Tag: advice

Perseverance

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

So, I started posting regularly again, by saying that I would post every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  You will notice that today is Tuesday, and there was no post yesterday. I’ll be honest, it was a bad day. I had a few panic attacks and ended up spending most of the day with family. Which was nice.

I guess, what I want to say, it is okay to take time out. I still plan on writing 3 posts this week, it is just that 1 post is a day late. You can still be motivated, and not push yourself too hard. Which, is something that is important. Because when you force things, you sometimes end up doing more damage. And, that is the tricky thing. Having to learn the balance between pushing enough to get things done, and pushing past that. It is a difficult balance.

But, it is important to never give up. If you can’t do something, it is okay to side-line it till later. Stuff will still be there for later. And, if it is urgent, speak to people. It is surprising how supportive people are if they know what is going on.

For Attention

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Have you heard ‘that’ retort, when you actually speak out about your mental health? The one that devalues every little thing that you feel. When someone says that you are ‘doing it for the attention’.

It is the most frustrating thing ever. A lot of the time, for myself anyway, if I am having some kind of anxiety attack, where ever I am, I don’t really need someone scoffing that I’m trying to get attention. It has happened a lot over the last few days. People point and prod at every little thing I do sometimes, and it does nothing but confirm what I am already thinking about myself. It is great.

It made me wonder, the thinks I would do if I wanted attention? I’d probably sing whilst walking to work. Get in people’s way at work. Upload every thought, in a cryptic manner, on Facebook. Shout and make a lot of noise at work, or out of work. But, I wouldn’t cry on the bus, or at Starbucks, or have a panic attack whilst walking down a street. I wouldn’t because it is horrifically embarrassing.

Every person who accuses a sufferer of mental health issues of attention seeking, are simply ignorant. They don’t know what it feels like to experience mental health. Lucky them.

 

What to say?

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Last week, was Mental Health Awareness Week, here in the UK. So all over the media there was advice on speaking out, and telling someone what you are going through. It is a nice thing to see, though when they are berating celebrities who are going through problems at the same time, it seems very shallow. But, some discussion is better than no discussion. To let people know that there is always someone for them to turn to.

But, what if someone turns to you? You may have no experience in anything mental health related, so what are you to do?

The answer is to simply listen. Normally people just need someone to talk to. Someone who isn’t going to judge, but be a shoulder to cry on when times get tough. That’s all you need to do, and whilst it might not feel like a lot, it could make a huge difference to the other person. If you react negatively, the effect that could have may be long lasting.

About 6-7 years ago, in my previous job. I struggled to speak about it, because I felt like I was getting upset over nothing. After being signed of sick, because of my depression, I returned to work to find out that I had a new team lead, a person who I had worked with before and actually didn’t mind. I explained why I was off, and got ‘why are you depressed, you have a job, a house, you have nothing to be depressed about’. It belittled every little thing I was dealing with in my head. I thought I was being a hassle, so I stopped going to doctors appointments, I stopped talking to people. I ended up hating my job, because I felt I was ungrateful because I was so depressed despite having a job. I was put in an area which I struggled with, and was shouted at by customers at least twice a day. And I planned out ending everything. What one person said to me, hit so hard at such a crucial time, that it has taken years to pick myself back up again.

So, please, if someone confides in you, don’t be critical. Even if that is what you are thinking. Because it could really cost someone their life.

Working Through It

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Today I started work and I was panicking. I don’t know why, as I get spikes of anxiety for no reason. It’s like I think something is going to go wrong, like this impending sense of doom. It makes me easily irritable, and I cry at just about anything. It’s completely irrational. And it is so embarrassing. No one wants to see a 30-odd year old adult crying for no reason. But then I feel ashamed, and that makes my anxiety worse. It really isn’t very nice.

