Fighting Sleep (BEDA)

April 6, 2015 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I never seem to sleep enough hours. It’s recommended that you need 7-9 hours sleep every night, but I get nowhere near that amount. It’s not that I am awake at all hours, it’s that i am restless. I don’t get a good sleep.

I recently recieved a Fitbit Charge for my birthday, and it records your sleep patterns.

I am finding that I can be a bit low on energy for the whole day. So I am trying to eat healthier and do more exercise. Hopefully I’ll sleep a bit better, and I can now monitor it. I don’t know if it will work, but it is worth a try.

I do wonder, does getting fitness involved gadgetry actually help people get fit? Only one way to find out, I guess.

Harder Than I Thought (BEDA)

April 5, 2015 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Blogging itself is something that I find quite natural. Typing out my thoughts and feelings is something that I find quite simple. My problem can sometimes be when I get a bit of writer’s block, and I struggle to find anything to say. And when that happens, it can be hard to get back into the rhythm of creating regularly.

That is where BEDA can be a challenge. Keeping myself motivated can be hard, particularly being motivated enough to post every day. I have found it hard this weekend because it has been my birthday weekend, and I have been super busy. You will notice, that I have kind of ‘copped out’ and posted some pictures, because it saved time. But looking at it now, I think that the photos help break the monotony from the written posts. Although I may not have the time, I like that I am still motivated enough to post something. Which is great.

Is there anyone else out there blogging every day this month? How are you finding the challenge of updating every day?

Out and About (BEDA)

April 4, 2015 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Today was a lovely day, so I thought I’d head out for a walk. Heading along the Fife Coastal path and got a little snap happy. Featured is an old shooting point from World War 2 and the new Queensferry Crossing being build across the Forth Estuary. I love the sea air, and have grown up around this area. When you see the gorgeous scenery, I can’t understand how people can say they hate living in Fife.

I Can Adult. Honest. (BEDA)

April 3, 2015 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Another birthday.

Another year older.

And still I get over excited about TV shows, books and bands that I love. I still watch cartoons and make up cartoon characters. It sometimes feels like my body may get older, my brain refuses to.

And i don’t think that is as bad a thing as it may seem. One of the worst things about growing up, is that people around you seem bored with life. The sense of fun they had as a child, to make everything a game. Where cracks seemed to be papered over so easily, and any issues were forgotten within a few days.

So maybe being a childish adult isn’t too bad?

Nice

April 2, 2015 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Sometimes a pictures makes me feel warm. And for me it’s the one below, at the moment. I love that the warm sun is coming up as I am on my way to work. Makes me all ready for the day ahead.

Do you have a picture which makes you feel happy at the moment?

BEDA: New Challenge & Future Changes

April 1, 2015 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

It’s April. That means that a lot of creative types are attempting to be super creative for an entirety of the month. I am taking part in Blog Every Day in April (BEDA), in a bid to help motivate me. It is a project that I first actually saw on YouTube, where video bloggers took part in Vlog Every Day in April (VEDA). People do also take part in the challenge in August. I love blogging, so thought that it would be a good wee challenge for myself. I like doing things like this, or at least giving them a try. So, I am looking forward to sharing things every day, and seeing how it pans out.

The challenge actually coincides with me changing a few things online. And, I don’t just mean just changing layouts and visual things. For the last few years I have used various internet networks as ‘sueriotgraphics’, which did make sense at one point. It maybe was a bit optimistic, but it gave an idea that I did want to do graphic design. This launch into my ideal career has stalled on more than one occasion. I have struggled to stay to motivated, and have become really discouraged about creating art. Which super depressing as it is, without seeing the ‘graphics’ title everywhere, kind of rubbing me the wrong way.

I wasn’t planning on doing anything too dramatic, just dropping the graphics bit. It would still connect to my aspirations. As I have mentioned before, I do have problems with anxiety, and it helps me when I can ‘close the door’ on things every so often. It is like stopping things, and starting a new chapter. I feel like it gives me a sense of control. To swipe aside any failures that I have had, and allow me to focus more on what’s ahead. It is like a cleanse.

