Come And Lose With Me.

*Facepalm*

I am well aware that the title seems like a chat up line from some angsty teenager, but what can you do about those things.

After walking around my life in some kind of daze, I feel like the irksome fog is clearing, and I can, for once see the path that I should travel along. And do you know what? All that I seem to see is people indicating that I am a ‘loser’.

I am an apparent ‘loser’ because of numerous reasons. They include: reading books, making VIDEO BLOGS, keeping a multitude of other blogs updated, being a proof reader for an on-line music fanzine and populating various message boards on the web. To me, I am happy doing these things, so why should I be berated just because I find happiness in something other people do not?

I spend a lot of time online, because I find it a good way to communicate with like-minded people. People who actually give a shit about the same things I do. Whether its spending hours catching up on blog reading or watching subscriptions on youtube, they are things that make me happy. I like the idea of discussing something and finding out that some people may agree with you, or want to discuss something in further detail. And I like that I can be having a really indepth discussion about books, with someone on the other side of the world.

It sounds either really stupid or really poetic, depending on how you look at it. People are always telling me to get myself out in the ‘real world’ more, which is a bit of a stupid statement, to me. As this is the real world, I am communicating with people out side the little bubble we live in, where we can discuss other matters and I can find out what their home looks like and things. I find this really impowering, and it is learning about other cultures. So, am I really living such a closed existance, if I can talk to a wide range of people rather than choosing to go out and get ‘hammered’?

I dunno, people do things in life that make them happy. And as long as you are not harming anyone in doing so, I don’t that there is anything wrong with it.

But the truth is, everybody has something which makes them a little unusual, something that other people won’t understand. So in a way, everyone is the same, everyone is a loser. And every loser will be a winner at some point of their life.

An Ode to John Green

I am half-way through John Green’s novel Paper Towns. Which is an amazing book, I recommend everyone to get it.

 

What I like about John’s novels as that there is always a female character in his work, who seems to be central to the storyline. He paints pictures of girls who are not only beautiful, but they are highly intelligent. And I don’t mean, in a Dawson’s Creek way where, the characters spouted long words, but didn’t really seem in their character to say such things.I mean, here are visualisations of teenage girls, and they speak using intelligence  as if they are extremely well-read individuals.

 

The thing is, in the media, woman are all too often written as being one-dimensional characters, who maybe long for a different life, but they don’t show any real intelligence. Even if you look at anything, which has popular High School girls, the girls are bitchy, stupid and only interested in sex and shopping. After spending my whole adolescence surrounded in horrifically stereotyped visions of women, I can only which that there alternatives available when I was younger. I mean very people I knew when I was younger had any interest in books. And although there was a lot of programmes aimed at someone my age, it was things like the afore-mentioned Dawson’s Creek or Sweet Valley High, all which left me with a rather dirty taste in my mouth.
I always have read a lot, I used to spend my summer going down to the library once a week rent new books. I loved it, which made me upset that there wasn’t anyreal  positive role models for teenage girls, that didn’t involve around boyfriends and becoming popular. So I would read horror stories,  and things, because the focus was on the situation more than the actual personality of the characters (which were still stereotyped).

I wish I had John Green’s books when I was a teenager, because, although the female characters are not perfect, and they never claim to be, they are clever and beautiful. They show women with their own mind, which is something that I believe that all women should be surrounded in.

I think my issue is, that most stories of ’empowerment’ come from stories which focus on sexual conquests. That isn’t empowering, that is degrading. To think that a woman is powerful because she has sex with some man, is not a positive image of a woman. A woman is powerful if she stands up on her own two feet, if she is not afraid to make decisions about her own live. No one should ever feel like they need to be in a relationship to be successful, and I think that the media is constantly telling us that’s what we are expected to do.

So thank you John Green, you may not be aware of it, but you have given girls positive role models with your characters. Thank you for showing that intelligence is beautiful.

What has the internet done for me?

Actually, the internet has done quite a lot for me personally.

It all started back in 2005 when I started my LiveJournal account when I was at the Vet School in Glasgow. It was a part of my life where I spent a few months at a time living away from home, and thus felt quite lonely. So, I stumbled upon LiveJournal, and started writing angsty blogs. It was helpful, and something that helped de-stress me.

Using the internet there, was the first time that I ever had enjoyed any real type of access to the internet. So, as every other person did, I started up a Myspace and started going onto other websites just to waste time, I should have spent doing homework and studying.

For a few years, I used the internet by mostly visiting the local library, which was good enough. All I did back then was write a blog, where I complained about work or something as equally mundane.

