Category: Life

All It Takes Is A Little Effort

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

Sucking at life is easy. People make a big deal of it being ‘so hard’. How heartbreaking it is, when things don’t go your way. How it sucks when you ‘try so hard’ and everything just falls apart. But be honest. Did you really give the 100%, which the situation required?

Probably not. I know I am in my current predicament because I haven’t applied myself to things. I will cry, and feel sorry for myself, but that does even less than the ‘no effort’ does. I try to tell myself that I have an amazing work ethic. I do, in the aspect that I go out and work. I, however, do not apply myself to said work, which ends up with things going wrong. I then have the nerve to turn to others, to managers, to teachers, and blame them for my failures.

It all sounds rather terrible, doesn’t it? Maybe not something I should post in something I consider my ‘more professional’ blog. ‘Come and hire me, I’ll show face but don’t expect any work done’.

I am posting this here, because I feel that acknowledgement of a problem, is the first step to try and fix it. And I want to fix it. I am a bit sick to the back teeth of constantly failing. My life feels like a list of ‘have not dones’, rather than ‘have dones’. Which is the route of my depression recently.  Being depressed is very tiring, and is something that takes up all your time, absorbs all your energy.  Which is ironic when I think it is laziness, which has got me into where I am right now. All because I couldn’t be bothered.

So, I am setting out to become more bothered and dedicate myself to getting things done. Whether it is blogging, completing tasks at work, or visiting friends when I say I would. I suck at all aspects of life, and I am so unreliable. I want to be a person someone can turn to. I want to excel at my job. I want to be better than who I am today.

I know it’s a bit early for a New Year’s Resolution, but 2013, let’s have ye.

 

 

 

 

What Is Your Purpose?

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Why do you do what you do?

Everyone has their own reasons for doing things. They have a way that they want to express themselves, and they use it. I say this because a taxi driver isn’t defined by driving taxi. Your job doesn’t define who you are as a person, it may not even define your social values that you hold. So how do you try and give yourself more value in the areas that matter to you?

I write. Or try to. I have always written out my feelings and thoughts, in a way that I found difficult to speak. Over the years, writing blogs like this has helped me try to get to grips with what is happening in my life and even the world. I have tried to organise my thoughts in a way that helps create purpose for me. If what I say makes sense to someone, and may help them with something, it feels great. It feels like I have achieved something.

But, I find other people define me as one of those weirdos who shares their whole life online. Although, I don’t actually talk about personal things. I maybe talk about feeling depressed, or stressing out about life, but details are missed out. I try to put in what I learn, or advice that I should try to remember, and it’s almost like I give myself a pep talk. But a lot of people don’t see that.

But as life changes, my needs change, as does where I try to find meaning. If I don’t write, and out something ‘out there’, I feel angsty. I feel like I need to post something. It has become something that helps me organise my thoughts and ideas, and to me that is important. It’s the feeling I get when I write, that gives me purpose. It’s hard to explain it to someone, but I feel this immense sense of achievement, although it seems nothing to most people. But that makes it all the more important to me, I don’t expect it to matter to anyone else in the same way.

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

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What if, is not a question really. It is a feeling of self-doubt where a person analyses what could have been. It can almost seem like a person is doubting the decisions that they have made, and they current position where they are now.

It’s a natural thing that people feel. Particularly when we find ourselves approaching the end of another year. It is a normal time to evaluate how the last year had gone, and whether we believe things would be different if we had made different choices. This isn’t very productive. It makes a person regret where they are, and forces them to wallow in any failures.

I am a firm believer that someone should take responsibility on what choices they have made. Maybe you did make a bad decision, then you will learn from it. Wasting your energy on wishing it didn’t happen is useless. You can’t undo anything already done. A person should recognise what’s happened, and look at why it why not to do it again.

Learning. That is what is important in life. Not wishing things happened differently. People need to realise that EVERYONE makes mistakes and wrong choices, it’s what you do as a result of those mistakes, that is important. Education is often thought as something that begins and ends with schooling. That is not true. People are constantly taking in information and they learn from it.

So if you make a mistake, don’t panic. Just think about why things happened and work out how not to do it again. Learn, rather than wish for what never happened.

A Step Into The Unknown

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

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When you can’t see what is directly in front of you, life can be pretty intimidating. Especially when you considered your future to be secure. I mean, what can you do when the path you’ve trodden on for years suddenly vanishes?

This is where the focus of my stress is planted. I don’t know if I’ll be in the same job next year. It doesn’t sound much, but when you’ve been in the same job for 6 years, to be made aware that come January you could be out of it, you can get scared.

I guess the main objective is to stay calm. As much as it may mean financial hardship, I’m not going to die over it. Look for alternatives. Is this the time for me to go for a change in direction, do a job I have actual interest in? And also, nothing is definite, remember to stay focus and work as hard as you can.

This has been a pep talk for myself. Hopefully it inspires me to keep my head up.

Thou Shan’t Be Defeated!!

