Category: Life

BEDA= Blog Every Day in April

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Pretty self explanatory, I think.

It is something created by the internet community to get people writing a blog post every day. This isn’t reblogging something on tumblr, it is writing a substantial, more traditional, blog post that holds some meaning to you.

It is something to encourage people to get in the habit of posting regularly. And because I know a LOT of people who are struggling on both the idea of blogging and actually remembering to post, I felt this may be a good thing for them to try. Some of the blogs in my links at the side >>>>>>>>>>> are attempting this. So check them out. Namely, I Talk To Snakes and Owlssayhoot, as they are both doing this.

Like any other writing prompt thing, the best way to get into blogging every day is by doing a few things, created to help a writer.

1) Get a friend to blog with, you can both decide on a topic of interest, and both write your take on things.

2)If you struggle posting on consecutive days, reward yourself when you do. Even if it is something like a cake or an hour playing your favourite video game.

3) Let it be known to the world that you are trying to blog every day, and if they notice that you are not updating, then they can give you some sort of punishment.

4) Talk about something you like, something you care about. Even if it is just a take on what happened to you that day. You can’t expect people to read what you write, if you don’t care about the topic yourself.

5)Have fun. Too many people fail at blogging, because they tend to think of it as a chore, but it should be something you enjoy doing.

6) If it helps, give yourself small, achievable targets. Because if you are finding something difficult, then it is better to break it down. I mean, writing for 2 days, is a lot easier than thinking about writing for the whole 30 days.

And, I don’t have much else to say. Although I have moments where I may miss a few days, or even a week, I find it quite easy to blog regular, so I am posting this just to try and help motivate some people. Hopefully it works, if not then you just get to read me offloading things. So BAU on this front, then.

I know that within the last month or so, I feel that I have been neglecting my blog. I don’t have any excuse why, really. I just haven’t been updating anything recently. *shrugs* I am just so ‘out of wack’ right now.

But I hope people join in with BEDA, and I hope to read a lot of interesting blogs in the next month.

Wondered Lonely As A Cloud

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

I guess, I am bringing this blog down to a personal level again. I go through phases where I decide I am going to keep things stictly business, but I can’t. I blog to let out my frustrations, and such, the blog is obviously going to be personal.

I am sitting at home today, not been out the house yet. I have my sister’s show tonight, where she is singing in some school production thing. I feel pretty lonely today. It’s not the ‘oh I need a boyfriend’ kind of loneliness. It’s the kind of loneliness that comes from missing company.

Now, I have never been the kind of girl who needs others to live happy. I am the happiest on my own, with a good book. But sometimes, I watch people interact with best friends that they have had for years, and they support each other through everything.

I, forever positive, seem to think that I am too much of a bother to normally voice these concerns. That noone really wants to care for someone, who should really just wake up to the real world. Other people seem to have their own lives, I’m sure me forcing my issues of self-worth on them, would not be appreciated.

So I suffer in silence. And some way, I know that it is only inside my head, and that there is nothing ‘real’ that is making me suffer. But, some people argue that in your head or not, everything is real. Like all things, reality only occurs for what the person experiences themselves. I am sure that every person has a part of their brain, which tells them things which berates their very existence. Although, it is how a person copes with these attacks on themselves that make the difference. Most people either talk to others, or buy themselves a bar of chocolate to make themselves happier. Some, like me, have the same negative thoughts going round and round in their brain, making them more and more depressed. And when you do that, it’s hard to deal with it all. Life can be as successful as anything, but a person can still struggle, because they can’t deal.

That’s where blogging comes into my life. I find it hard to speak about issues to anyone by mouth, but I can easily type away my frustrations. I think it’s the idea of an outlet which actually has no confrontation. Like, I can spill my heart out and release it out the world, without feeling like I am forcing my issues on anyone. So if someone wants to tell me something about how pathetic it is that all this 26 year old can do is whine, they can do. And I can delete their comments. I can rid the negativity.

As I finish this post, my tears begin to dry and the sun is poking out from behind the rainclouds outside. It sounds almost poetic, when I think about it. I feel like this post has lifted a massive weight off my shoulders. That now I can deal. And I don’t have the guilt of burdening anyone. Its all really just another method of therapy, accept this costs me nothing.

