Author: Sue

I have been writing in various forms since I was a child. I write about what is going on in my life, what I enjoy, and the struggles of dealing with chronic illness and mental health issues. I love live music, football (Scotland and Dunfermline Athletic), reading, Formula 1, Stock Cars, and eating lots of vegan crap.

(Not) Following Instructions

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I like to think I am a very independently minded person, in that I am willing to go down a different path, if I feel it will work for me. I always have been a little like that. Did what I wanted to do, despite what other people would do. I’d spend my summers reading library books, as well as playing outside with friends. From an early age, I seemed to realis that ‘a little bit of everything’ is a good thing. So I would try new things, as well as doing my favourite things. The problem with trying something new, is that you have to learn the best way to do it, and this can sometimes be where I fall a bit flat.

If I get instructions for something, I tend to skim through and try to pick the bits that I deem the most important. This is, as I have mentioned before, because I am lazy. I don’t want to spend any longer on something than necessary. I like a good ol’ quick fix. Sometimes it works. I do what ever I need done, and there are no problems. However, a lot of the time something doesn’t work. And you’d think I would have learned something over my 30 years of life, on to at least read instructions properly. But I haven’t.

I am sure that everyone has this one character flaw, that means that they do the same thing wrong over and over again. Reading instructions is mine. I seem to think I know what I need to do, before I even glance at the instructions. This seems bizarre, when I am writing it down like this, because if I knew what to do, then why have the instructions? What I think I know, and what I don’t know are two different things. As a person, living in an age where I can Google any question I have from my phone, wherever I am. Information is everywhere. And as such, I think it may make people think they know ‘it all’, when the actually know very little. And I feel this ‘knowlege bravado’ is what makes me rush through instructions and trying to learn. It is something that annoys me, because if I read things properly, it would probably take less time that having to re-read things because of inadequate skimming.

An example of this is that I recently decided to sell my old phone to a phone recycling website, so I can get a bit of cash. Great idea, right? I received a box with instructions on preparing your phone for delivery. The instructions was two sided, which I would have noticed if I had taken my time. I read one side, which showed how to wipe all the data from your mobile phone, and then send it. Which I did? What I had missed was that you also had to remove the device from your online cloud account. I only know this, because I received an email from the company telling me to remove the phone from my account. So I have had to take time tonight, after work, to find my account and remove the device as requested. And the disturbance to my evening, is no-one’s fault but my own.

So learning how to follow instructions needs to be on my to-do list. Not that anything on that list is getting done. Am I the only one who doesn’t read instructions properly?

Gamer Fail

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As you hopefully see, I posted a review for the movie Remembering Sunday earlier this week. This review thing was something I planned to do a while ago. Do game, movie and music reviews. Which sounds awesome, something a little different on this here blog. So far gaming is the biggest fail on the list. Why? Because for the amount of hours I spend playing games, I suck at them all. I never complete games, I usually get stuck at a stupidly early level and give up.

But that isn’t all. I refuse to spend absurd amounts of money on computer games, as they are awful expensive. And on top of that, it takes me so long to make any progress in games, I refuse to spend stupid money on one. Sometimes. I am guilty of trading in my old 3DS for a 3DS XL, because the XL felt better in my hands. Not so flimsy, if that makes sense. So that I feel was a valid reason for upgrading, particularly because I drop stuff A LOT, and the normal 3DS seemed very breakable. There is a joke being made by a friend, that if I am so nervous about a console with hinges, I should buy a 2DS.

I mostly play games on my iphone, 3DS and Xbox 360. So, the original plan was to download a game weekly, and review it on here. Except I have a habit of purchasing old games, and some new ones. For instance South Park: Stick of Truth(2014) is in my Xbox, Super Mario: Sticker Star (2012) is in my 3DS. I get stuck so easy, so it would maybe end up ‘this level was okay, till I couldn’t get such and such to open the next level’. Which is how it happens regularly. But the ‘bad gamer’ might become a thing, as it doesn’t promise anything, other than being bad at games. Bad at outdated games.

