Hide From Headlines

January 13, 2015 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Living in a world where the news is available 24 hours a days. A lot of the news reported is depressing. Now whilst this sounds quite selfish, I can only speak from personal experience. When I was younger I feel that what happened in the news had more impact, that I thought about things more. I was able to read through the newspaper once a day, or watch the 10 o’clock news. Get a review of the daily news, and then if you wanted, you could look into it more. Research what has happened.

Now, the news channels constantly roll the same news. Finding different angles, different specialists, but still repeating the news stories continuously. This makes the news become flat. It can sometimes become a bit monotonous, and the news that would have caught ones attention years ago, just all blends into one another.

As people become more apathetic with the news, networks and publications do more to make themselves stand out, to retain their audience. They want to be the first to break news, whether the ‘news’ be true or not. American news network, Fox News, recently responded to the Paris terrorist attack by saying Islamic extremism was accepted in areas in Europe. To try and prove a point, the commentator stated that cities like Birmingham exist, where the city is a no-go for non-Muslims. This is entirely wrong, as it estimated that 21% of Birmingham is actually Muslim. This is Islamophobic fear mongering. It is just nonsense, but shows how far agencies are willing to go to try and gain an audience.

Personally, anyone who uses a genuine story where people have died, to make up lies to reinforce the ‘fear factor’ shouldn’t be reporting news. How can people judge what they do see on these networks and in the papers, if some use it to back people into a corner? To make them fear for their lives?

So maybe, it’s a good idea not to absorb the constant news coverage. Yes, educate yourself on what is happening in the world, but don’t let yourself becoming overwhelmed. Because the stuff that is happening in the world is scary, it is big, but you should know the truth. So read from varied sources, small bits, so you can get the facts, and not get beaten down by a specific parties lies and exaggerations.
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Hope that made a little sense. I don’t trust the news I watch, with papers having political alliances and ‘specialists’ reporting lies. And I don’t know if other people find the same issue.

Makes Me Smile

January 8, 2015January 8, 2015 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Not having a good day today. Feeling a bit low, and thought I needed to cheer myself up. I ventured onto YouTube and there is a couple of videos by RatherGood that never fail to make me laugh. It was quite a few years ago when I stumbled across their website, and just laughed at the daft videos. I think it’s important to promote something that does make you feel better, and Joel Veitch’s creations certainly do that. A word of warning, a lot of the videos contain adult content and immature jokes. Still makes me laugh though.

I’ve added s few videos here. Hopefully they make you smile, as they did me.

Out & About

January 6, 2015 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Today I ventured outside with my new camera. The Canon PowerShot SX510 is a digital bridge camera, something that I wanted since I did a photography course at college many years ago. I like taking pictures, although I am not the best at it. But that is the good thing about hobbies, you do not have to be particularly good to do it, you just have to do something that you enjoy.

Anyways, I was to meet a friend today, and because I was in town early, I went for a walk down the main park in Dunfermline, Pittencrieff Park (also known as The Glen). It was a gift by Andrew Carnegie to the people of Dunfermline, the town of his birth, after he made his fortune in America in the steel industry. He also donated a library. gymnasium and concert hall to Dunfermline, and also various projects through the USA, particularly New York’s famous Carnegie Hall. Carnegie believed that one third of life should be spent learning as much as they can, the next third spent making as much money as he could. The last third of one’s life should then be spent giving earnings to worthwhile causes to better society. The Glen is one of my favourite places in my hometown, so I thought it was the perfect first trip out with my new camera.

And then I ventured up to the Abbey, a building dating from the early 1200s. A beautiful place.

The one thing that struck me as strange, was the number of squirrels about. I am sure that the squirrels used to hibernate, but the mild winter and constant food from visitors mean that they haven’t done so in years. Visitors are encouraged to bring nuts and seeds to the park to feed the birds over the winter, and the squirrels feed off them. And because they get food of people, they have no fear and can come right close to you.

Happy New Year

January 1, 2015 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

So another new year is upon us, an annual point for people to reflect on their lives and think of ways to make this next 12 months better than the last. A year is a significant period of time, and it is a unit of time, where a person can evaluate how they have done. And anything they didn’t do, they may want to create ‘resolutions’, to help them achieve what they want over the course of the next 12 months.