I am hoping to start putting these changes through soon, and have started working on how I want everything to look. It is really exciting and I hope that doing BEDA will help keep me moving, and actually see this all through. Which would be a nice change, don’t you think?

Hard Done By

March 27, 2015March 27, 2015 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Sometimes people get different opportunities to you. Be it at work or school, if someone gets to do something you’ve had your eye on, it can be hard to accept. It can sometimes feel like you are getting overlooked and certain people are being favoured. We all know the type of person who sucks up to teachers and managers with an aim to get what they want. The people who act best pals with those higher than them, because they think it gives them opportunities.

I have been thinking about this recently, most because I feel overlooked at work. And when I know I am working hard, it can be difficult to acknowledge that I am not good enough for something. It seems to make it even harder to acknowledge when someone else seems to get everything I am looking for. It just makes me feel sorry for myself, because I am not getting the opertunity to do what I want. And it seems to make work a drag, as I feel under appreciated. And this person, getting what I want, doesn’t seem to be doing anything different to me. So I assume it has to be favouritism that has got this person to where they are. A sense that most people will feel at some time of their lives, usually where there is competition for roles.

I was working away one day, and was thinking about ‘favouritism’ at work. It is highly likely that it is not a thing that is actually happening, just something in my mind. Because I feel I am working hard I feel I deserve recognition. It’s almost as if someone is getting to do what I want, there must be a reason for it. It’s like my brain won’t accept that I am not suited to a role or that someone else may be better at it than me. I always seem to take things too personal, and think it’s just because a person is friendly with a manager.

This makes me feel guilty, because I don’t want to feel against someone who is just doing their job well. Maybe all I need to do is change the goals I see in front of me. If I can’t get what I want, I should change what I wan to something more achievable for me. And I guess that’s my advice for anyone who ever finds themselves in that situation. You spend a large portion of your life in school or work, and it is a lot of time if you spend your time feeling sorry for yourself because of what others are doing.

Saying Nothing

March 23, 2015 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Sometimes it’s hard to find something to say. There are thoughts flying around in your head, but nothing you want to share outloud. In a world where every inch of life is shared on the Internet, how do you make the decision on what is important enough to ‘make the cut’ onto Facebook or Tumblr? What thoughts are important enough to be made public knowledge?

Personally, I know that my brain doesn’t stop, and my thoughts can become quite a mess to muddle through at times. And as a person who likes to write about their feelings, it can become particularly annoying to know what is good content and what is just rubbish. I know that a lot of what I talk about on here may seem like rubbish to many, but it is therapeutic. It helps me to carry on with my day-to-day life, I can focus easier when all the bumpf is out of my head.

But that’s it, what I share, the bumpf, is just thoughts and musing that I have. I don’t really like being to honest about actual details of my life online, because it’s private. And because when it gets down to the details, it usually involves other people. And that’s the thing about sharing details, sometimes they aren’t just yours to share. But your thoughts, they belong to you. You formulated them at some point, and they, unlike actual life details, wholly belong to you. So, I find it easier to share thoughts. I write them down, then I can select what I want to write down. That way, my blogs and social media aren’t swamped with the ‘poor me’ that usually takes up my mind.

I think a lot of people, particularly on Facebook, share every little detail. And whilst seeing tidbits of people’s life is cool, i don’t need to see arguments with the neighbour down the road because they pissed you off the other day. Too many people have huge family fall outs because of rubbish someone posts on Facebook. I just don’t understand why anyone wants to display such information online. Maybe it’s because I have always used social media to help myself personally, not to gossip or start fights. And I do think there is a distinction, although some might not.

#DearMe – A letter to teenage Sue

March 4, 2015 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Hi.

I know that people are harsh, but try and put what they say behind you. These people may think they are better than you at High School, but they aren’t. A lot of these people, who you cry over, won’t be a part of your life after School. Rather than waste your evenings crying over what these people say, spend you time with your actual friends, that actually like you. Some of those friends will live far away in the future, so make sure you spend as much time with them as you can.

Don’t make yourself feel bad for your body shape. You have never been stick thin, and that isn’t a bad thing. Every person is different, and no difference is better than another. You give up sports because you don’t like how you look, don’t do that. Keep playing football and rugby because you love it, don’t let the remarks of others stop you. Also, binge eating doesn’t stop what people say about you, and it always ends up making things feel worse.

