Tag: work

A Life Balance?

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I am in the middle of watching The Devil Wears Prada, which is a movie about a girl who is trying to follow her dream as a journalist. To get to where she wants, she works as an assistant at a fashion magazine, where her boss is ruthless. It seems to focus on  the story that as someone’s professional life gets better, their private life goes out the window. It is the consensus that it is impossible to have an equal balance of work and play, and the sacrifices that a person is willing to make to be successful.

The work and play thing, is something that I think is about where a person’s focus lies. If you focus on one particular thing, then everything else kind of pales in comparison, and it causes some things to fall away. It is natural, as there is only so many things a person can put their energy into. But it can be hard to find a balance between having a life whilst working at a career. It’s not anything that someone should feel particularly bad about. I guess that it can just happen sometimes.

My take on it is that work and success can lead to more money, and that is something that can lead to more opportunities. That, in itself, is something very freeing, that you can afford do things that you want to. That makes you happier, and I would like to think that would make me want to spend and try and push the rest of my life up to ‘speed’. But I guess, I am maybe looking at it with ‘rose-tinted glasses’, because my working life is getting better, I can see myself being able to afford to change my life in 2012.

That positivity is not something I normally feel at the start of a New Year, in fact I am normally very much the opposite. So I feel that I can take on the world right now, as stupid as it sounds. I have never had an exciting personal life to lose, so any change that happens is a positive outcome. I just have to cross my fingers that things work out in some sort of balance. I could do with a good year.

Workity-Work

~ Sue ~ 1 Comment

You don’t need to read very deep into this blog, to realise that I planned more for my life than working in a call centre. But, sometimes, what you need outweighs what you want. I still try and do graphics work every now and then, but it is hard to keep up momentum, when everyone seems to want things for nothing.

It is hard, but I keep at it. I try to keep myself going with being creative, be it writing, photography or drawing. Sometime’s it is easier to get motivated than others, but I just have to keep going, and hope that I will get somewhere at some point. But the joy I get from creating something, and knowing that someone may take something from what I create is something that is magical to me. It is that, which keeps me going. It makes working a normal job, bearable.

I have good news, in that from the 13th January, I will be working full time hours. It means more money, which will hopefully give me more means to be independant. I still live at home with my parents, because I am finding it hard to get an affordable place to rent (buying is out of the question). Hopefully having more money, will help me get into the position I need to be in to be able to afford getting a flat, even with a friend. It will be awesome. And hopefully, I will be able to buy more art materials and be able to start selling things again.

So 2012 is already looking like it is changing for the better.

Black Hole of Blackness

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Been playing around with a lot of things recently.

In that I am trying to get my online self sorted. *cough* Yes, this has been something I have been trying to do for a few years now, but, I am rubbish at actually doing things, creatively on-line.  The volume of studying I am supposed to have done, you’d think I’d be able to do things. But, alas, my brain is like a whiteboard, in that information disappears way too easily.

I am pretty sure, that comes across as a complaint. It isn’t meant to. I just have to be doing things a lot, for me to actually remember how to do them. The thing is, a lot of the things that I should have been practising, I haven’t, and hence have forgotten how to do them. One of these things is ‘web design’, and I just feel that if someone looks at me, trying to decipher a page of HTML, they’d see the huge question mark floating above my head.

So, after, much umming and erring, I am getting back into things. Or I will try. Going to work through things, bit by bit, and hopefully refresh my mind a little. I haven’t had any projects for a while, as I have been feeling rather ‘unworthy’ of anything, to be honest. But, I aim to psych myself up, and hopefully get somewhere. I need money, so I am hoping to work hard enough to get things going.

One thing college never teaches you, is how to keep up motivation when things seem to be going nowhere. It is hard. It is hard to stay well-versed, so that when something does come along, you aren’t like a deer in the headlights. I guess I am getting at that point, where I am sick of sitting watching other people get what they want. Three of my closest friends are doing jobs they wanted to do at school. And I work in a call centre. And I take it to heart when all I want to be successful, and I work hard, only to get nowhere. Maybe I should have been more practical when picking out my career when I was younger. Maybe if I aimed for something a bit more reachable, I would be happier with ‘my lot’.

But, as always I will power through the bad feelings. Only because I am running away from the bad feelings, because I hate feeling so powerless. And yet, it is trying to find the strength to be the person I want to be, that is so hard. I just seem to mess up at every opportunity, and it is hard to keep trying after failing so many times.

