Sucking at life is easy. People make a big deal of it being ‘so hard’. How heartbreaking it is, when things don’t go your way. How it sucks when you ‘try so hard’ and everything just falls apart. But be honest. Did you really give the 100%, which the situation required?
Probably not. I know I am in my current predicament because I haven’t applied myself to things. I will cry, and feel sorry for myself, but that does even less than the ‘no effort’ does. I try to tell myself that I have an amazing work ethic. I do, in the aspect that I go out and work. I, however, do not apply myself to said work, which ends up with things going wrong. I then have the nerve to turn to others, to managers, to teachers, and blame them for my failures.
It all sounds rather terrible, doesn’t it? Maybe not something I should post in something I consider my ‘more professional’ blog. ‘Come and hire me, I’ll show face but don’t expect any work done’.
I am posting this here, because I feel that acknowledgement of a problem, is the first step to try and fix it. And I want to fix it. I am a bit sick to the back teeth of constantly failing. My life feels like a list of ‘have not dones’, rather than ‘have dones’. Which is the route of my depression recently. Being depressed is very tiring, and is something that takes up all your time, absorbs all your energy. Which is ironic when I think it is laziness, which has got me into where I am right now. All because I couldn’t be bothered.
So, I am setting out to become more bothered and dedicate myself to getting things done. Whether it is blogging, completing tasks at work, or visiting friends when I say I would. I suck at all aspects of life, and I am so unreliable. I want to be a person someone can turn to. I want to excel at my job. I want to be better than who I am today.
I know it’s a bit early for a New Year’s Resolution, but 2013, let’s have ye.