Author: Sue

I have been writing in various forms since I was a child. I write about what is going on in my life, what I enjoy, and the struggles of dealing with chronic illness and mental health issues. I love live music, football (Scotland and Dunfermline Athletic), reading, Formula 1, Stock Cars, and eating lots of vegan crap.

Set Your Goals

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Things are never easy.

If they were, I guess there would be no real point of anything. You wouldn’t need any effort. I think the driving force through life, is the satisfaction that you get when you reach a target. So if the target wasn’t there, and you just got everything you wanted, would anything get done? I don’t think so. I think people would get lazy, as everything would simply come to them.

It’s a thing that I use to remind myself, when I do struggle with life. That these are there to keep me moving. That’s why a person dreams, to keep them active and motivated to be productive. And that reassures me. It helps me see that everyone else is doing the same thing. Just working towards their own targets that they have set themselves.

The difficulty is, some people make it look easy. But that’s all it is, looking easy. It doesn’t mean that person isn’t having a crap ‘ol time, it means that they do not let it effect them. And if other people see them having things ‘easy’ , then they can say to themselves that it isn’t all bad, and amble forward.

Everyone has different goals, ideas and what they want from life. The secret is to remember yours goals and focus on them. It’s very easy to be distracted by someone who seems to skip through life carelessly, but try not to be concerned about them. And how you become that person who can smile away, despite having an up-road struggle.

Smile! It makes everything that litte bit brighter. 🙂

Things Are A-Changing!

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I am trying to change a few things over here. Which is why from today you can also find my blog at https://sueriot.wordpress.com, as well as ol’ Rgraphics. Everything else I run online, bar Youtube, all runs of the same username. So it made sense.

Rgraphics is the name I picked before I really tried to get all my social networks working together. I am trying to forge an online identity away from my personal, offline life. That involves me changing a few things about, and taking away the mention of real details. Whilst this doesn’t have a lot of relevance to things like this blog, it does have more to do with Facebook. Yes, a useful tool which has been inundated with nosey relatives, and ex-friends. While I’d like to say I was able to go and fix my security settings accordingly, Facebook make it hard, and I am far too lazy, so it doesn’t happen.

Because I plan to get back into the interwebs ‘full tilt’, I felt that some of my personal side should be hidden. Mostly, because people seem to think that because I use a lot of social media under my real name, I will tell all their secrets, and people will pry about them. Or something. I don’t know what people are so scared about, because this isn’t anything I have ever been worried about.

So for the moment. I have taken Riot (from Riot Graphics), and shall be calling myself Sue Riot online. Not a very smart alias, but hopefully enough to force a division between internet Sue, and IRL Sue. I am the same person though, so really it shouldn’t make a difference. It also keeps my ‘details’ secure. Though in one of my dumber moments, I am pretty sure I told most of my details to Facebook already.

Hooray!! I r so smart.

Happy Days

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The best days are where you don’t have a forced plan. You can relax and make your own day.

When you are at school, you dream of adulthood, where you can do what you want. Like you would gain this sense of freedom. You grow up, and realise that not a lot changes. Of course, you don’t need to ask permission to do things, but you are still stuck to some routine.

Whilst I complain about having to go to work, it does make me appreciate the time off I have. Where rather than wake up early, I can sit and watch TV, or do something I want to do. I think having time off is important, and everyone has to have ‘down time’, so you can gather your thoughts and relax.

I am using the time to watch Weeds from the start on Netflix. When I watch TV shows, I usually only watch so many episodes, so it’s nice to be able to sit and watch a whole series. What do you do on your down time?

Music Monday

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I am unsure if anyone enjoyed last weeks entry. But I enjoyed making it. Lists and music, what more can a music geek ask for. I am forever making my own top 20 lists, so I felt that this would be a nice addition to my blog. Nobody has said anything to counter this yet, so I assume that people like it. Or that noone has read it. Either way, I am happy, and this gets me excited for the week. Hooray.

1) Elvis Presley- Suspicious Minds

2) The Stranglers- All Day And All Of The Night

3) Operation Ivy- Take Warning

4) The Beat- Tears Of A Clown

5) Billy Idol- Rebel Yell

6) Blondie- Call Me

7) The Smiths- What Difference Does It Make

8) Tiger Army- Power Of Moonlight

9) Seasick Steve- It’s A Long, Long Way

10) RUN-DMC Vs Jason Nevins- It’s Like That

11) Joe Strummer And The Mescaleros- Junico Partner (live)

12) Emerson, Lake & Palmer- Fanfare For The Common Man

13) The Aggrolites- Dirty Reggae

14) The Cardigans- My Favourite Game

15) Reef- Place Your Hands

16) Natasha Bedingfield- Pocketful Of Sunshine

17) Alphabeat- Fascination

18) Horrorpops- Where They Wander

19) Britney Spears- Hold It Against Me

20) The Real McKenzies- Kings Of Fife.

