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Posts have been on and off since the start of March. And despite feeling useless when it comes to writing anything at all, I have tried to plod along. Which is fine, but me being me, it is still highly frustrating. I know that I can create more stuff, but it is difficult.

There is a difficult balance, trying to not allow creativity to become a burden, and also continuing to push myself to do more. There is always that fear, that you can put too much pressure on yourself, and that can end up becoming more of a hindrance rather than a help. So, I am trying to push myself to do more, but try not to think too critically if it doesn’t happen. Which is hard.

At the end of the day, writing is a hobby that I have, that is very freeing to me. It allows me either clear my mind or focus on one topic, depending on what I write. But both these things, do help me feel better. And that is what I love about creativity. It allows your mind a break from whatever normally stresses you out. Which is something that all people need. A break. Life, no matter how mundane it may appear, has the ability to stress people out. And it is only through constant learning, and self-improvement, that we are able to experience less stress. It is a lot of hard work, but it is worth it.

The best way to get back on track, is to make the best of the opportunities where I do feel creative. I need to really start utilizing the ‘schedule posts’ features. So I can have posts ready to go. But that is all preparation. A general thing that I need to get better at. I am usually far too lazy. One thing at a time though. slow progress is better than no progress.

Nervous. Who, me?

This is quite a relevant prompt today. I have fallen off a lot of bandwagons recently, with my productivity going from ‘quite good’ to ‘non-existent’. I struggled to do everything, from going to the gym, to progressing through my to-read pile. I felt a little bit useless for a few weeks there, and it is horrible. I was at the stage of failing to see the point in doing anything, which is not a really nice place to be.

I am at the stage now, where I am feeling a bit more energetic, wanting to climb back on that horse again, but I am nervous. It takes a lot of effort and work to get your energy levels back, after a period of self-doubt. Because a lot of my problems are brought on by anxiety, I find myself jumping to the worse possible conclusion when it comes to trying to do anything. I find myself a lot less anxious, when I am doing things based on habits. But, habits have to be formed, so I will always have a brick wall to navigate past, no matter what I do.

It is frustrating. I have been reading a lot about positive energy, and that by changing your mindset, you can do a lot more than you normally would. Use the nerves as a positive thing, as a thing to conquer. Something that you can defeat. So many people in this word use nervous energy as something that drives them, musicians, writers, politcians. But, it doesn’t have to be a particular career that can benefit from using nerves, anyone can do it. So rather than falling silent to the thoughts running through your mind, use them to push you forward. As said above, that is all about forming new habits, something that is quite hard to do.

Remember, if it goes a bit askew one day, one week, or even  a whole month, today is a new day, so try and make it better than before. Which is easier said than done. Try today, and if it doesn’t work, try again tomorrow. Every day is a new opportunity. Just don’t let the nerves win.

via Daily Prompt: Nervous

New Year, New Me? 

Maybe not. 

Not that there is anything wrong with trying to better yourself. I think that every new day is another opportunity the better yourself and make the day better than yesterday. It is good that people use the start of a new year, as a perfect way too try and set any plans in motion. And it is easy to see why so many people do it. 

Personally, I know that I have a high failure rate when I have made New Year’s resolutions previously. I will maybe do okay for a few days or, if lucky, a few weeks. But, then, I lose focus, slip up, lose all momentum, and then quit. It’s not because of the task itself, I think it’s because of the build up and putting myself under so much pressure to succeed. Add into the mix that I have quite a bad fear of failure, there is only one way things tend to go. 

So, I am trying to take one day at a time, rather than generalising the whole year. It makes things a bit easier for me to deal with, as the periods of time I try to make better, are a lot smaller. And, if I do slip up, it’s only one day. There is a new one tomorrow, and that one will be better. At least I hope that is the case. I have been trying to eat a bit healthier, and that is something that I find easier taking one day at a time. Mostly, because I try to plan a week in advance and I just go eat some crisps instead. 

I love the metaphor that the start of a new year is a start of a new book, I like to think that every day is a different page of that book. That helps me visualise where I am on a certain day, and the idea is of turning the page away from a bad day is soothing to me. I don’t know why. It does help my anxiety levels, as I feel more in control.

As long as people are trying to better themselves, any attempts should be applauded. Whatever the success rate. 

Like A Rubber Ball…

I’m back again. So sorry for the lack of posts over the last week or so. It seems my excitement over getting better, was a little bit misjudged, as I felt pretty bad last week. I can deal with being sick, but when I couldn’t keep my dinner down because of coughing? No no no no no, I have no time for that. I like my food, and hate to give it up. Think of me, like Joey from Friends. I don’t share food, and really hate giving it up. For anything. Even being sick. 

I am feeling better, coughing is still there, but nowhere near as all-conquering as it has been. And because I can talk in sentances without trying to cough up a lung, yesterday I recorded a video. I was planning on editing and uploading it instead, but I fell asleep in the bath. Don’t judge me. I am still ‘healing’. I have the doctors tomorrow, so should be home early, and will get the video edited then. That’s the plan anyway. 

Anyway, hope anyone reading this is doing well. And I hope that you haven’t been caught up by the bugs and viruses that seem to be everywhere. 

It’s The Little Things

Sometimes I get so amused by the most stupid things in life. The meerkats on the TV adverts, cat videos on YouTube and bad jokes. This is something most kids have, but lose as they get older. As if maturity supposedly means that our sense of humour has to change. You can be an adult and still find fart jokes funny.

I think that being too serious can make life boring. Sometimes you need to laugh at nothing, just because you feel like it. To restrict yourself from that because you feel like you are not supposed to, seems a bit off to me. A laugh makes you feel better. A laugh can be contagious. A laugh makes you happy. A laugh can then make others feel happier. It can turn a bad day into a good day. It is certainly something that is under-estimated. Life is hard enough without people refusing to enjoy it.

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The picture above is two snails I found on my window. It is the season that snails are everywhere, and they do seem to like climbing up windows. This is something that made me giggle because it looks like they are flying. It’s little stuff like that, which makes me happy. So I try to find little funny things every day to make life a wee bit more bearable. If you have had a bad day, a wee giggle about something daft really does make it all seem a bit better.

The Excited Road of Progress

Overselling it a little?

Yes, probably. I am really into trying to make myself a better artist at the moment. I am hoping to do this through various avenues, such as designing more things, and being more active on blogs again.

It isn’t just writing entries and articles, which is going to make me a better artist, it is more showing my work. I will look at noting my progress, and what I do, as I aim to make myself more creative and make Riot Graphics a viable business. A lot of the parts of this plan are hard, as it includes ideas such as web design, which are things that I have neglected for many months.

So lots of practice needed, but I am happy to be going to try and get better. The idea that I want to get more active, also shows that I have passed a brick wall, which had stopped me for so many months. I hope I have the drive, as I aim to make myself better both at Graphics work, and at my day job, at a call centre. I think that it will take more than crossing fingers and praying. I have needed to get my head sorted for a long time, and hopefully I have turned a corner, and will be my own future.