Maybe I’ll just go play old 90s Sonic and review that. I actually completed that game. 🙂

Feeling Good

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Feeling very good and motivated about myself this week. And as such, I have taken the route of preparing a few posts in advance. This is something that has worked for me before on Tumblr. As I found that I am experiencing fits of inspiration at the moment. Which is great when I have days that I want to do everything and feel so motivated. But then, as the week drags on, I just want to watch TV and not deal with anything. I become lazy, and nothing gets done. And it is the same every week. So, as I have been feeling motivated, I thought I would try and use the queue post feature.

As said before, this is a technique I employ regularly on Tumblr, when I want to post loads, but also don’t want to bombard people with my useless ramblings. So, I write my heart out for 2/3 posts, on various topics, and schedule them to post on different days. Whilst, to some people it is considered a cheats way to blogging regular, I think it is an essential tool if you have a busy life. It means you can relax knowing that your blog is being updated regular, and you are not stressing about creating different content. Because if I do blog when I am work, it tends to be the same old piece moping about my shitty mental health issues. Which is necessary sometimes, but it gives a rather one dimensional view of myself. Something I don’t like. I do care about what kind of image I portray through this blog and other avenues, and I think that poor planning is why it has fallen a bit flat.

Hopefully if I can set out certain days for doing certain things, I will get more time to do what I want to. Because, all that happens is that I look at all the stuff on my ‘to-do’ list and freak out. It seems an unmanageable amount of stuff to do. But, by focusing a few hours or so on doing a few bits at a time, I can focus completely on another task. And it makes me feel oddly in control of things, rather than things being in control of me. I wonder, if other people use queue-type techniques when it comes to posting online, and whether you think it helps with your work load.

Movie Time: Remembering Sunday

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Length: 96 mins

Dirextor: Jeff Bleckner

Starring: Alexis Bledel, Zachary Levi, Merritt Weaver

I was a huge fan of Alexis Bledel in the Gilmore Girls and Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants movies,  so when I saw Remembering Sunday popped up on my Netflix recommended, I decided to watch. It is a made for TV movie, which was shown on the Hallmark Channel in the US, starring Alexis as waitress, Molly, who meets jewellery shop worker Gus, played by Mad Men’s Zachary Levi.

This is very similar to 50 First Dates, in that Gus has had a brain disorder which has left him unable to make new memories. Gus meets Molly, when he is waiting for his friend in a cafe, and he is recording his thoughts on a voice recorder (he transfers these new memories to a computer when he gets home). He is nice to Molly, and as such she falls for him. He tries to hide the fact that every day he wakes up with no memory about what happened the day before, so as they see each other more, Gus records the conversations they share. Gus plans everything to exact detail, to hide his issues from Molly, and gets slightly frazzled. Playing Gus’ sister Lucy, is Merritt Weaver, also known as Zoey from Nurse Jackie . She appears to be Gus’ rock, and does it well, working out a system so that Gus can understand what has happened so that he can survive every day, and relearn what has happened since he became ill. She also warns Molly about understanding that there is no quick fix for Gus’ memory issue, and that she has to accept that he may not be normal. Which is a tough issue that a lot of films and TV shows wouldn’t touch on. It gave a bit of an extra dimension to the story.

Molly dreams of opening a floor shop, but due to cash-flow issues, she finds herself ‘waiting for life to start’, working in the cafe, attending college and renting a room in her friends apartment. She feels that she has had awful luck with men, and has trust issues. And seems to doubt everything that happens, like when Gus forgets one of their dates.

I am not going to post too many spoilers, because that takes away the joy of watching a movie, right? If you thought 50 First Dates was good, this is the same, but more chick-flick slush rather than laugh out loud. It is very sweet, and has moments where it is genuinely touching. But, you can tell this is a made for TV movie, it seems to go a little askew at the start of the second half, as I lost attention, as changes start to happen, as the character’s lives move forward, I didn’t feel involved enough to be part of the journey with them. It was cute, it was watchable, it just lacked the oomph that makes me really care about a movie.

If you are spending a quiet afternoon to yourself, this is a movie for that. It is easy to watch, and is something to kill a few hours. Because the general storyline is very similar to that of 50 First Dates, I found myself missing the laughs, as there wasn’t much to be found here. I wouldn’t pay for the movie to rent, but if you have Netflix, it is worth a look.

