Category: Uncategorized

Stepping in the right direction?

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I have been at my current job for 10 years, which is the longest I have been at any single place, be in work or education. Over a quarter of my life in once place. That is pretty scary. So, I think I have made comments on it here before, but it has lead to me evaluating where I am in my life. This is something that happens whenever one reaches a milestone of any kind. So, 10 years at work, combined with me turning 40 next year, really has had me thinking.

My work offers a range of different apprenticeships, that cover a whole range topics, for all levels of the business. A few years ago, I decided to start an apprenticeship that my work offered. It was Supply Chain Business Improvement Techniques (BIT), which was an entry level course which focused on different things around the warehouse I work in. It was run in partnership with the local college, and was really informative. I had to create a portfolio tackling different issues in the warehouse, a lot of health and safety related stuff. It helped me see another side to the warehouse where I have spent the last decade of my life.

The apprenticeship has finished and my work held a graduation ceremony in the head offices in London. Me and some of the guys on the course, decided to go down. Partially because I have never really graduated anything before, and also because I am super nosey, and wanted to see how ‘the other half’ lived. I had been in one of the companies offices before, and it was super cool, so I couldn’t fathom what the actual head offices would be like. It was pretty exciting.

Still yuck

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I mentioned in my last entry, I haven’t been feeling very well. I don’t really know what it is, my stomach just feels a little funky. It has been this way for a good few days. I mean, I am still able to do everything, which is at least something positive. I haven’t eaten anything different, so I don’t really understand where it is coming from.

So I have been lazing around, watching Friends. I did manage to take some stuff to the laundrette, and it was really windy, so I was able to dry everything. This is more than I usually do on a day off, so the fact I did it when I wasn’t feeling very great, is a good thing. I am usually knackered after work. So, that’s something I guess.

Ups And Downs

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

When I speak about my health issues, especially related to my mental health, people always become judgemental. It often is something that just happens, they haven’t set out to make someone feel bad. It’s just a thing that happened.

When I am with friends, family, or doing something I enjoy, I may be smiling and joking around. Something I do because I feel comfortable in the situation I am in. And because I am laughing with people, doesn’t mean I don’t go home afterwards, and critique everything that I had said, that day. Usually noting that I am stupid, and that people only hang around me because they feel bad I am so stupid.

This doesn’t happen all the time, but when it does, it’s like a punch in the gut. It feels awful, and actually affects how I feel about a time I originally enjoyed.

It is hard to try and combat these feelings as is, without people saying that the anxiety that I have, that causes me to react to such things do negatively, is fake. People have said, to my face, that I am making things up for attention. Which makes thing worse.

You never know what someone else is going through, so it’s always good to be kind. And, people just want to understand their own mind, so that they can deal with things better in their day-to-day lives. That’s all.

Prompt Time

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

What job would you do for free?

I’ve already done the job I would do for free, for free. Well, it was ‘work experience’. You know, that thing where workplaces use students for free labour? Yeah. That.

The job would be working in the Vet practice again. It was so great, and I felt like I was doing something that actually served a purpose. Which is different from my current job.

I was training to be a Veterinary Nurse, and had to give it up, because the cost of assessments and stuff was just too expensive. Which is pretty depressing. But I did love the experience. Getting to help people’s pets, as well as wildlife. It was so good. I’d really like to get back into some kind of animal care, even as a volunteer.

I’ve really noticed how much I miss being around animals, since we lost the family dog and my cat. No one is at home enough to get another pet, so I haven’t any for years. Animals are so grateful towards people being kind to them.

I might actually look at volunteering opportunities, see if any animal charity needs help. Would be easier to find somewhere if I had a car, but I’ll just have to try with what I can get to by bus. Hopefully there is something out there.

Where Are We, Again?

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

You’ve probably seen multiple articles this week, all proclaiming that no one knows what day it is at all. It’s because many people are off work, and between Christmas and New Year, the days just meld into each other.

It’s not quite so bad when you are working during this period. Though, it is annoying when it feels like everyone else is lounging at home in their PJs, and you are back to the grind. However, I focus on the fact that it means I save my holidays for when I need them.

This time of year is a good time for catching up with friends, or to simply relax. It is nice being able to relax, especially as December tends to be one of the more manic months of the year. It is also more challenging than ever, with wages being stagnant, whilst bills get ever-higher. This winter has already been cold, and it looks like it will get cold again in the new year.

It’s very easy to feel defeated by it all, so try and be kind to yourself. Nothing has to be perfect, as the media like to portray, because nothing is that perfect. Not really. So, give yourself a break. Look for something, no matter how small, that makes you happy. It could be a tv show on tv, or your favourite band releasing a new song. Maybe you made your own dinner or did the dishes. The world is a tough place, so try to focus on the positives, as they can help us through the tough stuff.

Music To Smile To

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

Music is the soundtrack to our lives. It may not make life any easier, but the right song can help lift your mood. The right song can take you back to the right time or place, remind you of a specific person, or help you sing your way through a bad day.

To make me smile, music needs to have a good beat. I have never been a fan of slow ballads, as I find them a little boring. I prefer something that I can tap my feet to, have a dance, or sing along to. The good thing, is that is there are so many different types of music. Something for every taste. The world would be boring if everybody liked the same thing.

So, what songs make me smile?

1) The Stereophonics- The Bartender And The Thief

2) The Ramones- I Wanna Be Sedated

3) Hanson- Thinking ‘Bout Somethin’

4) Skerryvore- Simple Life

5) Iron Maiden- Two Minutes To Midnight

6) BlackPink- Playing With Fire

7) The Bouncing Souls- Lean on Sheena

8) Reel Big Fish- Sell Out

10) Artmesia- Bits and Pieces

Not Enough Words

~ Sue ~ Leave a comment

I hate this.

I hate trying to find the words that convey what is going on in my head. What to say when people tell me they are happy that I have ‘beaten depression’, because I have laughed at a couple jokes.

Firstly, I’ll never blame the other person. They are being honest, they say what they feel will help. It may make sense to them, to show they are happy for progress made. It’s meant to be nice, so I try to take it at face level.

Secondly, is recognising that depression doesn’t go away, simply because you can have a laugh with some friends. Similarly, you can still suffer from anxiety, even when you speak towards a group. I have experience problems, with my mental health, for most of my life. And yet, I struggle in finding a way to explain it to people, to let them know what is going on. Nothing I think up seems to be adequate.

I seem to be able to explain ‘bits’. Like, why I may be feeling a particular way on a particular day. But, the overall way my mind seems to twist things, is a much more difficult concept to grasp for myself, let alone trying to help someone else understand.

For years, I plodded on. I suffered with depression and anxiety, but tried to plod on. I didn’t know what else to do. It’s only fairly recently that I was recommended to try to figure out why I am the way I am. Actually recognise the behaviours, rather than simply ignore them. A lot of the time it’s like aiming to climb a mountain, but walking into a brick wall every time you try.

I am trying to focus on learning more about my depression and anxiety. Because if I can understand it, myself, maybe I can explain it better. Maybe.