I’ve spent a few days bed-ridden

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Been sick.

Anything I am eating right now, is just coming straight back up again. It is just how attractive I am right now. Other than stinking out my house, again, so attractive, I have been watching movies on LoveFilm. It’s a site where you can rent movies, or watch them online. So been lying in bed watching things like Napoleon Dynamite and Zoolander.

Other than that, I have been re-reading the novel I was writing for NaNoWriMo. I have decided because the story is better than what I thought it was, I am going to post it on my LiveJournal, so check out Bubble Breaker Chapter 1, and let me know what you think, and I may link it here, whenever I post a chapter.

Anyways, going back to bed, in the hope that I am well enough to go and get my mum’s birthday stuff tomorrow. :/ I feel like my insides are trying to eat themselves.

Posi-Day 5: It’s Monday, Not Moanday

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

So still going strong. I am feeling a bit low today, but I am focusing on topics that make me happy. I am aware that over the next month or so, as I do this project thing, I know there is maybe a lack of substance of my input. This isn’t something I feel I should have to apologise for, as this is something important to me and my development.

The main reason I decided to do this, is because I have recently been talking about how a person can’t complain about their situation, if they don’t try anything to try and fix it. So, in keeping with that thought, I decided to try and kick my negative attitude to the curb. Depression is something that I have struggled with for most of my adult life, albeit in varying levels. I started thinking that part of the issue was that my brain was trained to think bad of life. I mean everywhere you go, someone is moaning about something, and that has to have an effect on you.

So the PMA thing is really about retraining yourself, in how you think. It is harder than what you may think. It’s like, if you are faced with a negative situation, you have to try and look at a positive about that situation. I’ll be honest, it isn’t something that comes easy to me, as over the years I find that I have become a cynic about everything. So, I am really having to work hard on this.

I really do think, that even after just 5 days, I am getting a little bit more optimistic. I am finding it easier to get up and do things, rather than lying in bed thinking ‘what’s the point’. And that is a huge improvement for me. I know I am gonna have days where I may find it impossible to be positive, but I just need to keep faith, that it will pick up again, and keep my head up.

Posi-day 4: I Have A Creep

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

There is a girl, who has sent me 8 stalker-style emails in the last few days. And for some odd reason, instead of panicking, I kinda just thought ‘why’.

Isn’t having a creep something that happens to famous people? Or at least someone who has at least some kind of following through the interwebs. I, obviously, have none of that, so I just became very confused. As much as I would like to be able to convince myself that I do have some kind of infamy, but I don’t think it would be in the kind of area that would warrant creep followship. In fact, does anything warrant creep followship. Probably not, it is rather unnerving.

I don’t want to think that people are looking at my internet output, and trying to read some deep meaning into it. Which is happening, by The Creep. I mean, I may occasionally talk in depth about something that means a lot to me, but most of the time I ramble about stuff even my own mother doesn’t care about. Which is a lot. There is a HUGE interest gap between me and my mother.

This girl is from Osaka, Japan. She does write pretty good English, and I don’t really thing she means to bewilder me so much. I think I am also iffy about the whole situation, because I am on EVERY social network going, so I don’t understand why someone would send emails instead. *shrugs* The whole ‘wish I could be your IRL BFF’, did freak me out, but I’m trying to be flattered by it instead. Like, think of the positive aspects, and not automatically jump to the negative.

In all seriousness, Kaimi is a lovely girl, and she is so so nice. I feel privileged to have you as my ‘creeper’. ❤

Posi-Day 3: Gladerday

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

The last 24 hours have seen me have to actually try with the positivity levels. And, for it being only a few days into this PMA thing, I feel like I coped quite well.

Last night I saw people being nasty about other people, and doing things they consider to be a waste of time. And it seemed like everyone I came into contact with was hell bent on moaning about something. Now, I am not against free-speech, and people should be able to express what they are feeling, so that their angst doesn’t built into something unhealthy. But, it seems people look on things in ways so they are focusing on the failures, rather than the whole ‘silver lining’ aspect.

When you are trying to force yourself away from such thinking, it is a moment when you want to bash your head with a wall, or something equally hard. It is frustrating. And I never realised how negative people were until I started trying to think another way, and I think people would be surprised.

