The very word, lockdown, is something that most people are sick of. Since the the middle of March, many of us have found ourselves doing everything from home. Not meeting friends. No social activities. Maybe not even leaving the house for work. Something, no matter how much we love our homes, becomes suffocating.
It is for the health of those around us, that this lockdown will continue for the foreseeable future. And, the majority of people can see and understand this, and so will try their best to stay at home as much as they can. My mental health relies on me being busy, and it is hard when I can’t do that.
I am a person who loves my own company. I like going out, wandering around on my lonesome. If my mind was hitting a brick wall, I could pull myself out of bed and go for a drive. Go somewhere else for a walk. I am finding it very difficult, mentally, as my coping mechanisms have been taken away. The ability to meet with people who help, can’t happen. It seems rather selfish, I think, complaining about things, when I still go out to work, and I live with people. But that feeling of being selfish just makes things worse. It becomes harder to deal with.
One of my last posts was about how all I focus on are things like computer games. Well, I haven’t even been able to focus on that. I feel like I am doing so little, that I shouldn’t bother. Everything I write or do, is just shit. Rubbish. And, although I know it’s just my brain and it’s skewed way of thinking, it doesn’t make things easier. I spend a lot of time, just feeling sad. Just lying on my bed, staring into space as the time disappears.
It’s times like this where I feel like I am wasting my life. But then, a lot of people are feeling like that. The months of 2020 are (slowly) passing, and everyone is standing still. Things aren’t happening, for anyone, and it’s quite scary.
**Apologies if this post seems a bit odd. It has been in my drafts for weeks and been edited at least 5 times. But today I finished it and decided to post. It’s a reminder not to give up, even when stuff seems a bit hopeless**