Work hard. School becomes a miserable place, and it even puts you off reading, even though you have always loved reading. Pick classes you are interested in, and work on them. Don’t do filler classes just so that you are in classes with friends. Although it seems fun, it is a bloody distraction. It is part of the reason that you struggle at school, and the ‘laziness’ habit you get into causes a problem when you hit college.

You have quirks. You like books, computer games and cartoons, and that’s okay. Everyone has interests and hobbies, all that matters are that yours make you happy. Be proud of who you are, experiment with everything in your life, and find out what works for you. Have fun, don’t force yourself into situations which makes you feel horrible. The questions and doubts you have about your sexuality aren’t bad, you just are a bit scared because there is noone to talk to. Your friends will support you, so talk to them about it, don’t let it batter away at your confidence.

Please remember, you are worthy of love, happiness and the life you dream. Enjoy your teenage years, and have fun.

Love Older You

_______

The #DearMe project is actually a Youtube project, but due to me having an issue with a corrupted memory card, I thought I’d blog it. It aims to inspire and motivate young women everywhere. The advice you would give You, may help someone going through those issues now. The video for the campaign on Youtube is over here. The campaign started yesterday, which was International Women’s Day, so it’s a little late.

Is there any advice that you would give to your teenage self?

Gadget Girl

February 17, 2015 ~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I never used to bother about technology at all when I was younger. It may have something to do with the fact that other than Sega Vs. Nintendo, not a lot of people I grew up with was interested in it. We had a PC at home that never gained an internet connection for it’s entire lifespan. It was used for typing school things and playing Theme Hospital. People also didn’t really have mobile phones, not till I was reaching the end of my school years. Even then, the most exciting things were making ringtones or playing Snake on a Nokia 3330. The internet was accessible at school or at the local library, and even then, I wasn’t much interested.

It wasn’t till I found myself in Glasgow, being quite the loner, that I started a blog on livejournal, and I began to get involved with the internet. I started talking to people, who understood, people who are still friends with me many years later. As I have got older, I have found that I have become rather reliant on technology. Like, if I don’t have my smartphone with me, I feel lost. Which sounds very sad, and probably should make me really depressed. But, it doesn’t. And here’s why.

For years through my adolescence I struggled to find out who I was. I just seemed to follow other people, and never really spoke up for myself. Yes, I had my own interests, but they never seemed that important. I was really scared of being alone, and became quite anxious, and kept a lot of my thoughts and feelings to myself. Which, made any anxiety worse. And it developed into me really, really hating myself. I thought that I was a horrible person, a thought that has stayed with me since, no matter how silly I know it is. What helped me step away from hating myself so much, was the internet. I found forums and blogs where I could be myself, without fear of the very few people around me leaving. I slowly became more confident when I realised that I wasn’t alone in how I felt, there were other people struggling.

I think that finding this solace in the online world has been something that has stuck with me. If there is something that frustrates me I’ll tweet or write a blog about it. I’ll express it in a way that makes me feel better. I can message people from anxiety forums when I feel a panic attack coming on. It helps me cope with stuff around me. Particularly when I have reached out to people in my offline life, they have been critical of my depression or anxiety, which is something that I can’t help. If someone is rude to you online, you can always block them. That gives me control that I don’t have in general life, and it calms me down. Maybe it shouldn’t be like that, but it is. The internet is a calming little assistant that I have with me constantly thanks to my phone. And considering I work full time, have a social life and function ‘normally’, I think that it’s great. All these wee devices help me feel like a normal person, and considering I haven’t felt like that since I was 13/14, I feel it is a good thing.

If technology allows a person to feel free and enjoy the things that make them happy, I just don’t get how it can be bad. But, I am an adult. Though, I can’t help how much easier my High School years would be if I was so connected as I am now. If I could ask anonymous resources about how I felt, and chatted to people who were ‘like me’. I maybe would have been more in control of how my brain works. I guess there is no point wishing things could be different. Life is what it is, and technology has helped me a lot.