So, there is week 2. All of these songs, plus last weeks, are at music monday  on Spotify. The playlist will be updated every week, so if you like what you hear, feel free to subscribe.  Cheers.

For Realzies?

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I’m used to life being a bit of a pain. Struggling on through times of depression, where I just want to hide in my room and cry. I feel sorry for myself and just mope around. And then I feel bad for feeling bad. It is a vicious circle.

But recently, a lot of the pressure has been lifted off me, mentally. Which is strange, because I should be stressed out right now, with work and things. But I’m not. I am completely chilled. That is very unusual for me. I in fact almost feel like I am lost in a dream. I think it’s because it may feel like I am not dealing with reality. But I am working away, I have paid my bills, and I am very settled.

It’s nice. I haven’t felt so settled for a long time. It’s like a homely feeling. Long may it last.

Music Monday

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Welcome to another week. Something that I do every week is make a music playlist. It is songs that I listen to all week, and helps keep me motivated. And I felt this would be a nice little addition to my blog. Something that I could post weekly, and show my favourite songs of the moment. So here is my first, of what I hope to be weekly, Music Monday.

  1. Metro Station- Shake It
  2. Twin Atlantic- Eight Days
  3. Faithless- Insomnia
  4. Selena Gomez & The Scene- Naturally (Disco Fries Extended Remix)
  5. Good Charlotte- Boys & Girls
  6. Cock Sparrer- Riot Squad
  7. Ke$ha- Dancing With Tears In My Eyes
  8. SS Kaliert- Until We Strike Back
  9. Stiff Little Fingers- Johnny Was
  10. B*Witched- I Shall Be There (feat Ladysmith Black Mambazo)
  11. Avril Lavigne- When You’re Gone
  12. Madonna- Don’t Tell Me
  13. Amy McDonald- Run
  14. The Distillers- Idoless
  15. Jack Off Jill- Choke
  16. Toxic Narcotic- Asshole
  17. Skye Sweetnam- Music Is My Boyfriend
  18. Lethal Bizzle- Babylon’s Burning (The Ghetto)
  19. The Casualties- Warriors On The Road
  20. Aus-Rotten- Poison Corporations

If you want to listen to this playlist listen to it on Spotify at music monday 

Not to your taste? Let me know what music you’d share in a playlist.

10,000 Blog Views?

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

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10,000 views for this blog. It may not seem very much to some, but it is a milestone that passed a few weeks ago. I have no idea how my nonsense managed to get that many views, especially when my own visits aren’t counted.

I have been through quite a journey over the last several years, and this blog has documented it. I maybe haven’t gone as far as I would have liked in my ‘career’, but I have learnt a lot about myself and who I am. And, I think that is the best thing to come out of this blog. That despite everything, I am proud of the person who I have become. I am thankful as I reminisce about periods of my life I didn’t appreciate because I was so self-obsessed and depressed (2 things that incidentally are very closely connected).

That is maybe why I am so overbearingly PMA right now. Most of my early 20s were filled with me wanting to kill myself, because I saw myself as a failure. I spent night, after night alone, and this ‘ lack of a life’ became the focus of EVERYTHING. And when you spend all your time thinking about something so negative, it does get you down. It was only when I started forcing myself to do things as small as going for walks, that I left behind my negative mindset. And it has changed my life.

So here I am sitting on my bed, blogging from my iPad (laptop charger is toast) and wondering about who reads my crazy ramblings. Whether I have influenced someone, or whether someone has found comfort in what I have written. These may seem like ‘lofty ambitions’, but it is the magic of words. How letters and words typed by someone you don’t know can help you through something. It’s really beautiful really, and I think every writer, be it blogger, journalist, novelist or anything, wants their words to connect with people. To find an audience, and to speak to them.

The fact that people even glance at what I have to say, gives me a sense of achievement. And I want to thank every person who has ever read my blog at all. Thank you for keeping my dreams alive. I really appreciate it.

28 Things I Have Achieved At 28

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Since the last entry was such a downer, I felt I’d balance some things out a little.

1) I am a very individual person, who likes what they want to, no matter what those around me say.

2) On the 10th anniversary of leaving High School, I am still good friends with some people I met there.

3) I have been in employment constantly since I was 16.

4) I had two dreams when I was young, do something with animals or with art. I have attended college for both, and have learnt so much. Yes I failed exams, but the lessons I learnt there are
much more important than qualifications.

5) I read 3 books at once. Well, I go between 3 books.

6) I take time to sit and enjoy the world. The world is beautiful, and not enough people appreciate it.

7) I got over my anxiety I used to feel about things out of my control.

8) I fought through depression. And can proudly say that I no longer want to kill myself.

9) I accept the times I do feel very low, are natural and a sign that I need to give my brain something else to think about.

10) I have never intentionally hurt another person.

11) I read Lord of The Rings. After 13 years of trying. Finished it 2 weeks ago.