It wasn’t until 2008 that my house got the internet. Why then? Well, I get free internet through my work, due to the fact that ‘work’ is a major broadcaster/phone provider. So… once I had round the clock access, I began joining more sites, and began to do more social networking. In particular, blogging and going onto various forums helped me find ways to express myself. Like I finally found a ‘voice’ to express myself.

This is something that I enjoy about the internet. I feel that I can say things online, without boring people, it means people can volunteer to converse about my topic of discussion. It means that I don’t feel that I am forcing myself onto people. Which I am aware sounds very strange. But what can I say, I am a very strange one.

People tell me I am ‘sad’, that I spend my time online, and that by doing things such as write this blog from my bed, I have ‘no life’. To these people I say ‘my life has become better thanks to the internet’. I know it sounds like a cliche, but it really helped me find a place to belong, and I know that I’m not the only person like this. The internet allows one to share opinions with like minded people, that you may not get the chance to meet in real life. And that is what has made my life better.

After spending most of my life feeling like the odd one out, I now no longer feel like that. And that has made me happier, which has effected my day-to-day life. I have made friends all over the world, I have made contacts with people who are designers and journalists. It has given me so many awesome opportunities and brought me closer to my heroes.

I feel like, I now know where I belong, and that place is on the internet.

My Path Is Less Straight & Direct And More Squigly.

Tried to think of a more stupid blog title, and I couldn’t do it. So that means this one is pretty dumb.
As you will notice very little has been done in the land of NaNoWriMo. You WILL notice this beause I have done no updates, and so should correctly assume I am no further foward. But I’m not going to focus on what isn’t happening there, because I will just get depressed.

On other news…there is no other news really.  The most inspired I have been today is now. When I am painting my nails. *facepalm* This is becoming really so irritating. I haven’t done anything productive in anything I am supposed to be doing. Whether that be blog, write, vlogs, web design, portfolio building…well, I suck. As you probably know.

I sometimes thing I have something built-in to my personality where I will overwhelm people and do really fantastical at something, and then I just bomb. I completely lose interest. Its almost like over-kill, where I have done so much I can’t face it anymore. I think its just because I am lazy, but sometimes I do wonder. Do I act this way to keep my own self-esteem low and confidence battered. Because if you are already down, then noone can really say anything to bring you down any further.

My mind has obviously become warped over the years. I am off work tomorrow and hope actually get some progress on things. It would be nice.

Now Playing: Lamb Of God-One Gun

NaNoWriMo Wordcount: 13,787/50,000

Thought: Wonder how all my IRL pals will cope knowing I uberfangirl over things.

So, What Am I Doing?

Answer: Not very much.

I am watching movies, playing UFC on the Xbox, talking to people online, and doing anything accept what I am actually supposed to do.

I’ll bare you the details, because you don’t need to read my blog for very long to realise this is something that happens very frequently.

 

And how did I cope with my frustrations, I hear you wearily ask. Well…

Make that video helped me de-stress, which I think was something I needed. So am going to watch Mean Girls, as I force myself to write more for NaNoWriMo. Yes, that’s write. I need to force this now as I am way behind schedule and. if I still want to complete this witin the month, then I need to make myself write.

The good news is, that I am really getting into the story. again.

Whoot

NaNoWriMo Wordcount: 11,136/50,000

Watching: Mean Girls

 

Hey ho NaNoWriMo.

Progress report time, on the 3rd of November, the 3rd day of NaNoWriMo and I seem to be doing ok so far.

Monday got off to an awesome start with me achieving my target of 2,500 words, and I felt like this whole task seemed to be a lot more reachable than I originally thought. But after a difficult Tuesday, where I had lost ‘the flow’ and things weren’t coming to me as easy as they were the previous day.

Today I was up before 9am, and I had crossed both the 4k and 6k mark before lunch. This made me feel rather good, and I had a clear idea of how it would go in my head.

Yes, all the planning is in my head. I have no written down notes on how each chapter goes, I just have a rough idea of where the story is going. Yeah, now thinking about it, I should have made an actual plan.

A bit late for that now. :S

The basics are this, Caley Hamilton is a 25 year old shop worker who has got herself stuck into a rather lonely rut since leaving school. She makes friends with Sid, a girl who changes Caley and turns her life upsidedown. How will Caley cope when she is forced to live outside the protective bubble she has spent her life hiding within?

Sorry for the ‘barely anything’ update, but I am spending all my time writing at the moment, soo… 😛

 

Musical Tuneage: McFly- Dynamite

NaNoWriMo wordcount- 6,007 / 50,000 words (13%)

Book of choice: Paper Towns by John Green