Sorry. *cough* In a pondering mood, and am a bit lonely. So, dear blog, you bear the brunt.

Feeling Enslaved

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

So this post a day think came into a blip. Where I am unable to access WordPress through my work computer, and my phone decided it didn’t like being online. So everytime I accessed an app which needs an online connection, I just got a plethora of error messages. And then the ‘internet access’ PCs couldn’t connect online. But it’s ok. O2’s dodgy 3G connection came back on. *cheers*

But this is a challenge. I have to make the effort to post. Which makes me feel like I have achieved something, because I have overcome something. I think that as soon as effort is put in, you feel more distinguished because of that effort. It doesn’t really matter what the thing is. Or I don’t think it does, not to me anyway.

Besides, the effort I need to make, stops my mind from wondering, and that’s where issues come into it. I overthink, and seem to dig up drama which isn’t there.

Feeling of Sollitude

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

When you need to relax, what do you do? What do you do to switch off, when you can’t escape?

I have always used music as a method to escape. It helps me because it allows me to ignore my surroundings. And that is what escapism is about. Being able to ignore the distractions which are near to you. And its crazy how much, just making yourself not have to listen to what’s going around you, makes a difference. I am sitting at the canteen at my work, and despite being surrounded in groups talking to each other, my ipod is helping me not bare them any attention. If you feel alone, listening to music can also give you company, in that it stops you from feeling so alone.

Another thing I like to do, is read novels. I love the idea of experiencing a completely different world, just from reading a few pages. If you have a good imagination, and the right story, you can escape into the story. I have always read on my own, and I describe it as being a solitary activity. Because you read at your own pace and experience this new world. I can easily spend hours being lost in a book, and its the best feeling in the world. I feel that I can actually experience the plotlines, and that the characters are people I meet and get to know.

So right now, I am reading The Crimson Petal and the White by Micheal Faber, and listening to the Broadway recording of the Lion King musical. And, honestly, I feel so happy and at peace. I don’t feel alone as I have so much things here, that gives me so much joy. Reading and listening music is something that has gone hand in hand, for me, for most of my life. And I don’t see it being a habit I will drop very easily.

‘Team’ work

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I always thought there was.

I am currently taking part in 3 different projects, where in taking part in a team was essential. Because I have not organised any of these projects, there are obviously people taking part that I don’t know. Something I am fine with. I like getting the opertunity to meet new people, and get to know them. To be honest, it is one of the wonders of the internet. It brings people together.

The issue is, when you get involved in some kind of group project, you have to appreciate other people’s opinions and learn to work together. But there is always something that gets in the way. Usually it involves people trying to force their point of view across. I am a compromising person,  but it gets to the point where rather than the group being a collaboration, someone wants to be boss.

Usually ideas are fine, but it is when these ideas transform into changes. Changes that were never mentioned previously before the project started, but have suddenly became the main agenda, and causes a rift between the team members. People feel a bit taken-aback by how the original plan seems to be changing, that things are being taken over. They feel threatened, because this is no longer a bit of fun. Changes are ‘proposed’ and people feel out of place. Something that has started as a friendly project to bring people together, has become formal. As if it is a competition to push the project quicker than all the team members are ready for.

And if you feel it is like someone is making a change, and rushing ahead, is it right to put your feet down? Surely, that is why things are discussed. So that people can talk about things. And if someone is harsh, and gets a harsh reaction, who is in the wrong? Is anyone? As long as they can understand each others point of view, should there be any animosity? To make a change to original plans, all team members should be agreed on a particular idea.  And if someone percieves your idea as wrong, don’t run off scared when someone does oppose it. It’s give and take.

—

And that’s off my chest. 🙂 I always seem to encounter the same issues when I work in groups. Maybe I am just not fit for working in a team. -.- Has anyone encountered any issues when working with other people? What would be your advice on dealing with it?

 

Return To Normality

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

This is where I am going to pretend that I have had a life away from the computer, long enough to get behind on blogs and everything… but it would be lies. Well, not complete lies, but maybe more an exaggeration. I have spent my time off work concentrating on myself, and just off-lining a bit. I say a bit, because I was on Tumblr and Twitter still, I just didn’t update everything.

Which is unusual for me, I usually at least keep my blogs updated, but I just haven’t been on top of things. Mostly because I haven’t been wanting to write anything substantial. So I can post bits and bobs on my Tumblr, and the other blog sites get ignored. Which is not my intention.