12) I know where I am comfortable, and wouldn’t put myself in a situation which would change that.

13)I know every word from The Lion King and Lion King 2: Simba’s Pride.

14) I have seen ALL my musical heroes in concert.

15) I successfully blow myself up in every Call of Duty game I have ever played online.

16) For how long I have had an Xbox, I have a ridiculously low gamerscore. But I realise this is because I mostly use it to watch TV and have a short attention span.

17) i have a uniform. Jeans, t-shirt and a hoodie. It has been that way for years.

18) Am the only girl in Inverkeithing (town I live in) with a Mohawk.

19) I regularly walk to and from work.

20) I am a believer that if a person wants their views to be valued, then they must value the opinions of others. No matter how ridiculous they may seem.

21) I also believe that whatever your opinion is on music, art or books, someone has created something. A person will make a connection with that ‘something’, whether it is Twilight or Beethoven, and that is a beautiful thing.

22) I don’t need money to make me happy. A Paulo Coelho book is all I want.

23) I can talk forever about nothing.

24) I can sing a thousand songs, and every note would be out of tune. But that will never stop me.

25) I frequently pretend I am texting, but I’m sending a tweet instead. (@sueriotgraphics)

27) I word vomit daily. Most people jut pretend it doesn’t happen, by ignoring it.

28) I think I am hilarious. I don’t think many people share my view.

I know these weren’t exactly achievements, but they are parts of myself that make me laugh and be grateful to be alive.

28 Things I Imagined I’d Done By The Age Of 28 (but haven’t)

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1. Have a relationship, where me and my partner are so connected, we are best friends.

2. Be employed as a Vet.

3. Be an artist on the side, because I want to, not for money.

4. I’d be trying to get my first novel published.

5. I’d be a YouTube partner, and vlog regularly to an audience who I really connect with.

6. I’d have my own house, with a garden.

7. The garden would have a vegetable patch, where I’d farm my own food.

8. I’d have a car, so I could go where I want.

9. Have loads of money, like every adult does.

10. Invite my best friends round every weekend where we drink and watch crap movies.

11. I’d have my own dog.

12. I’d be living in Glasgow.

13. All my favourite bands would know my name.

14. Have gotten past the stage where I massively obsess over a person I’ve never met.

15. I’d host dinner parties where I pretend I had cooked the food, but I had ordered takeaway.

16. The rollercoaster emotions would be left in my teenage years, and I’m always happy.

17. I be a size 10 and addicted to the gym.

18. I would get past relying on others opinions of me so much.

19. I’d have stopped watching Cartoon Network.

20. I’d no long buy My Little Pony toys.

21. I’d have so many friends constantly texting me, because nice people get friends.

22. I would be a great worker, and the best at what I do.

23. I’d have displayed work at a gallery, and sold it for charity, for the PDSA.

24. I’d have used my first aid training to save a life.

25. I could do whatever I want.

26. I’d like more grown up things, like shopping and knitting, rather than Mario Kart and Disney movies.

27. I would be glad I was an adult and wouldn’t pine for my teenage days.

28. I would be successful.

Failure To Launch

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Well that went well, didn’t it?

I am struggling to find the time to write more regular, which actually depresses me a great deal. I love writing, and the fact that I am not getting the chance to do so, is rather depressing.

That is a bit of an idea how my life is at the moment. I have good intentions of changing things and keeping up new habits. But, I very rarely get past the ‘thinking’ stage. So, I am sitting at work, bored in my lunch hour, and I thought it would be a good chance to write a little. And when I am sitting here, typing into my computer, I can feel any stress melt away. Now, I know that I am not writing about anything specific, but the very motion is enough to relax me. The repeatitive nature of typing, and watching one’s thoughts appear into a screen before their eyes is something that I have always liked.

Which makes me sad, that I dont put aside more time for it. That my ‘frustration of the day’ could be aired in a blog post, sounds very appealing. The issue that I have, that I have mentioned before, is that to post about a lot of things, you need to have a thick skin. People on the internet don’t seem to have any idea that if they say something to a particular user, they are saying it to their computer screen, the nonsensical username. It is hard to remember that people don’t seem to make the connection between people and content online. Which is silly, really, but it is something that happens, I guess. Because there is zero confrontation involved, people tend to act harsher, so to gain themselves attention.

But, regardless what I tell myself other people think about content they find online, it still stings when someone attacks me. I am the kind of girl who tries to be nice to everyone (and fails, mostly, but my intentions are good). If I post something about a news story or Lady Gaga, it will never personally attack people, because I hate that kind of thing. I have had experience of internet hate, so why would I want to subject someone else to it (no matter their status). I think, rather than the negative comments willing me on to be better, it puts me off. It’s like, ‘why should I say anything else when I get shouted at for saying that’.

Maybe it’s a strange view to have, but I am, afterall, a very strange person.