Oh, The Pain Of It All

I get sore. Nothing really serious, but bad enough that it such an annoyance. I get sore bits, usually joints that get a bit stressy, and decide to swell up, just to punish me for thinking I could do something. Sounds a little bit melodramatic, but it is true.

For example, when I spend my first day at work for the week, I end up with a swollen, hard to walk on, ankle. It has always been some kind of issue, but I kind of made it worse. On my first day as a permanent associate at my work, just over 3 years ago, I fell down the stairs and landed really bad on my ankle. I had to go to the hospital, and had to take a week off to ‘rest’. Yes, I know, bet my work was glad they decided to keep me around, getting injured to celebrate a permanent job. But since then, my ankle has become weak. The doctor I spoke to at the time, said that I had seriously sprained the tendon up the back of my ankle, and that it would normally take between 9 months and a year to heal. That is if I worked an office job, sitting on my rear all day. I don’t. I work in a warehouse, where I am on my feet for 10 hours a shift. So… ankle probably never got the chance to heal. And now, I can sprain it really easy, and that first day back at work, as mentioned above, I end up hobbling about like an OAP.

It is frustrating, but not anything that I haven’t had before. When I worked in a shop, not long after I finished High School, I had a lot of pain in my hands and arms. The doctor, that time, felt it looked like tendonitis. Something which can be caused by ‘over use’, that causes the swelling in pain. I was given pain killers, and after some time off work, I just got on with things. When I was even younger I would have issues too, like when taking the family dog for a walk, she would pull at her lead (especially when she saw another dog) and I would have to hold on tight not to lose her. After the walk was done, I always felt a slight ache in my hand.

It is probably the wrong avenue to take, but I have always just got on with it. Tonight I have a sore left shoulder and a sore right ankle, and I have no idea how I am going to get any sleep tonight. It has become something that is an annoyance to me, something that I take a wee bit Ibuprofen the days its really sore, and just soldier on through the rest. Some days are worse than others. But I can deal. Which comes with another annoying thought. How can I put up with the physical pain, when I crumble at times with the mental pain I suffer?

It is just proof that not all pain is equal. The pain I get in after a day at work, is nothing compared to the utter hopelessness I can feel when I wake up in the morning. But in this world, physical pain is always the thing to be cured, mental pain is often ignored. And that is sad.

Sketchbook

Since I was little I have kept sketch books full of drawings, diary entries and cut-outs. It’s always been a good way to be creative and work out some anxieties that I may have.

The only problem is, that as life gets busier and I get older, it becomes harder to focus on drawing and stuff. For example. My current sketch book was started about 2 and a half years ago. Which is quite bad. Considering there was a time that I could go through a sketch book every few months.

I am trying to say to myself, that it doesn’t matter how much I do. It matters more, that I am doing anything. Because I look at how little I have done and I feel bad, guilty almost, that I haven’t been doing as much as I maybe would have liked.

But in the last few days I have filled 4 pages with doodles, and it’s kind of motivated me again. So, I thought I would post some of the bits and pieces from previous pages of my sketchbook and try and push myself on further.

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Anything Better Than Nothing

Whilst I have had a bit of a breakthrough, so far in 2017, with my writing, I am still a bit stuck with my more arty things.

I am trying to do wee things to help motivate me. Cause past doing wee doodles every now and then, I struggle. But, when I think about it,wee doodles are better than nothing.

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The image above is what happened creatively today. I stuck stickers in my sketchbook. Like a child. Honestly, it was so relaxing, just what I needed after a stressful day. So, as far as I am concerned it did it’s job.

Been doing a lot of thinking, so I can build on the wee doodles and stickers, and actually create something substantial. Maybe, I need a few goals. Like making a new banner or something. Goals sometimes help, sometimes they do de-motivate me further though.

Time To Relax (DD #1)

Decided to try a new thing today, inspired by viewing art on both Tumblr and Instagram. I have bought a new sketchbook, and am going to try and draw a new thing every day, and I thought it would be handy to post it here. Particularly because this is supposed to be a creative blog, so maybe it would be a good idea.

So here is my first sketch:

First Daily Draw image
First Daily Draw image

Because I have been so relaxed the last few days, I felt it would be relevant to doodle something about that. So it is supposed to be a couch, which is what I relax on every day when I finish my work, or I just want to watch some TV with the family. A couch is comfortable and always makes me think of relaxation when I see one.

Everyone needs to have times where they can relax a little, and most people need reminding to do that sometimes. And that is why we have couches in our homes. It means you can just sit in comfort, and forget your stresses, whatever they may be. If I want to chill with my family, I sit on the couch downstairs, and if I want some alone time, I sit on my bed, which ends up as the same purpose as a couch. I think it can sometimes be a little hard to realise that relaxation isn’t something that a person should just schedule into their lives. It should always have a place in daily life, that is there as a full-stop to a busy day.