Of course, everyone should live their lives making today better than yesterday. Change can happen at any day, not just at New Year. Most people make resolutions fail, so a lot see it as a waste of time. I feel like people could fail if they don’t really ‘believe’ in what they are doing. When I was at school there was a bit of a pressure to invent a goal, to try and achieve something in the year. But if you didn’t really want to do what you said, there was no real push to do it. And I believe that this thing of ‘making resolutions’ that you don’t really want to, means people do fail. Some people see this year after year, and then call out resolutions as a waste of time. Which I guess could be true for some people.

Personally, other than writing a resolution when I was at Primary School, I have never been a fan of the whole ‘new year, new me’ stuff. It just seemed like a waste of time. But this year I am thinking slightly differently. 2014 was a bad mental health year for me. I struggled really badly with anxiety, and I reacted by shutting myself away from people. I refused to go on nights out because I didn’t want to be that person who drags a whole night down. So I didn’t bother going out. And then I hated myself for being so weak. It doesn’t sound like much, but I spent the best part of the year not liking myself. So, I am very relieved to shut the door on 2014, and look to make 2015 a bit better. And I have made some aims that I’d like to try for the year.

I’d like to work out a writing/vlogging/drawing routine and stick to them. I need to work on letting my frustrations out, so that they don’t wear me down, and i do that best by creating something. Food. I need a better relationship with food, and I need to stick to vegetarianism better. I don’t like the idea of something dying for me to eat it, but I like the taste. So I hope to find new tastes, that maybe fit my morals, and still taste good. I also would like to be more organised. I am very much a ‘throw everything on the floor’ kind of girl, and that means I lose everything. I can’t live with a messy kitchen, but my room can easily look like a bombs gone off. Learn how to love ‘me’. I am my own worst enemy and it needs to stop.

But that’s it. Just a few things that I feel would help me function better as the person I want to be. I have always had this idea of what I should be like, and I end up being down on myself on not being this hypothetical person. Which no one should be like towards themselves. But hey, enough with the negativity. Let’s lock that away with last year, and look ahead to a happier 2015.

I hope all my readers have an amazing 2015. And I wish you all the luck in the world for anything that you want to achieve.

Depression Diaries: Working Away

December 17, 2014 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Depression is a strange thing to live with. For weeks at a time you can be struggling to even get up in the morning. It never really lifts, but there are days where I can put up with it, and kind of work around it. Days where I feel as normal as I can get. When I don’t feel like crying at all through the day, where I can speak to people without wanting to crawl into a dark corner for wasting their time. But whatever I feel, I do my best to get up and go to work. It’s the one thing I try to promise myself, to go to work, and at least I have achieved something no matter how crap the day ends up. Though I have phoned in sick, it doesn’t happen very regularly.

I work in a warehouse, and by looking at my blog title and things you’d notice that wasn’t my plan. But, needs must, and at least I know I have regular income. Unfortunately, not everyone sees jobs like that. Some people have a snobbish look at jobs that they view as ‘below’ them. And I have people asking me why I’d bother working at a warehouse. They imply that for a person to work there means that there is something wrong with that person. It’s almost like they are saying that a person has to be ‘stupid’ to work in this warehouse, and be content.

This should be an easy comment to brush off, because why should someone else’s opinion matter? But it does. It’s another reason to feel to feel like a failure. Like, it is a basic job, anyone can do it. I don’t add anything to the job, and no one would notice if I wouldn’t go back. My brain goes into this spiral where my thoughts are just berating everything that I do and how everything is just a waste of time. And it is honestly horrible. I have this instilled thought that I just waste people’s time, so just end up spending time alone. And to think that even the medial task of working a basic job is worthless, it just makes me want to hide from everything.

I am writing this after taking some thinking time over how bad attitudes about my job make me feel. I have tried to look around the negative feelings, and find something a bit better. The conclusion that I came to was that everyone expects things to be done for them. Whether you visit a coffee shop for a Mocha or clear out your rubbish bin, there is someone there that makes things happen. Someone makes your coffee, and someone collects all the rubbish to take to refuge. Everything that happens in modern day life happens because someone makes it happen. Even when you do things online, someone makes that dress you order get to your door. People make things happen, and without the people doing the medial tasks, things wouldn’t happen. At all. Every job has a purpose, every person has a purpose. Maybe rather than tearing apart those around us, we should recognise that people do shitty jobs and there is no shame in it. I need to remember that sometime.

