My 2020 Vision

Happy New Year.

What do I want for the year?

Try to experience life in the moment: I sometimes worry too much about what could happen, rather than focus on what is actually happening. It is something created by my anxiety, but I want to try and change how I think about stuff. It seems hard, but it’s worth a try.

Get healthier: this is on a lot of people’s resolution list. I don’t care about weight really, I just want to feel better. I am trying Veganuary, in the hope I will feel better. Luckily a lot of people are trying it, so there is so much support. Again, I might not get it perfect, but it has to start from somewhere.

Draw more: I think I used this last year. I have purchased an Apple Pencil to use on my iPad, so that I can draw digitally. I just need to practice more. It’s always hard using a new tool, but it is something a wee bit exciting. If anything decent happens, I’ll share on here.

Write more: this is definitely something I did say last year. But 2019 kicked me in the butt quite hard. My mental health was rubbish, and that lead to me not wanting to do much at all. So, I hope that I post more than I did in 2019, which shouldn’t be too hard.

That’s it.

I like giving myself vague targets, because it makes it slightly easier to aim for. Because sometimes, if you fall too far behind, you just give up. Or I do.

A Little Lost

This time of year is one where people often complain that they don’t know what day it is. This is mostly due to the festive period being a time where a lot of people are off work. It’s perfectly normal.

There is also this feeling of feeling in between two different emotions. Christmas is a time to show thanks, be grateful for what you have. And New Year is about looking forward to the future, step away from where you currently may be. Or that is how it has felt for me.

The festive period has been really difficult this year, due to a family loss. It has left me between being thankful for what I have, and wanting to move on. I am glad that there is people around, friends and family. But I also am afraid that stepping forward will lessen the memories I have. Honestly, I think every person feels like this with a loss, but Christmas just seems to exaggerate these feelings.

So, I feel like I am sitting in limbo. Time forces me forward, despite my wishes. It doesn’t matter whether I am ready, things move on. Doesn’t make things any easier though.

Not Everyone’s Pal

Anxiety has a habit of convincing a person, that everyone hates them. Or I get that anyway. That I could be the nicest person in the world, and everyone will still hate me. Over the years, it’s a feeling that has become so overwhelming that I try to make the opposite happen.

I feel like I have to be liked by everyone. I try to be friendly and helpful. I try to be the kind of person I like. Sometimes it’s like I become a Labrador, who is up in everyone’s business because they crave a pat on the head. But sometimes, I can be the nicest person in the world and someone still won’t like me.

I haven’t done anything wrong, but this other person doesn’t see eye to eye with me. And I take it really personal. Why don’t they like me? What did I do wrong? And my mind jumps to the worst conclusion, that everyone really hates me, they just don’t tell me that. It makes me become hyper aware of every little thing I do, as if I am trying to find the annoying bits.

If logic played a part in mental health, it would tell me that what I was feeling was silly. That not every person in the world is going to become friends, and that is okay. Doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong. It’s just the way life is sometimes.

Unfortunately, logic rarely has any space in my anxious wee brain.

Pause For Thought

There are times where, despite all the best intentions in the world, nothing you want to do gets done. Now, a lot of people assume that it is laziness that causes things to be left undone. But that isn’t always the case.

When I have a bad time with my mental health, I seem to function, just barely. I go to work, I eat, and I try to sleep. But that’s it. Trying to do anything additional, like housework can be very difficult. Sometimes it is hard to see past the end of the day, let alone actually do something by my own accord.

I try to collect myself, by thinking about where I am. Try to get myself amped up enough to do what i need to do. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. But that’s the thing about life, sometimes things don’t work out, but you have to keep trying.

Blogmas day 1 of…

Every time I see a challenge for blogging, I want to join in. I want to see myself do something, than I can say was successful. Because, I will be honest, me and success don’t necessarily go hand and hand. I am a serial failer, it is like a talent. Not a talent anyone actually wants to have, to be honest.

The aim of blogmas is to create something every day of December and post it online. It is supposed to be a boost to your creativity, something to help kickstart flagging creativity. It sometimes works. A lot of the time I don’t keep up with anything, and I fall begging after a couple of days.