Luckily, in my job, I have the space where I can just go to a quiet area and work myself. Give myself a little breathing space. It also gives me the chance to focus on my work, a chance to be distracted by something that isn’t my own over-active imagination. If the area I am working in gets to busy, I have the ability to move somewhere else. And it is actually really cathartic, sometimes. Today, I have been able to focus on what I was doing. and it has really helped.

It doesn’t always work, as because my job is monotonous, it’s very easy for the mind to start to wonder. And times like that, it’s like I can’t do anything right at all. The silly thing is, what works one day, might not help the next day. And it is so frustrating. In the UK, if you are off sick, your first 5 days are unpaid. Which means, that people are forced to try and work through issues that they would maybe be better dealing with at home.

It can be really hard, but every time I make it through a day, which has been riddled with anxiety, I feel a wee bit proud that I did it. Even if no one else does.

#Gettheinsideout

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Over the last month or so, Mental Health UK and Lloyd’s Bank have partnered up for an advertising campaign to promote speaking up about mental health. 1 in 4 of the UK population suffer from mental health issues every single year. That is a lot of people suffering in silence.The campaign included people writing the hashtag #gettheinsideout on a post it, sticking on their head, and taking a selfie to post Instagram or other social media sites. It’s aim is to get people talking, which is always a good thing.

Now, I don’t really like taking pictures of myself, so I didn’t know how to ‘take part’. I feel that speaking about mental health is very important, and that it really does need to stop being this thing, that people hide away. Because I write a lot about my mental health on here, I decided that this would be the perfect place to write about the campaign, and highlight it to people who may not know it exists.

I suffered in silence with depression for a very long time. I only sought medical advice from my GP, when I  was in my mid-20s. I was put on medication, and really struggled. I went to the GP because I was scared. I had started punishing myself with food, pretending it was control, when I scoffed down 5 packets of crisps in a row. I had also started thinking that life wasn’t worth it. Life was a big problem, and I cried on the phone to Samaritans on more than one occasion. I knew I needed help, but I was to embarrassed to speak to anyone in person. Eventually the people at Samaritans convinced me to contact my GP, to see someone. I actually dodged my first appointment, claiming I forgot, but I tried again and stuck to the appointment. It was actually nice to have someone listen and not make me feel guilty about how I was thinking. I was put on some anti-depressants and given some places to turn to.

You may not feel like talking helps, I still struggle with it. But there are other ways that you can express how you are feeling. I write my feelings, because it is easier for me. What is important, is realising that you are not at fault. It is something in your brain, but it doesn’t make you any less of a person. When you speak to people, you will be surprised at how many people will say they feel the same. You are not on your own, and whether you call a helpline, write it out or speak to a friend, you will always find support somewhere. And if someone turns to you, listen and be there. Sometimes that is all that is needed.

Helplines

Samaritans- 116 123

NHS 24- 111

Breathing Space- 0800 83 85 87

SANE- 0300 304 7000

 

Study Hard

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

The last time I tried to do education and work together, I kind of failed. I got very stressed, and struggled to do almost everything. It was the time in my life, when I really began to get effected by mental health issues. I think, the development of mental health issues, made it really hard to focus on stuff. So working full time, and studying full time did not work for me. It is no wonder, as I barely left myself with time to function.

Last month I started an IT course through the Open University. Something I was very scared to do, after the last time I did any proper education. The good thing about the Open University, is that you can study at a time more suitable to yourself. Which is handy, especially at this time of year. My work is focusing on the run-up to Christmas, which is always fun, but can also be stressful. Lots of temporary workers come in, so that we can meet customer demand, and it can get a little crazy. The good thing about it, is overtime. Which is really good, when I am trying to clear my feet, financially, before the end of the year. So, I end up working extra days, which means that I have to change when I study. The University information on the course, says I should have to spend 10 hours, or so, a week on studying. Which is perfectly manageable.

The good thing about doing this new course, is that it has given me a bit of focus. All the information you have to work through, is split into smaller chapters, which makes it a lot easier to work through. Like, tonight, I was able to relax, and then study a couple of sections. Because I can break everything down into steps, it is helping me keep on track in getting all necessary tasks completed on time.