Anyway, I am back at work tonight, so that means that I am trying to get myself back into some sort of routine, where I can update things again and such. I am always so re-energised after a holiday, so I am making the best of it, by motivating myself to do things. And those things include hitting property and job websites. I need a full time job, and a place to live. Or at least I can keep an eye on price from afar. Which leads to some progress in the situation, which makes me happy.  So as long as I keep momentum up, things may be a-changing soon.

So Much Work…

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

If someone looked at all the sites I update, I am pretty sure they would think I do it as a job. Because, I don’t think any sane person would spend this much time online, if they weren’t getting paid for doing so. :S

I think it is one of these things where you do it because you enjoy it. I mean, I have already talked about people who blog for money, realise it isn’t as easy as they thought, and they give up. A big thing on the internet, is that for you to be deemed ‘successful’ you need to have a lot of people following you on various sites. I am one of the ‘old school’ internet users, where to get any access I had to go to my local library, so any time I had online I spent constructively. When I say that, I mean, I was productive on sites, rather than playing follow the leader. Mostly because I didn’t know when I’d next have an internet connection, so I ended up putting in content and that’s it.

The thing is, I started using the internet properly, when I got my own connection (about 4 years ago), and I found myself going on more sites. And I kept up the same ideal as always, and I would spend time on sites updating various things, and trying to communicate to others, who had similar interests to me. The only issue is, that now I have got A LOT of sites which I need to update regular, and if I don’t it takes me a LONG TIME to catch up. The main culprits for stacking up of work are deviantArt and YouTube. I love them both, which is why I spend so much time on them, but sometimes I take a few days away and my inbox is filled to the brim, and I get annoyed with how much I have to catch up on.

I hear you now, with your ‘why do you do it then, it’s not like they pay you’. -.- This is where I say, these sites are my hobbies. I like viewing other people’s creative output, and think that it is THE best thing about the internet. So, although I may moan, I love that I can chat to people, and they respect my opinion. That is the most wonderful feeling in the world, that someone respects what you think.

It’s ok. I know I am strange.

Productivity Day

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I really need to stop putting ‘write a blog’ as being on my to-do list as if it is something productive. I know that sounds harsh, but I end up writing a blog entry and doing nothing else because I feel I have achieved something. In reality I have achieved nothing, and usually just ramble nonsense for a few hundred words. But if I feel I have achieved something, and that seems to make my concentration go right out the window, and I don’t do anything else.

This is typical of me, and I do it all the time. The thing is, that recently I have found that I am going through this period of self-sacrifice, where I seem to be tripping myself up on purpose. I don’t think I’ll ever be a high achiever, sort of girl, but I would like to be able to be doing comfortably. The issue is that I am not. Sometimes, it’s like I have the idea that I will do as minimal work as necessary. Now, I do have blips, where I have focused and have been top of the class, but it seems to be short-lived.

I guess, I need to change my whole attitude to work. Which is why I have created 2 or 3 different projects to do at the same time. And I need to keep focused on those, as well as pulling my socks up at my actual work. I feel jaded, but actually functioning at a good level will hopefully help me get a little meaning back in my life. But, in the idea that things don’t get better, I am preparing. I am getting an online shop organised to sell products that I make and I am applying for jobs. I have a to-do list that I am working through, as I find that is the best way that stay focused, by breaking things down and working through a simple list.

*deep breathes*

This is a big time for me to show what I am made of. It has been a year since I left college, and nothing has really changed. And that is no-one’s fault bar my own. So I am going to take responsibility and get things going again. Wish me luck.

Busy Girl

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I don’t ever appear to be busy, but I am right now. I have about 2 or 3 projects currently treading water in the depths of my mind. And they are all going to remain top secret.

Why make an issue about something, and then not tell anyone what it is? Well, I have a habit of having things fall away and never happen. So I figure,  that I will keep it to myself, so nobody knows what I have failed in. It’s a way of me trying to protect myself, and moreso my ideas. Because, not to be big-headed, but these ideas are pretty awesome. Well I think so anyway.

I guess everyone else is going to wait until everything is finalised enough that I can let it be known. I do feel important that I have a secret. I never got told secrets as a kid, because I guess I must look untrustworthy. Which is a nice feeling to get when you are 13.  Nothing has changed, but I think it is because I am no longer in a situation where whispering rumours in class is no longer a factor in my existance.

No. Now the whispering is done on the bus, at work or at a coffee shop. Because that is how grown up I really am. 😉