Media Hate Mongering

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If you know me personally, I love to think that I can try to get on with everyone. I feel that every person has to have some good in them. Every person is someone’s child, sibling or parent, no different from myself in that way. Despite what people say about it being a deluded way to live my life, I find it comforting that every person has the same internal core. They have the same feelings, it is just that they may think a different way.

This has come to my head today, after the recent outpouring of negativity about Josie Cunningham, who went to the press reporting that she’d abort her 19 week pregancy to get on Big Brother. As mentioned in the article, Josie has previously caused anger because of her £4,600 boob job she got out of the NHS. People hated this young woman, and some even sent her death threats, which in the current world of anonymous led social media, is no longer unusual. Now, as it is publicised that she is having a very late abortion, for a TV show, she is back to getting death threats and blind hatred from people who nothing about her apart from the headlines seen in tabloids.

There is so much about this that makes me uncomfortable. First, how a young woman is made into a public hate figure by opertunist PR companies, namely one called Celebrity Culture, who represent Ms Cunningham. Who describe themselves as:-

Unlike many other companies, we embrace the new age of Celebrity and work closely with national media to raise clients profiles and maximising earning potential… We pride ourselves in attracting national and international media attention and gaining visibility for our clients with the public via various mediums including tabloids, magazines, Tv, Radio and various forms of social media and cyber based platforms.

So, how much of this is controlled by the PR company? Because they certainly have ‘gained visability’ for Ms Cunningham. And the media, working with this PR company, have created this buzz around a making an idea of a person who is as horrible as possible. Because, you don’t need to browse very far in the world of online media, to find another woman rolled out to be as offensive as possible. Why? Because women bitch about other women, women hate on other women, women like to think they are better than other women. That is not remotely true for a lot, but noone hates on women like other women. I have this image in my head of all the male new paper executives and PR company managers getting together to find women to promote that would just offend people.

It is how women are portrayed in the media. That if they do not fit into a certain criteria, then they are considered as scum. And this is considered unacceptable. The fact that a newspaper and PR company sell a young woman down the river, to the point people are threatening her children. Maybe she looks at the Glamour models of Zoo, Nuts and Page 3 and wants that life at all costs, because, to her, it is portrayed as a great job. Which I imagine for some girls it does seem that way. By flashing your body, you can get everything your heart desires. Which is what these magazines and such want. Young girls, who want little else than fame, because it is the most promoted ‘industry’ in modern society. Particularly because over the last several years, people are becoming famous for hitting headlines, and getting attention. And Ms Cunningham is certainly doing both of those, and I wonder if she even needs Big Brother anymore. That is, if she is fine with being a Katie Hopkins style hate figure. Some who is rolled out from time to time, to create anger amongst the general public. Something to serve a distraction against the normal news. The Daily Mail, sister paper of the Mail on Sunday (original article publisher), has paid a reporter to con a foodbank out of food, to say how easy it was, which has been ignored by the celebrity obsessed masses. And that is all you need to know about the state of society. The fact that a company, has possibly tactically, posted an offensive wannabe story days before that of trying to badmouth a charity that saves so many families.

Is it right that people are allowed to become so disenfranchised about our media, that after some thought I am wondering whether Ms Cunningham is even pregnant. The fact that it can be twisted into a ‘news story’, to anger and garner publicity on the Ms Cunningham, the news paper and even Big Brother, is a bit sickening. Although Ms Cunningham is the topic of discussion, how much of this is within her control?

Procastination Central

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Believe it or not, I have a list of topics that I have planned to write about. I have had this list for quite a while, and it is getting longer rather than shorter. This is what happens when you have lots of ideas, but no momentum to put any of those ideas into action. It is one trait of mine that I hate, because I do it with everything.

It sometimes worries me how much effort I put into not doing something. It would probably be easier to do the task I am avoiding, to be fair. I didn’t always have this problem, I think it came along when I was at school, when I realised that I could get out of doing something by simply doing something else. And it made no change to life or anything, so it became habit. Now, if there are things that I am struggling with, I do something else. When I say ‘struggle’, that also includes me not wanting to do something because I am a lazy person.

But, I do find, that if I get up and moving, things become a lot easier. I become a lot less likely to put things off. Like today, I did some tidying up that had been needing done for way too long. As a result, I feel like I have achieved something, which gives me motivation to achieve more. I am guessing that it must be something like the adreneline that you get when you exercise. The feel good factor that spurns us on, keeps us going. It’s all nature. That to get the blood pumping round our system for any motivation, we need to start moving first. Which can be hard when you struggle to get out of your bed sometimes.

