Author: Sue

I have been writing in various forms since I was a child. I write about what is going on in my life, what I enjoy, and the struggles of dealing with chronic illness and mental health issues. I love live music, football (Scotland and Dunfermline Athletic), reading, Formula 1, Stock Cars, and eating lots of vegan crap.

Little Things

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Sometimes little things are what makes a difference. Sometimes it can feel that life is throwing you a tidbit, that it knows that something so insignificant can make you happier. Today that’s what it feels like, anyway.
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I rent movies and games through a site called LoveFilm. It is primarily there to rent DVDs and stream them online. But I use it to rent games. I don’t buy a lot of games, because I am so awful. I don’t have the patience to play a game for hours and hours. I get bored. So I get 2 or 3 games at a time, and can send them back when done.

It’s simple, and I think it’s a worthy distraction from my current life. Lose myself in a game, and forget what is happening. That’s why movies, music, books and games are so popular, in my opinion, because they provide a distraction. And distraction, is sometimes all we need.

Stress Levels Rising

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I have said before that if you focus on positive things, then good things come to you.

Sometimes, that doesn’t work. And thing after thing throws itself at you. You try to be positive, but events are anything but that. You get told to toughen up, to be stronger and get on with it. But what if you are too tired to keep fighting against the current?

How does one deal with that? How do you stay strong? I fake a smile and tell people I’ll be okay. When in fact, I am so close to the edge my toes are hanging over into oblivion. It feels so tempting to step into that emptiness and leave all my problems behind.

For now I’ll struggle on. Continue crying myself to sleep. Hope that it gets better, and dedicate myself to my life and who I am. And I hopefully will get some strength to get through this.

‘Just smile to the world, don’t let it see how broken you are. Let it know, it will take the chance to break you completely.’

Silence

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A deathly silence has come over EVERYTHING.

Well. Just my blog, actually.

I’m still fairly active here. But that isn’t what I class as a proper blog. I think that may make me into a bit of a snob. But to have an active Tumblr blog all you really need to do is repost things. I have been using it more for complaining and moaning. Which is something I do a lot on the internet.

I have been down in the dumps, and I don’t think that is a place I want to take this blog to. Yes, I moan at times, but I try not to do it continuously, because it just becomes a bit monotonous. And whilst I am not the most exciting person in the world, I want to show different sides of myself on here.

This is has been a rambling mess. Goodbye 😉

Work Is A Motivator

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Exciting times, so it is. Working on a Saturday has me tuckered out, so I am lazy on the couch watching nonsense TV. It’s times like this I appreciate being able to sit and relax.

That’s why I like to keep myself busy. As much as I sometimes say I would like to lazy around and watch TV forever and a day, I honestly don’t think I could hack it.

I like going out, even for a walk, makes me feel so much better than watching TV all day. I just can’t sit and watching hours and hours of TV. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said about the Internet. I swear the Internet can eat up my whole weekend without me even realising. And the issue is, I might not even be doing anything specific, I am just looking at things.

So, so that I don’t do that, I try to make myself do things. I might read, walk or go meet friends. I think it is important to keep your mind active and do something. That’s why I am happy to work. Although I do complain, I think that having something to do helps me keep motivated. As low motivated as I can be, I know that I would be a lot worse if I didn’t work. It’s like it gets me off my arse and gets me moving?

What about you? Do you think that you would remain motivated if you didn’t have education or work to fill your time?

Do What Makes You Happy

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Having a bad day?

The one way to make it brighter is to do something that makes you happy. Now, I don’t mean go and beat someone up, because that can make someone else sad.

What I mean, is that everyone has passions in life. That one thing that can make them happy and forget any problems. It may be music or sport. It could be anything. If you can do something that involves your passion, then it can make life, in general, a lot easier.

The important thing about having an interest, is remember that you may not be any good at it, but it doesn’t mean you can’t be involved, in some way. You may adore football, but are unable to stand for long periods of time, you could write a blog or run a fantasy football league. The only thing that stops you is you.

I’ll use myself as an example. I work in a job, which was only supposed to last during college. Over 2 years later I am still there. The job isn’t really all that bad, it just wasn’t what I had in mind for my life. My passions include art, music and reading. If I have a stressful day, I try to paint something random. I write little rants like this in a blog. I create playlists on spotify and lastFM. They are little things that make you feel happy. That make it easier to face an unwelcome day at work.

You don’t need to play a guitar to expressive yourself through music. You don’t need to be educated to write what you think.

Being able to such things that can make you happy, can help a person realise how priveliged they are. Yes, there will always be things that make us feel bad, but find little rays of light, that will make life easier for you.

Set Your Goals

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Things are never easy.

If they were, I guess there would be no real point of anything. You wouldn’t need any effort. I think the driving force through life, is the satisfaction that you get when you reach a target. So if the target wasn’t there, and you just got everything you wanted, would anything get done? I don’t think so. I think people would get lazy, as everything would simply come to them.