This doesn’t mean that I can’t try. I am optimistic, but life is rather busy at the moment. I know a lot of people are very good at being creative regularly, and when speaking to them, they have said that constantly challenging yourself is essential to keeping creativity alive.

Passion For Fashion (And Make-up)

I am a girl. And as a girl, I am supposed to like certain things such as make-up and fashion. Certain things I have no interest in.

The internet deals with the conception that all female bloggers only talk about either fashion or make-up. I am here to say, it is nonsense. I visited Company and discovered a blogging section full of style blogs. Now, over the last year or so, Company magazine has gone through a re-style, where it promotes the internet and self-expression. But only if it centers around style blogging of make-up tutorials and shopping hauls.

Now, if you like that kind of thing, fine. But there’s so many blogs doing the same thing, I don’t think Company needs to promote some over others. They should promote advice blogs, art blogs, music blogs, because life doesn’t just begin and end with how someone looks. I know the magazine’s routes are fashion, but to fully meet the need of the modern woman, you need to look at other things.

I read blogs that are used like mine. Things about people’s life and opinions. Blogs that people write as an escape to life, where the reader becomes a confidant. When people talk about things they buy, it grates on me because I don’t have a lot of money to spend on things. Which has never bothered me before. But when someone recommends a blog to me, and it looks more like a shopping list instead a sharing if thoughts, I feel short-changed.

A Friend of Mine Just Found My Old Youtube Channel.

The Youtube channel I can no longer access, due to some reason or other. Basically I did loads of vlogs and videos and it’s now closed off. I tried to fix it, but it was easier to start a new channel.  So I did.

But the old channel and it’s videos are still up, and someone I went to school with found it, and emailed me about it. I wish what she said was complimentary. But she effectively told me to step away from a computer and not make vlogs because it indicates I have ‘no friends or a life’. It was nice.

I am fairly tolerant to people who smirk when I say I like to post vlogs. All I think is ‘well, they don’t know what they’re talking about’. Which is true. To make a valid comment on a particular subject, you do need to have at least some experience on the subject. So, I didn’t take it too seriously.

Then I realised I know noone else who posts videos on youtube, and that made me feel special. The kind of special I feel may be different, depending on how you look at people who make Vlogs and express a lot on the internet. And when I say express, I don’t mean that you post a daily status update on Facebook. So I do put a lot of myself into making videos, running forums and obviously blogging. And because of this, they are all very personal to me. And to have someone who I have not spoken to for YEARS, berate what I love did hurt.

Anyways. My new Youtube channel can be found here. I have today uploaded 2 videos from Rebellion Festival, which I went to at the start of August. The videos are of two bands, Septic Psychos and Strawberry Blondes. I had no camera for the rest of the festival, because my battery died on my first day.

Tech, fashion or fame?

I have been recently trying to find some new blogs to read. Since blogging is one of my favourite pastimes, I like to draw inspiration from them. Like, you can get ideas of how to make a blog interesting and keep things going. But, I am finding that there is becoming more crap to filter through before I can find anything worthy of adding to any RSS feed.

What it is, I think, is that some of the most visited sites on the internet are based on a blog-like layout. Where page design is simple, things are posted on a regular basis, and people can read through entries and things. This is good, if you have something valid to say. The most popular blogs on the internet have something to do with fashion, technical news or celebrities. And I am going to be harsh and go through each one, and say why most blogs  on those topics are rubbish.

Tech blogs

Tech blogs are a bit hit and miss with me. It’s ok, if someone is showing their thoughts and reviews on a particular web browser release or something, but most of the time, people repost articles and review what is said in the article. That doesn’t really make your blog focus on technical topics, it is more like you are critiquing pieces of writing you found on the internet. People know that by posting and mentioning popular websites, they will get some ‘side-traffic’. Visitors that search for information of that particular site your post mentions. If that makes sense. So, in short, a lot of tech blogs don’t post about actual tech news written by themselves.