Anyways, a blog is better than no blog, as I do like to update this page. It just isn’t as heavily organised as I’d like it to be. But that’s okay. I just need to get the blood pumping to get that motivation going to create quality content. Because this, is just nonsense.

Daily Routine?

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Do you have a daily routine?

I don’t. And it works me up sometimes, because everything just ends up a mess and I panic. I get very anxious if I feel out of control, yet at the same time, I am constantly struggling to get organised. Everything is always such a muddle, as it has always been. And it sometimes gets to the stage when I have panic attacks because of the stress.

I try to write lists. As these can sometimes calm me down. It helps me gain a little bit of control, stops my brain working at 90 miles an hour. It also helps to sometimes document the way I’m feeling. That way I can feel like I am ‘talking through’ what nonsense is in my head, without feeling I am imposing on anyone. As silly as it sounds, it does help me.

A piece of advice I get a lot, to help lower anxiety levels, is to start a daily routine. Same things every day, just so that I have a solid foundation to work off. So that if things do go a bit wrong, I can deal. At the moment there is no standard routine, so everything is all over the place in general, and when something goes wrong, it gets worse. So, I am going to spend the next few days trying to figure out a routine that I can do EVERY DAY. A routine that isn’t me getting out of bed 10 minutes before I need to leave the house.

Pushing Forward

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I am feeling awful inspired today. That may have to do with the fact that I have a ton of housework to do before I go back to work tomorrow. Doing things I need to do has never been my strong point. Rather than doing what actually needs to be done, I think up new things that excites me more, and do them instead. Hooray!

One of  the things I have motivated to do is argue with GIMP (free image editing software) enough to make a new banner for all of my social networks and things. I have been diving back into the internet a lot more recently, particularly YouTube. The YouTube community I have loved for the last 5-6 years has been rocked by lot of bad stuff over the last week or so. This is stopping a lot of creators from making content, as they become wary about their audience and who they befriend through it. It’s desperately sad, because the majority of people on YouTube, are perfectly normal people. And in a bid, to get back into trying to contribute to a community that I love, I decided to give my channel a reboot. My first video is below, please check it out. 🙂

I am planning on doing VEDA, Vlog Every Day in April, this year. Yes, I am being hopeful and going to vlog once a day. *cough* Seriously. At least I am hopeful. Ask me again how I feel after the first week of April. 🙂

*I am writing an entry on Consent which is to do with the Youtube/wrock situation. In the meantime, if you find yourself caught in any situation where manipulation of any kind is involved, please speak to someone. It is not okay for someone to control you AT ALL.

Poll: How do you find music?

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I have created a poll, in a way to discover how people find music to listen to. It is something that I am interested in, particularly with the wide choices available today. Music no longer relies on the radio to sell it, people take to the internet to discover new bands. And I am interested to whether this actually has an effect on how music is consumed.

Sold To

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I spend a lot of my money on nonsense. Mostly stationary. It’s never anything that I really need. Just stuff I seem to make up a need for. When I discuss this ‘impulsive purchasing’ with my friends, and it seems I am not alone. It has made me think, if this is more than simple habit. Surely if people walk around with money burning a hole in their pocket, it becomes very easy to spend.

Supermarkets have been widely known for placing products in their stores in strategic places, aiming at unaware shoppers. Sweets and popular brands at the end of isles or at shelving at eye level. Suggestions have been made that brands pay to be displayed at prime locations to influence buyers. Things catch the eye, things a person has no intentions to buy.

These tactics can be taken and used in any store. Book shops displaying cute notebooks, to attract someone into believing it has purpose. Phone shops display expensive headphones near the popular iPhones, convincing people that if you have an expensive device, you need expensive accessories.

The purchases we make, when we think about them, are ideas given to us by the companies that sell them. I wouldn’t have bought a new notebook today, if I didn’t see the new display showing them off. It made me think that I needed a new journal, although i had no intention of buying it when I set into Town. Perhaps it’s worth considering that people, like myself, are not impulsive as such, more easy influenced.