Sick Day

December 3, 2014December 3, 2014 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I am currently on a sick day from work, thanks to a canteen breakfast and a dodgy stomach. I am an awful person at being ill, there are tears, snot, moaning, all the kind of thing that makes me great to be around. Which is why I usually lock myself away when I feel rotten. Bring ill can give you a bit of a chance to do somethings that make you feel a bit better, all those things that you might not get the chance to do normally, particularly at this time of the year, where there doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day to do what you need.

So here’s a few things I like to do when I feel pretty rotten.

1)Watch a feel-good movie. Today I am watching Moulin Rouge, which always has cheered me up. I love the music in it, and it always gets me moving. I just love the twists on all the pop songs, and the tragic story. It’s very stereotypical for a musical, but still loads of fun. Disney movies are also very popular when I am under the weather. I think it’s because I like something where I don’t have to think to hard about. And, I seem to prefer something that I have seen loads of times, one of those films a person treasures and has owned multiple copies of in their lifetime.

2)Read a good book. Wrapped up in a duvet or spending time in the bath. If you are feeling a bit worse-for-wear, getting lost in a world so different to the the real one. I prefer books which have a plot I can get lost in. A book where I find myself addicted and reading chapter after chapter, and it takes your mind away from the awful way you feel.

3)Sleep. The best way to allow your body to recover, is to try and sleep. Spend the day in bed, wrapped up and relaxed. I remember to being told by my Mum, back when I was young, that by saving energy by not walking around, the energy can be better spent helping you get better. I have no idea whether that is true or not, but I know that I do certainly feel better after a bit longer in bed.

4)Light a few candles. If you have been sleeping, then maybe more fragrance defusers, but still the same effect. Some scents, such as lavender are very relaxing, and some believe that they could ease recoveries from mild illness. I have always found this very helpful when I have had the flu previously, as sometimes light fragrances can help ease headaches and such.

Everyone has different comforts when they are ill, but these are the main ones I use. I hope that this is the tail end of whatever bug I have got, and can then get back to normal. What about any readers, what makes you feel better when you are ill?

Depression Diaries: Finding My Voice

October 7, 2014 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

These last few months have seen my plans fall apart at the seams. Any attempt at trying to express what I truly felt has fallen flat. It’s like I am back 3/4 years, where I couldn’t see any way out. It’s like I could think about doing things, but I didn’t see the point in doing anything about it.

I have failed in everything I have ever wanted to do. And it is something which is the focus of my thoughts during every ‘downtime’ that I have. Times when I should be relaxing, whether it’s trying to watch TV, read a book or even just try to sleep. I hit a brick wall, as my mind won’t rest. Thoughts about every little thing that I could have said or did, that could have upset another person. I feel like the most idiotic person in the world. And that is all I can see, an idiot who really shouldn’t spend anytime with anyone, because she’d just waste their time, and upset them.

It’s never anything that anyone says or does, it’s not personal. People don’t need to do anything to set me off. I do it all myself. It is about the only thing I seem to do these days. Running to the toilets at work to cry, because I made a mistake. Having another sleepless night because my mistake causes work for someone else, and that makes me a failure. I cry to myself because I turn down night out after night out, because I don’t want to drag anyone else down. I don’t want to be responsible for bringing other people down.

People around me don’t know this. Because I don’t talk about it, because talking about it has always made me feel weak and uncomfortable. I stopped visiting doctors because there are people with real illnesses who need that appointment more than me. So, I sit and dwell, and for months and months, I haven’t been able to get any thoughts out of my head. And that makes me feel worse. It really is an awful cycle. And it is one that is so hard to get out of.

That’s why I am writing this, here. Over the years, this blog has held a lot of my thoughts and hopes on life in general. I felt that this would be a good place to be honest. To speak about how I feel, and how depression doesn’t just go away. It is an illness that can make someone feel so alone. When that happens, it is hard to try and confide in those around you. I thought that if I spoke honestly, maybe it would reach someone who felt like I do. Maybe it would help them, to see that they are not alone.

Need help? I recommend MIND who have helped me very recently.

Fear Of Being Bias

September 16, 2014 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

My plan was to write a blog on both sides of the independence debate, which is currently going on in Scotland, with a vote due to take place in a few days. I was going to blog facts from either side, to make something that people can read through. I thought that would be a simple tactic, be honest and impartial. It, however, has not been that easy.

