Tag: change

Change Is Good (BEDA)

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Everyone needs change. Everything needs a refresh every now and then. If we don’t, then there is a chance what we are doing will become stale. In personal experience, I find that is where I struggle to continue to work on a particular task. I need what I do, to be as fluid and ever-changing as I can be as a person.

So, I have changed a few things. For the last few years I have used the internet as Sue Riot Graphics, as Riot Graphics was the design company I planned on running when I left college. Unfortunately, life got in the way, my inspiration stalled and it never really came back to me. As I have been attempting to blog every day for a month, I have been spending more time online again and discovering that having Graphics in my online handles was no longer in-keeping of where I am now. In fact, I found it a constant reminder that I failed to achieve all I had planned. I felt like a failure just by logging into a website. And that lead to me being completely de-motivated with things.

So, I am currently going through the process of re-naming my online account so it is simply Sue Riot. People ask me, what’s the point of not putting my actual ‘real’ name on these websites? My only answer is that I feel that the person I am online, is different to who I am in real life. I also like that by having a slightly different name online, I can be myself, without having to compromise my personal privacy. Because that is one thing when you share your life on the internet, it is how much details we place on the internet. And as much as love sharing my experiences and thoughts online, I don’t want to share my personal details, because you never know who could abuse those details.

But yeah, slight new name change to the blog. Also over the next few days sueriot.com should start working. The blog is set up to start feeding automatically to the new URL, so everything should still be intact and functioning fine. I am so happy about it. Change feels awesome.

Change of the Seasons (BEDA)

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Its the time of the year when the days are getting longer and its becoming a little warmer. I love the spring. I love the fact I can go out for more walks and can see everything growing again after the cold winter. 

I am trying to get more healthy and I have been walking a lot more over the last few weeks. It’s a great way to de-stress, and the longer days with better weather gives me the chance to do it. The lighter days also can effect people’s mood. There has been evidence that the volume of sunlight a person sees in a day helps their mood. And with the sun making an appearance this past weekend, I can see how that is true. 

I am back at work tomorrow, but am so happy and bouncy. I am ready for the warmer weather and the challenges that lie ahead. And hopefully, like the rest of the natural world, I can grow from it. 

Keep on swimming…

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

It’s that time of January where people start to struggle with their New Years resolutions. Where things start to fall apart, and people revert back to old ways. Which seems easy. Change is hard, and sometimes we get to a stage where we just want to give up. The change we want isn’t worth the difficulty.

I’m still going on most of the things I set out to do. Yes, I have had a few hiccups, but i keep going. Sometimes I ‘write off a day’, and just close the door on it. As someone who deals with anxiety, I find this a good way of dealing with any time I fail to hit my goals. Shut yesterday off, and focus on today. Make today better.

It has helped me when I have had bad spirals of depression, where I struggle to move for days. I struggle through, and when I do feel better, I mentally shut off the bad days. It maybe doesn’t sound too healthy, but it helps me function. Helps me keep a full time job as well as trying to make my life better. And making my life better is all I ever want.

Main message is if you have a bad day, keep on going. Tomorrow never comes, so make today count. Make today better.

Begin again?

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I am starting afresh. Not with life, or work. More my attitude. Since I started having a lot of difficulties with both depression and anxiety, several years back, I have had a rather defeatist attitude. Whenever I would try and get myself on track, I would fail. Things would fall apart. Why? Because I had no faith in myself. I thought I was destined to fail, so when things got difficult, I gave up. Rather than invite myself to a nightout, I’d stay at home. I just feel like I have missed out on a lot. At 30 years old, I am not where I thought I would be. And it is depressing. It leads me into that vicious circle, where being depressed, makes me more depressed, and so forth.

But I have had enough.

Today, after watching Superwoman (Lilly Singh), I felt inspired by her enthusiastic way she does videos. Even her daily vlogs has this hyperactive person as the starring role, even when Lilly herself probably isn’t feeling so great. And it made me think about how I carry myself in a day to day manner. And I realised that there is nothing I need to do every day, to get me that energetic and ready to go. I just slump out of bed, and sludge around to where I need to go. It got me thinking, maybe I should do something that gets the blood flowing a little bit. So, I decided to try doing videos on Youtube again, and do it differently to how I had before.

When I have previously recorded videos, I sat down, and blabbed nonsensically to a camera. Which would have been okay, but I feel because of my slouching, my voice maybe wasn’t as clear as I wanted it to be. And because, I wasn’t exactly thrilled, I didn’t really promote it, and got really discouraged. But, I guess my whole outlook on life at the time, had a lot to do with that. So, I shot a video by shooting for an hour, standing up, being the kind of forced happy you are when you have to sell something really, really expensive. It seems really nasty written down, but it really has got me motivated for the day. I did some housework, and various computerlike things as well. I have owned today, and I feel it is because the first time in a long time I forced myself to get up and used a lot of energy. My day, that started with me sleeping through my alarm, has progressed into a rather productive one. HOORAY!!

Video is down below:

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Note: the ‘fair independence referendum’ thing I was posting, is still in writing. It has turned out to be quite the task to find fact based points, which isn’t slating the opposition. So stressful. But I am determined to post stuff, so stay tuned. 

