These feelings are a cycle.
They go back and forth. Sometimes, I feel inspired and happy. Other times, I feel like I am so lost. I think it is because as time is continuing forward, I don’t seem to be moving anywhere. I am stagnant.
I sometimes struggle to even keep my head above water. And, it’s hard to put it into words, to explain it to others. I think the idea of what one feels as success, can be measured in different ways. I always considered myself successful in a degree, because I had a job, I had some kind of purpose. And since my job has been taken out of the equation, I have struggled to find a sense of purpose.
I send away to job advertisements, of which I get no reply to. I sit with my sketchbook and stare at the empty pages, not knowing what to create. Or open blog posts, like I have done over the last few weeks, and write nothing. It’s hard, because when I have had bad times at work, my creativity was always something that helped give me direction and perspective. So without these things, I have struggled over the last few weeks.
I know that reading this, you will look at my blog and see that everything has been along the same ‘lack of direction’. I feel that at least writing about it helps me, or I hope it does. I have a few things in the pipeline, so hopefully things will pick up. If you read this, how do you deal with feeling a lack of direction in your life?