Fashion Blogs

One person becomes a professional writer through her own fashion blog, and I swear THOUSANDS of ‘fashionistas’ think they can do the same. -.- Whilst it is undeniable there are really good fashion blogs out there, but some are just a bit dull. Why show the same fashion that every magazine and every other fashion site blabbers about. I mean, playsuits make most women look horrendous, and they really don’t need to be the colour of my gran’s curtians. But, every single fashion  site features them, because suddenly every woman should want to look frumpy. Who knew? People who can talk about fashion well, are people who stay away from the catwalk, and use their blog to highlight some little Etsy shop they like. They look for inspiration outwith the magazines found on the newstands. But again, like tech bloggers, a lot of people just copy pictures from some other site, and just re-word someone else’s opinions.

Celebrity Blog

Ever since Perez Hilton started a Blogger account to report any kind of celebrity gossip going, mere mortals have tried to follow suit. Unfortunately, mere mortals don’t know famous people, and a part from meeting some local footballer, there isn’t much reliable gossip. So again, this is another topic which relies on other sources. Yeah, you might find a certain ‘fanbase’ by blabbering about Miley Cyrus and The Jonas Brothers, but most of the time, it is stolen images and usually stolen words. Unless you actually have some contacts (an money), there is very little chance of you getting any story first. And with gossip, it’s who bursts the bubble, who gets the attention.

So, there is my thoughts. The main reason people start up blogs in either topic of interest, is mostly because it looks easy money. I mean, how hard can it be to post regular about something, and then you can get sponsorship and make money… Actually, no! No matter how popular blogging becomes, you need an average of 1k views A DAY to even think about getting sponsored. So if it is money you are looking for, go an look for something else to spend your time on. If however, you are passionate about what you talk about, it will show. You will get comments that will mean a lot to you, and you feel honoured if just one person reads what you have to say. Copying information from elsewhere will never make a good blog, no matter how much you try to disguise it. And following popular topics will also not make you popular. Remember, those topics are only so popular because some writers have put a lot of time and effort perfecting their own craft. Maybe rather than copying their ideas, you should work on your own.

BEDA= Blog Every Day in April

Pretty self explanatory, I think.

It is something created by the internet community to get people writing a blog post every day. This isn’t reblogging something on tumblr, it is writing a substantial, more traditional, blog post that holds some meaning to you.

It is something to encourage people to get in the habit of posting regularly. And because I know a LOT of people who are struggling on both the idea of blogging and actually remembering to post, I felt this may be a good thing for them to try. Some of the blogs in my links at the side >>>>>>>>>>> are attempting this. So check them out. Namely, I Talk To Snakes and Owlssayhoot, as they are both doing this.

Like any other writing prompt thing, the best way to get into blogging every day is by doing a few things, created to help a writer.

1) Get a friend to blog with, you can both decide on a topic of interest, and both write your take on things.

2)If you struggle posting on consecutive days, reward yourself when you do. Even if it is something like a cake or an hour playing your favourite video game.

3) Let it be known to the world that you are trying to blog every day, and if they notice that you are not updating, then they can give you some sort of punishment.

4) Talk about something you like, something you care about. Even if it is just a take on what happened to you that day. You can’t expect people to read what you write, if you don’t care about the topic yourself.

5)Have fun. Too many people fail at blogging, because they tend to think of it as a chore, but it should be something you enjoy doing.

6) If it helps, give yourself small, achievable targets. Because if you are finding something difficult, then it is better to break it down. I mean, writing for 2 days, is a lot easier than thinking about writing for the whole 30 days.

And, I don’t have much else to say. Although I have moments where I may miss a few days, or even a week, I find it quite easy to blog regular, so I am posting this just to try and help motivate some people. Hopefully it works, if not then you just get to read me offloading things. So BAU on this front, then.

I know that within the last month or so, I feel that I have been neglecting my blog. I don’t have any excuse why, really. I just haven’t been updating anything recently. *shrugs* I am just so ‘out of wack’ right now.

But I hope people join in with BEDA, and I hope to read a lot of interesting blogs in the next month.