I hope that everyone has a little time to put their feet up, and enjoy some comfortable peace.

Organised Chaos

I have never been a tidy person. And despite the mess I seem to live in, everything has its place. I know where most things are, and I like  that, but it confuses most people, because everything looks like a disaster.

It isn’t my room that I talk about, it’s sketch books and everything where I would need to be organised. You would think, that would change as I got older, but I haven’t. I have been planning a new project, where I am going to be making my own zine, and my books and things are a total mess. I think that I can be pretty scatter brained a lot of the time, and I think that is why everything ends up everywhere. There is no folders of organisation,  just a pile of papers. But I can easily see where everything is, and it is how I work best.

I speak to a lot of creative people, and a lot of them seem to be similar in their organisation, or lack of it, to me. I think having everything you need in front of you is inspirational, and helps me get through what I need to. Maybe not so much when I am doing things which aren’t creative, but when I am thinking of ideas for my zine, I have so much crap out for me to use.  Be it magazines, books, CDs, I get my inspiration from a lot of different areas, and I like having those things out in front of me.

Content Error

Adding personality and uniform to my online self is hard. I find I am struggling to keep things interesting. I am currently in a state where I have so much in my head that I want to say, but I always seem to be writing the same things constantly. Which, whilst being quite freeing to myself, it does end up that I post the same old grumblings day in and day out.

I love writing, I always have. But I am finding it harder and harder to keep up any momentum with interesting posts. Sure, I am great at moaning about my life (or lack of it), but I struggle in making things interesting for readers. I guess I have to start ‘feeling’ what I write again. I know that sounds strange, but I feel that I seem to have been really honest on here before, and the reaction kind of shocked me. The internet is full of people who give hate for no reason, and although it is easy to say that people should expect the worst, it doesn’t prepare for the hate that can be angled at you, for just posting your own thoughts.

And when I have received hate, it has shocked me, and kind of made me a little hesitant in posting so much. Which is sad. As mentioned I love blogging, and feel that it is a good way for me to talk through the issues in my mind. So I have just held back, and been posting a lot less than what I used to. This is something I regret letting happen, but it did. I am going to try and get back into things online, which means I need to start thinking up some interesting topics.

I am doing a ‘Sketch-a-day’ challenge, so I am going to try and post some of those pages, and see what happens.

Currently Listening to: Wicked- Defying Gravity

Life, oh life

Getting in the way again. I have been a bad blogger over the last while. And I have no real excuse. I have been online, I just haven’t had anything to say.

Which is unusual, I’ll tell you that.

I am getting very frustrated with technology right now, whether it be website not loading, computer crashing or just not being able to get online. It has been a major pain, because I am trying to get myself motivated, and things are getting in the way, not making life any easier.

I am trying to lift myself up. Going to spend next weekend painting Christmas cards, as I need to get them ready. This is a trial. I want to see how the Christmas cards are received. If people like them, then I may look to selling them or something. I don’t know. I think it would be nice for people to get hand painted cards, and not store bought. I think the worst thing is the handicraft stuff. The make your own card stuff, that includes cut out pictures, with little foam sticky squares to stick things together.

It sounds terrible. I just think that if you are going to go to the effort to construct something, you may as well create the things from scratch. Yes, what you make may not be perfect, but it will be made  by you. And that love and satisfaction  that you get for yourself for making it all. It feels great.

I think my issue is, that the handicraft stuff reminds me of the things we used to be forced to do at Primary School, when the the teacher either couldn’t be bothered, or just wasn’t very artistic. Yes it was fun, but I used to always think I could do better myself, without the worksheets. I think that must be my problem with the things.

But then, if someone is expressing themselves creatively, who am I to berate what they like. I guess, if everyone did like the same thing, it would be a very boring life/

Steve Olson and Alex Olson|Boom Boom

STEVE OLSON

“My Art gives contemporary art a juvenile delinquent phase. Its
self-made style icons gleefully trashed conventions of beauty and
society while pick pocketing from the coolest underground styles and
beliefs of the previous centuries…” Steve Olson

Steve Olson, a pro skateboarder in the 70s and 80s and prominent
figure in the L.A. and San Francisco Punk Rock scene, creates Post
Modern work that weaves narrative themes of capitalism, pop culture,
social decay, and modern banality with the energy and fun of early
Punk. Steve Olson’s work confronts and undermines the way society
constructs and imposes a traditional hierarchy of cultural values and
meanings by critiquing contemporary society and our relationship with
it. The artwork explores power and the way economic and social forces
exert that power by shaping the identities of individuals and culture.
Questioning the nature and extent of our freedom his art challenges
our acquiescence to authority and conventional thought.

Bold imagery, layered texture, deconstructed material and a playful
relationship between art, language and meaning gives this thoughtful
work a dimension beyond its visual impact.

