Falling

Here I am
Standing alone
Degrading thoughts pounding my mind
Feeling like the worst person, for doing nothing
Looking for someone to lean on, and finding myself falling to the cold ground
No one to pick me up
No strength to do it myself
Focusing on past failures
Unable to see a future
Feeling worthless and utterly alone

I cry
My eyes become raw
My head starts to ache
My heart is broken,
There is no way out
This cloud won’t clear

________________________

Journal entry from 2008, when I was at college, when depression started to hit me hard. I was struggling for something to post today, which lead to me reading through some old journals. When I was low, I always turned to either writing or drawing to help me let out my feelings. The best thing about being able to express things in such a way, that I have the opportunity to look back at everything that I felt, however melodramatic it may seem.

Depression is hard. But it can sometimes make me feel better to see that I can get better when things get bad, that I can actually see that things can get better. It’s about finding ways to cope with the ups and downs of life.