Unsocial Media

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I am going through a strange time with my relationship with the internet. For years, since I started blogging, I have found myself thinking more about what goes on when one posts things online. It has always been something, that has felt like a huge sense of relief for me, but recently, that hasn’t been the case.

When I post something, it has been done because it is personal to me. There has been some thought in my head, which has made me want to communicate how I feel about a certain something. It has always proved as being a very therapeutic way of organising my thoughts, and has previously helped relieve a lot of stress, so I can focus on other things. But, recently, I have found that what I post has been getting negative comments. As if I post personal things because I want attention. As silly as it sounds, attention is the last thing that I have on my mind. I have found before, that by sharing my own experiences, other people can sometimes feel not quite so alone. Because when you are experiencing difficulties in your life, it is easy to feel completely alienated from those around you. So, when you read about someone feeling as bad as you are, it can be quite comforting. In fact, when I was struggling with depression, it was reading blogs and online forums that helped encourage me to get help. So to me, social media is fantastic, because it can help people get the support that they may not have the courage to get from those around us.

Recently, I decided to do a major life change, and try to change my eating habits, I joined weight watchers. Something I have never done before, but felt encouraged to do so, by checking out fitness forums and things. On these sites, there are a lot of help points, to try and help you get motivated.  One of the points was keeping a foodlog. By posting photos of food on instagram and Tumblr, it reaches the online community, which can support you in your efforts. Seeing how sharing online has helped me before, I thought that this would be an excellent way to keep note on what I am eating. As if I feel too embarrassed to post about something I want to eat, then it is a sign that I shouldn’t be eating it. To me, this makes sense. I have a habit of eating without thinking about it very much, most of the time, I am not even hungry.

This sounds a very postive change, right?

The biggest social network is Facebook. Where people seem to take offence if you post something personal to you. Particularly, as with depression, it can come in cycles, people start complaining that it is done for attention. So when it is something personal, these off-hand remarks from supposed friends, hurt. The same thing happens when I started posting about photographing food. I am called names because to these people, food isn’t something that is deserving of their Facebook feed. Because, if you didn’t know, Facebook is exclusively for stolen memes, game requests, pictures of children and drunken nights out. People are very intolerant of Facebook. I believe this may be because some of the people ‘friends’ with you on there, aren’t really your friends, they just want to spy on those that they shared a college class with once. On every other website, if someone doesn’t like what you post, they unfollow. For some reason, that doesn’t happen on Facebook, people just post vague complaints about the content posted by folk they follow. It’s laughable, really.

With the bad experience with Facebook, I stepped back. Because speaking about any of my feelings is still so hard, to have it treated so harshly is horrible. So, I took it time to think about it. These comments that people post, are about that person’s hang-ups, and they reflect more on that person than they do me. I also have to try and toughen up, and that I have conviction to write something, then I should stand by it 100%.

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

It’s hard to believe that’s another year behind us. I feel like the last few years have gone too fast, and I barely have had the chance to catch my breath. Saying that, I am glad 2013 is over with, because it was a bad year. Well, not awful, but I really struggled through the year, and actually experienced some of my lowest periods than I have for a long time.

But, I got through it, and managed through the year, as hard as it appeared sometimes. And the cliched thing to do at this time of the year is to close that chapter of one’s life, and plan for the year ahead. I am not normally the type of person to do that, but it feels very theraputic for me not to focus on what happened in 2013. Because, if I’m honest, I know that I will focus on the bad stuff that happened. So, looking ahead to all the changes I could make, and how it can positively change my life. So, I have made a few aims, to change things for my life.

1) Eat healthier. I am not talking about diets, and quick fixes. I want to change my attitude on food, not just lose weight. I need to cut down on the sugary drinks and fatty snacks. I have read for years that bad fats and too much sugar can make you lethargic. In my job, I need as much energy as possible, because I am on my feet all day, and I simply can’t eat when I feel like it. So, I need to make sure I am eating the right foods, so that I am not bloated either. My plan initially is to cut down on the sugary drinks, and see what happens. One step at a time.

2)Be a better friend. I feel that I have been stuck in my own head for most of last year. And as a result, I haven’t been very good at returning messages or meeting up with friends. I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for my friends, so I feel like I owe them a lot. As such, I feel super guilty that I haven’t been there for people as much as I should have been. I have always had this guilt that was created because I felt guilty about ‘forcing’ myself on people, particularly because folk have their own issues. I want to push my own conclusions out of my head. All I can do is check in with folk and try to meet up with people. If people don’t get back, or decline an invitation, it’s their choice, it has not indication on what kind of person I am.

3)Get out and enjoy more live music. 2013 was a rather uninspiring year for gigs. I have been to see bands locally, but that’s about it. I have made the excuse of having no money, and never ventured out of the house. Live music is one of the great passions of my life, and I am guilty of not seeing as much as I want. This year, I am going to go out and see bands, weekly hopefully. Even if it means I am drinking water, so that I can pay a few quid for entry to see a few bands play in Edinburgh. The joy of seeing live music is worth it. If I plan gigs and events to go to, it makes it easier to deal with the bad days, because I’ll have something to look forward to.