Little Things

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Sometimes little things are what makes a difference. Sometimes it can feel that life is throwing you a tidbit, that it knows that something so insignificant can make you happier. Today that’s what it feels like, anyway.
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I rent movies and games through a site called LoveFilm. It is primarily there to rent DVDs and stream them online. But I use it to rent games. I don’t buy a lot of games, because I am so awful. I don’t have the patience to play a game for hours and hours. I get bored. So I get 2 or 3 games at a time, and can send them back when done.

It’s simple, and I think it’s a worthy distraction from my current life. Lose myself in a game, and forget what is happening. That’s why movies, music, books and games are so popular, in my opinion, because they provide a distraction. And distraction, is sometimes all we need.

Stress Levels Rising

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I have said before that if you focus on positive things, then good things come to you.

Sometimes, that doesn’t work. And thing after thing throws itself at you. You try to be positive, but events are anything but that. You get told to toughen up, to be stronger and get on with it. But what if you are too tired to keep fighting against the current?

How does one deal with that? How do you stay strong? I fake a smile and tell people I’ll be okay. When in fact, I am so close to the edge my toes are hanging over into oblivion. It feels so tempting to step into that emptiness and leave all my problems behind.

For now I’ll struggle on. Continue crying myself to sleep. Hope that it gets better, and dedicate myself to my life and who I am. And I hopefully will get some strength to get through this.

‘Just smile to the world, don’t let it see how broken you are. Let it know, it will take the chance to break you completely.’

Work Is A Motivator

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Exciting times, so it is. Working on a Saturday has me tuckered out, so I am lazy on the couch watching nonsense TV. It’s times like this I appreciate being able to sit and relax.

That’s why I like to keep myself busy. As much as I sometimes say I would like to lazy around and watch TV forever and a day, I honestly don’t think I could hack it.

I like going out, even for a walk, makes me feel so much better than watching TV all day. I just can’t sit and watching hours and hours of TV. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said about the Internet. I swear the Internet can eat up my whole weekend without me even realising. And the issue is, I might not even be doing anything specific, I am just looking at things.

So, so that I don’t do that, I try to make myself do things. I might read, walk or go meet friends. I think it is important to keep your mind active and do something. That’s why I am happy to work. Although I do complain, I think that having something to do helps me keep motivated. As low motivated as I can be, I know that I would be a lot worse if I didn’t work. It’s like it gets me off my arse and gets me moving?

What about you? Do you think that you would remain motivated if you didn’t have education or work to fill your time?

Things Are A-Changing!

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I am trying to change a few things over here. Which is why from today you can also find my blog at https://sueriot.wordpress.com, as well as ol’ Rgraphics. Everything else I run online, bar Youtube, all runs of the same username. So it made sense.

Rgraphics is the name I picked before I really tried to get all my social networks working together. I am trying to forge an online identity away from my personal, offline life. That involves me changing a few things about, and taking away the mention of real details. Whilst this doesn’t have a lot of relevance to things like this blog, it does have more to do with Facebook. Yes, a useful tool which has been inundated with nosey relatives, and ex-friends. While I’d like to say I was able to go and fix my security settings accordingly, Facebook make it hard, and I am far too lazy, so it doesn’t happen.

Because I plan to get back into the interwebs ‘full tilt’, I felt that some of my personal side should be hidden. Mostly, because people seem to think that because I use a lot of social media under my real name, I will tell all their secrets, and people will pry about them. Or something. I don’t know what people are so scared about, because this isn’t anything I have ever been worried about.

So for the moment. I have taken Riot (from Riot Graphics), and shall be calling myself Sue Riot online. Not a very smart alias, but hopefully enough to force a division between internet Sue, and IRL Sue. I am the same person though, so really it shouldn’t make a difference. It also keeps my ‘details’ secure. Though in one of my dumber moments, I am pretty sure I told most of my details to Facebook already.

Hooray!! I r so smart.

Happy Days

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

The best days are where you don’t have a forced plan. You can relax and make your own day.

When you are at school, you dream of adulthood, where you can do what you want. Like you would gain this sense of freedom. You grow up, and realise that not a lot changes. Of course, you don’t need to ask permission to do things, but you are still stuck to some routine.

Whilst I complain about having to go to work, it does make me appreciate the time off I have. Where rather than wake up early, I can sit and watch TV, or do something I want to do. I think having time off is important, and everyone has to have ‘down time’, so you can gather your thoughts and relax.

I am using the time to watch Weeds from the start on Netflix. When I watch TV shows, I usually only watch so many episodes, so it’s nice to be able to sit and watch a whole series. What do you do on your down time?

For Realzies?

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I’m used to life being a bit of a pain. Struggling on through times of depression, where I just want to hide in my room and cry. I feel sorry for myself and just mope around. And then I feel bad for feeling bad. It is a vicious circle.

But recently, a lot of the pressure has been lifted off me, mentally. Which is strange, because I should be stressed out right now, with work and things. But I’m not. I am completely chilled. That is very unusual for me. I in fact almost feel like I am lost in a dream. I think it’s because it may feel like I am not dealing with reality. But I am working away, I have paid my bills, and I am very settled.

It’s nice. I haven’t felt so settled for a long time. It’s like a homely feeling. Long may it last.