May Challenge: Curtains

First off, apologies. I haven’t been in a writing way of thinking during the last few days. I had course work due in, as well as pretty bad mental health. So, I gave myself a break for a few days. It’s okay, I told myself that might happen, so I had prepared to just jump back on things when I felt better. No pressure, just post when I felt like it, and the challenge gives me topics to focus on.

Today’s topic is curtains, and I’m one of these weird people who rarely closes their bedroom curtains. I don’t know why, but it’s something I have got into over the years. I think it’s because if the sun is going to peak it’s face out early, then it can help wake me up. And it does work. However, it does mean that when the window cleaner comes round early doors, there is a chance that if it’s my day off, I could be still sleeping. Which is great.

When my depression was more out of control, curtains had more of a purpose. I didn’t want to deal with the world, so I shut it out. Things are safer if you don’t have to actually deal with everyone. Now, it’s almost like the opposite. I have open curtains, I want to experience the world, but I am prone to anxiety attacks that will keep me in my bed. I sometimes wish I could explain to people how difficult it can be trying to push yourself when your brain has applied the breaks. When I feel bad, it can take me hours get up and go to the bathroom. I just have no focus, no nothing. I start to panic, and my body feels of pins and needles. The feeling can last 10 minutes, or an entire day.

So maybe, having the curtains always open can allow me hope that one day, my mental health will take the back seat. That I will be able to enjoy every day. Let in every experience, like the window let’s in the light. Maybe, this battle will continue on for another 20 years, maybe it will change. I have to hope it will.

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