The Future’s Still Unwritten

Noone knows what is going to happen.

Which although seems a simple concept, it can be controversial, especially when religion comes into it. Some religions believe that you have a pre-destined path to take, like someone has already written the plot-line to your life. I guess some people find that idea uplifting, but I find it really depressing.

To think that no matter what you do in your life, that someone else has already planned your life out? How can that be anything but depressing?

I am of the belief that the only person who can decide how your life pans out, is yourself. The reason, I think, that people tend believe that something else is controlling their fates, as if something goes wrong, then they can shift blame from themselves.

People like to wash their hands of responsibility.

But then people will pray to God, in some hope that He will change their life. I’m sorry, but if you don’t stand up and do something for yourself, then how can you be stupid enough to think things will change? But people obviously do, and then blame other people for their own failures. That is just passing the buck.

Take responsibility, go out and make your life yours. Because as the, very inspirational, Hannah Montana says: ‘Life’s what you make it’. If your life is a mess its noone’s fault but your own.

So, that’s another year gone.

I swear each year goes by faster and faster.
I did something unthinkable and stuck to a resolution this year. I managed to get into blogging again. And have become totally addicted to it. Its like I have this almighty yearning to go to a computer and type up some bullshit. I don’t think people appreciate how much blogging can help you get things off your chest. I mean would people prefer that they get even more bullshit from me, than what they all ready do?

This year has had a lot of low points, with having a few people I’m close to die, and also a suicide attempt a few months ago. I have struggled this year both financially and mentally. Without having a release or any of my friends to rely on, I really doubt I could have made it without any of them. So thank you. Thats the people I have befriended through this site, the GC fam, work pals, College pals, rosyth Peoples, cowdenbeath/kelty peoples and basically anyone who has offered me something to lean on this past year. I love you all.

There has been some good things this year, like seeing Nofx for the first time in 8 years, having banter with many bands including Dogsflesh, Outl4w and 4PM. Just going to gigs generally makes me happy. I am planning on some more gigs this year, seeing as I missed out on some in 09. Mostly because its been the year, when I’ve never had money. Which is fail, its like I work to get by, and thats it.

Hope everyone has a grand Hogmanay, whatever you’re doing. See ya in 2010.

Looking for answers, the only replies are blank stares.

Kinda happy, kinda arty, still kinda bleuch.

Great isn’t it?
Despite me seeming happy with life and its goings on, there is still this nagging feeling in the back of my mind. Ugh.

I dunno why I do that.

If everything is going ok, I just get out my big mental spade, and dig myself a hole. That would maybe continue untill my head explodes. Or till something distracts me. Which to be honest, doesn’t take much.

I kick myself on how shit life is, and blame it all on shitty circumstances. It is ALWAYS me who puts myself in these circumstances.

Aargh. I am, quite plainly, getting on my own bloody nerves.

Screw it all, I’m away to bed.

Oh, well

Been spending the last 3 hours staring at this damn computer, wanting to get work done for tomorrow, but on my 4th week back, I have reached another mental block. Which is irritating as hell.

I am trying to make sure I have all my pieces for Laura’s multimedia class tomorrow, but my brain isn’t co-operating. I don’t know if that by taking a break in Aberdeen, I have been left more tired and exhausted. Well I have decided, I am going to blether a bit of rubbish, stick everything in my book, then make the book better, by writing and drawing a few bits on it. I don’t know how much I’ll get done, but we’ll see.

This weekend in Aberdeen was fab, but I saw two of my closest friends, strong women, who were upset over men. I just hate it how people are so selfish to not think of another person, and lead them on, or pretend to care about them. Its the pressure, I mean one relationship ends, then we have that self doubt telling us we will be alone forever.

Its not that thought of being alone, I want to know where the idea came from that being alone is such a bad thing? Its nature for people feeling the want to be around others, but I’m sick of people thinking there is something wrong with me for being single for over a year and a half. I mean at the end of the day, we are born alone, we die alone. No matter what happens in the middle, the unevitable things in life we do alone-birth and death.

Damn, thats awful morbid for a Monday!