It’s a thing that I use to remind myself, when I do struggle with life. That these are there to keep me moving. That’s why a person dreams, to keep them active and motivated to be productive. And that reassures me. It helps me see that everyone else is doing the same thing. Just working towards their own targets that they have set themselves.

The difficulty is, some people make it look easy. But that’s all it is, looking easy. It doesn’t mean that person isn’t having a crap ‘ol time, it means that they do not let it effect them. And if other people see them having things ‘easy’ , then they can say to themselves that it isn’t all bad, and amble forward.

Everyone has different goals, ideas and what they want from life. The secret is to remember yours goals and focus on them. It’s very easy to be distracted by someone who seems to skip through life carelessly, but try not to be concerned about them. And how you become that person who can smile away, despite having an up-road struggle.

Smile! It makes everything that litte bit brighter. 🙂

Things Are A-Changing!

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I am trying to change a few things over here. Which is why from today you can also find my blog at https://sueriot.wordpress.com, as well as ol’ Rgraphics. Everything else I run online, bar Youtube, all runs of the same username. So it made sense.

Rgraphics is the name I picked before I really tried to get all my social networks working together. I am trying to forge an online identity away from my personal, offline life. That involves me changing a few things about, and taking away the mention of real details. Whilst this doesn’t have a lot of relevance to things like this blog, it does have more to do with Facebook. Yes, a useful tool which has been inundated with nosey relatives, and ex-friends. While I’d like to say I was able to go and fix my security settings accordingly, Facebook make it hard, and I am far too lazy, so it doesn’t happen.

Because I plan to get back into the interwebs ‘full tilt’, I felt that some of my personal side should be hidden. Mostly, because people seem to think that because I use a lot of social media under my real name, I will tell all their secrets, and people will pry about them. Or something. I don’t know what people are so scared about, because this isn’t anything I have ever been worried about.

So for the moment. I have taken Riot (from Riot Graphics), and shall be calling myself Sue Riot online. Not a very smart alias, but hopefully enough to force a division between internet Sue, and IRL Sue. I am the same person though, so really it shouldn’t make a difference. It also keeps my ‘details’ secure. Though in one of my dumber moments, I am pretty sure I told most of my details to Facebook already.

Hooray!! I r so smart.

Happy Days

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The best days are where you don’t have a forced plan. You can relax and make your own day.

When you are at school, you dream of adulthood, where you can do what you want. Like you would gain this sense of freedom. You grow up, and realise that not a lot changes. Of course, you don’t need to ask permission to do things, but you are still stuck to some routine.

Whilst I complain about having to go to work, it does make me appreciate the time off I have. Where rather than wake up early, I can sit and watch TV, or do something I want to do. I think having time off is important, and everyone has to have ‘down time’, so you can gather your thoughts and relax.

I am using the time to watch Weeds from the start on Netflix. When I watch TV shows, I usually only watch so many episodes, so it’s nice to be able to sit and watch a whole series. What do you do on your down time?

Music Monday

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I am unsure if anyone enjoyed last weeks entry. But I enjoyed making it. Lists and music, what more can a music geek ask for. I am forever making my own top 20 lists, so I felt that this would be a nice addition to my blog. Nobody has said anything to counter this yet, so I assume that people like it. Or that noone has read it. Either way, I am happy, and this gets me excited for the week. Hooray.

1) Elvis Presley- Suspicious Minds

2) The Stranglers- All Day And All Of The Night

3) Operation Ivy- Take Warning

4) The Beat- Tears Of A Clown

5) Billy Idol- Rebel Yell

6) Blondie- Call Me

7) The Smiths- What Difference Does It Make

8) Tiger Army- Power Of Moonlight

9) Seasick Steve- It’s A Long, Long Way

10) RUN-DMC Vs Jason Nevins- It’s Like That

11) Joe Strummer And The Mescaleros- Junico Partner (live)

12) Emerson, Lake & Palmer- Fanfare For The Common Man

13) The Aggrolites- Dirty Reggae

14) The Cardigans- My Favourite Game

15) Reef- Place Your Hands

16) Natasha Bedingfield- Pocketful Of Sunshine

17) Alphabeat- Fascination

18) Horrorpops- Where They Wander

19) Britney Spears- Hold It Against Me

20) The Real McKenzies- Kings Of Fife.

So, there is week 2. All of these songs, plus last weeks, are at music monday  on Spotify. The playlist will be updated every week, so if you like what you hear, feel free to subscribe.  Cheers.

For Realzies?

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I’m used to life being a bit of a pain. Struggling on through times of depression, where I just want to hide in my room and cry. I feel sorry for myself and just mope around. And then I feel bad for feeling bad. It is a vicious circle.

But recently, a lot of the pressure has been lifted off me, mentally. Which is strange, because I should be stressed out right now, with work and things. But I’m not. I am completely chilled. That is very unusual for me. I in fact almost feel like I am lost in a dream. I think it’s because it may feel like I am not dealing with reality. But I am working away, I have paid my bills, and I am very settled.

It’s nice. I haven’t felt so settled for a long time. It’s like a homely feeling. Long may it last.