine, everyone has different tastes and topics of interest, which is what makes everything so interesting. And is also why I do read Company magazine.

It is one of the cheaper ‘glossies’ on the news-stand, and it, like me, tries to have a very conversational tone for their reader to enjoy. I know that I like reading this style of writing, because it helps me feel… settled, I guess. I think that it is because there is no force in what is in front of you, just a display of opinion, that is worded like it is a chat you are having with a friend. I feel that this takes out any confrontation, and makes it easier to accept the opinion being put across. If you are too forceful with opinion, then it can come across like you are looking for an argument. Which, to me, is not what writing is about. Yes, show opinion, but don’t try to force what you feel on others.

It just comes off as rude, obnoxious, and to be honest, does not always provide you with an audience. If people think you are trying to be too ‘Little Miss Dictatorship’. then you won’t get support, interest, and people may glance, but they will stop reading. Or they will read on, and then just send you abuse over it. Which, trust me, is not worth it, no matter how good your intentions may be. People can’t always pick up intended tone through text, so if you go for the conversational style, it will come across as more welcoming and friendly.

But I try to read a variety of material, all written in different styles. Music articles are written completely different to a Victorian novel, or even a financial broadsheet. The writing style is always appropriate for it’s intended audience. So if you can distinguish the differences, then it helps you write an article aiming at the right audience. So don’t belittle someone, just because they wish to open themselves up to different styles, these are the people who should be honoured. For not being afraid, for being open-minded, and for doing what they want, despite the uniqueness of what they do.

This has come off almost tutorial like, especially the end. Maybe I haven’t mastered tone as well as I had hoped. Practice is needed.

Recommended Ap: Word To Go

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I am typing this up on Word To Go, for Blackberry. I have to say it is a very smooth application, and is really coming in handy with all the blogs and scripts and things I need to write.

The text is very clear, and is a relatively good size, which is awesome, seeing as a lot of apps have very small writing as standard. Which can make using it rather difficult, because you need to go and edit things before you even start writing. The main reason I am trying a word processor on my phone is because I felt it would be better in that sometimes writing things online or through another app, can sometime lead to things being slow. Also, a lot of other applications don’t have a great spell check. This has an awesome one, so it means when I post something, it is at least written correctly.

I also got this app to help prepare for video blogs. I have recently been trying to find away to script my vlogs on the go, as I haven’t been spending a lot of time on my PC. I guess, I thought it would be nice to write down ideas, as I got them, because I have a habit of forgetting things. So I acknowledge something is a good idea, and then I forget about it. Which is not the best way to work.

Word To Go is installed in most Blackberry smart phones as well as apps similar to Excel and Power Point. It is great having these applications to hand. When you first access the software, you are given the chance to edit existing files or to upgrade to premium so that you can create new files through your phone. That premium edition costs a one off fee of around £8.00 and is available at http://www.dataviz.com/handheld/products/documentstogo/blackberry/index.html.

Feel the positivity.

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Just had a decent day today, so I thought I’d spread some cheer.

Happiness is one of the most contagious things in the world. And it is also better for you and everything you do. If you are happier, you are more likely to achieve what you want to. I do think that is mostly because when your mood is better, you are more open to the world.

But everyone has a bad day. The best thing to do, if you have a bad day, is to soldier on. It will get better. You will find something that will make your day seem better, and that good feeling you get doing that something, will spread and effect the rest of your life. So don’t beat yourself up when you do have a bad time, just appreciate that the bad times are there so we can make the best of a really good day.

And if you feel happy, pass it on. That smile that you make as you type on your keyboard will show in how you express yourself, others can sense it, and it may make them happier too. So I have a great day, and I hope anyone reading has a good day too.

 

Feeling of Sollitude

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When you need to relax, what do you do? What do you do to switch off, when you can’t escape?

I have always used music as a method to escape. It helps me because it allows me to ignore my surroundings. And that is what escapism is about. Being able to ignore the distractions which are near to you. And its crazy how much, just making yourself not have to listen to what’s going around you, makes a difference. I am sitting at the canteen at my work, and despite being surrounded in groups talking to each other, my ipod is helping me not bare them any attention. If you feel alone, listening to music can also give you company, in that it stops you from feeling so alone.

Another thing I like to do, is read novels. I love the idea of experiencing a completely different world, just from reading a few pages. If you have a good imagination, and the right story, you can escape into the story. I have always read on my own, and I describe it as being a solitary activity. Because you read at your own pace and experience this new world. I can easily spend hours being lost in a book, and its the best feeling in the world. I feel that I can actually experience the plotlines, and that the characters are people I meet and get to know.