It’s nice to feel like you are working towards something.

Hopes for the future

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I remember leaving school. I remember preparing for leaving school. I remember waiting for my exam results. Visiting colleges. The dreaded fear as I counted down the final days.

My aim, was to be a Veterinary Nurse, as I wanted to help animals. I tried so hard. But whilst I was studying in Glasgow, I started to develop anxiety. Whilst I had an issue with depression at school, college is where it smashed me in the face. It got harder and harder to continue on. Eventually I failed an exam to get on the next year, and had to get a job in a shop. Which was okay, but I didn't get on with my manager. My anxiety lead to a fear of standing still. If I stood still, then the fact that I failed as a Vet Nurse would catch up.

So I thought about what I wanted to do, as a life. And even as a kid, I either wanted to do art or something with animals. So, I tried animals, so i thought I'd try something more arty. This time I went to a local college to try Art and then Graphic Design. To support this, I left the shop and went to work in a call centre in the evenings. The ambition was there, but at this stage (my 20s) I still hadn't got any help with my mental heal issues. I speak about them, because I can see they were there, when I am looking back. It was whilst I was at college and the call centre that i eventually sought out help. I struggled with college, so I eventually ended up just going full time at the call centre. But I struggled.

Eventually, I was paid off from the call centre for underperforming. Which was hard. But I was so anxious, that I felt I was a burden to everyone around me. I couldn't sleep before work, and I would frequently end up in tears during the shift. Although I was in despair at the time, I didn't realise how much I hated the job till I never had to go back. I spent about 6 months, whilst looking for jobs, learning how to look after myself. I was in the worst mental state I had been in through my whole life. I was self-harming and didn't want to live. I only saw what I had failed at, and wanted to give up.

I spent time with friends and family, made effort, found the things that made me happy again. And about 4 years ago, I applied for a job at a local warehouse. A job I was permanent in after 12 weeks, and that I am still at. I work long shifts, but short weeks, and this has enabled me the time I needed to continue to work on myself. And it helped. I like my job, I like the people I work with, but I still feel I could do more. So I applied to the Open University to do an IT course. I have always been interested in computers, so it would be interesting. And because I have healthier ways of dealing with any mental health issues, I think I am more prepared than before, to work on a course.

I guess that is my message of this post. What you may have in mind for your career might not pan out. But it is no reason to give up. There are so many pathways available to you, so try not to lose awareness of that. Not everyone gets lucky at their first career choice, but something is there for you. I mean, IT might hot be the thing for me, but life is too short to not try.

Guilty of feeling bad

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Right now, it feels like every time you read the paper or watch a news broadcast, something else horrible is happening in the world. Innocent people are dying every day. And it is awful.

It can be difficult to relate to. I,for example, feel unbelievably guilty. I have my fair share of physical and mental health issues, and a lot of times it is hard to even hard to get dressed, never mind do something productive. But I watch the news, see the suffering of others who are much worse off than me. It starts the internal berating of myself, where I feel inadequate that I seem to have a lot, but I can’t deal. People have it worse. Someone said that at work today, to me. I didn’t offer a reply, but in my head, it reinforced the belief I was building up about myself.

It doesn’t make for a happy life. It makes every day feel like it’s double the length. My anxiety flares because i feel so guilty and unworthy, it causes my stomach to become unsettled so that every meal I eat, ends up in the sewerage system. It stops me from sleeping, I feel that if I can’t appreciate and enjoy my life, then maybe I shouldn’t wake up in the morning.

But, when in a calmer state, I realise everything I do is completely irrelevant to whatever disaster is in the news. Now, that sounds awful. But bear with me. My anxiety comes in different flavours. Sometimes my brain makes me feel unimportant, and sometimes it makes me feel responsible for EVERYTHING. So, the days where I feel hopeless, I try to break tasks down, like if I don’t process this task, a customer won’t get their refund. It is a small thing, but makes me feel I have a purpose.

