Wondered Lonely As A Cloud

I guess, I am bringing this blog down to a personal level again. I go through phases where I decide I am going to keep things stictly business, but I can’t. I blog to let out my frustrations, and such, the blog is obviously going to be personal.

I am sitting at home today, not been out the house yet. I have my sister’s show tonight, where she is singing in some school production thing. I feel pretty lonely today. It’s not the ‘oh I need a boyfriend’ kind of loneliness. It’s the kind of loneliness that comes from missing company.

Now, I have never been the kind of girl who needs others to live happy. I am the happiest on my own, with a good book. But sometimes, I watch people interact with best friends that they have had for years, and they support each other through everything.

I, forever positive, seem to think that I am too much of a bother to normally voice these concerns. That noone really wants to care for someone, who should really just wake up to the real world. Other people seem to have their own lives, I’m sure me forcing my issues of self-worth on them, would not be appreciated.

So I suffer in silence. And some way, I know that it is only inside my head, and that there is nothing ‘real’ that is making me suffer. But, some people argue that in your head or not, everything is real. Like all things, reality only occurs for what the person experiences themselves. I am sure that every person has a part of their brain, which tells them things which berates their very existence. Although, it is how a person copes with these attacks on themselves that make the difference. Most people either talk to others, or buy themselves a bar of chocolate to make themselves happier. Some, like me, have the same negative thoughts going round and round in their brain, making them more and more depressed. And when you do that, it’s hard to deal with it all. Life can be as successful as anything, but a person can still struggle, because they can’t deal.

That’s where blogging comes into my life. I find it hard to speak about issues to anyone by mouth, but I can easily type away my frustrations. I think it’s the idea of an outlet which actually has no confrontation. Like, I can spill my heart out and release it out the world, without feeling like I am forcing my issues on anyone. So if someone wants to tell me something about how pathetic it is that all this 26 year old can do is whine, they can do. And I can delete their comments. I can rid the negativity.

As I finish this post, my tears begin to dry and the sun is poking out from behind the rainclouds outside. It sounds almost poetic, when I think about it. I feel like this post has lifted a massive weight off my shoulders. That now I can deal. And I don’t have the guilt of burdening anyone. Its all really just another method of therapy, accept this costs me nothing.

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