So right now, I am reading The Crimson Petal and the White by Micheal Faber, and listening to the Broadway recording of the Lion King musical. And, honestly, I feel so happy and at peace. I don’t feel alone as I have so much things here, that gives me so much joy. Reading and listening music is something that has gone hand in hand, for me, for most of my life. And I don’t see it being a habit I will drop very easily.

Hand Over Mouth

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If you know me, or have read this blog before, then you’d know that I am not one to keep my opinions to myself. I feel that if you have an opinion, the you should speak out and let the world know your thoughts. Because that is what things, including this blog are there for. Expressing.

Except, yesterday, I held back. If anyone has spoken to me or read what I have written about ‘The War on Terror’, you will know why I held back. I have a lot of American friends who are part of a country which still mourn the fact that 9/11 happened. And speaking my thoughts, I was scared that I would offend one of my friends. Why? Because, if you say anything which makes the distruction of the twin towers seem equal to anything, such as the suffering of victims of the ‘War against Terror’, you are a disgrace. I know this, because that is what I have been called each and every year I have braved to open my mouth.

So this year, I stepped back, and tried not to be annoyed by the contradiction that occurred because of that fateful day. The fact that the world grieves for America’s richest city, but nothing is said about the innocent men, women and children who died as victims of the resulting war. If you are going to mourn those poor people who died in the attack that started the fight, then mourn those children who died in their sleep as their homes were burnt down in Afghanistan. No one death should be deemed more important than another.

And if you read this and have the nerve to say that the death of New Yorkers was more serious than the deaths of Afghans, then you need to take a long hard look at yourself. All innocent victims were killed because something happened that was beyond them. Something that they had nothing to do with. These people, all of them, died for someone else’s cause. And that is horrible. That innocents need to die.

It has been bothering me. It also bothers me, that for someone to show they ‘care’ they need to publicly show that they are mourning. Why? Yes, pay respect, mourn if you need to. But don’t dismiss someone who doesn’t mourn with you. Some people find it uncomfortable shouting I AM SAD THESE PEOPLE DIED. It seems cheap to some, and it makes it impersonal. If you are to mourn, it is a private thing. A prayer, or positive thought to those who you are mourning for. The internet has encouraged this, and if someone is struggling. Someone has lost a husband, a child, do they really want to see memories about it splashed around everywhere as if it is gossip on the Kardishans? Is that respectful? I don’t think it is.  There is a name for the sensationalism linked to a disaster in this day in age. It is called Manufactured Mourning.

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I wish I could say it was respect that caused me to keep my mouth shut yesterday. But it was fear. Fear that someone would take what I said the wrong way, and would send me death threats. It has happened before. So I bit my tongue, but still wanted to put across my thoughts. All people who die innocently should be mourned. But in a way that is respectful to them. Rest in peace to the 3,500 people who would have lost their lives as I have written this entry. 

‘Team’ work

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I always thought there was.

I am currently taking part in 3 different projects, where in taking part in a team was essential. Because I have not organised any of these projects, there are obviously people taking part that I don’t know. Something I am fine with. I like getting the opertunity to meet new people, and get to know them. To be honest, it is one of the wonders of the internet. It brings people together.

The issue is, when you get involved in some kind of group project, you have to appreciate other people’s opinions and learn to work together. But there is always something that gets in the way. Usually it involves people trying to force their point of view across. I am a compromising person,  but it gets to the point where rather than the group being a collaboration, someone wants to be boss.

Usually ideas are fine, but it is when these ideas transform into changes. Changes that were never mentioned previously before the project started, but have suddenly became the main agenda, and causes a rift between the team members. People feel a bit taken-aback by how the original plan seems to be changing, that things are being taken over. They feel threatened, because this is no longer a bit of fun. Changes are ‘proposed’ and people feel out of place. Something that has started as a friendly project to bring people together, has become formal. As if it is a competition to push the project quicker than all the team members are ready for.

And if you feel it is like someone is making a change, and rushing ahead, is it right to put your feet down? Surely, that is why things are discussed. So that people can talk about things. And if someone is harsh, and gets a harsh reaction, who is in the wrong? Is anyone? As long as they can understand each others point of view, should there be any animosity? To make a change to original plans, all team members should be agreed on a particular idea.  And if someone percieves your idea as wrong, don’t run off scared when someone does oppose it. It’s give and take.

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And that’s off my chest. 🙂 I always seem to encounter the same issues when I work in groups. Maybe I am just not fit for working in a team. -.- Has anyone encountered any issues when working with other people? What would be your advice on dealing with it?