When I am a bit more calm, like I am now, I can be logical. I can think of a way round my issues. But when anxiety hits, logic is furthest from my mind. I have donated to charities for the Manchester attack, the Grenfell Tower fire, and many others. Sometimes, feeling like I tried to give something helps calm my anxiety. But if you are struggling with current affairs and are feeling guilty or just questioning your place in the world, sometimes the best thing to do is to not constantly watch the news. I watch half an hour a day, and that’s it.

Don’t allow your mental health to bully you into feeling guilty for something you have nothing to do with. Which is hard, I know. You can also try to speak (or ramble online, like I do) about what you are feeling. If you are having a hard time health-wise, nothing should be-little what you are going through. And if someone tries to, ignore them. Look after yourself and those close to you.

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If you need mental health help visit The Samaritans

Donate to the Grenfell Tower fire fund, this situation is still ongoing, and the death toll is expected to rise. red cross appeal

It’s A Very, Very Mad World

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

The world is a wide and varied place. It is filled with people, trying to make things better for their fellow man. However, there is also a lot of utter bastards to counter the good. Sometimes, it feels like all we see is the bad.

Sometimes it’s easy to be overwhelmed in the tragedies that unfold every day around the world. Innocent people dying in the cruelest ways. School buses blown up in Syria, a music concert in the UK, hospitals in Indonesia, lone women in India, gay people in Chechnya… The list is endless. Most of this hatred is brought on by a sense of entitlement and an intolerance of others. And it is horrible. What is a normal person to do? How are we supposed to feel when others act so horrifically?

I don’t think there is an answer. A lot of the time all we can do is watch the news reports and read articles online. You may sign a petition, or donate to a foundation just to help. To get a sense you are doing something. Anything.

You may be unable to do anything about events in any of the headlines you will read today, tomorrow or any day to come. The world feels cold and dark. But, you can try and take that darkness away. Even just for those around you. Call a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while. Introduce yourself to your next door neighbour, or invite a lonely neighbour round for tea. Go visit relatives. Use social media to send good wishes to those who you might not talk to very much. Smile at the person who serves you your morning coffee.

As clawing as negativity can be, positivity is contagious. I know not everything will be sunshine and rainbows, but a lot of people are emotionally struggling in life. It shouldn’t take tragedy to bring people together, but it also doesn’t mean we shouldn’t. Terrorism is something which wants to tear people apart. To split society into fractions, fractions that disagree and fight amongst themselves.

Let’s not let that happen. Let’s share love and togetherness instead of hate and intolerance. ❤️

A Good Kind of Challenge

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Life can be very boring if you fill it with things you have already done. Things can get boring and repetitive. How can you expect yourself to get any passion or love for life, if you are bored. If you don’t find joy in things, it is easy to lose all energy and the will to do anything at all.

Sometimes, doing something new is good for you. It can get the adrenaline flowing, and give you a bit of a thrill. Being able to do something new can help you find a bit of self-worth. And that is something that should never been sniffed at. Every single person should strive to do things that makes them feel better. Because once you feel that feeling of joyous achievement, you can get addicted to it. Something completely different to the old feeling of dwelling on your failures.

I remember seeing something somewhere, which said something along the lines of, ‘if you fail at something, it means your journey isn’t finished’. Which is very true. If you are unable to do something, you either try, or move on to something else. Failing to do something shouldn’t be a bad thing. Think it was a bad thing, is what has stopped me trying so much in my life.

In my work, I had to do some, what I would call admin work. It was a headache, because it is the normal kind of thing I can get flustered over, but I didn’t. I just got my head down, and did my best. Which was all I could do. And I have left with the job completed and feeling quite accomplished. Normally I would pass on something like that, but when that option was taken away, I just did it. I feel in a good mood as a result. Which, considering how I have been feeling lately, is a good thing.