I started out the campaign, sitting in the ‘No’ camp. And thought that writing about the debate would help clarify what I thought, whilst cleaning through all the BS that occurs in politics. Since the debate was announced, I planned to write. But I couldn’t. I struggled to find information to make my writing coming across as balanced. I read books, watched the TV debates, spoke to campaigners and researched online. The ‘Yes’ information seemed to be very positive, and sold their aims with passion. The ‘No’ information seemed to be negative, and concentrating on debunking what their opposition said.

Now, that of course is a bit of a generalisation. But because I hit a dead end at the start of the campaign, I felt I would leave it for a time when things would be more ‘padded out’. So that anything that I posted, would accurately represent both sides of the debate, as this was something that I felt was missing. I left it for a while. And, then a little bit longer. And now, in 48 hours voting will be over. And I still don’t feel that I can accurate represent both sides equally. So, I made the decision to back-step. I think as the debate has gone on, I have felt my mind change as I researched more and more. It also began to dawn on me how difficult it would be to write about something that has a direct impact on myself, and try to be impartial. When something is going to affect you, your brain is always going to try and think on one side or the other. Maybe that is a fault in my writing, that I can’t seem to write past my own opinions.

But that honesty of my own opinions, is something that I have always written about in this blog. I feel that being honest with myself, makes me honest with any readers. And some of the nonsense that is passing back and forth in this debate, is just lies. And I don’t feel comfortable passing on lies and exaggeration as if it were facts that could help make up someone’s mind. And if someone is unsure, I’d re-direct them to http://www.bettertogether.net and http://www.yesscotland.net. Personally, I am still swithering, but am leaning more towards a ‘Yes’ vote. Maybe it is time for a change? The government doesn’t seem to understand a lot, and independence will hopefully do more for the rest of Britain too.

I feel like the big point I need to make is to remind people to tolerate one another. This debate on whether Scotland has created quite a large division between people. Those who believe we are better as British, and those who believe Scotland needs to do it alone. Yes, the vote is the most important thing to happen to Scotland in a generation, but every voter is only acting on what they believe will be best for us. Best for our country. Best for our future. A person who hasn’t researched online isn’t ‘stupid’, a person who wants to dream isn’t ‘delusional’. What seems obvious to one person is not obvious to everyone. Every person is entitled to their own thoughts and opinions, and should be allowed that. This vote is a democratic one. This means, that you have to allow others to vote what they want, without FEAR or INTIMIDATION.

Begin again?

September 2, 2014 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I am starting afresh. Not with life, or work. More my attitude. Since I started having a lot of difficulties with both depression and anxiety, several years back, I have had a rather defeatist attitude. Whenever I would try and get myself on track, I would fail. Things would fall apart. Why? Because I had no faith in myself. I thought I was destined to fail, so when things got difficult, I gave up. Rather than invite myself to a nightout, I’d stay at home. I just feel like I have missed out on a lot. At 30 years old, I am not where I thought I would be. And it is depressing. It leads me into that vicious circle, where being depressed, makes me more depressed, and so forth.

But I have had enough.

Today, after watching Superwoman (Lilly Singh), I felt inspired by her enthusiastic way she does videos. Even her daily vlogs has this hyperactive person as the starring role, even when Lilly herself probably isn’t feeling so great. And it made me think about how I carry myself in a day to day manner. And I realised that there is nothing I need to do every day, to get me that energetic and ready to go. I just slump out of bed, and sludge around to where I need to go. It got me thinking, maybe I should do something that gets the blood flowing a little bit. So, I decided to try doing videos on Youtube again, and do it differently to how I had before.

When I have previously recorded videos, I sat down, and blabbed nonsensically to a camera. Which would have been okay, but I feel because of my slouching, my voice maybe wasn’t as clear as I wanted it to be. And because, I wasn’t exactly thrilled, I didn’t really promote it, and got really discouraged. But, I guess my whole outlook on life at the time, had a lot to do with that. So, I shot a video by shooting for an hour, standing up, being the kind of forced happy you are when you have to sell something really, really expensive. It seems really nasty written down, but it really has got me motivated for the day. I did some housework, and various computerlike things as well. I have owned today, and I feel it is because the first time in a long time I forced myself to get up and used a lot of energy. My day, that started with me sleeping through my alarm, has progressed into a rather productive one. HOORAY!!

Video is down below:

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Note: the ‘fair independence referendum’ thing I was posting, is still in writing. It has turned out to be quite the task to find fact based points, which isn’t slating the opposition. So stressful. But I am determined to post stuff, so stay tuned.