———–

ALEX OLSON

www.olsonstuff.com

———–

Known Gallery
441 North Fairfax Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90036
info@knowngallery.com

 

**I know that I am in Scotland and have no hope in going, but I am still promoting because I think this father and son exhibition, will be really good. So if you can’t see this show, I suggest you look up them both, as they are both fantastic. I have known of Steve Olson for a long time, because I liked everything about the skaters, in California in the 80s, like The Z-Boys, and Steve was a part of all that. **

Ugh!

So. I am doing work, which is making me happy. I am doing drawings, videos, t-shirt ideas and all, and I can upload none of it. Technical issues always happen when I have to get work to possible clients. -.-

So you might guess, from my cheerfulness, my internet router has still not appeared, mostly because of issues with the mail, but its still frustrating. Things always happen at this time of year, when things are so busy. I have lost all hope of getting my router before christmas, and that really bums me out.

It makes me wish I wasn’t so reliant on the internet. Because if I had other ways to update my portfolio and things, I would at least feel all my work was counting towards something. So I have decided, I am going to try and make my CV more interesting, because I am going to start handing it out in the new year. I need to get something more, as having my main job working in a call centre is slowly killing me. Its not that I hate the job, its more that I know its not what I want to do forever.

Aaaaaaannndd focus!!

Photography wise, I mean.

Been looking around sites like Deviant Art and realised that a hell of a lot of people consider themselves ‘photographers’. I don’t think it’s an issue that so many people love taking pictures. I mean, I think its great when anyone does something creative. Creativity is the language of the soul, or was that food of the soul. I can’t remember, I am rubbish at remembering quotes. Anyways, creativity is good for a person.

It’s when people get all snot-nosed about it.

The people who spent 5 years at University, aren’t necessarily better photographers that anyone else, but it’s that they think that they are. **Making no sense- deep breath** What I mean is, why should having a formal education in something make you better at your chosen topic. It doesn’t. All it means is that you have more pieces of paper when it comes to trying to get a job. This is the ‘hallelujah’ moment I had last year, that no matter how much education you have, you aren’t going to necessarily ‘get better’. Sure, you may learn more skills, which is nice and all, but if you can’t visualise things on your own, then no amount of skill can change that. You can spend your 20s at College or University, and still end up as hopeless as you were at High School.

Sounds a bit ‘tough love’ but it’s true. The person who does something because they love it, is going to be far more successful than someone who chases a career because it will make them money. It is something, I think I needed to be out of College to see. It ‘opened my eyes’, if you will.

    “A person receives a richer eduction experiencing life, than they would at any School”

This nameless quote (I need to start noting down names) is speaking the truth. Whilst education is nice and all, it is mostly just an easy extension onto High School, where you can delay ‘adulthood’ for an extra few years. The only adult thing that seems to happen is the debt. The thousands and thousands of pounds worth of debt College gifts every student. So that before they can graduate, they need to find a job, and when they do, it all goes into paying College loans off. So College graduates have this big pressure on them to get a job in their profession, sometimes annihilating any enjoyment for the subject, the person once had.

Taking a subject you enjoy, and trying to turn it into a career is hard. Most times people give up, because it either becomes too hard, or they lose enjoyment. And, let’s be honest, there is no attraction in working a job you hate for the rest of your life. If you have read this blog at all before, you were aware of the stress I had trying to start my own business as soon as I left College. At the time, it seemed like an awesome idea, start earning money from my own work. But, as frequently happens, it didn’t quite go like that. I had a massive creative block, that I just couldn’t get out of.

The thing with working in the Creative Industry, you can try as hard as you can, but if you have no inspiration, then it is hard to produce work. So I took a gap, and starting working on other things, such as writing. This helped. Because I could write about my apparent failure, I received advice from other people who had the same experience. These, I suppose, would be my peers. People who were trying to sell their own work to make a living, be it as a designer, artist or writer. Their encouraging words were what I needed, and helped me carry on. I would still try to do something, but I wouldn’t force it too hard. As if it becomes a chore, it is too hard to do it for pleasure again. So I went and did other things. Wrote a few articles for websites, and slowly I’m getting my motivation back, and am now creating work I feel happy with.

I know that this isn’t over, and I will battle with trying to keep my creativity my whole life, but I know how to deal with it a bit better.  I know that most people deal with creative pits, where they can’t do anything. I also know, that it took the will of working nothing but a normal job for a few months, to spark my desire.

The truth is, take a break if you need it. I can now afford that luxury as I build up a backlog of work, as well as working in a call centre, which pays the bills. College will never offer you that luxury, you have to work through your block, and for a lot of artists that’s why their creativity crashes after they graduate. I know. It happened to me.

I’m not saying I regret anything, because I loved college, and I did learn a lot, but the heart was already there, I just needed the vessels to help carry everything.

To any students who may read this, NEVER EVER think that you are better than another artist or author, just because you had a better education. Talent is not something which is created in a classroom, it is something one is born with, and true talent will always shine through.