Anyways, I tried to put out reasons why peoples gripes were good, and not as bad as they thought, but I don’t think I was listened to. But, along with PMA, I am trying to not become overly involved with things I can directly do anything about. So I have been saying my part, and then backing away without getting to involved.

So far its working ok, but I have to keep on catching myself before I do say anything bad. It’s a lot of effort, which is why I don’t think most people just don’t bother changing their attitude at all.

Posi-Day 2: Friday Feeling

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Still working on this positivity thing.
So I have been up, and trying to keep myself motivated, with this tidying malarkey. It is something that I find farely hard to keep motivated and positive about. I hate housework with a passion, and just end up losing my temper with the whole thing.

But, doing the ol’ ‘take a deep breath’ routine, and trying to keep on going.
It is working.
But it is a very slow process.

But anyway, it is certainly more fun when you do look on the positive. 🙂 I am in a better mood with everything, even going to work, I am not to bothered about going in. I am going in with the idea that I am there to help people, and that is what I’ll do, rather than thinking about being in a stuffy call centre on a Friday night. So, although it doesn’t sound like much, it does make a HUGE difference.

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”

Winston Churchill

Posi-Day 1–Caffine Overload

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

So.
New thing, inspired by the wonderful people I spend my life talking to, and to my work who is ‘pushing the positive’ at the moment. I am giving it a solid attempt to wipe the negativity out of my life. I am aware it may sound a little lame, but it is proven that if you look on the positive side of life, then you will find more positive things will happen to you.

So, I am trying to see if that works.
Now, right now, due to a severe lack of sleep and too much coffee, it is very easy to be positive. In fact, I am bouncing of the walls with hyperness. Whilst I know I am not the best at achieving things, I am trying to set myself small tasks, which will ultimately lead up to a bigger goal. So that will also see more positives, as I am more likely to achieve these small tasks, and that makes me happier.

And also, I am trying to focus on what is in front of me, and not what I know is happening elsewhere. Whilst I know this seems selfish, but I have always spent way too much of my time worrying about things I can do nothing about. So by worrying about things I can change, I am hoping that I will be moved to change things.

An example about small change, is my weight. I usually get depressed, because I have always had the physique of a sack of potatoes. But, what I am trying to do, is rather than focus on that, do little things, such as walking to work everyday, and focus on how good that makes me feel, rather the fact that I can’t drop a few pounds. The hope is, that if I can get myself feeling positive about exercise, I will actually have an urge to go out for a run or something. Again, it’s going to take time to see if that works.

What up?

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

This is a quick check in, as I do housework.
I have discovered that I have become the kind of person who likes to push the blame on other things, when I can’t get anything done.

It’s like when I don’t get something done, or I do it badly, I come up with a plethora of excuses about why I have not achieved. This is a habit that I think that most people fall into at some point. But, I need to start taking responsibility.
I can only change things, if I actually do something about it.

So, in a bid for that, in continuance for the job application spree from yesterday, I am tidying up. Yes, I am aware that sounds like nothing, but I need to organise things a little bit, so I can actually focus on work.
Yes, it WILL happen.

The Monotony of Self-Improvement

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

It’s official, searching for employment sucks.
(She says as if she is the only person in the world doing so.)

I have decided that working a meagre 25 hours a week is slowly turning me into the laziest person known to man. So, in a bid to kick me out of said rut, I have been applying for more work. I’ve decided that, even if it is another part-time job, but during the day, I’ll get more money. Ideally, I would be able to get a full time hours at my existing workplace, but that isn’t very likely at occurring. In fact, there is probably more chance of me getting a number 1 single, than getting more hours at work. -.-

And people say that finding a job is the hard bit. I have been working in the same call centre for about 4 and a half years, which now makes it my longest job. But other than attempting to get some overtime, nothing is happening. I decided that this year is the year for change, so because nothing is happening at my existing work, I am applying for other jobs. A full-time one would be nice, but I know there isn’t very many of those around at the moment. So, I have decided that I am OK with working two jobs, if that’s what is required.

See this whole making an effort to try and do things in life? It’s hard. :S