Start Again.

So, it’s the start of yet another week, and almost on to the third month of the year. :S Does anyone know how I can slow time down a little, it seems to be going way too fast.

I don’t think that it’s helped with the fact, that because with my current financial woes, I have been wishing for payday. Something which is becoming a common occurence, I may add. But, it feels like I am wishing all my time away. It’s a nightmare that I have fallen into that pattern, where I am always looking to something else. It helps me get through my ‘bad days’, but it means that I am wishing my time away, and don’t enjoy life as much as I should.

I don’t know if this is a common thing, but I can’t help but feel like a bit of a waste of space. Mostly because I am not focusing on the here and now, which isn’t really dealing with anything. It’s like, ‘ignore problems and focus on something else’. Yeah it stops you feeling weighed down by stuff, but it doesn’t actually deal with what is causing me to feel so bad in the first place.

And even when I have a good day, I feel like I am walking on eggshells, until I mess up. It’s like I am waiting for something to go wrong. I mean, I do the best I can, but it never feels good enough. So I create these targets I aim for, like going to a gig or something, and I focus on that, and ignore my insecurities. Well, I can’t ignore them completely, as they will always be there, but I can put my worries to the back of mind.

Despite how good this is at the time, I don’t think it is very good in the long-term. *sigh*

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