So. I am doing work, which is making me happy. I am doing drawings, videos, t-shirt ideas and all, and I can upload none of it. Technical issues always happen when I have to get work to possible clients. -.-
So you might guess, from my cheerfulness, my internet router has still not appeared, mostly because of issues with the mail, but its still frustrating. Things always happen at this time of year, when things are so busy. I have lost all hope of getting my router before christmas, and that really bums me out.
It makes me wish I wasn’t so reliant on the internet. Because if I had other ways to update my portfolio and things, I would at least feel all my work was counting towards something. So I have decided, I am going to try and make my CV more interesting, because I am going to start handing it out in the new year. I need to get something more, as having my main job working in a call centre is slowly killing me. Its not that I hate the job, its more that I know its not what I want to do forever.
My imagination that is.
How is it, that I can be all inundated with creative thoughts when I am at work, but as soon as I get home and get stuff out, I have nothing. This is something that has been happening for the last few weeks. And, if you have read this blog before, you’ll be no stranger to the fact that I don’t cope well with having no motivation.
I have heard that once you put too much pressure on something, it can become harder to do. So because I am trying to force myself to be creative, it is a lot harder to actually do. It was easy in college to blame the projects for my inactivity, but now I can do the projects that I want. I can design things in my own style. I should have this massive sense of creative freedom, now that I am freed from the boundries of education.
But I don’t. I just sit in my room and procrastinate about my failings in life. That is maybe how I am not so productive these days.
Procrastinate. That is the word of the moment. Because it seems to be all I can do right now. 😦
Been busy meeting up with friends, working and tidying up. These are the normal things that one must do in their lives.
To be honest, the work is essential for buying things and meeting up with mates makes it easier to go to work. Its like, if things get hard, focus on the positives. Which is something I try to do, so that the bad things seem better, because I am getting closer to doing something I want to.
It does sound silly, but it’s the way I am able to work through things. And it works.
*Good Charlotte from the Sprite live show- which was awesome*
Everything about me today, just screams out ‘leave me alone’. I mean my mohawk, Dr Martins and chains just scream out niceness. I’m just in a really bad mood. I couldn’t sleep last night, and think I eventually got some sleep around 5am. I need to get up at 7, but because I hadn’t had much sleep, I slept straight through my alarm, and woke up at 9.10. I started at 9. So I got up, got ready and went for the bus. Found out that some bill I forgot about came out my bank and I am left with £15 till the end of the month. So no happy.
I just wanna lie in my bed and never wake up. I hate this bit, because my medication was changed yesterday, so I am kinda at the point were my old meds are stopping working, and my new ones haven’t kicked in, yet. It irks me rather badly. So I am sitting at the computers in college listening to music and just being in a wee world of my own. Thank god for my ipod, its really good at giving me noise to filter out the voices in my head.
I’m kinda wanting to do work for my graphic design project, but I left it all at home, just fantastic isn’t it? So I am dreading what is round the corner for me, as I have a feeling this will only get worse. *sigh* But thats just ne and my immense positivity at the moment. The thing is, I am just so not in the mood for any shit. I don’t need much of an excuse. It doesn’t help that the three most distracted people in the class came around me and started fannying about, so I gave up and went onto facebook, and started FishVille a game where you buy, sell and raise fish. Yeah when I need distracted, obviously anything will do.
Kinda happy, kinda arty, still kinda bleuch.
Great isn’t it?
Despite me seeming happy with life and its goings on, there is still this nagging feeling in the back of my mind. Ugh.
I dunno why I do that.
If everything is going ok, I just get out my big mental spade, and dig myself a hole. That would maybe continue untill my head explodes. Or till something distracts me. Which to be honest, doesn’t take much.
I kick myself on how shit life is, and blame it all on shitty circumstances. It is ALWAYS me who puts myself in these circumstances.
Aargh. I am, quite plainly, getting on my own bloody nerves.
Screw it all, I’m away to bed.