So that is it. They are just three wee things, made up of regrets from the last year. I think that if you want to change, you should focus on the things that you are most disappointed with yourself about. Mostly, because negativity can be used to drive you so far. Regardless how it ends up, I aim to make the best out of what ever happens this year. And I hope that all my readers have a fantastic 2014.

Fearing Change

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Time flies, doesn’t it?

One minute you are wasting seemingly endless summer holidays with neighbourhood kids, and the next you are plotting celebrations for your 30th birthday. The idea of my youth, was that I would grow up, be fiercely independent and have wild parties to indie rock bands whilst sipping on a cold alcoholic beverage of choice. It is with a crestfallen heart that I admit that my high flung ideals of adulthood have to come to light.

There is nothing in  particular that has stopped me from achieving my idealistic view of growing up, it is just life getting in the way. Being out of employment is just the icing on the cake, of the grand joke that something called fate has in mind, for me. The only changes that I have in my life, are ones that I could really do without. They are the kind of changes that have you worrying about ‘what is the meaning of it all’. Something that I haven’t found a suitable answer for.

I feel that this is why I don’t look to favourably upon change. I have this unrealistic need to live in the past, where I have this blinkered view that things were better. They weren’t. Coping with things just now is nothing something I do well, so from where I am situated, I it is easier to focus on things in my past that make me happy. I think that is why I am quite childish in a lot of aspects. I’d prefer to watch cartoons and listen to music, rather than deal with the Inland Revenue. Despite the volume of changes that have happened so far in 2013, I am afraid of stepping to the unknown to do something else, in case I really have had it too easy, and fate wants to teach me that.

If I am to be brutally honest, I don’t really believe in ‘fate’, a person makes their own life. It’s just every attempt I have made to get my life in gear, something has happened that has sent me right to the back of the grid, and it seems much too hard to try again. Maybe a little self-belief will help me get things into some kind of order.

But isn’t that what everyone needs? A little self-belief.

Finding Significance

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I have been lost the last week or so. I am going through the cycle of eating, sleeping and watching TV, but there has been no feeling. The feeling of numbness takes over, and it’s hard to overcome this feeling of wanting to bury one’s head in the sand. Just ignore the world, and pretend that everything is okay.

In a bit, to rid myself of these thoughts, I have been walkimg. It is a good way to clear my head, and get my thoughts in some kind of order. It is also good at helping remind myself that the worold is full of beauty. Beauty that is natural and continues to grow despite what happens around it.

cliff

The image above is an example of nature. It is a cliff created when people started mining the hard rock, from what I have heard, and blasted the hillside. Because the area is so close to the sea, when the blasts got below sea level, water filled the hole. For years, the quarry was left, kids would swim in the pool, and it became a popular area with dog walkers. About 7 years ago, the local council wanted to sell the land for housing, the problem was that the pool would need to be drained.Everytime the pool was drained, the water would start to fill it again. After several attempts, they left it.  And over time, the pool has become as full as it ever was.

It made me think. People, and life, will try to challenge you and knock you off your feet. But nature has a way of making what is supposed to happen, happen. If changes occur, nature allows things to adapt and change as needed. And that if things are supposed to be a certain way, it will happen regardless of what others want.

It gave me perspective. And that although I feel like life has been taken out of my hands, it just means that I have to take a detour. The world keeps turning, and things still happen, it just means a few things have changed. Perseverance and hard work will still get me where I want to go. And that is just a part of nature.

Be Your Own Hero

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Change is hard.
But change happens.
Accepting change is difficult.
Enforcing change change can seem impossible.
But to be successful, a person needs to be able to change things. No matter what your status is in life, you will have some bad habits. Things that you do without thought. It may effect your life dramatically, it may just sit in the background of your life.

Sometimes, just to feel empowered and in control, you need to change something. Whether that is losing weight or going to college, change is good. I want to find control. I am not happy with my shape, so I am going to try and exercise more. I have spent the majority of my life beating myself up because of how I am shaped, and that is not a good place to be.

So I hope to change my mindset by getting fit. This will hopefully help me become more positive. And be the end of these selfish ramblings.

Or maybe not. 😉

Just Deal With It

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

As a person, who documents much of her life online, as mentioned before,  I have the habit of being a complainer, rather than a do-er. The same passive stance I feel that many other people experience, things happen but I just talk about it and do nothing.

In some sort of continuance of the last few posts, I am still going to speak about change. Which is something that happens, no matter what your situation. The world isn’t something that sits still and waits for people. Things happen, and a person must learn to ‘roll with it’ or face being left behind, and be left out of life.

So, I guess my point is, that if you have a problem, deal with it. As mentioned previously, it may be change that is forced, which is harder. But by accepting the challenge you are faced with and adapting to change, you can open up the world of oppertunity. Rather than being resentful, and looking negatively at the situation, look at it with a chance to improve things. You can’t complain about your situation, if you are unwilling to do something about it.

Every obstruction which may cover your path, always comes with a diversion round it. Yes the path may be difficult, it may be different, but it will get you back to where you want to be.